Blunders

Scene: During lunch at the pantry. You read that right. Lunch!

Some background information: We rarely had the opportunity to mingle and socialize with people from other units even though we're on the same department and same floor, separated just by our cubicles. Each unit will pretty much work and socialize just among themselves. Pantry is one place where we socialize or tries to socialize with people from other units.

Cast: Blunderer (you just have to accept this as a word) and yours truly.

Blunder Bangang 1
Blunderer: Bila balik Penang?
Me: Bila plak I jadi orang Penang?
(I immediately feel like I don't want to talk to her. How typical and she probably thought she has make the most brilliant deduction ever.)

Blunder Bangang 2
Blunderer: Balik mana raya?
Me: Dekat sini jer. Family kat sini.
Blunderer: Dua-dua family kat sini ker?
(It took me a while to digest what she meant. Ohhh... 'dua-dua' is referring to my non-existent spouse. Luckily someone else interrupted our conversation and I just leave the question unanswered even after the interruption ends.)

Lessons learnt: Never assume anything and make yourself look stupid and annoys other people.

Extra remarks: Luckily I was not fasting or else my 'pahala' would shrink to the level of non-existence with all the thoughts about her going through my head.

I Don't Get It

Tudung Wardina is fine with me. Tudung Bienda is also fine with me. Tudung Waheeda is fine with me too. Wardina, Bienda and Waheeda are pretty faces in our music and entertainment industry that look good in tudung.

But I don't quite get Tudung Erra Fazira because Erra is not wearing any tudung. Since I don't follow all her movies, probably she's wearing one in one of her movies. So the sellers name a tudung after her. If that is not the case, I don't know what are the basis of using her name for the tudung .

But even worse than that are Selendang Mawi Original, Selendang Mawi, Tudung Mawi 1, Tudung Mawi 2. Now, I'm sure Mawi never wears one. I got nothing against the tudung 's name actually but I find it ridiculous because I can't really explain what I want to the shopkeeper. I saw a tudung style I like but the design and color is not really to my liking. So I ask the sales girl what is this tudung style called. She told me it is 'Selendang Aisyah'.

Then I went to another shop, I saw the tudung with the same pattern but this time, it is called 'Selendang Mawi'. Then when I walk around some more, other sales girls called out to me and show a different style of 'Selendang Mawi'. In another shop, the similar selendang is called 'Selendang Sarimah'. Now I'm confused though the 'Selendang Sarimah' sounded more logical because she's wearing one. I continued walking and saw two signs, 'Tudung Mawi 1', 'Tudung Mawi 2' and all of them have different styles. Sigh! I'm sure even Mawi's fiancé didn't wear the Mawi tudung or selendang.

I stop mentioning the name of the scarves but instead describe the style to every salesperson selling the scarves whether they have some in the stock. Sometimes I'm too lazy to look around for myself. Finally, I bought one but don't ask me what it is called.

Ramadhan and Discovered Dreams

*Warning: A long and boring entry but I wanted to record this for personal future reading. Who knows I might forget about this part of my life in 2-3 years to come.

Muslims are allowed to leave office at 5 p.m. so ever since Ramadhan started, I've always leave office at 5 sharp. The time I reached home varies between 5.45 to 6.30 depending on the traffic jam. If I'm not mistaken, I've only bought food for Iftar once. At other times, I cooked my meals. I started cooking immediately when I reached home. Sometimes the dishes are ready by Iftar time, sometimes I've to continue cooking after breaking fast with some fruits and plain water.

After prayer, I'd do some work until about 11.30. I'll wake up for Sahur between 4.30 to 5.00 a.m. Once or twice I almost missed Sahur but still managed to reheat the food and eat something at supersonic speed because I woke up at 5.15. Then I'll continue doing my work before Subuh prayer and then get ready to go to office.

I reached office very early this Ramadhan month so I'll continue doing my work. If I have no training, I'll only stop for prayers and not take a nap at lunchtime like many did. If I have a training to conduct, I'll take a 20-30 minutes nap during lunchtime. I needed the rest as I have to talk, stand and walk around for about 6-7 hours.

Once I was too tired to open my eyes after Isya' prayers I decided to sleep. Then I woke up at 2 a.m. and continue preparing some training materials. I did not sleep right up to 11.30 p.m. I think that is a record for me. Sometimes we surprised ourselves when we're under pressure.

Today, I decided to stay at home and being able to enjoy doing the mundane things people do at home like washing the clothes and cleaning the house. That is relaxing. Cleaning the house IS therapeutic. I even cleaned the ceiling fan. You should see me armed with haze mask and wet clothes, standing on a chair and clean the fan. The mask would prevent me from accidentally inhaling any allergens and triggers non-stop sneezing that would spoil my weekend. I thought I felt cooler air from the fan, without the dirt and grime. Or could it be because it has been cloudy and then it rains almost the whole late afternoon right up to dusk today?

I've worked like a zombie these past few days. I've not think about Kuih Raya, Baju Raya, Langsir Raya and anything Raya. Any thoughts I have is about the trainings, what to cook for Iftar and making sure I wake up for Sahur or I'll have a tough time talking and standing for 6-7 hours during training.

