On Bandaged Knee

I'm on bandaged knee (purposely written so it sounds like "I'm on bended knee" *grin*). Putting on pants is a torture, lifting my legs to go up the stairs is really painful and it is the same when I have to get into or get out from the car. Even shifting between clutch and brake has me gritting my teeth. I used to say driving an auto car 'tak macho lah' :D Now I wish I were driving one. Any activity that requires lifting my left leg up will see me grimacing in pain. This is what's written on the instruction sheet of Futuro Spiral Lift Knee Support I just bought.

... designed to give reassuring support to weak knee. It can help repair injured ligaments and other tissues by taking some of the strain off the joint.... Those who stand on their feet for long hours may find it helps them to avoid knee pain and stiffness...

This has been a very busy year for me. I have the highest number of training days among my peers this year. Despite my complaints about aching feet, I enjoyed the whole experience. Things get better the second half of the year. I got my wish to travel and I don’t have materials to prepare anymore since it has been taken care of at the beginning of the year. Only few updates now and then are required. That doesn’t mean I’ve not been busy with other things when I’m not conducting training though. Very rarely I feel like I have the time to get bored at work. For 2007, my calendar is already full with trainings up to April.

Normally, my painful feet can be cured with foot massage. At the very least, a good night's sleep. I didn't really expect this knee pain. I can't even remember when it begins but it really affected me on Christmas day. I have a vague recollection of feeling similar pain on and off during some of my trainings for the past few weeks but it must have not been so obvious that I can just ignore it. It got worse and worse since Christmas, despite the Deep Heating Rub and minyak angin, and I don't think I can drive at all yesterday. My brother had to send me to office. And the trip to the panel clinic had the doctor asked me about any history of arthritis. Arthritis? Me?

The doctor rubbed some ointment and put on a cheap bandage. I'm allergic to most painkillers so he can't give me any. I don't really want painkillers anyway. I want to know what's wrong and cure it. Not just lessen its pain. He mentioned the possibility of OA (Osteoarthritis). Sounds very medical and quite frightening to me. Not to mention, the article on OA mentions it normally begins after 45 for women. Yikes!!!! Could this be the work hazard of people doing my job that I have to face? Or is it something else altogether. Colleagues mentioned the possibility of gout which is not any better than OA. Sigh!

I hope these few days rest and Kinohimitsu can heal my knee. Otherwise, I fear of the unknown. Anyway, wishing everyone a Happy New Year!

Rewind: Sungai Sarawak

Whenever I look at Sungai Sarawak, the Sri Sarawak tune would be playing in my head and I'd wonder how it has inspired the song and lyric writer to come up with such a beautiful song. The beautiful verses reflecting the legendary river and touching the hearts of people missing their loved ones.

Sayang Sarawak sungainya luas
Banyak perahu pergi seberang
Sekali pandang rasa tak puas
Hati merindu terkenang-kenang


Some pictures of Sungai Sarawak below.

About Love

This is not a review about 'Cinta' the movie but just my observation about love in general. It can be sweet and easy or quiet but deep or even like a roller coaster ride. No matter how it is, love is the greatest gift one can ever have. Sometimes it comes at a great price. It can also be an elusive thing to some people you'd wonder why some are worthy of this gift called love and some don't.

Some may have experienced it and know how it feels to be in love but they may put different rules on other people. For example, parents who disagree with their children's choice of potential spouse or the public on some celebrity's choice of their life partner.

You can't choose who you fall in love with or things would have been easier for everybody. You may like someone but the feelings is not reciprocated and someone may like you but no matter how hard you try, you can't love them back the way they want it.

"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE."

Probably some of you have a long list of criteria your future wife or husband should have. Chances are, for those who are already married, not many of your spouses fulfill all your criteria. You can like someone for no reason whatsoever, no matter what's on your list.

It's funny listening to stories like he's a breast man but ended up with someone whose posterior is more well endowed than the chest :) Or; she doesn't like someone who snores but ended up with someone who snores like a train and she couldn't sleep when the 'train' is not around.

Movies like to use the 'triangle love' theme. The 'interferer' would be portrayed with many negative values to get the audience to side with the hero or heroin in the story. The 'good' party would be very kind and gentle and wouldn't hurt a single soul, even the 'interferer'. Or, if the 'interferer' were nice, he or she would end up with someone else at the end of the movie and all the couples would live happily ever after.

Things are not that simple in real life. The 'interferer' may have true feelings, whose heart could be hurt and broken to pieces. But most people have dictated that if you're the 'interferer', there is a different set of rules when it comes to the matters of the heart. Leave! Easy for most of us to give that advice until when we're in that position ourselves.

