Nikmat Islam - Blessings of Islam

Dah 11 hari Abah left us. Just few days ago, a high school friend lost her husband. Heart attack while he was cycling. I felt shocked and bewildered by the news. I can't imagine her feelings. No one is ready to lose their loved ones. Then, another cycling friend lost his son due to dengue. The son just got married end of Dec. Again, who would imagine losing someone like that. Yesterday a uni friend lost her MIL who passed away peacefully while asleep. Sigh! I felt the sadness because the pain of losing Abah is still so fresh. Otherwise, it would be just a prayer of Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi rajiuunnn... and moved on with my life. I felt the need to share the points below because Islam has a way to manage loss and sadness... Jannah.

Nikmat Islam

1) Nikmat mengetahui kehilangan yang dialami ialah sementara. Sedih duka pun sementara. Kehidupan kekal ialah di akhirat. Semua yang kita sayang akan jumpa di sana insyaAllah. Dengan syarat... cari syurga Allah.

Bayangkan mereka yang tidak tahu atau tidak percayakan hari akhirat yang kekal... yang sedih kehilangan tersayang dan disitulah pengakhirannya.

2) Nikmat mengetahui kesusahan hidup di dunia adalah sementara. Segala apa yang kurang di dunia ini, semoga akan dapat yang lebih baik di akhirat. Syarat... redha dan usaha.

Bayangkan ada yang tak tahu semua ini akan putus asa dengan kesusahan kehidupan. Cara mudah melarikan diri ialah bunuh diri.

* jadi bersyukurlah diberi nikmat menjadi orang Islam. Bukan semua org dapat dengan mudah.

The Blessings of Islam

1) The blessing of knowing the loss we experienced is temporary. The grief and sadness is temporary. Our eternal life is in the Hereafter. Everything that we love God willing will be there. Provided... seek ways to get into Allah's paradise.

Imagine those who do not know or do not believe in the eternal hereafter... the sadness of losing loved ones, that is the end.

2)  Blessing of knowing the hardships of life in this world is temporary. All that is lacking in this world, will be much better in the afterlife. Provided... acceptance and make effort.

Imagine those who do not know all this would be discouraged by difficulties of life. An easy way out is suicide.

* So be grateful to be given the blessings of Islam. Not everyone got it easily.

Abah (28 Jul 1949 - 18 Jan 2017)

Whenever people say appreciate your parents while they are still around, it didn't have real impact until you really lose them. Abah has met his Creator. It was very sudden. Doctor said he has extensive stroke. Why would abah has stroke? Abah jaga makan and jaga badan. He went for walks in the morning. He still works to avoid boredom. I'd say he's lucky the company he worked for trust him to work at his age and abah can choose the job he wanted... ikut kemampuan diri.

The last I saw abah was a month ago when he visited me at the hospital. He wanted to visit again after I was discharged but his car broke down. I told my stepmom it's OK. I'll visit them when I've fully recovered. I had a prolonged coughing... more than a month. Sometimes my asthma got a bit worse I had to take neb. The extreme weather change didn't help. The week and weekend I felt fully recovered I went cycling, hiking and became support car for hubby and our cycling team. I felt tired being unhealthy. I wanted to do things I always do and felt normal again. That's the weekend abah became unconscious. He never woke up, in a coma till his dying breath :( We didn't have the chance to say anything to him.

Visited abah at emergency the next day. Didn't know what to expect. Tak terlintas langsung stroke puncanya. Still hoping abah akan bangun. The same day after we visited him, abah got transferred to High Dependency ward. The next day on my way to the hospital dapat message doktor pakar nak jumpa semua adik beradik. That's when we found out he has extensive stroke. Bahagian belakang otak, sebelah kiri dan atas... banyak tempat yang sel otak dah mati. Bahagian tu akan membengkak dan affect sel2 otak yang masih OK. Tak banyak yang doctor boleh buat other than prolonging the situation with breathing device. All I want was for Abah to experience the least pain possible. Doktor kata kalau tak guna breathing machine least stress on patient kerana tiada benda yang sangkut dan stuck dalam tekak. His words, "takder orang pun yang suka macam tu". We agreed to take the machine out with a condition that we can accompany him all the time. The doctor agreed to allow 2 at a time.

I felt sort of happy abah boleh bernafas sendiri. With difficulty at first...macam ada lendir dalam tekak. Bila nurse dah tinggikan lagi katil he sounded much better. Kami bergilir baca yasin, berzikir dan syahadah di telinga abah. I Ieft some time after Isyak. Adik2 lelaki ada untuk jaga abah malam. At midnight, nurse tak bagi kami masuk. They will call us kalau perlu. The next day I decided to go after Zohor prayer. Surau jauh juga. Habis masa juga menapak pergi dan balik the day before. I wanted to stay later that day. Itu perancangannya.

