Training Break

Last Friday is my last training day for 2012. I can put my luggage bag and training things away for a while. Alhamdulillah... Since then I've been busy with me time and family time. Yesterday was resting day. The day before were spent at Morib Gold Coast Water Theme Park. Not bad at all. You know, sometimes I have this feeling "what's new?" After a while, everywhere you go, the hotel and environment are almost the same. I'm glad to be proven wrong. A short holiday break, away from common environment is good for relaxation. Now I will take the words of wisdom to go for a holiday even if it is a hotel near to our house seriously. Probably I'm bored of staying in hotels during training which gave me that feeling. But travelling with family is different.

The best part...

The park at night...

The park during day time...

Beautiful sunrise...
Today I need to do some cleaning up before going to MLK for the weekend. Taking a break now to pen my thoughts. I always say my brain doesn't have enough RAM for me to remember things. It gets worse with age and I want to remember this thought. Not the thought about lack of RAM but the wonder of short holiday :)

Evening Thoughts

Here I am sitting in my garden listening to the early evening sound. I have not been able to do this for quite some time either due to heavy rain or I'm outstation. Rezeki has been good this year end Alhamdulillah. Actually, no payment have been received since before Aidiladha but services have been rendered and inShaaAllah payment will be received in due time. I still have another training to conduct but I'm already in holiday mood :)

I'm listening to the sound of the birds, kids chatter, dog barking, reading of Quranic verses from the surau... and watching the sky go dark while breathing in deeply. I'm also thinking of things to do while having my training break. There are a few outstanding matters that has not been settled for quite some time. Hopefully I'll manage to complete them during this break period.

For this peace, our Muslim brothers and sisters in Gaza probably would never experience it. May Allah grant them strength and may the world do something about the unnecessary blood shed.

Awake

I've been sleeping early for the past few nights. So is tonight. I had a headache. But I woke up around 1.30 and still can't sleep till now. The headache is gone though.

About the same time last year I wasn't feeling well due to pregnancy. I declined all training offers. This year Alhamdulillah there are many training projects at the year end and I've been extra busy.

A reminder to self... I left my laptop power cable and adaptor at a client's place last Thursday and only realize it yesterday. Sigh! I hope it's still there and I'll be able to get it on Monday. On Tuesday will be my flight to East Malaysia for another training there and I have to translate my English training material to Malay for the following Monday training.

This weekend is still resting, laundry and lazing around since I can't do work without my laptop. I hope Monday will be smooth and everything in order.

Painting

Testing my S Note app :) Siapa pernah lukis gambar rumah atau kampung lebih kurang macam ni masa sekolah2 dulu? Here I am sitting in my garden, full from breakfast, listening to the sound of birds and feeling so peaceful... Teringat my kid's notion of a perfect home or kampung because my real house and kampung didn't look like this. In a more elaborate version, there'd be paddy field at the back of the house just below the mountains. There will also be a boat in the river or sea.

I have painted many paintings like this but my masterpiece was when I was in form 1 or 2. I didn't keep it. My teacher hang it in our Bilik Seni Lukis with all the other masterpieces. What's special about that painting is the use of poster color to give hues of sunset to a basic painting like below. If only there's digital camera back then.

Flight Delayed

Flight delayed from 10:05 to 10:40. Will be reaching KL wayyy... past midnight.  Tetap bersyukur ada tugas yang membawa ke sini. This is part and parcel of travelling and training. Sempat beli souvenir serba-sedikit tadi. Walaupun mungkin kerap travel, tapi bukan selalu ada masa nak shopping.

Earlier, a friend posted on his wall gambar di KLIA. Dah lama tak ke kiri, apatah lagi ke kanan. That refers to 'perlepasan dalam negeri' and 'perlepasan antarabangsa' signage. Insaf sejenak dengan rezeki masing-masing yang dianugerahkan olehNya dan dugaan masing-masing juga. Tidak kira apa keadaan, bersyukur dengan dugaan yang diterima.

Mata dah kelat. Belum lagi dipanggil boarding. Belum nampak bayang flight pun lagi. Harus ada yang lena dalam flight nanti.

Update:
Delay lagi ke 11:30.

Rain, rain, go away...

Rain, rain, go away... come again another day!

Sigh! It is raining again. I have clothes from 2 training still unwashed. Just finished my second training after Aidiladha holiday. Thank God balik kampung clothes already washed... just not folded yet. I'll be travelling again to Kemaman and Miri. Feels gloomy with the dark and cloudy weather. If it's hot, the heat is unbearable. If it rains... no star gazing at night, I can't really smell the earth, and no outdoor activities. I know I can see beautiful rainbow after the rain but I still prefer bright, blue skies.

The rainbow when I was in Miri, before the Aidiladha break.

Happy Birthday Dearest Hubby...

Today is hubby's birthday. I'm working this weekend.... day and night training. Keep thinking of my darling hubby and how i can't celebrate with him. Sigh... I'll make it up to you OK abang. My thoughts for you on your birthday....

Kalau boleh...

Sedang terbaring di bilik penginapan yang tidak berapa jauh dari rumah. Dalam 20-25 minit boleh sampai rumah. Tapi sebab kursus sampai ke malam, berehat jer lah di tempat yang dah disediakan. Bukan hotel, tapi setaraf jer biliknya.

Sambil baring, baca2 blog dalam google reader. Blog masak2... tiba2, terliur bila baca resipi nyer ada cencaluk. Dah lama tak makan sebab alergik. Kegatalan di kulit muka, dalam telinga dan mana2 ntah lagi... tak pasti sebab dah lama tak makan.

Kalau lah tiada masalah alergik, rasanya nak makan cencaluk, hiris cili padi dengan bawang, perah limau... makan dengan nasi panas2. Nyummmm... sedapnya... Hubby orang Melaka tapi tak makan cencaluk. MIL pun tak makan. Dulu2 masa boleh makan, dapat cencaluk jer masa sahur dah cukup.

Rasa masin2 cencaluk, campur masam limau dan pedas cili padi.... fuhhhh... tak dapat dibayangkan. Perfect. Emak mesti campur air nasi sikit dalam cencaluk tu. Masa masak nasi, keluarkan sedikit airnya dan campur dalam cencaluk. Cencaluk mestilah tang masih nampak merah2 dan segar. Yang pasti, amat2 menyelerakan.

Citer banyak pun tak guna... tak dapat makan. Maybe kalau dapat cencaluk yang bagus, kita buat sesi lepas gian, kemudian sesi melayan kegatalan. Kena buat masa takder training, just in case allergic effect yang melampau. Hmmm...

Exercise for Health

Ever since I had to take Neb for 3 times about 2 weeks ago,  and suffer from medication allergy, I kinda decided to improve my lifestyle for better health. Boost up my immune system with healthier body. What other options do I have? More drugs and more problems?

Nothing fancy though. Just play zumba, yoga or aerobic video from YouTube and I'm good to go. I used to love dancing. Terkinja2 in school whenever there were a show. But nowadays I feel like a clumsy big bird trying to follow the steps. Sigh! Need to be agile once again :) However,  that's the beauty of doing it at home. No one to laugh at you. If I managed to do that few times a week,  is a vast improvement from previous lifestyle.

I feel positive after every session.  It's like I'm doing something for myself. Taking charge of my life :) Clumsy big bird pun takper. I could get carried away with dieting though since my midsection has been expanding and I'm feeling every inch of it with tight clothes and shirts that can't be buttoned. But hold on... one step at a time. If I want everything fast, the motivation may wane. So slowwwlyyy do one thing at a time.  This is not a race.

My health is at stake so keep the momentum and motivation going.  Whatever results I get is secondary. Focus on the effort.  Not the result. I know this is different mantra from many goal-setting health guru but I'll take what works for me. Remember... EFFORT!  So just do it... I know I can do it... hehehe... cheering up for myself sikit :)

My Heart's Desire

Finally, after waiting for months I finally got it :) I don't have the time to survey shops in Lowyat Plaza. So I decided to take a package from the only telco service provider I have been using. Just the phone, no accessories, no external SD card, even screen protector. I was told by the girl that Samsung dealer said a screen protector isn't necessary.

I got it yesterday and this is my first blog entry with it. Couldn't get accessories from any other shops either. At least from the few shops I asked on my way back from the shop where I bought the phone. I have to be very careful with my phone then. May we spend few years together being productive and efficient.

On Sharing and Opening Up

"Open your book of life only to a few people because in this world very few care to understand the chapters. Others are just curious to know."

"Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actually care, the rest just want something to gossip about."

You know, I don't like it when people put holier-than-thou statement on their FB wall. It gives the impression that you think you're good, better than SOME people, eventhough the readers are people whom you claim are your friends. You accepted them to be your FB friends right? They could be just sharing the statement, but to me it might give a different impression.

So the above are 2 such statements that I wanted to let go from my chest. I did not put them on my FB wall. Here I can rant all I want. I can write a long essay of disclaimer to justify what I really mean. I can write a short statement saying I don't bother with what readers think. In this case though, I just want to give myself a reminder.

