Many Faces of a Land 1

There are many faces of this land. I haven't explored them all. These are a few moments frozen in time from my short visit.






To be continued...

Outstation Ramblings

I'm blogging from my hotel bed in Kuantan. On my journey here, I feel awed by the view along the highway. The roadwork from Gombak to Karak was annoying and it rained during the earlier part of the journey. But when the sun shines and I saw forest trees looking so near at some places (just beside the highway), the hills and faraway mountain, I felt great. The shapes of the trees, the dried tree trunks, the sky, all makes me feel like I wanna be one with nature, get closer to the jungle.

If we drive along the PLUS highway, we're greeted with more palm trees than real jungle trees. And I especially despise driving up to Tg. Malim exit from KL because of all the clearing of the land and the construction works going on along the area. I'm not sure I can stay long in a jungle, like staying permanently in there, but the pull of nature is very strong at times. What is my point? Hmmm... who cares??!!! I'm just so tired actually and this is the rambling of a tired mind.

I have just completed a 2-days training yesterday. I'll be conducting a 2-days training again tomorrow, one day rest followed by 3 days training, then off to KK for 3 days, back to KL again to conduct 4-days training and then to Kuching for another 4-days class. This is a hectic month for me. I can't wait for my Kuching trip though :) I have scheduled a 'melencong sambil melancong' trip there. Will definitely write about it with lots of photos if it happens.

Words and Photos of the Day

GRAB: Seize with force


SHARE: Use amicably


HOPE: Wish for something with
expectation of its fulfillment


COLORS OF MY HEART

Controlling Thy Husband

It amazes me to hear what some women do to 'control' their husband and what some men are willing to put up with. The male colleagues in my office have a "mengadu nasib" session just after office hour today. They told their version in banter and laughter but at times I felt like shaking my head in disbelief.

Here are some of the things these husbands have to put up with. Every time one of the guys has to attend outstation meeting or training, he has to give the official memo to his wife. Even if there is no convenient flight/bus/train back after the meeting/training, by hook or by crook, he still has to reach home on the same day. Doesn't matter if they have to wait till midnight or reach their destination at the wee hours of the morning.

One guy received an SMS from his female client stating a meeting location to pass the documents for her hire purchase application. The following day he discovered his hand phone went missing for a week. It turned out the wife kept his hand phone for several days to monitor if the same female client sends more SMS or calls him.

Another guy resorted to changing the names of female clients to male names. It is very funny though coz later he has to crack his skull figuring the real name of the sender hehehe.... Just imagine if he has more than 10 female names that he has changed to Mr. Wong – Perodua, Abu Bakar – EON, Halim – ABC Sdn Bhd and so on. He said it is worth the trouble rather than having to answer 1001 questions from the wife and putting up with her tantrums.

One guy can't get an early flight or bus for any outstation trip. The wife won't allow it except if his boss comes to pick him up. Didn't she care if the husband gets any rest after a tiring trip? The funny thing is, later he came back from one of the trip without the boss because the boss has another meeting to attend to. It is the boss's wife who gets suspicious this time and ask 1001 question until he produces the proof.

Of course I have to mention the frequent phone calls, checking with colleagues and so on. These are all nice men who take it in stride and good-naturedly. I have a feeling they won't be like that if they really have something to hide. I wonder why these wives want to spend all that energy monitoring the husband. This is nothing like how I envision Muslim women should treat their husband.

If the men wanted to do anything hanky-panky, they'll find a way no matter what. What if something happen to the husband during the journey because they demand the husband reach home after the outstation meeting/training come tornado or thunderstorm. What if it is fated the husband will marry another anyway? Didn't they want to believe in God's will anymore? Kun fayakuun.

While I have always disagree with polygamous marriages, the current scenario among our local celebrities makes me hold my opinion. Hmmm.... thinking if I have ever sang in the kitchen while I was younger :) If much older men are a possibility, so is much younger or married right? Anything is possible and that is a frightening thought.

Your English So Good Is It?

I went to attend this event yesterday. It was a good way to start my day. The healthy breakfast and lunch, the exercise, and the nice ambience. I have never eaten that many salads in half a day. They also lined up candles along the way to the event area, the strewn rose petals, the relaxing aromatherapy scent, the wind and the sun. I feel quite special. I was about to mention the fresh air too but it was a little hazy. The haze is not too bad actually but you'd notice it when you look at the horizon.

