End of 2011

I didn't really keep track of days and dates these past few days. I only bother about how many weeks pregnant I am. It feels as if the world stop for a while since I experienced heavy nausea and vomiting. I thought yesterday is 31st and wonder why didn't anyone in FB mentioned about new year. Today, I looked at the dates on my handphone. Owhh... it's today. The world didn't stop moving. Everyone goes on with their lives and things happen... unexpected things. My adorable 1++ yo nephew passed away. His funeral was yesterday. Everyone was shocked. Who would have thought a bubbly little boy playing energetically at MIL's place over the weekend would not be around the next day. I played with him a few days ago at SIL's place. Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi rajiuun... I hope SIL will be strong. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her and her family.

As for me, a day means something when I managed to hold some food down. My gynae gives me something to help prevent vomiting. I still throw up but managed to hold most of the food down. On the day I tried to go without the Dimenhydrinate, I throw up mercilessly. Yesterday, I ate some rice and cabbage cooked in coconut milk. A small victory when I didn't throw up. Then, I managed to hold down fish fillet burger. I throw up a bit in the evening but it is not the gut churning kinda throw up. I just didn't dare eat anything after that. Today, I managed to eat something too. I wanted to throw up just now but I lie down for a while to rest. It passed. I hope it will hold till much later. That is success for me these days.

I've been drinking coconut juice whenever I can to prevent from dehydration. I've heard many version of some who say those in first trimester can't drink coconut juice as it might cause miscarriage and another version that says it's good. I go with the latter. Logic tells me I need all the nutrients in the coconut juice just like when I get diarrhea. If people say pineapple is not good, my logic tells me it makes sense since it is acidic. But coconut juice not good... my logic doesn't seem to agree with that. Anyway, I hope everything will be OK for me this time.

Yesterday, I felt pain at my lower abdomen. When pressed, the abdomen felt very hard. Today no lower abdominal pain. I just thought my tummy looks larger. It could just be my feelings. It is going to grow larger anyway. I just thought a pregnant woman who looked pregnant got more sympathies than those who didn't look pregnant yet. I did feel a bit weird going for the seat allocated for pregnant ladies expecting someone to tell me off. Whatever it is, I just can't wait to feel much better, have more energy and have better appetite. So there goes the end of 2011 with ramblings about my pregnancy.

For the new year, I'm hoping for better me... I'm gonna be a mother... and good things for our big family. Hubby's worried there's no new projects now. I'm sure things will get better insyaAllah. Next year, companies would have new budget for new projects whether there's election or not. Rezeki comes from Him. I hope I'd be able to conduct some training to prepare for baby's arrival financially. I still have some pending payment to take us through for few more months. Ohhh.. and my Master's class will begin next weekend. Sigh! Can't wait to see my classmates... can't say the same for the potential workload though. OK... here's signing off for 2011.

Normal.... Not

This past 2-3 weeks has been really tough. Nausea and vomiting is the order of the day. Morning, noon, evening, night sickness. When I thought those has subsided, it returned with a vengeance. I can't seem to hold down anything that I managed to eat. Eating something is difficult enough... and then throwing it up again and again till there's nothing left... sigh! I can't seem to stomach rice much now. The only thing that I can eat this past few days is Yong Tau Foo Soup. Then, I can't bring myself to eat it anymore. Now, I'm at a lost of what to eat. Milk & yogurt is also out for now. The thing is, whatever I can stomach became the opposite when I throw up after eating them. I can't wait for my appetite to return to normal. I lost weight when I saw my gynae last week. Baby seems OK Alhamdulillah.

I truly didn't expect things to be this bad. And then friends started to share they experience the same thing up to 5-6 months. Really? I do hope I get better after the first trimester. What I do expect though, is a more caring hubby. Asking how I am ever so often, sympathize or pretend to sympathize with my condition, tapau food if I'm too weak to eat out, ask if there's anything I feel like eating despite not much appetite, make sure I eat before I get too hungry and nausea kicks in.... and things like that. What's not in the list are washing dishes and clothes, cooking, hang and fold laundry, clean house... but I truly appreciate when hubby did some of the household chores. I still managed to do the most urgent chores slowly. I have to choose my daily battle carefully.

Tonight I do feel like going out for a while. I've been cooped up at home when hubby's not around. I thought maybe I could try McD's small chicken porridge or KFC's whipped potato for dinner. But, I have to settle with some biscuits as dinner. Hope things get better tomorrow.

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8 Weeks

This is baby's latest photo, at 8 weeks. Alhamdulillah baby is still fine and doing well despite some bleeding last time. No more bleeding and I hope it stayed that way till delivery. I still have no appetite most of the time. On rare occasion, like last night, I felt like having kabsah lamb. So hubby took me at 'the' place for kabsah lamb which I enjoyed thoroughly.

However, upon reaching home I felt the now common nausea. I thought we're not suppose to feel nauseous when I'm full. I thought wrong. After awhile, it subsided allowing me to sleep. But not for long. At around 2 am, I woke up with a heartburn. Warm soy bean milk, warm water, some ointment, nothing works. I think I finally fell asleep after 4 am. I'm still feeling the heartburn now and it's late afternoon already. I also throw up badly just now. Sigh!!! I wonder how long will I have to go through this. Hopefully just the first trimester. I have training scheduled mid January.

Whatever it is, as long as baby is OK, everything is bearable. Take care little one. Be strong for ummi :)

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About Failure

What did I say about failure? It is difficult to remain positive after several failures. Thomas Edison can blow up 1001 bulb, Colonel Sanders can knock on 1000 doors, the Wright brothers can try so many times till they succeeded on building a plane that could fly... but it is not the same with getting pregnant. I got my second injection a few days ago. There is still some bleeding. Yesterday, quite a lot compared to all the others days before. Today, not so bad but there's a small blood clot. I've been sniffling and sneezing whole day today too so my mood is not so good. Hubby is not good at playing nurse. What is the status of the baby? Unknown. I'm in ACCEPTANCE mode. Whatever will be, will be. Probably with a little detachment, it won't be so painful and difficult in case of any untoward incidents.