Tomorrow, finally, I'll go Raya shopping with mom. My brother wants to tag along so he can make sure we did not overspend. And probably as a bodyguard too just in case some disturbance happened at Jalan TAR again. As for the over spending, he did not have to worry. Not that I have the money to spend. As for being a bodyguard, I have no problem. He can carry our things hehehe... The 'no money' thought got me thinking. I love doing what I'm doing. I mean my work. But I'm not making that much money as compared to the time I spent working. Does that mean you won't make much money doing things you like? Sigh! I know many people has proven me wrong so what did I do wrong here?

This thought has been in my subconscious for a few days. Some kids program on TV triggered it. I did not watch the kids program but heard their discussion while leaving the TV on as I go about preparing meals or doing other things. I don't exactly remember the conversation but I remember thinking about my dreams or non-existent dreams after listening to their dialogue. I did write about not having dreams anymore but have many interests quite some time back. I was wrong. I think I have suppressed all my dreams because of responsibility to family and being side tracked by other things when I started working. It could also be because I thought the dream is unachievable. Sometimes being logical and rational did not help. We'd ignore crazy ideas that may make unachievable dreams come true.

But now that the kids program has triggered some memories of long forgotten dreams, I started to remember the many dreams I once have. Luckily, it is not too late for me to pursue them. I've proven to myself again and again that I can get what I want when I want it hard enough. It may take some time, it may take a longer route, but InsyaAllah I'll achieve it one day :)

I'm not ready to share my dreams yet. I'll keep them private for the time being. I just want to share how thinking about them can make me smile. We can only plan and hopefully we'll succeed. If life have something else for us, it is fine too as long as we've tried. If we hope good luck to find us, that might not happen until our next life. What bothers me before is I don't think I want anything. So besides pursuing my many interests, I have nothing else to look forward to. Now that I remembered, I must make plans. So, I'll end today's entry with another smile :)

Second Birthday

This date, two years ago, I started blogging. I really can't believe it. I never thought my blog would last this long because I normally have a short attention span on any hobbies. Blogging can't be called a hobby anymore because people take up hobbies in their spare time. Most bloggers I knew eat, sleep, walk, breathe and everything with their blog. Maybe I should rephrase that. What I meant by 'bloggers I knew' is I visited their blogs and read their thoughts. I haven't met many bloggers because I'm more comfortable being an anonymous in a virtual world. Come to think of it, I'm an anonymous in the real world too but that's another story.

Unlike some bloggers, I didn't really make friends with fellow bloggers. The relationship (if any) remains in the virtual world. I've seen better blogs than mine appearing and disappearing in the blogging scene. I'm not in the same league with the famous bloggers but I hold it on my own. It HAS been two years now. I didn't get many comments but I see I have a steady stream of visitors everyday. I wonder who they are and why they keep coming even when I let my blogs being cobwebbed sometimes. The few people who would comment on my blog has disappeared too since I've been too busy to blog hop and drop comments in my favorite blogs lately. It is OK. It is nice to get feedback but not having any doesn't mean I'll stop writing. It also means I have less pressure to drop by at their blogs to comment. I really can't help it. When I'm busy, I really am busy.

It is definitely easier to maintain a blog than a relationship. I can leave my blog for weeks or months and it will not complaint when I started writing again. I can complaint about the world, the work, as much as I can too and the blog will just accept it. Not a squeak, not a word. I've been wondering too how is it if I'm in a relationship or have a family and have to work like I do right now. Anyway, since I'm in neither, I'll just let that thought pass. I have a choice to leave the apartment in a mess, the laundry basket overflowing, the dishes in the sink, the hairs on the floor (I shed hairs like a cat) and I appreciate every minute of it.

I do not have to live up to anyone's expectation. I can be serious, I can be boring, I can be selfish and I can be a bit*h too. It's wonderful to have a blog :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG :)

While I'm making some time to blog today, I'd like to wish everyone Ramadhan Mubarak and Happy Fasting.

Thinking Of You

I miss someone so much lately. He could be an important part of my life once but I choose not to let it happen. I thought I was doing the right thing for my sake but now I'm not sure of my own reasoning anymore. He's been out of my life for months and I was fine. I thought about him once in a while but not like this. It has been weeks and I can't stop thinking about him. I really can't explain it but I'll try. Sometimes a song, or a smell of food, or an atmosphere of a place can trigger some memories. In my case, when I remembered some thing, I'm reminded of him. But the things that trigger my feelings can be any thing. And anything really means any thing. Not limited to the things that we've done together.

The mysterious thing is, I haven't really been thinking about him for months and now suddenly, out of the blue, I can't get him out of my head. A friend suggested the 'mandrem' thing but I'm still sane so I'm gonna rule that out. By 'sane' I mean I haven't contacted him yet and haven't thrown myself at his feet. Another friend suggested that probably I thought of him so much because he's thinking of me too. That sounded much better but even though that's sweet, I don't really believe it either. Imagine you like someone and kept thinking of him or her and that feeling is not reciprocated because he/she have no idea of how you felt, so even though you're thinking of them and hoping that they're thinking of you but they didn't right! Sigh!

I'm still thinking of what I should do with this feelings. I've been busy. I still am. I have four training classes to conduct this month and I don't have the luxury of missing someone. I need all the time I can get to prepare my materials. Then what am I doing writing this entry huh. Another sigh!