Learnt a painful lesson about sharing and opening up. Not everyone I know are real 'friends'. Makes me appreciate real 'friends' better and it is a revealation to me on who I can and cannot trust.

Tell Me Again Why Do You Want to Become a Doctor???

Instead of doing the necessary test to detect my allergies, a doctor suggested I took another dose of the suspected allergy-causing-medication, just to be sure!

Instead of troubling her, she expects me to suffer swollen eyes, itchy ears, wheezing, runny nose, sneezing my head off and short of breath again... probably with greater intensity just so that she will not get troubled by the extra work. Hmmm... doctors and nurses, what if you're the one lying on the bed?

Probably doctors KPI nowadays are clearing the bed in the emergency room instead of treating their patients right. I know allergic reactions probably doesn't seem so critical like someone who's about to loose their limb or their life. However, there are known cases of allergic reactions causing death due to blocked airways; asthma have caused paralysis and I have asthma too when I get allergic reactions; and what if I get brain damage without enough oxygen? If Allah wills it, it will happen but all I want is the chance to do my part to prevent my situation from getting worse. Seems like I won't be getting it from the doctors.

Have to take matters in my own hand and improve my health because the doctors don't care about you or me. I wanna get better first, before I can start Saving My Own Life Mission!

For my personal note...

- Monday... training.
- Monday night, started feeling short of breath
- Tuesday... training. Hang-in-there mode till end of the day. Walk to the car while wheezing and it was drizzling.
- Went to the nearest clinic for Neb at around 7 p.m.
- Went to the hospital at around 11 p.m. for another dose of Neb. Prescribed 6 tablet of Prednisolone for the night and subsequently take 1.
- Wed morning felt joints weak and uncomfortable
- After lunch, take 1 Pred as prescribed, noticed tiny swells on the eyelids. Started to wheeze again.
- By 7 p.m. seemed OK, went to the bed feeling OK.
- Woke up Thu morning with swollen eyes and wheezing.
- Went to the hospital for Neb
- Doctor suggested half day monitoring and testing since unlikely for people to develop allergic reaction to Pred. *Pred seems to work before when I can't take antibiotics since I'm allergic to many.*
- Blood test, heart test, X-Ray and the doctor who is supposed to do skin pricked test for my allergy came by where the event above happened.

Sunday Afternoon Thoughts

I prayed Zohor at 3:30, then I have to go out to look for blank certificate paper. I have some leftovers in my stock. I counted them twice. I have 29 pieces. Really?? 29 pieces?? Duh! Sigh! I need 30 pieces. Just for a piece of paper, I have to go out in this heat. Just for a piece of paper I might have to buy a whole stack.  Double Sigh! I prayed... and Allah knows best my level of 'khusyuk'. I wanted to go out fast, just grab what I need and return before 6. I wanted to enjoy my evening in the garden. I have 2-days training starting tomorrow and I might not have the time to enjoy evening in my garden for two days.

Then, I discovered it. A piece of blank certificate paper under the printer cover. I made copies earlier so I can test printing on A4 paper to check the borders and layout without wasting a certificate paper. Yippeee... felt like jumping up and down. Alhmadulillah... Despite my level of 'khusyuk', Allah has make things easier for me. Can you imagine if I didn't check the printer, go out, buy what I need and then return to discover the piece of paper that I need? Alhamdulillah. Take care of your relationship with Him and He will take care of you. How often I hear this but sometimes I tend to take things for granted. Sometimes I forget He's always there for us. We may have no time to remember Him, we may remember Him some time, but He's there for us all the time.

I printed the certificate one by one fearing it might get stuck or printer jammed or something. It's completed, without any glitches.

Samsung Galaxy Note II Functions

Interesting functions of Galaxy Note II.



Things that we can't be certain with a new product launch:-
i) battery life after a year - will it deteriorate?
ii) durability - will it last for 3 years at least. My previous Nokia can really last for a long time.
iii) will it be as fast after installing so many apps - thinking of PC which requires disk defrag every now and then.

I'm thinking of my Canon Powershot A710IS, hyped up with all the latest hardware and functions, and then kinda not really perform as well as my low Megapixel Kodak. Will Note II meet everyone's expectation? We'll have to see.

Rezeki

Alhamdulillah... as a freelance trainer, there are many opportunities out there even though they are quite seasonal. It is a matter of looking and pursuing as many as you want. I started toying with the idea of freelancing at the end of 2008. I remember registering for my company on 28/10/2008. It has been about 4 years already and I rarely use my company. I quit my job just as 2008 close its curtain.

Initially, I did look for opportunities through the web and Yellow Pages and some contacts from hubby. It was quite difficult in the first few months. The first training I did as a freelancer was with a contact from hubby. After that I managed to contact an ex-colleague who now runs his own training company and an alumni friend introduced me to his contact. From that moment, I didn't have to look anymore. They would call whenever there are opportunities. This year, I have many other contacts from friend of a friend and even my Masters classmates.

During the low demands, it will be quiet for few weeks or months, but when the demands are at its peak, I'll start wishing for a break or family time. Last time I would try to do any training people requested but now if it gives me too much stress, I'd say I can't do it. This normally happens when the topic is not very familiar to me and I have to do a lot of research. The extreme stress is just not worth it. I might as well focus my energy on topics I'm familiar with, as did many professional and highly in demand trainers. Another consideration would be the time. If it is too long, I can't function very well after 3 days. But sometimes, must take the "Just Do It!" attitude. Pushing myself one day at a time.

Recently I have a request for 5-days outstation training which means I'll be away for 6-days. I was thinking of writing an SMS to say I can't do it. The thought of not seeing hubby for too long, more than 3-days training really didn't sound very appealing. But while discussing it with hubby, he encouraged me to grab the opportunity. It will be difficult but he and I will manage it. I hope when the time comes we will really survive. The thought of stark room in PD recently comes to my mind. I hope there'll be some warmth in the place where we'll be staying so I can at least feels able to relax in the room. I have not received the details yet but the 5-days will be at two locations way up north.

Hubby has several times suggested that I become a principal, source for projects and let my friends conduct the training. I did have opportunities to do that several times and the responsibility to give the best to the clients is too daunting. I have high expectation on my trainers and I can't control how they control their class. I hyperventilated while sitting at the back of the room willing them to stick to time and stick to all the program contents. Sigh!

I prefer to be a trainer.

I have 19 days already scheduled in my calendar till year end and I believe more request will come as the government agencies wants to finish their budget. Unless, there's election of course. The momentum will be disrupted for a while, especially so if the opposition takes the seat. Whatever it is, rezeki comes from Him. InsyaAllah there will be other opportunities. By the way, 19 is low even for a month number of training days for some trainers. For me, that is sufficient insyaAllah but I'll take more opportunities if circumstances are right so I can create a buffer for months when there are no trainings.

I've been wondering how long will I be able to do this. Will I have the health, will there be opportunities, will I still have the passion? Only time will tell but for now, alhamdulillah with this opportunity. Some friends are envious with what I do. There is no need to be. All you have to do is follow my footsteps and be prepared to ride the tide :)

Life's Like That

Life's like that. At the end of the day, only family and loved ones matter. And if family and loved ones fails us, Allah never will, even if we failed Him gazillion times.

This blog has kept me sane for many years. Only here I can tell what's bottled inside without having to explain my reasons. Readers may judge me but should it matter? They still do not know the whole story, emotion and heartache that I have to go through. So judge, or reserve judgment, whichever way you see fit, AAK (ada aku kisah)?

For things we can control, do things that might help us get the outcome that we want. For things we can't control, nak buat apa susah2, bising2, kalut2. Dah memang beyond control. Only Allah has the power to change it. Covey's 90/10 Principle says 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. So react according to the outcome that you want. Kalau nak kesudahan yang baik, buat lah baik. Kalau nak kesudahan yang penuh drama macam telenovela tu, buat lah yang sewaktu dengannya.

Baru nak meriah2 with old friends dekat WA, dah kena removed. Probably to make way for some other more important people due to limited no. of members that can be in a group. Duh! Biar betul!!! Sangat2 terkilan tapi takper lah. Mungkin ada yang tak suka with my life story. Mungkin takder apa2 isu pun. Beyond my control... nak hentak2 kaki pun no point so life goes on. Besides, I have my own group so pakai yang itu jer lah.

Yesterday morning hubby said he'll return to MLK after his office's makan2 Raya. I discovered my driving license has expired sometimes early July. To think that I drove to KB with an expired license and the police who stopped me didn't say anything. Didn't he noticed or did he gave chance since I produce my license confidently, without the guilty face. I thought might as well have lunch, buy my asthma medication and check out the blouses at Jusco and visit my friend who just gave birth few days before Raya after going to the post office since vitamin M banyak sangat bila sebut pasal nak keluar jauh2 ni. Kalau dah weekend lagi ramai on the road going to open houses. Alang2 dah keluar, pergi jer lah. Hadiah for my friend pun dah beli.