Anyway, I truly believe time heals all wounds. Maybe by the time it heals, you may have to learn how it is to love again since you have forgotten how to act or what to do when you love someone. There may be scars but it will still heal. If Romeo and Juliet, or Laila and Majnun didn't die; if Shah Jehan was not imprisoned, they could probably find another love.

Is love all you need? There's the sacrifice, the give and take, the financial considerations, the in-laws and outlaws :D, the skeleton in the closet and many other parameters in the equation. Maybe love IS all you need. But then again, maybe not. What do I know about love anyway.

There are parents who love their children but couldn't let their children live their own life and make their own mistakes; there are people who claim they love someone but won't let him or her do what they want in life; there are children who said they love their parents but couldn't find the time to spend with them.

I think I can go on and on about my observations on love. Love is a gift. It may come in different packages - nice wrapper with ribbons, old newspaper with raffia ropes, gift bags with candies and flowers or the supermarket plastic bag :) No matter how it is, we should appreciate the loves in our life the best way we can. Just remember for some people, love is an elusive thing. Like a priceless gem that one can't afford or not worthy to have.

Rewind: Sarawak Cultural Village

I reached KL last night after a week in Kuching. I went to Sarawak Cultural Village last Wednesday. It was raining lightly that morning but tourist normally don't have a choice. You should just go and do whatever you wanna do because time is not on your side. I was actually in the middle of training sessions. There's a break in the middle of the week so I decided to make full use of the time for sightseeing :)



Bowling Sarawak style anyone?
There's a shuttle service from the hotel for only RM60 which includes the entrance fee and transportation to and fro the cultural village. I was alone and there's another adult family of four together in the van. It was a quiet ride with the light rain for half of the journey. Thankfully the rain stopped not long after that and the sun shone brightly so I can enjoy my time there.

I found out I like Sarawak's native music. I wonder where I can find CDs of the music they played at the cultural village. I have another trip to Kuching in January. Maybe I'll make it my mission to find the CDs then. At the Iban longhouse, a young Chinese lady asked if I can take a photo of her. We chatted after that and since she's alone, we decided to walk together so we can take each other's photo :) She's from JB. I like the fact that she didn't ask too much question and she's as busy taking photos as I was.


This is one of my favorite photo. Looks like one of the Japanese architecture.
This is the interesting looking Bidayuh house.

The huge Melanau house. According to the lady at the Melanau house, the real house is 40 feet tall and 3 to 4 times bigger than this show house. Can you imagine it? The whole village would be staying there.
Outside the Iban house, the Malay lady who's together in the shuttle van asked where I'm from, what I was doing in Kuching and whether I was alone. Duh! Give me a break. I'm not friendly that way. Luckily we didn't cross path after that. I like Bidayuh and Melanau house from all the houses there. Bidayuh house has a unique shape and Melanau house is so big. We stopped touring half way and make our way to the theatre at 11.00 a.m. The theatre was so packed but I managed to get a seat. There's a bunch of government servants there. Must be during one of their finishing the year's budget trip. Most of the uncles didn't decline the invitation to join the dancers on the stage after the show with shouts of encouragement and laughter from their colleagues.





I ran out of battery and memory card space at the theatre. Luckily I brought my 64 MB MMC from my old camera and the 16 MB SD card that came together with the camera when I bought it. So I really have to budget the photos taken after that. It started raining lightly again at 1.00 p.m. One of the shuttle van has already waited outside the village so it was a very nice timing. When we almost reached Kuching, it was raining very heavily. That afternoon was spent sorting out the photos and taking a nap while it was raining outside.






I don't know why I like this photo. Just like you don't know why you like someone but you do :)
Some people might love the experience there and some might find it boring. Depends on whether you prefer Cameron Highlands or Genting Highlands. Come to think of it, now I love both :)

La Tahzan

I'm currently reading a book titled "Don't Be Sad". The English version of the original Arabic book "La Tahzan". The Arabic words sounds beautiful to me. A befitting consoling words for someone who is in despair.

When you wake up in the morning, do not expect to see the evening - live as though today is all that you have. Yesterday has passed with its good and evil, while tomorrow has not yet arrived.

There's nothing that spells tourist louder than a lady with a hat and a camera in her hand, strolling slowly along the river as if she has no care in this world. Many boat drivers call out to the lady offering to bring her sightseeing along the river. She offered a sad smile in return and a shake of her head.

How can she appreciate the beauty of the evening? If only they know the anguish she's feeling in her heart. The helplessness and hopelessness that she's feeling inside. Hopeful that someone would understand but that someone chose to close her heart.

"And it may be that you dislike a thing that is good for you..." (Qur'an 2:216)

Every once in a while, God will test us with some problems to draw us apart from worldly cares and brings us closer to Him. I know that. So I'll accept this as His test and only to Him can I seek solace. Only He will understand every time my heart constricted painfully in remembrance, trying hard to keep my composure while conducting training or act normally around colleagues and friends.

