An article in
The Star last Saturday caught my attention. Its title, "
Single and Having a Ball 10 Good Reasons to Stay Single" by Dawn Goldsmith. I'm going to join the 'single lady in her 30s' category soon and there's a war within myself on what is human nature, what's prescribed in the Qur'an, what do I want for myself and my observation on married friends.
God created everything in pairs. Sky and earth, land and sea, night and day, male and female, etc. This is mentioned in the Qur'an,
Surah 78 (An-Naba') : Verse 8, "
And (have We not) created you in pairs". It is in human nature to find a partner (or more) in their life. Some on permanent basis, and for some, its short term. It is natural for almost every being on this planet to procreate or there wouldn't be any species left in this world. And for this, most species would need partners or the very least, spores from the male flowers (for plants of course). Aside from the need to sustain the survival of a particular species, there is also the emotional side to be considered. We need emotional support from our loved ones to live a meaningful life. It can be from their partners, friends or family members. And for some people, the need for emotional support from a partner is stronger than from friends and families. This is perfectly natural.
I believe almost every religion prescribed marriage to allow for procreation and fulfilling the human's emotional needs. In the Qur'an,
Surah 30 (Ar-Rum) : Verse 21,"
And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.". There are other verses specifically related to marriage but this one mentions the emotional side.
A mutual need (symbiotic relationship) is of course what everyone is looking for in a relationship. In the past, the husband is the provider for the family. The wife will do the household chores, cook and take care of the children. But in my personal opinion, the wife's contribution in farming for example, is normally overlooked. It seems like women in the olden days also perform multiple roles just like the modern day women. Except we don't call farming or tending to vegetable gardens or whatever they do to help their family a career. Anyway, everyone seems to accept the status quo at that time.
Come modern days, things changed more than slightly. Many people would question the so called 'symbiotic relationship' of a marriage now. Married men are enjoying the benefit of shared income, someone to clean up and cook for them to name a few. And women on the other hand, has the added burden of providing for the family aside from their traditional role. Most men are not able to support the family on their income alone at their desired standard of living. I've always wonder why when the wife has shared the responsibility of providing for the family, the husband didn't share the responsibilities of the women's traditional role. And we have seen an increasing cases where instead of being grateful for what the wife did, the husband will find a mistress or marry a second, third, fourth wife. Looks parasitic instead of a symbiotic now isn't it?
I've heard marriage horror stories from my mom's friend. And now that I have married friends, it's their horror stories that I'm listening too. Some people may point out that from all my married friends, only 10-20 percent has horror stories to tell. But who can assure me that the 80% will be blissfully married till death do us part? And the horror stories are not limited to a particular race or religion too.
Here is something from the article for us single ladies to ponder upon.
Ten Good Reasons to Stay Single
1. There's only one load of laundry to wash.
2. You get to be in charge of the remote control!
3. There's more room in the bed.
4. You can wear your grungiest sweats, forget the make-up and sing I Will Survive at the top of your lungs . . . and nobody minds.
5. The toilet seat stays down.
6. You can flirt shamelessly with any guy that comes your way . . . and get away with it.
7. You don't have to explain to anyone why it was absolutely necessary to buy that RM3,000 dress or those thigh-high leather boots.
8. The only mother you have to put up with is your own.
9. You can have male friends - and lots of them.
10. You don't have to worry about those few extra kilos.
Did you know?
A US survey found that the quality of a man's life improves when he gets married. Not so for women. When a woman ties the knot, the quality of her life declines. It seems old habits die hard - women still do the majority of housework, even though they may have just as demanding, if not more demanding, jobs than their spouses.
"In sickness and in health" is right! A recent British survey showed that the healthiest groups of people are single females. The sickest? Married women.
Other points highlighted by ladies interviewed in the article are:
"I can come home from a hard day at work and not have to bother about cooking dinner or cleaning up - I can just veg out, watch TV, eat junk food if I like.
"I don't have to worry about looking my best or being the perfect woman. It's wonderful!" says my friend Amy, who after two years in a difficult live-in relationship with her boyfriend, decided to cut loose and live the single life.
"Life gets so demanding. There I was with a full-time job and at the end of the day I still felt I had to cook dinner for my boyfriend. Even though he didn't expect that from me, I guess I'd been brought up to believe that women have to take care of their men. Now, living by myself, I can be totally selfish. There's something very comforting in that."
Women today are hoping to achieve a certain degree of economic freedom before they commit themselves to marriage. Financial independence is a safety net our mothers never had.
"When my mother was my age she was already married with three children. When I see how her life has become, I really don't want my life to be like that. She waits on my father. She doesn't seem to have her own life," says Jackie, a beautiful 28-year old advertising executive who loves her job, and enjoys her life to the fullest . . . without a boyfriend.