With regards to the license, government is imposing all license to expire on our birthday. Since my birthday just passed, I thought they will backdate but they put till the following year with an additional RM15 for coming birthday date more than 6 months. So for 2 year renewal I pay RM77 and license will expire in 2015.

Hubby reached home after his office makan2 yesterday and I'm not around. He is not answering my call and not replying to my SMS now. I wouldn't be going anywhere if he said he'll be around after office event. I would have make a u-turn if he picks up my call. Dah bagi phone canggih pun tak nak jawab phone call and SMS. I've exhausted options that is within my control so from within my control dah jadi beyond control... Sorry abang. If only we communicate more effectively.

This morning cuaca mendung semacam. Lagi ler banyak vitamin M. I've kinda make declaration that this year tak nak buat open house coz there is no one to help. My part time helper dulu would come if I fetch her at nearest LRT station and nearest LRT from here is Sg. Besi. That's around half an hour's drive if we're lucky. After the event has to send her to the LRT too. Issyy... jauh juga tu. Kalau nak cari orang lain, tak tau ler dia boleh buat kerja ker tidak and most importantly our trust with things lying around the house. So no open house this year but friends and family are still welcome. Adat zaman sekarang di KL kalau takder open house, jangan harap ler orang datang.

I kinda make declaration too that I would visit friends yang dah lama tak jumpa. Tak perlu lah tunggu open house kan. Tapi dalam cuaca mendung ni, macam best lepak2 di rumah jer updating my schedule and check or update my training material since training will start soon. The thought of Saturday traffic and potential rain dampens the mood nak jalan. Besides, belum ada janji dengan siapa2 lagi. Schedule this weekend is within my control :) So I'll do what seems appropriate dengan masa yang Allah pinjamkan insyaAllah.

Life's like that. Sometimes untung sikit, sometimes rugi sikit. Ada things we can control and ada things we can't. Life goes on...

Samsung Galaxy Note II

I'm in love...

Sabar menanti....

When I first wanted to replace my Nokia N73, I have my heart set on Samsung Galaxy Tab 7.0. But when I hold it in my hand, I thought it is too big to be held next to my face in a phone conversation. Then after an extensive research, I have my heart set on HTC Desire. After almost 2 years, rooting my Desire and requiring factory reset several times due to it being not too stable, I'm excited with the arrival of Galaxy Note II. For some reason, Galaxy SIII fails to attract me. I hope when I finally hold the Note II, it will fit nicely in my hand, comfortable for one-hand operation and doesn't look weird being held near my face. After all, Note II has a slightly smaller screen at 5.5" as compared to Tab's 7.0".

I'm currently in a 'waiting' mode with my Desire. Only install the important app so it will not be too much of a hassle when I have to do factory reset.

AK Notepad will backup all my notes. SMS Backup will backup all my SMS to my gmail. Backup my contact in a *.vcf file every now and then and save it in my Dropbox, every pics taken will also be uploaded to my Dropbox. So I'm more or less living on cloud storage for now. I can choose to buy Note II immediately when it is released here or hold on for few more weeks to see if there is any problem with it. I haven't decided yet. We'll see need and time factor after its release. If I'm too busy with trainings, I might hold off buying for a while. Otherwise, who knows :) 

After Raya Marathon

Marathon sakit

Health... tak berapa OK since end of Ramadhan. Flu --> Sakit lutut tetiba macam dislocated muscle or urat while trying to sit on a bed. Sampai susah nak duduk bangun solat so terpaksa solat duduk bila tak tahan sangat --> Phlegm which causes asthma and make me feel ada lung inflammation followed by coughing --> Phlegm and lots of phlegm --> Demam, muntah and mild diarrhea --> Tired from traveling --> And now I can't imagine why my body still felt weak.

Marathon jalan

Just a day after the demam episode, went traveling to KB as hubby's co-driver. A relative passed away. Start travelling around 9 p.m Thu and reached destination at 6 a.m. The route quite heavy traffic. Sat headed home, transit at SIL's place as MRR2 was jam and then MIL decided to return home immediately. Off to MLK that night. Next day a wedding in Johor. The following morning (Mon) off to KL.Hubby went to work and I lazed at home. Today is already Wed. I want to be more productive today tapiii... maybe I need heavier stuff for breakfast. Buat nasi goreng, will take some supplements and hope I have more energy.

6 Syawal 1433H

Sekejap saja dah hampir seminggu Syawal berlalu. Dan... diam tak diam dah kali kelima beraya bersama suami tersayang :) Pelbagai kenangan suka duka ditempuhi dalam masa yang dipinjamkan Allah ini. Tahun ini, terasa agak terkejar-kejar beraya.Awal pagi darling hubby dah tak sabar2 nak ke masjid. Memang kali ini pertama kali dapat tempat yang strategik kedudukannya. Tapi panjang lebar pula segala ucapan termasuk ucapan politik sebelum sembahyang raya. Tahun lepas sampai-sampai jer terus angkat tangan untuk takbir. Sampai di  rumah, sesi fotografi seperti biasa. Dalam hiruk-pikuk mengumpulkan keluarga yang besar untuk bergambar, terlupa belum bersalam sesama sendiri. Anak-anak buah jer yang bersalam sebab dapat duit raya :) Raya kali ini panas betul. Jangkaan hujan di pagi raya tidak berlaku. Hanya pada malam raya kedua baru lah hujan. Dapat berkunjung ke beberapa buah rumah saudara-mara hubby. Yang berkunjung ke rumah MIL pun ramai juga. Nak beraya dengan kawan-kawan, kenalah tunggu masing2 balik dari kampung.

Raya ke-empat dah sampai di KL. I don't feel well sebab cuti-cuti Malaysia dah lewat. Ingatkan tak sempat nak solat Aidilfitri. Alhamdulillah diberi kesempatan tahun ini. Sampai2, perkara pertama ialah audit pokok2 yang ditinggalkan. Nampak semua masih OK. Kemudian terus pengsan selepas kepenatan beberapa hari beraya. Hubby lah yang terlebih penat memandu but on the way back I insisted on driving half-way. Sudah lah penat memandu, badan sakit2 sebab malamnya balik pukul 3 pagi main futsal dengan anak2 buah. Lepas diurut, memang lena hubby tidur. The next day I don't feel well. Terasa dada congested and ada lung inflammation. I can feel it. Handphone pula buat hal freeze on boot up screen. Actually dari semalam lagi but too tired to deal with it the day before. Sigh! Decided to do factory reset. Habis lah previous setting, tak dapat nak install macam2 lagi.

My brother came for a visit last night. Talking about our life makes me think of how difficult life has been to all our siblings. Masing2 ada cerita yang tersendiri dan cabaran yang berat untuk membesar dan jadi kami sekarang. Memang kesian dengan kami adik-beradik. Semua menumpang kasih dengan keluarga spouse masing2. Emak dengan emosinya yang tersendiri, abah dengan keluarganya. Raya pertama kami memang bukan dengan mereka. TQ hubby for being there and TQ to hubby's family for being there. Raya kali ini ada siblings hubby yang sebut2 entah dapat beraya dengan mak dan babah atau tidak tahun depan. Kalau mereka tiada, bagaimana agaknya suasana raya. Sementara mereka masih ada, hargailah masa ini.

Hari ini, dada masih tak OK. Berehat jer di rumah. And my handphone freezes again. This time due to SD card problem. After factory reset and SD card format, seems that internal storage masa root the phone last time, masih OK at slightly less than 2GB. Alhamdulillah... ingatkan dah habis virtual memory semua kena reformat. Tapi dah tak kuasa nak download macam2. Haritu banyak download photo editing apps untuk edit gambar raya before it freezes. Below is a photo with hubby, MIL and FIL. Merekalah tempat menumpang kasih.

Dan untuk imbasan tahun2 sebelum ini, related blog entries below. Cuma tahun lepas tiada entry untuk Hari Raya. Terasa rugi pulak bila tidak ada entri sebagai kenangan. Hanya gambar yang ada. Pada tahun 2009 pula, puas dicari gambar tapi tak jumpa. Memang tak sihat sangat pada raya tahun tu. Read the blog entry for more details.

Raya 2011 - no entry
Raya 2010
Raya 2009
Raya 2008

Semoga diberi kesempatan untuk beraya bersama the big family again next year. InsyaAllah AidilAdha nanti pun akan berkumpul lagi. Memang seronok berkumpul beramai-ramai. Walaupun jika dikira my family besar juga, tapi after university life, di rumah cuma dengan emak and my youngest brother. First brother has his own place. Itulah keluarga kami for several years. Sekarang... susah nak cerita. Semoga diberi kesempatan untuk memperbaiki keadaan my family.

At Home

Kelatnyer mata. Almost didn't wake up for sahur. I still haven't finished my drinks and take my vitamins when I heard the azan. Alhamdulillah managed to eat rice with asam pedas tetel (courtesy of SIL... iftar at her place yesterday), kurma and 4/5th glass of barley drinks. Last night I thought I didn't feel sleepy at all but I fell asleep almost immediately after my head touches the pillow. Woke up at 5:31 on my second alarm. First alarm went off at 5:00.

