Tengah cuba bersabar. Hidup ini ada turun naiknya. And why do you have to be patient? Because... people have different expectations and limitations. Ada masa kita free and lepak and has got nothing to do so we treasure that free time by doing things we like doing. Ada orang pulak, bila free, cari benda2 untuk dibuat sama ada untuk diri sendiri atau turut libatkan orang lain. Ada masa pulak kita sibuk dan orang nampak kita sibuk. Ada masa, minda kita yang sibuk dan orang tak nampak minda kita sibuk. Ada masa kita nak orang memahami apa yang kita nak. Ada masa orang pula nak kita memahami apa yang dia nak. Itu kan adat dalam kehidupan. Knowing and doing is two different thing. Kita tahu ni semua perkara biasa. No big deal! Tapi kadang-kadang memang susah nak bersabar despite what we know.
Kadang-kadang kita tak perlu kan pun kata-kata penghargaan. Tapi janganlah pula bila kita dah buat yang terbaik setakat yang kita mampu, diberi pula kritikan atau kutukan. Bukankah diam itu lebih baik dari berkata sesuatu yang menyakitkan. Kita tahu ni kan? Sebab kita pun tak suka bila diberi kritikan atau kutukan bila dah buat yang terbaik setakat yang kita mampu. Tetapi, biasalah. Kan namanya pun manusia. Kadang2 lupa bila kita pula yang menyakitkan hati orang, berkata sesedap rasa tanpa berfikir panjang. Itulah adat bila berhadapan dengan manusia. Mungkin lebih mudah untuk kata lantaklah it is no big deal sebab kita pun pernah buat silap tapi bila hati dah terguris, susah juga kadang2 nak bersabar.
Hmmm.... apalah pula hal yang membebel tak tentu pasal ni? Mungkin sebab stress nak periksa hujung minggu ni dan belum sempat nak study. Terasa seperti ingin berkata-kata lagi, tapi sementara masih ingat kata-kata sendiri iaitu lebih baik diam kalau tiada perkara2 yang baik untuk diperkatakan, maka lebih baiklah kita diam. Syyyy.....
Sunflower gives the connotation of cheerfulness, bright, jolly, merry... you get the idea! However, if any content in this blog didn't fit the cheerfulness implied by its name, look at it this way... I'm putting down all the wretchedness, gloom, melancholy feeling in here so I can continue living up to the expectation of making the association to the sunflower.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Partially Relieved
Alhamdulillah... I'm partially relieved after completing presentation for both my HF and IOK subjects today. However, I have to appeal to both lecturers to allow me more time to submit my research report and research proposal. Again, Alhamdulillah because both has given their consent. Which means I have 3 assignments to submit this week. Sigh! 2 from last week and 1 originally due end of this week. Arrrgghhh.... Anyway, that should give me better hope for better results. Amiiinnn...
Both the presentations were nerve wrecking. We draw lots to determine who goes in which order and both times my name was the last. That means I have to sit through others' presentations that looked so much better than mine. Their data looks good, their flow looks convincing and their references were impressive. I have huge inferiority complex there especially considering the rest have background in statistics and psychology and I don't. It was on the tip of my tongue to appeal my case to the lecturers and ask for some allowances in the marking due to my different background but I hold by the rules of presentation, never show your fear, never point out your weakness and never highight your mistake. So that's what I did. Take a deep breath, just go through the slides. One after another. There were some points where I almost faltered and thought these thing I'm presenting can't be good at all, looks like it was incomplete (not like what others had done), and so simple it could be boring to others but I managed to complete nonetheless. What a huge relief after it was over.
During the Q&A on the first presentation, a classmate pointed out to some of my slides that didn't look right. She has good background in research and is very precise and methodical in her report as well as presentation. I explained and she doesn't look convinced but did not want to push further so as not to put me in hot soup. I can see that clearly in her face. I am sure if she's marking my research, there would be no chance I would survive. Then, my lecturer came to the rescue. It seemed what I did was clear to him and I may not have written it down explicitly on my presentation but it was OK. Pheewwww!!! Again, I'm very relieved. Thank God there's no Q&A for the second presentation.
In the end, all our presentation marks were almost similar +/- 0.5 to 1 points. I can't believe it! My first presentation scored the highest mark. Really??? I'm having a mental image of me gaping in disbelieve. Probably my classmates do to. I scored the second highest in my second presentation. These presentations weightage on our overall marks were only 15% and 20% but they were a huge morale booster. Now I can complete my HF presentation confidently as I know I'm on the right track. I also learnt a lot today that will help me in future research projects. Alhamdulillah...
