Letting Go of Bad Vibes

This issue has been on and off my mind for about 3-4 weeks. It's unhealthy for me to continue giving it much thought but I can't really avoid the emotion. Sad and furious at the same time. Hopefully letting it off my chest here will help with me getting peace of mind.

I don't normally have issues with people. I may be argumentative at times but we're supposed to be OK. It's supposed to be OK to disagree with issues right? Agree to disagree! But people are not like that.

A doctor 'friend' ada guna argument sebab tu ler dia doktor while we were talking about something. Agaknya nak menyatakan superiority of her argument. I was like, eleh apa sgt kalau kau doktor. Of course dalam hati jer. Dan biarkan jer dia nak meroyan ker apa. This is key. Biarkan jer kawan or pasangan nak meroyan. They are good people kan but sometimes say bad things. Let them be. Nanti dia OK lah tu. So that was that.

Dia kan doktor so I wanted to set up appointment with her not long after that incident. Lama baru dia reply dia busy. I was like OK lah gi jer lah Doktor lain. Masa tu fikir I'm supposed to be just like any other patient kan. Just put me in schedule jer lah busy2 pun. Tapi macam malas plak dah 'kawan' kau cakap camtu.

Baru2 ni dapat tau dia membawang dan talked about isu dia kata dia doktor tu. Dia bangga rupanya menggunakan ayat tu to shut me up. Oh pleaseee.... you shouldn't even say it in the 1st place. Buruk sangat nampak buat argument macam tu. And apparently she still has issues with me lah kan kalau masih nak membawang after so long. No wonder tak nak treat me. So apa bagusnya kau tu doktor if you violate your Hippocratic oath and not treat people because you decide you don't like them? Jawab lah dengan Allah nanti part violating your oath and part membawang tu yer.

Ada lagi 2-3 org membawang sama. Rasa tak nak tengok muka diorang lagi... ever! Jangan nak beremoji 😘 bila wa with me tapi di belakang membawang. Pantang betul I dengan orang mengumpat. Talk to me... argue with me... lepas tu habis cerita. Allah dah janji pahala untuk orang yang diumpat. I'm supposed to be happy with that tapiii tetap terfikir kan muka2 yang membawang tu.

Banyak kata2 hikmat menyuruh agar tidak mencari kesalahan orang lain. Jadi mata lebah, jangan jadi mata lalat. Cari benda yang baik, jangan cari yang buruk jer. Cari kesalahan sendiri dan perbaiki diri. Yer... mereka2 yang mengumpat tu sudah mencari kesalahan orang dan tak nampak kesalahan sendiri. I don't want to be like them. I'm sad and furious that some so called 'friend' didn't let me be just me... allow me to meroyan and wait for me to be nice again (according to their standard). Rasa nak confront jer apa yang tak puas hati sangat tu cakap lah depan2 kan. But what's the point. Biar lah mereka begitu. Let Allah deal with them. Nak sedar sekarang ker... or nak sedekah pahala di akhirat ker... Allah Maha Adil kan. I just want to have peace of mind. Not think about them anymore. Not bothered by this incident. Not be in that circle anymore. Kalau tak mengenangkan kawan2 yang OK, yang positif, yang baik, dah lama just leave the group. Takper lah at least now I know jenis2 orang yang ada dlm group tu kan. I have no obligation whatsoever to the group. Only do things I want to do (memang pun all this while dah buat macam ni so no issue there) and I totally understand people yang tak nak terlibat langsung with this group. They have other important things in their life to consider.

Hopefully after this I'll be able to have peace of mind and tak teringat2 kan isu ni lagi. Help me please ya Allah. Self reminder: baca surah al-Mulk, ar-Rahman and al-Waqiah utk diri sendiri.

Cinta di Puncak Mahameru

*saja jer tajuk kasi gempak 😜

Me: Rasa tak mampu nak summit. Left hip joint dah jem. Nak angkat kaki pun susah.
Hubby: Jalan jer slow2.
Me: Hmmm... OK. Tapi kalau rasa sakit or lambat, I'll turn back. Nanti lambatkan abang pulak.
Hubby: Kenapa pulak. Sama2 lah.

Begitu lah lebih kurang our conversation. Dengan masalah tergelincir sampai bengkak kaki dekat 2 minggu, and work... jadi tak cukup masa langsung untuk training to the highest mountain on Java Island. Hubby pulak just had his cataract surgery a week before. I have been looking for signs untuk menguatkan alasan untuk tak pergi. Tunggu punya tunggu, tiada apa2 alasan. Semua lancar... except physical and mental state empunya badan.

Dengan kata2 semangat dari hubby tu, bangun pagi pun takder rasa badan sakit2 yang extreme, maka melangkah lah dalam kesejukan, mendaki the active volcanic mountain. Bergerak pukul 2.15 pagi, akhirnya sampai peak pada pukul 8am. Macam tak percaya. Betul ker dah sampai?? We made it!!! Alhamdulillah syukur sgt2.

Bukan mudah bila di jam terakhir hubby cakap kaki dah rasa macam tak nak melangkah. My pillar of strength tu... dah kehabisan tenaganya 😓 tapi kami teruskan juga melangkah sedikit2 dengan semangat dari guide.

TQ Allah. Every climb at big mountains like this rasa tak bersedia. Dan kali ni lah memang betul2 tak bersedia. Kekuatan hanya dariNya.