The Special Man - Part 2

I wanna talk about this man. I missed him so much. Ever since I got pregnant, it has been all about me. My nausea and vomiting and dizziness and stuff like that. I still experience all those feelings but I am much better than before. I'm still not pass the spell but I didn't throw up all the time. I got hungry like every two hours and then I have to keep still to make sure the food stays down. I need to burp properly so the gas won't force the food out. I have headaches quite frequently now but all in all, I felt much better then when I was throwing up all the time.

I have some moments of respite from all the hormones every now and then. I managed to spend time with hubby like we used to do before the pregnancy hormones took over my bodily functions. We sit and cuddle and talk about sweet nothings, remembering the moments we first met, the moment we realize how much we care for each other and all the important moments in our life. It was very sweet. I also remember the time when I was alone, how much I enjoyed my activities, the stillness and peacefulness of the night...

There were also time when I thought how I could care for someone just like everyone else who have someone special in their life but there is no one important in my life (other than family of course). I just accept the fact that God has not given me the gift of care and love because there really is no one that I feel a special connection with. Maybe God has some other arrangements for me. Probably the turtle needs me or some NGOs helping people somewhere on this planet... I don't know. I was just waiting for the calling.

I received the calling... but not from the turtle or the NGOs. It was from him... and from that moment on, God has given me the gift of being able to care and love for someone. It really is a gift from Allah because I know I can't just flip a switch and love someone. If I could, it would have happen a long time ago with a friend or colleague or client. The special man in my life, whom I love dearly and I know loves me too, is a loving husband and will be a wonderful father to our baby. It is a wonderful feeling knowing someone somewhere loves you as much as you love him and it really is a great gift from Him... Alhamdulillah.

If you happen to not have someone special in your life yet, it is OK. Enjoy your life and appreciate the gift of being able to see the beautiful creation of this world and try to find your calling. You'll never know where it might lead you but it will definitely be interesting. I have been in both situation and experienced the beauty and greatness, and appreciate both. I am now appreciating the presence of the special man in my life.

He loves the outdoor, LOVES massages, his mom's cooking, Mamak food, veges and fruits, loves sweetened drink more than plain water, cepat merajuk (in his defense he said only because he loves me, he will not bother to merajuk with other people), and many other attributes that is only special to my dear hubby. The beauty of marriage is, your partner is the handsomest and sexiest people on the planet :) When I first met hubby, I thought he is not handsome at all. Now I can't keep my eyes off him. Men with tummy... a real turn off. Hubby's tummy... sexy hehehe... so is every part of him. Maybe this is the secret of Mawaddah wa Rahmah (Al-Ruum: verse 21). To this wonderful husband of mine, just know that I love you so much. I may have to focus on me again depending on this pregnancy hormone, and then when the baby arrives, it will all be about the baby and we may not have that frequent cuddling moments that we used to have... this entry will remind me that having you in my life is a wonderful gift and I appreciate every moment we spend together. TQ abang for being there and I love you so much.

Family scene...

Me: Baby, tolonglah ummi. Ummi dah tak larat ni...
Hb: Baby kacau ummi, kita kacau baby nak???
Me: @#¿:o:P¡#@ ayah dengan baby ni, buat konspirasi... ummi yang teruk. Adoyai...
Hb: **wink, wink, innocent face**

13 Weeks

We went for check-up this morning and during the scan, we saw how active baby is. Moving arms and legs... sempat babai ayah and ummi lagi :) In the excitement and the questions I asked, my gynae forgot to printout baby's scan photo and I forgot to ask. I wish I have the photo. Baby is growing well Alhamdulillah and I lose another half kg. Watching baby moves like that makes all the pain and suffering I felt, nausea and vomiting, worth the while. Hubby is also all smiles after the scan... otherwise muka ketat sikit sebab kurang layanan mesra semenjak dua menjak ummi kena layan diri jer - muntah, loya, perut tak selesa, pening, lapar, senak dan apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya hehehe... Have patience OK ayah :)

This morning started out OK. I woke up hungry around 5 a.m., had 2 pieces of biscuit and half cup of horlicks. We look for breakfast around 8 a.m. and the mee hoon looks appetizing. But halfway eating the mee hoon, I felt chills and dizzy and lie down for a while. Then the urge to throw up began but I managed to hold on and took the anti-nausea tablet. That stop the urge to throw up but my tummy feels all knotted up and I continue having the chills every now and then which saw me gripping hubby's thigh or arms in a strong grip. That stopped only after I had my lunch. The first time I managed to finish my lunch since a long time. I felt better afterwards and I hope I'll continue to feel better. Can't wait for the nausea and dizziness spell to end.