Alhamdulillah my 4 days training is over. The participants managed to participate and not fall asleep in class. A feat in fasting month and some were said to have broken their record by coming early to class to collect group points. Though they are unable to present in English due to poor command of the language, I have to laud them for good attitude. I'm talking about Gen Y here and I find them eager to learn, to do something, we just have to push the right button. My pity goes to them for education system that fails to prepare them for life.

Hubby sent me to the hotel on Monday. I thought the training will be conducted at the same place. Turned out training venue was more than 15kms away. Hubby has to be in Gombak by 9 the next morning. After thinking of possible scenarios, decided to drive back home and for me to drive to training venue after subuh next day. The hotel gave us a room that has not been cleaned despite us arriving there around 5pm. Beria tulis check out by 12 or RM50 charge per hour after that and check in after 3. Takkan tak sempat kemas. We were given another room after we complained. The room is big but no warmth. Feels very stark and sterile though the bedsheet didn't look very clean.

It took me about 1 hour to reach the venue next day. Not bad at all despite the distance. Stuck in KL jam may take even longer than that. After class, hunt for petrol station (drove more than 20km) and found one which happens to be quite near to highway. Dari penat terus rasa melayang sampai rumah. The thought of the stark hotel and iftar alone...rumah and hubby melambai2. Reached home around 7.

Next day, hubby decided to spend the night with me at the hotel. He surprised me by waiting infront of my room. TQ abang :) We were on the phone when I was driving back to hotel and he said he's somewhere in Shah Alam heading to Klang for iftar with unknown person. Hmmmpphhh... geram hubby tak nak cakap dengan siapa. Rupa2nya dah depan pintu :) We have the option of iftar at the hotel but not wanting to support overeating and wastefulness of Ramadhan buffet, decided to buy food at Pasar Ramadhan. Our first Pasar Ramadhan this fasting month. Everything looks appetizing. Our Ramadhan buffet in bed was superb. Licin :) Eating on the cold floor was not an option... tak sanggup, so I lay down as many plastic bag I can find on the bed and spread our mini buffet. Alhamdulillah no waste and not overeating.

The day after, my last night at the hotel was the planned visit by hubby. This time we iftar at a restaurant with my niece. She suggested the restaurant. Not bad. The next morning I checked out and went to class and hubby returned to MLK. So in the end I didn't spend iftar and sahur alone at the hotel :) Alhamdulillah. I still do not want to repeat the experience next Ramadhan though. Local training only. Ni setakat 100-120kms boleh lah melayang2 balik.

The pic of cows obstructing the road on my way back yesterday. Hari melepaskan ternakan di jalanraya ker? They're everywhere. Definitely not something I see everyday :)

16th Ramadhan 1433

It is already 16th Ramadhan. Half way past the holy month. Seems like the days zap by like a lightning and there are still many things I need to improve on my ibadah. Shopping is not important, eating a feast is not important, Syawal preparation is not important... what is important is grabbing the opportunity to spend the days and nights praying, seeking knowledge, tadarrus and doing other good deeds. This is a reminder to myself. So far managed to spend iftar at home except once at Abah's place and once at hubby's client's place. Next week will be a different story but working is also ibadah. So "Selamat Berbuka" everyone.

The Opppsss Moments

Opppsss Moment 1

I had a meeting last two weeks with a potential client. The representatives from client company were both male and I attended the meeting with another male associate. The meeting went well Alhamdulillah. After discussing their training needs and how we can potentially serve them, we dispersed. I went to the ladies and that's when I saw it. Quite clearly, the lipstick mark on my forehead. Opppsss.... how on earth didn't I notice it earlier. I did look in the mirror at home. Probably the lighting wasn't as clear as in the ladies. I kissed hubby and hubby kissed forehead. Hence, the mark. Well... nothing can be done now. Just smile... wipe forehead and went to get my car. I just can't help but think how small and narrow the meeting table was so we are seated quite close to one another for them not to notice. Sigh! Unless of course if the lighting wasn't as bright. I think it was. Hmmm... Takper... takper... water under the bridge. I wore a badge of loving hubby :)

Opppsss Moment 2

I was too lazy to carry my big official looking diary and planner so I carried a small notepad that can fit in my handbag. I didn't give it much thought until I laid it on the table to write my thoughts. Opppsss... the picture of Winnie the Pooh on the cover. Will I be taken seriously using a notepad like that? Hmmm... quickly hide the cover.

Opppsss Moment 3

I bought a handbag during BIL and SIL's wedding last April. It was small and quite comfortable. I can carry most of my daily essentials without it looking too bulky. It was an emergency handbag bought for $70 because I thought my flowery casual handbag was unsuitable for wedding occasion. Probably nobody noticed and bothered but I just had that feeling and I have not bought any handbag for quite some time *good excuse :)* The workmanship of the handbag wasn't very good. The thread wasn't very smooth, some appears out of place here and there, but it'll do for now. The best I found at the shop that fits my need and criteria. During training, I normally carry my bigger handbag as it looks more formal for office wear. But I sometimes am too lazy to switch handbag and resorted to using the smaller one. Two days ago I noticed the strap is tearing off. It can probably last a few more months but a tattered looking handbag is not appropriate for office wear. Furthermore when it involves meeting clients. Sigh! Yesterday I put my handbag under the table. I had a meeting in Jalan Raja Laut. After the meeting I braved the crowd to shop at Sogo. It's Friday and feels like the weekend-after-salary. Didn't these people go to work. Ohhh... it's lunch time. No wonder. I walked about 3 rounds, few more at Carlo Rino and Sembonia area since they seem to have the nicest looking collection but didn't buy any. The color not right, the feel not right, the compartment not right and nothing seems to really fit the criteria of replacing the small handbag I have. Hmmm... maybe next round of shopping nearer to home.

Opppsss Moment 4

I said I didn't have anything that I really, really want on my Birthday Wish List. Suddenly a friend posted a nice looking bracelet on her FB wall. Alamak cantiknyerrr... Hmmm... I just bought a new pair of spectacles that costs $1370. Sigh! The shop assistant said dual lense 'memang' expensive. It's not ready yet. Should be by next week. Then I noticed two more spectacle shop that I have not been too. The thing is, the process of looking for a suitable frame takes some time, then customizing the lenses also takes time. I can't afford to do everything, then leave and try at another shop hoping that I might get a cheaper price elsewhere. Even finding the frame that hubby and I like is a real hassle. Take a deep breath... it is OK. This is an investment for my eyes. I've worn my old specs for like 6-7 years so it is really worth it if the new one can last that long.

My rooted Android also acting up last two days. It keeps rebooting itself. I hope it won't happen for too often. Wait till at least end of the year for it's second birthday and more models coming into the market :) Seems like things went from 'none of the above' to 'all of the above' on my birthday wish list. Sigh!

Opppsss Moment 5

I have prepared myself mentally to conduct outstation training Mon-Thu next week when I was informed it is actually Tue-Fri. Opppsss... all arrangements made with hubby just will not work anymore. Sigh! Berat betul nak berbuka and bersahur without hubby. Maybe next year kena berkeras no outstation training during Ramadhan. If it is just for two days, we can still probably manage. But four days are just too much for both of us, even during other times.

My Android

I can't wait to put these pics up. Finally I found an app that can do my phone's screen capture without much hassle. The app name is Screenshot UX Trial. There are other screenshot app that can be used without rooting the phone. I've installed this one which requires the phone to be rooted and a superuser app. It lets you take 14 screen capture in the trial version. That is more than enough for my current need.

My Android's current software information.

My home screen. Pics with darling hubby :)

The 'Islamic' page. Hopefully I can visit Ka'abah again soon.

All the control buttons though there is a quick access to some of the functions on Notifications area on top of the screen. My quick list widget can display any list created. Here is my groceries list. I can export the list out but can't import. It is a hassle to redo the list but I still prefer this app over others. Also pics with darling hubby.

All the communication app, note taking app and useful tools like dictionary, finance and news. One more screen with lists of apps is missing and another is still blank, I haven't decided to put anything there yet. 

I dedicate one screen as my vision board. I may edit the pics later to put many more pics or use the current blank screen for more items of my vision. For now, it is hot air balloon in Australia, Egypt tour, luxury African safari and my book... hopefully :) More items that should be on my vision board are: beautiful green garden with a gazebo and water feature, baby, my Master's graduation ceremony, diving in Sipadan and Mabul, our marriage card and all my family together again... insyaAllah.

Almost End of July

More than half of the year gone but it feels as if only recently we celebrated New Year 2012. My birthday has just passed. I wanted to say there is nothing special to celebrate it this year but truly, spending time with family IS the special part. Last weekend at MIL's place, tomorrow insyaAllah break fast with Abah to also celebrate his birthday yesterday. Time is precious, as such a very precious gift indeed.