"I am realising that my 20s are about emotional growth and learning about myself. I am very wary of making the same mistakes my mother made. I honestly don't think I'm ready to be a wife or mother at the moment - that takes such a tremendous amount of commitment. And besides I'm having too much fun," she explains.
"And yes, I do get lonely sometimes, and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, especially when I see couples together. But then even married women or those in steady relationships get lonely and depressed."
Adds Jackie: "My closest girlfriend lives with her boyfriend, and she often complains to me that he has stopped being romantic and she feels taken for granted. So I think at this point in my life the advantages of being single far outweigh the disadvantages."
If anything, we have stronger role models today than ever before. While yesterday's role models may have been our stay-at-home mothers, today's icons are gorgeous and independent career women.
That's not to say that all women in relationships feel trapped and unhappy, but it does seem that those who are happiest in their relationships are those who chose to wait longer before making that commitment.
These are the women who have lived full lives as single women, who have taken opportunities in life and have had a great time doing it. They learned how to take care of themselves, how to make their own decisions - they have become well-balanced, healthy women in their own right.
Many look back on their single days with fond memories and wouldn't trade them for the world. Still others tremble with horror when they contemplate how different their lives might have been if they had married a lot younger. Being 30 and single is no longer the stigma it once was. These days women are realising that having a husband or boyfriend is not synonymous with "happily ever after".
Instead of playing the dutiful wife or the loyal girlfriend, women are establishing closer networks of friends, learning new skills and cultivating exotic hobbies.
They're all too busy to think about a relationship right now. In other words of my friend Pamela: "I'm 30, single . . . and having a ball!"
So is it better being single? It seems like marriage is a very high risk situation. As most people knew, the higher the risk, the greater the satisfaction if the outcome is as expected or better. But if the outcome falls way below our expectation, it would be disastrous. So, it would be better for women who choose to end our single life, to find someone whom we wouldn't mind to be sharing the burden of providing for the family and also doing the traditional women role (if the husband turned out to be not as expected in terms of roles and responsibilities). Right?? Now where do we find one that would fit that bill?
In a few hours, we'll bid farewell to 2003 and welcome 2004, full of hope for prosperity and happiness. Reflecting over things that has happened for the last 364++ days, today, I'm glad I've managed to get through an emotionally challenging times, discover some new friends, discover a few who don't deserve to be called a friend, and get in touch with long lost friends to name a few. Basically, I've learned many new things for the past one year. The experience may make me bitter and cynical in some ways, unforgiving to some people and feeling more content and sure of what I want in other ways. In other words, I've grown a lot. Hopefully, more mature to face new challenges ahead. 
The 3 things I would wish for if I have 3 wishes are:
Today didn't turn out quite as planned but it's not entirely bad. I bought a book entitled "
Oh God, I'm dying for a foot massage. It has been a really long day. Upon checking all my emails for the day, I discovered a disturbing email from one of my yahoogroup. I didn't realize a simple discussion can be construed as what Malaysians would term, "dropping one's water face". I'm tired and in no mood to make amends. I never meant to "drop anyone's water face". If what I thought as a healthy discussion is taken in the wrong way, too bad. This is no different from the many discussions we see in the blogs or any discussion group. There will always be someone who take things in the way it is not intended. I don't want to term this kind of people as close minded. I might make the same mistake too. For now, I'll just leave it as it is. 
Before I was adept at making 'correct marking' or 'tick' using my lefthand as it will be of a wrong side, I have to change hands whenever i have to make the correct angle tick mark. My right hand is still useful for that purpose. I don't have that problem anymore as I've practiced using my left. In another instance, my arabic class teacher forced me to use my right hand when writing on the board. Either she really thinks its not clean to use my left hand to write arabic letters or she just believes I can actually use my right hand. I managed to do it but all the characters are thick and big and look a bit like I'm writing 'khat' instead. Writing on blackboard was OK since the surface is rough and I can control my writing. Whiteboard's smooth surface poses another problem as my handwriting will look worse than that of doctors :)
Sigh! Why does this has to happened when you need to use something. See the latest notice from 
For instant ginger tea anytime, anywhere, now there's a powdered Ginger Tea with Honey from In-Comix. It tastes OK except for the strong Chinese herbs smell that might drive some people away. I'm OK with it though. Here is some info about ginger.
The scientific name of ginger is 'Zingiber officinale'. Among the common uses of ginger mentioned in 
Drive carefully at all times. Always think of your loved ones. Be responsible parents. Know what your children are doing. They might be playing with firecrackers and endangering their lives and others. 
28.2% (Strawberry)
35.9% (Banana)
4.5% (Pear)