Something kinda spoilt the day though. There is this one group of sisters, daughters, sister-in-laws who are quite loud. They are nice people actually but couldn't seem to contain their giggles when we sat down to listen to the explanation about home spa therapy. The girl doing the explaining didn't have a perfect English and her pronunciation needed a lot of improvement but I find her quite charming.

While she and her family criticizes the girl, I have to turn my face to the other side while smelling the wet scented towel alternating it with the single pink rose given to everyone because of her BO. It was quite unfortunate that I have to sit beside her.

English with French, Russian, Spanish accent can be attractive to some people so why not Malaysian slang. Why do we have to put a perfect standard to fellow Malaysians when it comes to the English language? Come to think of it, she could be from any one of the Asian countries. Didn't look like one of the locals.

We expect the best from Siti, Mawi, the contestant for reality TV shows and many Malaysians. I cringed when I heard Winnie Sin, the director of Rafflesia Pearls talk but she's there and I'm still here. Some of these people have made a mark for themselves. They can afford to have people use the language they are familiar with instead of the other way around. They should be lauded for their effort to learn, try conversing and conform to people's expectation.

Just look at Miss Universe event where some European and Spanish speaking contestant requires interpreter. Look at some gathering of country leaders where they require interpreter. You CAN survive and succeed without a perfect English. Learning the language and able to converse with it is good but not able to master it does not make one a pariah.

I also do not agree to the choice of having Paul Moss as a judge for One In A Million show. I once caught the show where he's giving comments and the contestant stood there trying to defend himself/herself but no words come out or the words did not come out correctly. Some even misunderstood him altogether. The show is for Malaysian, rural and urban areas. Let them speak Bahasa lah. Having said that, if you're a fresh grad looking for a job, you better speak the language. There is no excuse if you can't.

Amidst the Sadness...

Amidst the disturbing development in Lebanon...

Amidst the race against time to find victims of the tsunami disaster and the struggle to build back what's destoyed...

Amidst all the disaster and sadness in this world...

I celebrated my 32nd birthday in peace, in good health and with the love of friends and family :) Alhamdulillah... Despite all the unanswered questions in my head, I am feeling a deep sense of contentment and peace. At least, for now, at this moment.

Your Birth Month is July

Introspective and intense, you tend to be a deep thinker. You are quiet and spiritual - and you have a unique perspective on life. Your soul reflects: Lightness, luck and an open heart Your gemstone: Ruby Your flower: Larkspur Your colors: Green and red

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Your Birthdate: July 22

You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

What Do You Want?

"When you want what you've never had, you must do what you've never done."

I was walking at a nearby wholesale store with a colleague during lunch time when I spotted a nice postcard with the above wordings and immediately bought it. What attracts me initially is the postcard's photographic beauty. And the wordings are profound too. It brings to mind a weighty question... what is it that I want and never had?

What IF you don't know what you want? I mean, everyone wants happiness, health, wealth, prosperity and many other things that we wish someone during their birthdays or festivals like Hari Raya or Chinese New Year. But what specifically do we mean by happiness, health, wealth, etc.? When we take stock of our life, we know where we are but we don't know where should we go from here.

Remember the 'mamat selling nasi kerabu'? I mentioned him in my past entries. I went late to the night market last Friday. He remarked I was later than my normal time and teasingly asked if I wanted 2 packs. I answered "just one" and he only wants to confirm I would be purchasing for one like I normally do. An indicator for him maybe.

After buying from his stall and walking around the night market for quite some time, he passed by me and said, "selalu nampak sorang jer". I was about to purchase my week supply of apple so I just looked at him and headed towards the apple stall. I'm not friendly with strangers. Probably a conversation would have occurred if it happens to other people. What struck me is that he has been observing me for quite some time.

And to think of it, I have been staying here for about two years. Just imagine the number of times I went to the night market, the number of times I passed by his stall whether I stopped to buy his nasi kerabu or not. I have always been immersed in my own world, sometimes I forget other people might notice my habit and routine. If he were a bad guy, I wouldn't even notice if he followed me around the night market. Quite a frightening thought.

Anyhow, I think he is harmless. I was just uneasy with the way he hands over my nasi kerabu so our fingers would accidentally hook to each other's and he'd touch my hand when he hands over the change. Iiiieeee.... can I shout sexual harassment? No more nasi kerabu from his stalls then :( But that wouldn't stop him from observing.

I have always averted my gaze when I passed by his stall coz if he noticed me he would call with his eager face. Now that things have advanced to 'accidental' touching stage, I really have to avoid his stall at all cost. I would have respected him more if he didn't try to get a cheap thrill with the 'coincidental' brushes of our hands and fingers. Anyway, that is another story.