Bila sampai terasa badan abah panas. Ada bawak air dan tuala kecik. Sapukan kain basah ke bibir abah, lapkan air matanya, lap muka dan tuam dahi. Hari sebelum tu level spo2 dekat machine masih tinggi. Dalam 90+ - 80+. When I arrived it hovers around 60+. Baca syahadah di telinga abah beberapa kali. Baca yasin sekali sampai habis. Noticed ada 2 orang nurse hovering near abah's bed. Baca syahadah lagi di telinga abah. Pada masa yang sama tengok bacaan oksigen makin menurun dengan cepat. Minta adik bacakan syahadah di telinga abah. I bacakan yasin lagi sekali. Nurse minta semua keluarga yang menunggu diluar cepat2 masuk. Masing2 tak dapat menahan tangisan. Terasa selfish tak nak abah pergi secepat ni tapi pada masa yang sama tak nak abah tersiksa. Bagaimana agaknya sakaratul maut untuk orang yang koma. We wished he can hear the syahadah. We wished Allah permudahkan semuanya untuk abah. Doktor sahkan abah dah takder pukul 3.46 ptg, 18 Jan 2017.

Syukur pada Allah diizinkan untuk bersama abah disaat2 terakhirnya. Dapat bacakan yasin, dapat pegang tangan abah walaupun berselirat dengan wayar, dapat cium dahi abah. One of my brother tinggalkan sekejap sebab ayah kawan baik meninggal. He made it back masa pengebumian. Pasti terasa sedih. Ini semua bahagian masing2. I wasn't there masa FIL meninggal. Situasi hampir sama. Macam ada harapan so decided to go for my training. Tapi tak lama lepas tu diberitahu babah dah takder. Went back immediately tapi sampai lepas pengebumian. Urusan pengebumian abah cepat. Jiran abah ada yang kerja di bahagian forensik. He came and make all the necessary calls. We handled the document, payment apa2 yang patut dan jenazah pun cepat dapat dimandikan. Jenazah dibawa ke rumah sekejap. Dapat cium dahi abah buat kali terakhir. Dalam setengah jam je di rumah. Atau pun tak sampai setengah jam. Yang penting anak-beranak dan cucu2 semua ada dan dapat tengok. Kemudian cepat2 dibawa ke surau untuk solat jenazah, then ke kubur. Hujan rintik2 petang tu. Ramai jiran2, sedara mara mana yang sempat, rakan2 sekerja dan bos abah pun ada. Masa adik cakap terima kasih pada semua yang hadir... kalau ada hutang arwah tuntut dari waris... masa tu azan maghrib berkumandang. Semoga abah diberi rahmat Allah di alam barzakh pula. Terasa nikmat Islam. Kehilangan abah sementara jer. Alam akhirat lebih kekal untuk kita semua. Sedih sekarang kerana rindukan dia tapi akan berjumpa lagi di sana.

Abah is relatively healthy. Ada lah sakit lutut which is normal for people his age. There are many things I wish I do differently. I wanted to grieve for losing him so soon. Tapi bersyukur dengan nikmat Islam. What I can't do for him while he's around, I hope I can make it up dengan menjadi anak yang mendoakan kesejahteraannya di alam kubur dan buat amal yang memberikan pahala berpanjangan untuk abah.

Rasulullah saw pun merasa sakitnya sakaratul maut. The fact that abah pergi dengan banyak urusan dipermudahkan memberi harapan buat anak2 yang abah is in a better place dan tergolong dalam golongan orang yang diredhai Allah. Semoga semua dosanya diampunkan. Setiap kehilangan yang dilalui, terasa sakitnya. Nothing can prepare you for it. When I lose Adly, I thought nothing can be worse than that. Then I lose my FIL, a dear friend and now abah... its painful every time.

Malam semalam dah malam ke-3 abah takder. Di surau ada buat tahlil. Di rumah abah pun 2 malam buat tahlil dan semalam bacaan Yasin. Memang dah tahu pendapat kebanyakan ulama. Tapi majlis dibuat untuk menggembirakan hati ahli keluarga. Nak puaskan hati my stepmom. Bila ramai2 tak terasa sangat kesedihannya.

I'll miss you abah. Semoga abah tenang di sana. Semoga I can do enough for you while I still can. Please Allah show him taman2 syurga while waiting for the final day. Today also marks 3rd year Adly's gone.