Yesterday I cooked chicken curry for breaking fast. Yummy... though my mum is an expert in cooking curry, my curry don't normally turned out great. Yesterday I made it :) The key is in lots of curry powder and let it fry for quite some time. No coconut milk was used. Marvelous hehehe... Anyway, I woke up at 2:15 early this morning with itchy inner ears and sneezed. Sigh! I blame the chicken.Can't sleep till sahur time. After Subuh prayer, I can't help but went to sleep. Sleeping as the sun rises is not good but I really need it. Woke up at almost 10 just now. Solid 3.5 hours sleep, plus the night sleep of about 2.5 hours so that should be more than enough.

I rushed to get ready to go to Jusco but then remembered why on earth do I want to brave the weekend-after-salary crowd? I can shop on any weekdays this week in a more relax manner with no crowd. So no shopping today. Must remember to bring my $100 Jusco voucher claimed from my credit card, renew my J-card and claim my birthday gift from Jusco hehehe...

Next week, 4 days training Mon-Thu. Sigh! I really do not want to conduct any training this Ramadhan but sometimes have to do it. This is a request from frequent customer. Hmmm... a real challenge conducting training during fasting month. A real challenge fasting away from home as well since it will be an outstation training. As difficult as it is, think of it as rezeki. Do it while I can, do it while there are demands as we'll never know what tomorrow will bring.

Ok enough of Sunday ramblings. Let's wash or clean something. Time for Sunday chores...

HTC Upgrade

Hubby just left for his meeting and I'm missing him already. Sigh! After meeting will be hubby's routine schedule to MLK. Hubby did asked if I wanted to spend the weekend in MLK but I decided not to. I'll stay home and hopefully has the energy to clean up our house, probably do some shopping if I'm in the mood, and attend a Ramadhan program organized by my school alumni. Ooohhh... and not to mention trying to complete my research proposal. Just checked my results... I got A for both subject last semester and a CGPA of 3.8 hehehe... Certainly need to publish the grades because it was difficult to get an A when I was an undergrad.

Opppsss I digress... wanted to blog about my HTC software upgrade. Not the phone upgrade. I decided to root my Desire and extend its internal storage. That is the only problem I have with my Desire i.e. storage. Keeps getting 'Not enough storage' message and I'm getting tired of not able to download and use certain apps on my so called SMART phone. I bought my Desire on 1st Dec 2010 with raving reviews of it being the best smartphone of the year. I bought the best so I can use it for a long time. Alhamdulillah after rooting the phone, I hope I can spend few more months if not years with my Desire. I've looked at SIII and One X, hold 'em, try 'em out and imagine myself with either one of them... still they didn't really strike my fancy. I prefer One X and the battery life of SIII so it is very hard to decide. Sorry iPhone, you're not on my list :) In the end, I decided to hold on to my Desire and be merry. Save some money and use my Desire as long as it works fine. I have everything I need on my Desire, now running Gingerbread (Android 2.3.3) with 1.88Gb of internal storage :)

I've been warned that phone may be slower and consume more battery but I'm fine with it. Now I experience a very noticeable lag when switching or opening some app. I'll live with it and see how thing goes for a while. Could be a reason for my next phone upgrade but to upgrade phone without a real reason, is just not me. I've had only 4 handphones so far. I don't change handphone just because I can. I'm very practical that way. So I'm very happy for now and who knows there'll be newer and better models when I decided to upgrade later :)

Birthday wish list...

Last year I brought myself a watch. I've been thinking of what to get myself this year.

- holiday with hubby? my birthday is during fasting month. unless umrah, other kind of holiday is unsuitable. postpone to later? maybe... will think about it.
- purse? maybe... I have a big purse but lately prefers to use a small purse I hv for traveling. why didn't I just use my traveling purse? hmmm... no answer.
- SIII or One X? really, really tempted. love One X but the only point SIII has is battery life. I don't like its display at all. hmmm... but then again, my phone is still in good condition, I can root the phone for better internal storage. It has all the same function with the new one. Just maybe new ones has better camera & storage, as well as bigger screen.
- jewellery? hmmm... not really in the mood for gold. an accessory bracelet maybe. I hv one last time but I can't fit into it anymore. an exact piece that I can wear now?
- new handbag? hmmm... I always ended up wearing old but comfy handbag unless the new one really surpasses my expectation.
- new spec? maybe since I frequently get headaches now when wearing my spec that I choose not to. but it seems like I can survive, even drive without it. I thought my power has increase or change from short sighted to long sighted, but I can read fine. well, sometimes eyes do feel strained... still need assistance with long distance subject but before, I drove slowly if I didn't wear spec. now, I feel normal. hmmm... confuse... improving eye sight? changing requirements?
- what? what? what? hmmm... no idea lah. all of the above? or none of the above? simpan duit lagi baik? tapi, kalau jalan2 shopping, sure macam2 nak. sebab tak jalan2, tiadalah yang nampak menarik. why tak jalan2? have to be in the right mood, baru boleh window shopping. otherwise i'll end up tak larat, go and eat, and leave.
- maybe I have everything I need... asked hubby for 8 pages hand-written love letter, but hubby said I should make the request last year hehehe... He has hand-written tender documents to complete.
- one thing I can say I've done for myself this birthday is change my IC so I now have my current address. Yeayyy... a permanent place... the place where hubby and I will grow old together insyaAllah. I don't have to say I have different address from the IC whenever there're documents to be filled anymore.

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Baby...

I'm thinking of baby. Baby is supposed to be due today.

Assalamualaikum my dearest baby. Ummi hope you are well.

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Santai Mode: ON

Actually this post is meant for Thursday afternoon. I felt so relief and relax after finally completing the material for a project. Feels like celebrating but I fasted that day so cook something for dinner. But when hubby returned from his seminar, hubby's face on 'ketat' mode coz he has to complete tender document preparation for next day submission. Sigh! Tergendala my relax mode. Only after the document packed, I saw him relaxed. Spent some time in the garden looking at the stars. I think that night we saw the most number of stars on the sky ever since we have this sky gazing activities at our new home. It's been slightly more than a year now. However, relax mode that night was again challenged with sniffling and sneezing. Sigh! Susahnya nak relax.

Next morning, hubby has to leave early for his tender document submission. I went to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast when I got a shocked of my life. Cencorot dalam bakul sampah??? Tidakkkk!!!!! Terus lari and called hubby. My darling hubby took his own sweet time coming down and with a broom, knocking on every nook and corner in the kitchen without seeing anything. Cencorot pun dah lari. But I'm still on the cautious side till now. Yang didambakan tulang2 ikan dalam bakul sampah yang memang dah dibungkus pun. So immediately take the rubbish out.

Then I prepared some sample training material for a new trainer in our project. Gave myself an hour to quickly come up with something that he can use. Feels really tired and my body aches in so many places. Lie down for a while and lazily get dress to meet my school and uni friend Aza who is staying in Putra Heights. Sempat shopping di Giant Putra Heights together with her and then visited her place. Really not far from my area but it has been a while since we visited each other. She came to my place during our open house cum house-warming last year. That's the last we saw of each other offline.

After that, rushed to my next meeting place in Bukit Kiara Equestrian Club. Lunch with school friends also. Aza can't make it as she has to fetch and ferry kids after school and Friday prayer. We had a great catching up session, all 12 of us, and probably annoy other diners with our laughter and voices.  Sorry people, we really have not seen each other for quite some time. I reached the place at around 12:30 and had to leave around 2:30 for my massage session at 3 in Ampang. My body really needs the overhaul. Managed to leave only at around 2:45. Thank God for Duke highway, otherwise jangan harap boleh sampai Ampang in less than 20 minutes. I  prayed at the spa and only started my session around 3:20 so decided to have 1.5 hours massage session since my masseuse already have another appointment at 5. I also wanted to leave early to avoid Friday traffic jam. Alhamdulillah reached home still feeling refreshed from the massage. But nak kata santai, tak juga sebab rush2 ke sini, rush2 ke sana.

Today's plan is to complete my research proposal, visit abah and clean up the house yang mana terdaya before traveling tomorrow afternoon for Mon-Tue training in KT. Santai mode will be OFF for a while till Wed. Now, I better get to that research proposal.

Perhentian Photos

I couldn't upload some of the photos taken from our Perhentian trip last time. So here are some of the pics...

 Some flowers from our stop at Cameron Highlands. These two are among my favorite :)

One Year At Our New House

We moved to our house on 23rd June last year. So it has been one year now. Alhamdulillah... I love this place. I love the fact that we will spend the rest of our lives here insyaAllah. Thinking about the times we went house hunting... the depressing quad-house, the angry occupant whose house is being auctioned, too far, too expensive and the dizzying driving around. Now I have the space that I want, not feeling couped up, good neighbourhood area (no empty house with lalang and broken doors or windows or sprayed with paint), nearby surau and amenities, what more could I ask for? We spent most of our night outdoors, picnic at the lawn, looking at the stars, outdoor massage :) We are into gardening now. Below are some photos of flowers in our garden. We've purchased more but I don't have the time to take photos yet. So here are some of the flowers for now.

Work Hard, Play Hard

I remember a saying that goes something like this... "When you are young, you have the time and energy but no money. When you are older, you have the money and energy but no time. When you are elderly, you have time and money but no energy". I feel like I've been through a similar situation without having to be an elderly to learn it. When I was sick, I have the time and money but no energy. When I am healthy, I have time and energy but no money. Heh!