But would I be walking alone at the same night market week after week, for one, two or more years from now? What would the future bring for me? Do I chart the course of my future or do I live it to chance? Some people would be more comfortable calling it destiny. Probably if something turned out wrongly, they can blame destiny for it. I prefer to chart my own course. I'd have more control of what I do if I set the destination. The BIG question is, where do I go from here? I'll be 32 in a few days and clueless about what I want to do. Is this where I should be all along or am I destined for something bigger?

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?

I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void.

- Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail -

So what do I want? What would make me happy? Where would I be career wise? How would my personal life be? All are questions I'm unable to answer right now. When I was younger I thought adults would have all the answers. Another year would go by and I'm not any wiser :(

Fata morgana

fa·ta mor·ga·na n. See mirage
mi·rage n.

1. An optical phenomenon that creates the illusion of water, often with inverted reflections of distant objects, and results from distortion of light by alternate layers of hot and cool air. Also called fata morgana.
   
2. Something illusory or insubstantial.

Sorry dear! I'm in an extremely hectic pace at work right now lah.

I'm sooo.. sorry. I'm very busy right now I don't even have time for myself.

Disappear from the radar for a while.

Hmm.. I'm not sure about this one lah. I only knew one way to do it and this is a bit complex even for me.

Sure! No problem! But that would cost you RM500 per job.

I'm thinking of all the different ways to say 'NO'. Outright rejection? Evasion? Feigned ignorance? I kinda like the last one. Maybe I should up the figure eh :) If for some reason I still have to do the job for friendship sake, at least I got some money for the effort.

Sometimes 'friends' managed to show you are only good for one thing coz they only look for you when they want you to do something for them.

The moment they call and you ask what's up they'd go beating around the bush, insisted they just call to say Hi and ask some questions about you that you thought they really wanna know how you've been doing and really care. The illusion was quickly shattered when they finally get to the point of why they called.

You can't help but think that all those time you were talking about your life, they are listening half-heartedly, all the while thinking how and when they should butt in with the real request. Makes you feel very, very and extremely insignificant isn't it.

Makes me feel like I should give some respond to the mamat selling nasi kerabu, at least he likes me for ME. Or maybe one ex-rocker for his relentless effort to win my handphone number and my heart.

View from the Room Bed

I just came back from my Penang outstation trip. I've taken a nap, went to the night market, bought nasi kerabu for dinner, kena ngorat dengan mamat jual nasi kerabu, had my dinner and watch Bones :)

I was quite excited with my outstation trip but things did not turned out as well as expected. I reached the hotel two hours late due to rain along the highway. I was so beat by the time I reached there and for dinner, settled for exorbitantly priced fried rice. There is not that much choice from the room service menu and my first choice are out of stock.

Since the company will pay for the hotel, I did not give my credit card as deposit. This proves to be a problem later since they can’t charge my room service order without a deposit and can’t even wait for me to finish my meal so I can come down to the reception to give them my credit card. I was disturbed for payment while having my dinner in the room. What a service! I paid cash since I do not want to hand over my credit card unattended.

That became another problem when I wanted to get online later. At least, I have finished my meal so I can finally go to the reception counter to give my credit card. There is one government office function at the hotel and have to let the elevator pass for 4-5 times before I can finally get in one. There are 3 elevators altogether. A really tiring day indeed.

The next morning, the buffet area was so crowded there is not a place to sit. When there is, it took them so long to clear it up. The cups at the tea/coffee section are not available so I settled for orange juice. There are no more plates and cutleries at other section too. It was disappointing. The place is also crammed. How many stars is the hotel again?

I thought I had time to walk around after my training but I was so tired after standing the whole day. This time, there is a lot more participants with little PC background. Sigh! Such a challenge but their passion is refreshing. I showed them what’s important and told them they can ignore the more advanced part for now. But they stayed back during break time to finish all the exercises. Melts my heart :)

Reached hotel to stash my laptop in the evening and planned to go out afterwards but decided against it after lying down on the bed and feeling all the aches on my legs. I’m not in the mood for another room service meal. Luckily I brought some biscuits, mini Maggi instant noodle and 3-in-1 Milo. So that’s my second night dinner.