Abah and Adly... dalam kenangan 😢

Adly's 3

Last Sunday, Adly turns 3. Is it really just 3 years ago? It felt like ages. I didn't forget last Sunday. A silent memory. Went out with a friend for a drink. She brought her daughter who's about the same age as Adly. I remember visiting her during her confinement. So he's supposed to be that big. Tonight, I'm thinking of my last moment in this world. Hoping it'll be in the best of circumstances... husunul khatimah. Sigh! Not enough preparation for that day. Day in, day out... lalai... lalai... lalai... asyik sibuk dengan urusan dunia. Bukannya urusan yang best pun. Hidangan manusia yang tak sama common sense dengan kita, yang sebar maklumat tak reti nak semak dulu, yang tulisan2 di media sosial membangkitkan perasaan geram dengan kebodohan manusia, kerakusan manusia, dan mcm2 lagi yang tak best dan tak penting. OMG and ter-layan benda2 tak berfaedah ni. Tapi ada hati nak jadi ahli syurga, nak kubur yang terang dan berjalan di padang mahsyar dengan senang-lenang. Hai Adly... kesian ummi awak ni. Ok... let's take a pause on self-deprecating thoughts. Syaitan likes that. No matter how bad things may seem, there's always hope for Allah's mercy.

Jangan kau risaukan masalah dunia, kerana semuanya milik Allah...
Jangan kau risau tentang rezeki kerana ia seluruhnya dari Allah...
Jangan pula kau risau soal masa depan, kerana itu semua di 'tangan' Allah....
Tetapi jadikanlah kerisauanmu hanya pada :
"bagaimana engkau berbuat Allah redha kepadamu...."
~ Sheikh al 'allamah Mutawalli as Sya'rawi rahimahullah ~

Kisah 'Tolong'

Pernah tak berlaku A minta tolong B. Kemudian B suruh arah C untuk menyampaikan hajat A macam babu jer. Kalau nak minta tolong pun tak kena cara, tak fikir susah payah masa, tenaga dan wang ringgit C tu berbaloi ker tidak. Bukannya penting mana pun. Awak yang dah setuju nak tolong orang, awak lah yang berusaha untuk tolong kan. Jangan lah dibabukan orang lain pulak. Nak cakap pun tak reti dengan orang yang takder common sense. Diam jer lah.

Memang memudahkan urusan orang tu InsyaAllah dimudahkan urusan kita. So by all means, mudahkan lah MY urusan. There are times when my emotion just can't handle request like this. More like an order than a request actually. I still can't get over "the order". Soooo... unacceptable. Jangan suruh orang buat apa yang awak tak nak buat. Kalau mudah, awak pun dah boleh datang jer. Reti pun jauh, susah, payah, letih, penat. Dia jer ker yang reti rasa semua tu? Anyway, I've learnt that common sense orang can be stupid sense pada kita.

Dari buat sesuatu secara terpaksa dan tak ikhlas, maki hamun berpanjangan dalam hati, baiklah lupakan saja. I can't control others. I can just control my response and be at peace with it.

New Year 2017

It has been few days into the new year. This year sambut New Year with whole family in PD bersama dengan hubby's company family day. Dapatlah gambar fireworks sendiri. Dalam keadaan batuk2, sempat juga satu family panjat bukit batu putih.

Last year around this time I wasn't feeling well jugak. Masa tu sneezes and stuffed nose yang berpanjangan till I decided to go to specialist clinic at the hospital. This year, it's coughing and phlegm. Feels like never ending since hospitalized in early December. Ingatkan badan boleh recover sendiri. Nampaknya kena ke klinik juga lah. Dah rasa ridiculous pulak tak baik2 and phlegm's getting thicker and difficult to cough it out. Despite my health condition, cuba jugak short hike and non strenuous cycling. Ada banyak travel plan this year. Must get healthier.

Antara highlights of last year's event:-
- touring trip... satu accomplishment yang sangat best
- janamanjung cycling event... my first long distance cycling event. Walaupun naik lori but total mileage 106km lah jugak.
- kampar majesty ride... kayuh dengan hubby, around 65km.
- pengalaman candat sotong
- berjaya sampai ABC 4130m dengan practice panjat bukit2an :)
- unplanned trip to Japan... really wonderful getaway
- certified to conduct TTT for psmb
- many more small moments with big effect

Ada juga peristiwa2 yang menjerut perasaan. Semoga tak perlu lagi tempuhi pengalaman yang macam ni. We always have a choice and I'll choose what makes me happy. Bunyi macam senang tapi bukan sesuatu yang mudah. Kebahagiaan yang dicari ialah kebahagiaan dunia akhirat. Kena tentukan situasi mana yang lebih baik untuk akhirat. Alhamdulillah buat masa ni, keadaan dan situasi semasa adalah stabil.

So semoga diri ini jadi lebih  baik sempena tahun baru. Keadaan ekonomi adalah mencabar. Tapi rezeki datang dari Allah. Semoga dipermudahkan urusan dalam kehidupan dunia dan menjadi kebaikan untuk kehidupan akhirat.