The doctor said I could stop taking Duphaston after I finish the previous subscription and should start taking calcium pill. It's a HUGE tablet. Sigh! Anticipating constipation from now on? Double sigh! Anything for baby as long as you grow strong and healthy. Hubby noticed baby's long legs during the scan. Need strong bones for that arms and legs and teeth... I asked if hubby is a good runner. Hubby said depending on who's chasing hehehe... I was tall in school. Everyone said long legs - must be a good runner. I'm not. So as a runner, I hope baby will follow ayah OK :)

Better Day, Better Thoughts

Today is one of the rare good day for me. At least, for now.

I woke up some time after 2 a.m. last night, managed to fall asleep again and woke up in the morning feeling quite OK. I threw up before breakfast and then I feel quite fine. Alhamdulillah for this rare moments. I'm starting to feel the urge to purge whatever it is in my gut but the few hours of peace gives me some time to think of positive thoughts. Baby is on the way :) However bad I was feeling, some women never have the chance to experience it at all. Isn't that something to think about? I've met many women who shared how they have gone through miscarriages... one, for eight times, some who tirelessly went to specialist after specialist, and others with their own stories of failures and success. Families who longed for children but can't have their own. So Alhamdulillah for this experience. I hope the good day will continue since I have class tomorrow so I'm going to rest now. The nausea is getting stronger.

Dah Tak Jadi

It didn't work anymore. The acupressure. Overused already? I'm immune? I have no idea. I threw up twice already. Whatever biscuit and snacks I had for tea... then my dinner. Despite having the only dish that could tempt my palate... tomyam. Sigh! Now I'm trying to sleep with an empty stomach. It's hard... eating something may cause another queasy tummy and vomiting. Ohhh... what a choice! God help me...

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New Year 2012

It's almost a week into the new year. I've also passed 3 months of my pregnancy few days ago. The question of whether I'll get better after my first trimester is now answered. I'm not. Yesterday was just one of the difficult days I have to go through. I woke up feeling hungry and urging hubby to find something to eat. We eat outside... it was a bright morning with blue sky just the way I like it. The moment we reached home, I ran to the sink. After purging everything, I fell asleep for a while and woke up feeling hungry again. Urged hubby to tapau an early lunch. We reached home and I only managed a few bites. I really can't eat anymore. Managed to hold on for a while, took another nap in the afternoon and guess what... woke up feeling hungry again. I tried to eat a few more bites of the rice I tapau but can't. Tried koko krunch, managed to eat a little. Feeling really hungry but incapable of eating anything. After a while, tried eating a slice of bread with Milo. After Maghrib prayer, throw up again. That really makes me drained and no energy. We went out for dinner and I ordered tomyam. I wanted to be careful coz tomyam is quite spicy and I have an empty stomach but it feels nice to be able to eat something. The barley drinks I ordered also felt refreshing. On the way back started feeling queasy again. Hubby suggested I go to sleep to prevent from vomiting. I tried but I can feel the pain in my tummy, trying to purge things out. Then I remembered about acupressure technique to prevent queasiness. I tried it. I've tried them before but never really took notice of whether it works. But this time, I noticed it really did. I feel asleep the moment I felt better and only woke up at 3 a.m. when hubby crawled into bed. He said he couldn't sleep. I told hubby about the acupressure and felt happy I found that it works. Last night hubby was watching TV while I was trying to sleep. I moaned and groaned, toss and turn, called Allah's name, called hubby's name, tried to play games on my phone to distract myself from queasy tummy... all didn't work. Today, whenever I felt queasy, I pressed the acupressure point in between my thumb and index finger. I still feel nausea but at least I didn't throw up. Even the medication to prevent vomiting given by my gynae didn't work all the time so this is great.

My master's class will begin this Sunday. I already informed my classmates I would need all the help I can get to get through this semester. They have been a great help all this while. I don't know whether I can sit for 4 hours in class and focus on the lecture. Anyway, we'll see how that goes. My training next week has been canceled. That's a great relief. Actually, my associate company didn't want to continue associating with this particular company due to some matters not handled well by them. I now have to accept that I'm not well to conduct training programs till God knows when. No training means no income. I have to carefully spend my money till baby is due. I belief Allah has provided 'rezeki' for baby. I also have to find means to generate income other ways. 2012 will probably be challenging year financially but I have to stay positive for baby. Baby is due in July and that will be followed by confinement period and taking care of our new born. I'll probably be up and running October onwards.

I have no resolution this new year. All I want is to be healthy and deliver a healthy baby.