I've not work for 6 months during my previous pregnancy and confinement period. I have some financial buffer to be used in situations like this. Alhamdulillah for that. Then, I'm feeling much and much better. I have the energy to clean the house, rearrange some things, unpack boxes that has been lying around for like a year already. I wanted to hold my financial buffer for another 2 months if possible so I can wait for training payment to be paid but I'm in the mood for house decorating. You can't decorate the house without buying things. But since we're financially tight, cleaning, rearranging and sorting things are the best options that we have. And a good thing I did that because discovered few things that can be thrown away, clearing some space for more storing. Less clutter means less headache, more positive energy and clearer mind. We bought new sofa and dining table since the condition of the old furniture warrants new one. Other than that, we invested in plants to be placed around the house. The greens certainly makes the place more inviting. On the downside, we worry about the plants not being watered whenever we have to go outstation now.

Then, it's holiday time. I've completed and submitted the report for last semester. Now I only have to focus on my thesis which I should be doing now but didn't. Not yet anyway. Play first :) Our initial plan to go to Pulau Kapas was postponed due to financial condition. But then I received some payment from my training so the holiday plan is on again. A friend piqued my curiosity with her FB status to dive in Perhentian Island but I still consider Pulau Kapas due to our initial plan. But then, a dirty toilet pics kinda put me off. Normally, you'd see nice resort or hotel photos but when you arrive at the destination, you discover those photos were probably taken when the place were new and polished. This photo certainly took my by surprise. I'm not even going to put it here and spoil my blog. I'd give it the benefit of doubt and still go to Pulau Kapas in future for the beach, the view and dive spot but I was busy doing my report to properly research the place. So in the end, we chose to go to Perhentian Island at the place my friend suggested. She's been there several times so there must be something great about the place.

I felt kinda rushed because I have training till Thursday and we're leaving early Friday morning. Anyway, managed to plan laundry and packing in advanced. We went via Cameron route, stop for the night at BIL's place in KB, then off to Kuala Besut in the morning. I went to Perhentian about 20 years ago. I can't remember much about the jetty. I thought it has been upgraded like Tioman jetty. Turned out it has been upgraded in a way, but they still use small boats and not ferry. And no ATMs nearby. Thank God I persevere and withdraw $500 at Tapah R&R despite the queue. That amount only covers our boat trips and marine park fee. We were greeted by 'minah salleh' at the chalet. Feels kinda weird being served by foreigners in our own country. I thought I had the garden chalet, turned out I had the standard room. Their garden chalet was full, their triple room was also full. OK... can't complain much since we did book at the last minute. We reached the chalet quite early, around 11 am but they managed to give us one room to put our luggage and change. Our first activity, jungle trekking. A very short trek but I was heaving and panting. Have not done much exercise. Then we had our lunch and get keys to the other 2 rooms so rest and unpack. I went for a walk in the evening while the boys play in the water. The sky was dark and cloudy. We tapau dinner at the cafe next door but their service were very slow. We only got our food after waiting for more than an hour.

The next day, we went diving at nearby dive center since they have cheaper options. Our first dive spot, Terumbu Tiga, have quite a strong current. It was quite deep, about 19 meters. I threw up after getting into the boat. I probably can't take the strong current. Really felt weak and no energy for my next dive. Returned to my room to rest and thank God felt much better afterwards. Our second dive spot at D'Lagoon was more relaxing with no current. We spotted a large stingray, a pipefish, cleaner shrimp and thumbelina nudibranch among other fishes. After lunch, we went snorkelling. We went to 3 spots. I went snorkelling for a while at the first spot than decided to play at the beach after accidently inhaled some salt water. I went snorkelling at the second spot but didn't see that many fish as in Tioman and saw many dead reefs. The boys went further and managed to capture some nice photos. The third spot is jumping from a lighthouse. I stayed in the boat. The water was choppy, the current was quite strong too. I felt dizzy and didn't really enjoy it. I think Tioman has more fish variety and better soft and hard corals.

On the last day, I played in the water for a while. Then laze at the beach, pack and rest. Our boat arrives at 4pm. We were given a room to stay before checking out, so we can rest and perform our prayers. Oh I must mention about breakfast. Our chalet is the only chalet that offers early morning breakfast. Other cafe seems to only open their door at about 8 a.m. I'm not sure when the breakfast will be ready. After second day of having Bayu Breakfast set which consists of toasted bread, scrambled egg and beef slices, I'm glad we didn't stay another night there.

From Kuala Besut, we went to a homestay in KB because hubby has a meeting on Wednesday which means we have a full day in KB. Decided to go to Jeram Linang for the day. It rained for a while when we arrived, stopped, giving me enough time to dip my feet in the water and then rained again, heavily this time. The boys played in the rain, sis and I went to a nearby hut with our things. Went to Wakaf Che Yeh after dinner, rest and pack the next day during hubby's meeting. And then off to KL. Reached home about 3am early next morning. All in all, fun and over the budget holiday hehehe...

Spent whole day yesterday and this morning editing and rearranging photos for photobook. Just realized I haven't published last year's Tioman, Cameron, Pangkor and Medan's photo in photobook also. That will take some time to do. I won't be ordering the photobook yet since I'm waiting for a better discount. Their current discount rate, at 40% is not good enough. Last year I managed to get buy 1, free 1 and even that, at a very good discount. I will upload photos later since I can't seem to upload any photos now. Don't know what's wrong with the new interface. Or it didn't work with Opera browser. I only managed this rushed entry as a personal record. Lots of work awaits.

Musim Itu Datang Lagi

I'm so tired I could fall asleep right now. But if I do that, I'd wake at 2 or 3 am and can't fall asleep again and the next day I'd be like a zombie. It's that time of the year again where training request are at its peak...  in addition, my supervisor will be pushing for our thesis before he go  for his sabbatical leave. Sigh! But I have to go with the flow. No job would let me be on 6 months leave without much financial worries. Hmmm... well... there's a bit of worrying though as my buffer dwindles to 2 months. But I feel blessed nonetheless to be able to afford to do that. And I expect this to continue till before fasting month. Then will be a break for Ramadhan and Raya before the busyness continues in September till end of the year. So, have to be ready mentally and physically.

I missed my family too much this time though. The last time I went back was during BIL and SIL's wedding. I have to postpone my intention twice already. Last weekend was rushing for training materials. I spent five days preparing the materials full time. As in... started staring at my laptop the moment I woke up till I fell asleep at 1 or 2 am. The only break I have was eating time, cook very simple meal or eat leftover food, perform my prayers, water the plants and toilet break. My eyes felt funny when I stop starring at the screen and look at the distance, the greeneries, or just simply break away from staring at the screen. My lecturer also pushed for our practicum report. Thank God he extended the deadline, or else I'd be dead.

I have just completed a training today. It is quite stressful since this is the first time I joined a new organization as their associate trainers. And a milestone for me as a trainer, the 3 materials I prepared were in Malay. All this while, I use English material and deliver in Malay if I have to. Encountered many funny translation in Google translate but too rushed to enjoy a good laugh. One sticked in my mind though... improvise = garu sendiri LOL. Another milestone also for me this year, as I up my rate by 50% hehehe... I couldn't do that to my existing associate company who has given me a break in this area. Besides, I know how much they are getting most of the time and feels my share is quite reasonable. Besides, they are also the one who introduce me to this associate company.

I could start preparing my report tonight.... but we'll see how thing goes. I just want to have a break, a short rest. I was also on the phone with my classmate on the way back. She said she'll focus on the report with 70% marks and less focus on the logbook with so much work but carry only 15%. Good idea my dear friend. That's what I'll do too. The deadline is coming Monday, a week from the initial deadline. But I have 5-days training next week. So by hook or by crook, it has to be completed by this Sunday. So no balik kampung, no meeting with friends and no life again this weekend. So looking forward to next weekend... Ya Allah, semoga panjang umur untuk berjumpa my beloved family.

Mother's Day 2012

On this day dedicated to mothers, many mothers experience the appreciation from their children in many forms: a wish, a kiss, a card, breakfast in bed, spa package and what-not. Surely, the moms feel the love and appreciation from their children's effort... especially little ones. Rightfully, they should not have to dedicate a particular day to appreciate moms. Mother's love and devotion is to be cherished at all times. Anyhow, better a day of recognition than none at all. This entry is dedicated to my dear mother.

My mom is a very dedicated and strong lady. After her difficult divorce, she has to take care of us. Abah left us and disappear after he lost a court case regarding child sustenance after the divorce. While I've been judgmental in the past, I've learnt that it is not my position to judge and punish. Only Allah can do that. It is none of my business to judge my parents for their issues. I should just respect them as my mom and dad.