I had a feast on my third night when I visited a friend’s place. Her parents insisted I eat everything so I went to sleep with a really full stomach. Thanks auntie and uncle :)

I requested a map from the hotel and have studied the map upside down, inside out but didn't have a chance to go sightseeing this time. Maybe next time but I will definitely not go to the same hotel. To make up for not buying anything at all during the trip, I bought a bracelet for myself at the night market :D There is one stall with many beautifully designed bracelets here. A must visit stall every night market trip. Just to admire if not to buy any. But that's another story.

Judgmental

judg·men·tal adj. Inclined to make judgments, especially moral or personal ones.

I was switching channel Saturday night (that was last night) and finally decided to watch Zoom In with Siti. She sang one song titled Dealova. The lyrics is about the desire to be with someone he/she loves. Such a sad love song. I can feel the heart ache, the yearning and pleading. You can listen to it here. No, I'm not in the same situation. I just have a very high empathy level.

I don't think anyone in love wants to be in her situation. I do not want to comment on her love life. She is entitled to her privacy. I just can't understand the media frenzy on her love story. And worse than the media are all those malicious email about her relationship with the mysterious man. Even the fact that she is a bit chubbier now becomes a problem to some people. Some people has the talent for creating stories and some people can convinced themselve that what they believe is true even if it is not based on facts at all.

How judgmental are you? Without facts? With little facts? With a lot more facts? It is easy to become judgmental based on our values and understanding of morality. But our judgment may be biased or in err altogether. When you're being judgmental about someone, have you ever think about the person at the receiving end? Probably not until you're sitting at the other end. The receiving end.

I probably have been judgmental in the past too. But I never write maliciuos email about anybody. And I have been at the receiving end too. It hurts a little. Especially if it happens within a close circle. Close friends, colleagues in the same unit or department. But you really can't stop people. I celebrated my one year anniversary with my organization last week. I joined the organization with one guy. A married guy.

We're quite close, due to the fact that we came on board on the same day and have the same post. I knew the limitation of my friendship with him. He knew it too. I have even pick him up from his place a few times. Somewhere more accessible and near to his place to be exact. His wife sent him to our meeting place and waited until I reached the place. She knew I'm his colleague and single and has no problem with it.

One day a colleague conveyed to me that someone in my department has been asking around about our relationship. She remarked that 'the guy' can afford a second wife. I was ready to explode when I heard that. Excuse me!!! How about I take your husband instead? I could understand if this comes from another department. But we're in the same department where we joke around, fight and argue in the presence of everybody. How can anybody be mistaken?

People can be judgmental on the way you handle a certain situation too. You have done the best you can under the circumstances that only you understand, when suddenly someone come and criticize your decision. It is tiring sometimes. I wanna sigh and I want to use one line of the lyrics in the song sang by Siti last night... "oh kerana hati telah letih".

Of Maliau, Other Jungle Adventures, Hantu and Sampuk

I was about to go the bathroom last night when TV3 news showed a report on Maliau by Karam Singh Walia. I returned to stand in front of the TV and stared in awe as they show the waterfall, the dense forest, the flora and fauna and the interesting formation on the river. I wish I could be in one of the expedition.

This is better than the Amazon jungle that has always been painted with mystery and adventure in films. The Amazonian women, the lost city, the tribe who lives upside down, the hidden treasure and so on. But this is a lost world of our own. Imagine all the mysteries that can be found there. The treasures are all those rare species and beautiful sight.

Then my mom said, "Jangan pergi. Mak tak suka. Kalau dah kena sampuk nanti, susah!" Yeah, my mom and brother are here. They reached my place yesterday afternoon and will be staying for a few days. I remained silent as I always do when I don't want to agree or disagree. She repeated her words and I said, "Alaaa... hutan ni takder hantu. Orang jarang sampai kat sini. Hantu tak suka sebab tak dapat kacau orang." And she continued ranting about being possessed, finding a cure and stuff. Sigh!

I can see her point. I believe in the existence out-of-this-world-being. It has been mentioned in many places in the Qur'an. There are similar stories of people being possessed by out-of-this-world-being in many culture. Getting rid of 'it' is not an easy task.

But to not experience the beauty of nature for fear of being possessed is like not living our life to the fullest. It could happen, and it may not. Not everyone who goes into the jungle come out with a demon in their body and mind. I don't want to be a burden to my family though. If I am possessed, can the expedition group just leave me there in the jungle? Then I will not have to make anyone's life difficult.

This almost 32 years old lady did not need her mom's consent to go anywhere but I really want her blessing and support. Which I will not get if I am to go into any jungle :( Last time when I was studying, sometimes I would go to mountain climbing or jungle trekking trip without telling her. I will only inform her after I came back safely. Otherwise, she'll worry herself sick. I can do that then because there's no handphone. Back then parents have no way of contacting their children who are studying in the boarding school or universities. They could contact the warden or the university but that will only happen if there is an emergency in the family.