This is not the feeling I want to mark the ending of this year. This is not the feeling I want all the year round actually. But it is not for me to choose the situations I'm in. I can only face the situation as best as I could. And not everything is about us sometimes. Sometimes we are just a spectator on the sideline, wishing the best for our loved ones.

The pleasures of life are short-lived, and more often than not, they are followed by sorrow. Life means responsibility, a journey wherein change is constant and difficulties are relentless in their onslaught.

I know my heart better because of this circumstances. This in itself is a great comfort. La tahzan.

Hello Again Kuching

Heaven and Earth


Antartica on the Sky

Can you see Mumble and friends dancing behind the snowy clouds?

Look at the Curves


Early Morning Sky


Sg. Sarawak

Clear view as compared to my previous visit.

Another Normal Morning

Never Say Never

Iiieee.... I would never do that.
Aiyyyoohhh... I would never go there like that.

How often have you said the word 'never' on something but ended up doing just that or be involved in just that?

"Never say never" is one of the phrases I have always tried to adhere to. But being a normal human being, the 'never' statement would be accidentally uttered when something out of the norm (to my perception) crept up in a conversation. I'd go, "What!!! I would never go there" or, "What??!! I would never accept that", and so on. It has been proven oftentimes that these 'things' that I have said 'never' to would affect my life significantly eventually.

I remember when we were in secondary school discussing about universities, one particular University came into our conversation and all the 'stories' were told and we'd freak out and everyone declares off that University. That's where I ended up getting my degree. The 'stories' that freaked us out have some truth in it but taking all factors into consideration, it wasn't all too bad. I survived the experience and have been receiving positive recognition of being associated to that particular education institution during many of my job interviews.

I also remember the times I went to accompany my friends apartment hunting. We went to one area and explored the many types of apartments there. After haggling with the uncompromising agents and looking at the area which was not fully completed, I told her I would never stay there. Not with the 'lori hantu' roaming the roads and the construction workers' 'kongsi' house occupying the area. And to make matters worse, the traffic congestion on the main road is really worrying. She took my advice and abandoned the idea of staying there. Where do you all think I'm staying now? And that friend has come to visit me many times too :) Situations changed right? No more 'lori hantu' and hoards of construction workers but the traffic congestion is not getting any better. Other than that, everything has been very convenient here.

The above are just two examples of me having to eat my words. Actually, I don't have to defend myself to anybody but a personal realization of things that could happen against my ideal. Does that mean when you actually want something, just say 'never' and it would happen? If only things are that easy. That would mean I would end up with a Mat Salleh guy one day hehehe... Not that I wanted to when I say 'never' to that.

I have a British lecturer for our English course last time. He likes to put his marker-pen-stained hands in his pants' pocket and the pocket would look dirty for days. After he did his laundry, the stain would still be visible but it looked like someone has tried to wash it off. And the cycle would continue. His skin can't stand our hot weather and he'd have big pimples with pus on his arms and he likes to wear short sleeve shirts. I'd go "iiieeewww" and declared myself off Mat Salleh guy as potential spouse :) Never, never, never.... I haven't had many encounter with any Mat Salleh ever since :D

Anyway, I think another one of my 'never' statement would be changing my life. Something that would be a total turnaround on my accepted ideals. Maybe some time in the near future, maybe in the far future, maybe even never depending on circumstances but something has changed. Be it in business or politics, if you could get the person with the strongest opposing voice to change their mind, have a paradigm shift, you'd get the strongest supporter. My opinion has changed too.

Sometimes I wonder why many of my 'never' statement have changed and became a significant part of my life. It is different if you declare yourself off tempoyak or budu but ended up becoming one of your favorite food. No, tempoyak and budu is not one of my favorite food :) But to spend part of your life at a place you thought you'd never go to? What about a lifetime? It is just beyond my human comprehension.

Some books would recommend you visualize the future you want, the things you want and work towards getting it and the actualization process would begin. You'd start finding ways to reach your goal and you'd eventually get it or come as close as you possibly can under the circumstances. The things I have said 'never' to had been in my mind but are not what I visualize for my future. But I guess life works in its own strange way. There is a hadith in relation to this issue.

"Love moderately, for the person you love today may be the one you hate in future; and hate moderately, for the person you hate today may be your loved one in future." (Reference here and here).

It doesn't have to be someone isn't it. It could be a place, a situation or a thing. Never say never. It could be your new ideals, your new principles. Even with this realization, I could still make the mistake of making more 'never' statement in future but with my personal experiences, I'll be aware that the 'never' statements I make could become my reality.