It was difficult for mom but she managed to see us through to universities. Her bitterness over the divorce never subsided though. She always repeat the same stories of her anger and disappointment over and over again, anytime we come for a visit. I remember feeling stressed every time I have to sit through and listen to her anger and disappointments. Sometimes I tried to divert her to talk about other things. But she will come back to the same issues in no time and continue talking about it. I've prayed that she be given peace and contentment in her golden years. She has gone through a lot raising us to be the person that we are today. Unfortunately, that didn't materialize. Not yet. Sometimes she can become a very difficult person to talk to. I remember a saying, "if it is difficult to love someone, that is the person who needed love most". Yup, I believe mom needs more love that we can afford to give. I even pray that she meet someone who can make her happy. That has also not materialize yet. Probably Allah has other plans for us. Dear Allah, please give her peace and love in her soul. She has sacrificed herself for her children so much over the years. If anyone happens to stumble upon this blog and read this entry, please pray for my mom too :(

When I finally found and met Abah, she wants nothing to do with me anymore. She wants nothing to do with any of her children who has met Abah. We kept it a secret for several years but things get out in the open in the end. Abah has his faults... so does mom. I'm in no position to judge and we children shouldn't be put in a position to choose between our parents. Abah is not a bad person. He do loves his children. Mom's strength as a single mother is admirable. That strong will and determination pull us through difficult financial situations in our growing up years. Probably her anger keeps her going too. I can see her hardheadedness in me too. While I've always prayed that I will not become a bitter person, that stubbornness pulls me through many situations where mom is not around for me. That stubbornness make me steadfast when accepting hubby as my husband, arranged our wedding ceremony, go through several Hari Raya without mom, go through several miscarriages without her and accept her decision not to be in my life anymore.

Probably I shouldn't expect mom to be around during those events in my life. She has done her duties well. Mom always said in the past that she will not take care of her grandchildren. She has done her duties raising us. It is up to us to take that responsibility if we have children.

I've tried many times. Sometimes we ended up arguing. I do not want to argue with her. I shouldn't be arguing with her. When she's angry, she'll say things that hurt me and stay with me. I certainly broke her heart too. For mom, it is either her way, or no way at all. In the end, I decided to give her what she wants. No more calls, no more argument, for her to live her life in peace (her way) and me living mine. Some people will not understand. It is OK. They didn't go through what we went through. Some people has different character altogether. You probably watch in the news a mother crying for her son, a convicted murderer or an addict. Mom would have disowned us in that situation and never look back.  In fact, she has done that. My appeal to her not to separate what's left of our family fall on deaf ears. Then it is my turn to be disowned. Probably it is her defense mechanism. The only way she can handle her emotion.

Dear Allah,

I have prayed for this many times. Please give peace and contentment to Mom. Let her live the rest of her life happily after going through hardship raising all her children. Please give her the love that she needs. Even if I'm not humble enough when requesting this from you, please do it for my Mom, give it to her who has raised your khalifahs in this world.  Aamiinn...

There is a glint of anger in me. Why wouldn't mom see some sense? Why wouldn't she be like other moms who loves their children unconditionally. But then again, I do realize if those other moms have to go through what my mom went through, they probably wouldn't fare so well. Maybe there are other moms who has to go through worse situations than us but fared even better, but Allah gives us challenges in life to a different degree depending on our capacity to handle the hardships. Again, I'm in no position to judge. Sometimes my heart and my head tells me two different things. While I can see things from a rational point of view, I'm not a person without emotion. I pray that Allah will help me distinguish those anger and give me acceptance and peace in my heart too.

Suppressing feelings and living my life with a view that life is too short to dwell on bitter things and uncertainties has been my defense mechanism. I have lots of love from the people around me. I am very thankful for that. Though sometimes I do wonder if my mom CAN choose to leave me, a mother leaving her children, I know I'm all grown up so don't be too melodramatic about it isn't it... what more I can hope from other people? Even my husband? Hmmm... better not dwell on negativities right! Hubby's love is a gift from Him. If He test me with more challenges... I pray He will give me strenght to go through it. Maybe my stubbornness will give me strength to go through it but... I pray for the best in my life and the Hereafter. For now, I have a lot to be thankful for and there is no need to be angry or negative about anything. Alhamdulillah...

Happy Mother's Day to all Mom out there. If everything goes well last time, my pregnancy would have been in the 30th week but things didn't go as planned. I have not been given a chance to be one yet. Maybe one day.... If I don't have that privilege, there are so many things I can enjoy and appreciate in life. Thank you Allah for giving me this ability to appreciate what I have around me, the ability not to bother too much with things I can't control, the ability to love and be loved. Again Ya Allah, please give peace and contentment to my mom. Please soften her heart to forgive us for any wrongdoings to her.

Healing

It has been almost three weeks since the wedding event of BIL and SIL at MIL's place. That weekend has been a very hectic weekend and Alhamdulillah the event went smoothly. Congratulations to my BIL and SIL and may you both being given patience and love through the rest of your marriage. Can't wait to have more nieces and nephews :)

When the event was in planning stage, I wondered if I could go through it. In the past, I couldn't hold my tears whenever I hear the sound of kompang. I was always reminded of our wedding reception. Though it was simple and sweet, a lot of emotion were experienced in the process. Any girl would have a certain wish when it comes to their wedding day. I wasn't even sure if my parents would be there. Abah wouldn't come if mom is there so as not to create any scene. I wish mom would attend the reception but till the last minute, she decided not too. In the end, Abah was there though he was very late. Few friends help with the preparation. I thought my wedding was the most hassle free wedding ever. Despite being busy handling training for months before I finally get about two weeks break, moved house, get the custom-made wedding garment which I thought was too short (I wanted longer kebaya) and several trips looking for ready-made garments but I can't fit into most of it and in the end just accepted the ugly short kebaya, prepare the wedding invitation, inviting friends and families (the small family I have), preparing the bunga telur and gifts for children, two friends offered to help with the eggs, booked the hall, went to spa, did my facial, all at the last minute. Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly. My ugly kebaya looked nice in photos and looked good under the light as told by my friend to whom I've complaint about the kebaya.

On the day, hubby left his handphone in the car while the car was being serviced. I called him many times without answer. Can you imagine how you would feel under the same situation? I didn't know where he was, I wasn't told he is going to service the car, I can't imagine what possible reason could be for him to not answer his phone. Despite the uncertainty, I managed to calm myself down and continue with the preparation. In the end, I thought of the worse case scenario if hubby didn't arrive on time, how would I handle things. I probably would have to be at the hall since the guests will be there, welcoming them alone, thanking them for coming and please help yourself to the food. My husband can't join us for some reason. Thank God I didn't have to do that. We were a bit late but enough time for the photography session in the afternoon.

I was very happy everything went well that night. I slept with a smile in hubby's arm. If this is how things are for me, so be it. However, there were times when I wasn't so strong. I wish my family would be there. I wish to follow SOME tradition. I wish situations were different. Everytime MIL talked about the wedding events of her children, I hardened my heart (it's OK, don't feel too much, it's OK, my situation is different, it's OK  don't be sad... ) We can't have everything that we wish for. The sound of kompang would make me sad. I felt sad during SIL's engagement ceremony which made me wonder how I'm going to handle the wedding event. However, I guess people heal. Hearts heal. I was too busy with my darling boys and nieces and nephews and helping with the preparation to feel anything. I only realized after the event that the kompang didn't make me sad this time. Or I was probably too busy with the happenings around me to notice too much. Or probably, I've faced with other emotionally demanding situations like my pregnancies and miscarriages as compared to wedding events that didn't follow some 'adat'. Whatever it was, I'm thankful. That part of me has healed.

Tukang Urut

Dah lama nak bercerita pasal tukang urut. Adalah a few spas yang pernah pergi, dan beberapa tukang urut tradisional yang pernah dicuba, macam2 pengalaman yang dapat.

Tak dinafikan tukang urut ni ada pelbagai cara masing2. Sama ada sesuai atau tidak dengan kita, dan kita suka atau tak pengalaman tu, adalah penentu kita akan cari dia lagi atau tidak. I have a favorite spa in Ampang, Cintasari Tradispa. After trying several spas, decided this spa have some of the best masseuse and at a very affordable price by KL standard. Mungkin di tempat lain yang lebih mudah dapat tukang urut tradisional, terasa mahal ler jugak. Anyway, ada tukang urut yang lembut urutan nyer, ada yang kuat. Ada yang dapat ilmu mengurut turun-menurun, ada yang belajar. Tak kisah ler yang mana pun, asalkan memberi kelegaan bila diurut.

Tapi pengalaman selepas berpantang baru2 ni, banyak juga membuka mata tentang tukang urut bersalin yang diiklankan dengan banyak di KL ni. Ketika berpantang, takkan nak pergi spa pulak. So cari lah tukang urut yg boleh datang rumah. Ini cerita lepas berpantang yang baru2 ni.