Nowadays, technology can be a bane. I can't disappear for a week without my mom noticing. We would call each other every 2-3 days. It could be longer like 3-4 days. If I go outstation, she called me every day. I know my mom loves me but I wish she can give me her blessings no matter what I do. I also blame all the snatch thieves, rapist and murderer who make us feel unsafe, who make parents worry incessantly about their children and who make people's life difficult.

Sometime last month, my brother Aie came to my apartment on Sunday night. He asked what happen with my handphone and house phone? Nothing is wrong with my handphone and house phone. He called my handphone and house phone in front of me and both didn't ring. He said my mom is worried sick about me because she can't reach me since afternoon. My other brother, Adik, SMSed me and there's no reply.

I checked my handphone, nothing is wrong. I immediately called my mom with it and tell her I have been staying at home the whole day and I did not receive my brother's SMS or any missed calls. Upon checking my house phone I heard an engaged tone (probably some problem with Telekom) but my Streamyx line was OK. So I have to listen while my mom rants about her worries. After calling her, I switched my handphone off and then on again. Only then all the missed call messages and SMSes came in. Probably because it has been some time since I last switch my handphone off. Kinda like Windows where you have to reboot every so often. But Nokia?

So you see, I can't disappear for a few days without my mom noticing. If the place has got phone coverage, it is less of a problem. I don't lie to my mom. I only didn't give her the whole information. I just don't want her to worry unnecessarily. But some of the places I wanna go are Belum-Temengor, Sg. Lembing, Kota Gelanggi, Mulu, Taman Negara and Maliau Basin. If only there are phone coverage there, and if only mom didn't ask, "kat rumah ker?"

I will let my brother Aie knows where I'm going if I'm not telling mom. He's more sporting. But he will also has to answer if mom contacted me and couldn't reach me. Sigh! Sigh! And sigh!

Sad Song

There are times when all I can hear are sad songs around me. Bereaved, melancholy, mournful songs. This is one of those times.

Nothing specific triggered it actually. Just one of those moments where sadness choose to rear its ugly head. The weather seems to be reflecting my feeling with its dull gray skies. I can’t even see any cloud with silver linings. Only plain gray sky as far as my eyes can see.

Among the events that amplify this forebodingness... the car gets so dirty with bird droppings even when parked away from the trees, and some imbecile moron thought scratching my car while chitchatting with their girlfriend / boyfriend is fun, the laksa at the stall is not ready when I feel a craving for it, and all the little things that didn’t go my way these past few days.

Things don’t happen without a reason. If I dig deeper in my heart, I might find it. Or, I probably knew the reason already but not willing to deal with it yet. Or could there be a bigger unknown reason? I hope I can snap out of it soon. I don’t like this feeling :(

Sesekali

Twice I heard this moving poem sang by Ras Adiba Radzi. The first time I couldn't get the singer and title. Luckily this morning I heard it and manage to Google and find the beautiful lyrics. The poem is originally written by Lim Swee Tin.

Sesekali, aptly describes what I felt sometimes. Only sometimes :) No matter how difficult meeting and letting go of someone is, it provides the colors to our life.

Sesekali, kalau ku kenangkan
Kita tidak seharusnya bertemu di pantai ini
Biar saja kita bertemu di dalam mimpi
Kerana hidup lebih indah di luar realiti

Sesekali kalau ku kenangkan
Biar saja kita tidak pernah bertemu di dalam mimpi
Kerana mimpi pun bukannya sebuah janji
Biar saja kau tak pernah ada
Kerana, kalaupun ada
Kau akhirnya kan pergi jua

This emotionally stirring poem was sang during one of the fund raising event for Tsunami victims.

Directly translated as below but I think it has lost its beauty.

Sometimes, when I think about it
We're not supposed to meet on this beach
Let us just meet in our dreams
Because life is better outside reality

Sometimes, when I think about it
Let us not meet even in our dreams
Because a dream is not a promise
Let you not exist
Because even if you do
You'll eventually leave.

Red

The many shades of red...

You Are Red Orange

You are a very genuine person, although it takes a while for you to show the true you. A bit introverted, you desire respect and affection from those close to you. You are quite empathetic, and you have a true concern for the well being of others. Many people have warm, heartfelt memories of you - even if you don't remember them well.

What Color Red Are You?