Were there ever a time where you feel like you have nowhere to turn to? A time where you feel all alone in this world. Today is one of those time for me.
I have written few entries related to my father in the past. None of them mentioned about my good relationship with him. But today, when I'm feeling like this, I can't help but cry when I think about my situation and how I wish he's there for me. I have never felt like this. I'm not exactly alone. I have friends and loved ones who will be all ears for me. I just wonder why today, I wish I can talk to him.
"Abah, I have no one to turn to. I have been strong in the past but I wish I can be your little girl for a while."
Things happen for a reason. Maybe the series of happenings in my life lately is the beginning of something. With only his IC no., if only I know where to begin.
Sunflower gives the connotation of cheerfulness, bright, jolly, merry... you get the idea! However, if any content in this blog didn't fit the cheerfulness implied by its name, look at it this way... I'm putting down all the wretchedness, gloom, melancholy feeling in here so I can continue living up to the expectation of making the association to the sunflower.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Reflection on the Eve of Syawal 1428 Hijrah
Ramadhan has come and gone in the blink of an eye. I paid my zakat fitrah today. The obligatory zakat to be paid during Ramadhan, latest to be paid the morning of first Syawal, before Solat Al-Eid. Tears came into my eyes as I sat in the car before starting the engine, reflecting on my previous Ramadhan... the journey of my life.
I remember after my parents divorced, we didn't know whether my father will pay our zakat fitrah. My mother has taken the responsibility to ensure all our zakat fitrah were paid on time. When my brother was older, he was given the task to go the mosque and pay for the whole family.
When I started working, I have to pay on my own unless I reminded my brother to do so. How time has changed. What was once the responsibility of the father until the daughter gets married, or the male siblings if the father is not around, nowadays many single ladies has to do it themselves. While the zakat amount is not such a big deal, but I still prefer to have male family member pay on my behalf. The gesture signifies family ties and belongingness.
Nonetheless, when everyone is busy with their daily lives, I don't want to impose something which I'm capable of doing. Just that, it would be nice if....
The situation is even more different this year. Somehow, I will go through it... the day will be over and a new day begins. That's how it will be every day. So no matter what... somehow I will go through it.
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