Tukang urut pertama, terjumpa nombor telefon nya ditampal dibeberapa kawasan taman ni. Dalam keadaan terdesak, itu jer yang ada, panggillah dia. Urutannya tidak lah bagus, tidak ler juga teruk. Setakat OK saja. Tungku nya berbalut dengan daun2 herba yang dah kering betul. Dah berapa kali ler agaknya dipakai daun tu. Faham lah susah nak cari daun2 herba di KL ni tapi tukang urut yang dah bertahun pengalaman patutnya dah boleh ada supply yang berterusan. Dia pun tak urut setiap inci badan, tapi beberapa point di kaki, paha, badan etc. Walaupun mungkin point2 tu penting, kalau diurut setiap inci tu rasa best dan selesa juga kan. Katanya dulu selalu mengikut neneknya mengurut. Kemudian dicadangkan pulak lepas ni buat beberapa ritual supaya tak gugur lagi. Hmmm... bila dah mula dia ke arah itu, hati terus tertutup sebab amalan2 seperti itu dah disahkan khurafat dan syirik. Tapi biasalah tukang urut ni bukan tak tahu, kadang2 dia cuba justify dengan kata, "kita usaha ajer". Hmm... kalau usaha pun, apa pulak letak tangkal2 tu kalau dah tahu Allah yang lebih berkuasa dan bukannya tangkal. Duitnya untuk dia yang menyiapkan tangkal tu. Lepas 3 hari, tu sajer lah diurut oleh dia lepas ni takkan cari dia lagi.

Tukang urut kedua, muda dan bergaya orangnya. Ilmu mengurutnya kerana ada pergi kursus mengurut. Ada spa sendiri tapi akan ke rumah juga untuk urutan lepas bersalin. Fokusnya pada urat2 yang ada angin. Memang sakit sampai 4-5 hari bahagian yang diurut tu. Walaupun niat dia baik, nak cuba macam2 untuk bantu kita, nak buatkan air jamu dan sebagainya, I have to cancel the next appointment walaupun dia yang akan datang rumah, sebab dah beberapa hari sakit lagi badan bila disentuh, rasa tak sanggup kena urut camtu lagi pada minggu depannya.

Tukang urut ketiga, orang baru at my favorite spa. Masa ni dah lepas berpantang so boleh lah ker spa. Hmmm... spoil betul sebab walaupun urutannya boleh ler tahan tapi kita dah ada standard yang tinggi bila pergi spa tu. My favorite masseuse 2-2 orang takder masa hari nak pergi berurut tu. Kita tahu dari gayanya dia orang baru dan tak begitu banyak pengalaman lagi. Untuk urut 2 jam, walaupun memang sebelah kaki tu ada angin, takkan uli yang itu jer sampai hampir setengah jam.

Tukang urut keempat, dapat namanya dari sebuah blog yang berpuas hati dengan cara jagaannya semasa dalam pantang. Ketika ni ada masalah seperti yang disebut dalam entri yang lepas, so pergi ler cari rumah nya di Puchong Prima. Expectation pun tinggi sebab dah ada good review. Tapi bila diurut, umpama gosok2 jer. Berkali2 ditanya kuat tak ni, urut orang dalam pantang tak boleh kuat2. Memang ler saya ada masalah sikit tapi dah lepas pantang dah makcik. Kalau begini dikatakan best, samada my luck dia tengah malas nak mengurut atau blogger tu yang tak biasa diurut sampai sebegitu rupa pun dikatanya best. That also makes me think berapa banyak tukang urut orang bersalin yang betul2 ada kepakaran atau setakat buat ikut ritual kerana ramai ibu-ibu muda sekarang yang bukannya tahu apa2 sangat. Cakap lah urut kerabat Brunei lah, kerabat Kelantan lah, siapa yang tahu kan. Dia kata ada customer puji sebab tak biasa ada tukang urut yang mengaji masa mengurut. Dalam bisik2 bacaan Al-Quran dia tu, seperti perasan surah Al-Falaq nyer tak dibaca habis. Beberapa kerat jer, kemudian diulang semula atau dibaca surah lain. Kemudian, dia juga sebut pasal ritual2 yang kononnya boleh bantu my situation. Hmmm... yang ini lagi beria promote. Tak per lah makcik. Once dia sebut begitu, tak sabar rasanya nak habiskan urutan tu and takkan ler cari dia lagi. Urutan tak seberapa, sengkak pun ntah hapa2, khurafat yang lebih.

Tukang urut kelima, Alhamdulillah dapat tukang urut tradisional di Klang. Yang betul2 mengurut dan takder cadangkan ilmu2 mengarut. Urutannya sedap betul dan walaupun sakit, tapi bukan sebab diurut kuat pun. Cuma dia mengurut betul2 pada urat2 yang perlu dibetulkan, sengkaknya pun bagus. Terus berhenti bleeding keesokannya. Dan tidaklah sakit urat atau bengkak2 sampai berhari2. Kalau tak sebab jauh juga nak ke Klang tu, memang ler akan selalu ke situ untuk overhaul badan. Tapi kalau setakat nak urut biasa2 untuk letih penat badan, cari jer lah tempat yang dekat dan urutannya sesuai. Ampang pun jauh juga tapi sebab ada pekej di sana yang masih belum dihabiskan, so pasti akan ke sana lagi untuk habiskan pekej tu.

Ini pula kisah pengalaman2 yang lepas. Pernah pergi ke spa House of Ezryn namanya di PJ. My first ever spa experience. 2 pengalaman yang tak best disitu, tukang urutnya mungkin ada isu yang perlu diselesaikan. Oleh kerana dia dalam keadaan risau atau seperti nak cepat dengan 2-3 kali panggilan telefon, kita pun terima energy tu semasa diurut. Instead of relax, terasa seperti rushed walaupun dia urut sejam juga tapi perasaan tu rasa tak relax. Kemudian masa berendam, tak diberi kain batik atau apa pun. Pada dia tanggalkan jer towel tu, tak perlu nak segan2 dia tinggalkan kita di bilik air yang besar dengan bath tub ditengah2. Tak biasalah I ok.

And then ada ke Dewi Sri Spa few times. Harga pun boleh tahan, sewa di Plaza Damas tu pun pasti mahal. This is before I found my favorite spa. Comparable massage, of course dari segi layanan dan ambience lebih lagi dari current favorite spa kerana harga pun lebih kan. Bila pergi holiday, ada juga cuba few spas. Memang lebih kurang jer cara urutan with my favorite spa. Di tempat lama before married dulu, ada one Indon lady yang buat massage and OK urutannya (sakit tapi rasa ler badan seperti di overhaul), and a chinese lady yang buat foot massage pun OK juga.

Bodhisense, also at Plaza Damas buat foot massage and Thai body massage. Pernah pergi few times including with hubby, sebab belanja dia foot massage :) Then ada pulak Manjakaki di Tesco Ampang. Boleh tahan juga walaupun ambience tak seperti di Plaza Damas. Tapi tak perlu ler ker sana lagi since Manjakaki pun OK juga.

Pernah juga ke Nona Roguy di TTDI few times. Urutannya tak kuat, I don't mind kuat sikit baru ler terasa. Then sekali tu masa tengah bertangas, terdengar tukang urut yang baru lepas massage myself, massage orang lain pulak and dalam berbual tu dia kata ada client tu nak urut kuat sikit. Yang client baru tu pulak jenis tak tahan agaknyer, dia kata kulit apa lah orang tu agaknyer and then they laughed. Helloo... orang tu tengah dengar OK. Oleh kerana kurang budi bicara disitu, tak pergi lagi lah ke sana.

Ada masa badan memang sakit dan urut manja2 tu tak best. My favorite spa ada 2 favorite masseuse, sorang kuat dan sorang pelan. When I need yang kuat, I will request yg kuat urutannya (biasanya bila badan sakit sgt), otherwise masseuse yang lembut sikit ni bila nak rasa rileks. Bila nak rileks kadang2 request two-hours massage, tapi dengan masseuse yang kuat urutannya ni biasa mintak sejam jer. Tak sanggup kena uli kuat2 sampai 2 jam. Ada sorang tukang urut di Melaka pun OK juga urutan tak kuat tapi rasa lega. With the new masseuse in Klang, or the masseuse in Melaka, urut 2 jam pun takper :)

Anyway, sekarang kena ler cari spa yang dekat sikit. Dah perasan a few spa yang dekat2 area sini. Nanti pasti akan cuba juga. Kita akan spa hopping sampai jumpa yang betul2 sesuai. Tak suka nak pergi jauh2 kecuali bila betul2 perlu. And pesanan pada ibu-ibu muda, berhati2 lah cari tukang urut lepas bersalin. Kalau dah takder pilihan, ambil juga lah kan tapi amalan2 khurafat tu jangan diikut dan cakap2 besar tukang2 urut tu urut kerabat sana-sini or bantu orang tu mengandung ker itu ini, masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri jer. Tu cakap2 orang nak promosi kan servis dia jer. Dari cara urutan pun kena hati2 juga. My guess, tukang urut yang tak betul2 pandai mengurut ni, bila urut orang yang takder masalah, memang no problem sebab badan kita secara semulajadi akan heal itself, rahim akan mengecut dan sebagainya. Yang ditakuti bila badan ada masalah, kalau cara urutan tak betul akan datang mudharat dari kebaikan.

Wallahualam...