Previously, frustrated that I have to find references for every single idea I want to put in my research, I almost feel like screaming, "who cares about who said what decades ago!!! this is what I'm saying now!" Heh... I still have that feeling when writing research papers but I felt better today. At least all that effort of sleeping in front of my laptop in the living hall at 3 a.m. for few days paid off. Next step, gather my thoughts and complete the report. Chaiiyyookk!!! :)
Both the presentations were nerve wrecking. We draw lots to determine who goes in which order and both times my name was the last. That means I have to sit through others' presentations that looked so much better than mine. Their data looks good, their flow looks convincing and their references were impressive. I have huge inferiority complex there especially considering the rest have background in statistics and psychology and I don't. It was on the tip of my tongue to appeal my case to the lecturers and ask for some allowances in the marking due to my different background but I hold by the rules of presentation, never show your fear, never point out your weakness and never highight your mistake. So that's what I did. Take a deep breath, just go through the slides. One after another. There were some points where I almost faltered and thought these thing I'm presenting can't be good at all, looks like it was incomplete (not like what others had done), and so simple it could be boring to others but I managed to complete nonetheless. What a huge relief after it was over.
During the Q&A on the first presentation, a classmate pointed out to some of my slides that didn't look right. She has good background in research and is very precise and methodical in her report as well as presentation. I explained and she doesn't look convinced but did not want to push further so as not to put me in hot soup. I can see that clearly in her face. I am sure if she's marking my research, there would be no chance I would survive. Then, my lecturer came to the rescue. It seemed what I did was clear to him and I may not have written it down explicitly on my presentation but it was OK. Pheewwww!!! Again, I'm very relieved. Thank God there's no Q&A for the second presentation.
In the end, all our presentation marks were almost similar +/- 0.5 to 1 points. I can't believe it! My first presentation scored the highest mark. Really??? I'm having a mental image of me gaping in disbelieve. Probably my classmates do to. I scored the second highest in my second presentation. These presentations weightage on our overall marks were only 15% and 20% but they were a huge morale booster. Now I can complete my HF presentation confidently as I know I'm on the right track. I also learnt a lot today that will help me in future research projects. Alhamdulillah...
Previously, frustrated that I have to find references for every single idea I want to put in my research, I almost feel like screaming, "who cares about who said what decades ago!!! this is what I'm saying now!" Heh... I still have that feeling when writing research papers but I felt better today. At least all that effort of sleeping in front of my laptop in the living hall at 3 a.m. for few days paid off. Next step, gather my thoughts and complete the report. Chaiiyyookk!!! :)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Torn Apart
Today is already Friday. I'm torn apart with two feelings.
1) Yeaaayyyy... hubby is coming back soon. Miss him so much. Tak sabar nak tunggu next week.
2) Alamak Friday already. 2 assignments done, 3 more to go and 2 due this Sunday. And yet, I have time to blog???!!!! Biasalah bila hati tak keruan, mesti lepaskan stress dengan menulis.
This weekend, for IOK subject, has to send Research Proposal (40%) and present our Consultancy Presentation (20%). Status: Research Proposal not done, Concultancy Presentation done Alhamdulillah.
For HF subject, has to send Research Report (25%) and present our Research Report (15%). Status: Not done. The presentation depends on the completion of Research Report and its still in progress.
Sigh! Sigh! Sigh!
Next weekend, IOK subject has to submit one Extended Essay (40%) which I plan to complete it Sunday after class sampai siap on Monday so I can spend time with hubby when he returns. HF subject final exam (40%) boleh study Friday and Saturday. Next week's plan looks OK for now. This week yang tunggang-langgang. Hmm... OK lah I better get back to work.
1) Yeaaayyyy... hubby is coming back soon. Miss him so much. Tak sabar nak tunggu next week.
2) Alamak Friday already. 2 assignments done, 3 more to go and 2 due this Sunday. And yet, I have time to blog???!!!! Biasalah bila hati tak keruan, mesti lepaskan stress dengan menulis.
This weekend, for IOK subject, has to send Research Proposal (40%) and present our Consultancy Presentation (20%). Status: Research Proposal not done, Concultancy Presentation done Alhamdulillah.
For HF subject, has to send Research Report (25%) and present our Research Report (15%). Status: Not done. The presentation depends on the completion of Research Report and its still in progress.
Sigh! Sigh! Sigh!
Next weekend, IOK subject has to submit one Extended Essay (40%) which I plan to complete it Sunday after class sampai siap on Monday so I can spend time with hubby when he returns. HF subject final exam (40%) boleh study Friday and Saturday. Next week's plan looks OK for now. This week yang tunggang-langgang. Hmm... OK lah I better get back to work.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Happy 3rd Anniversary Dearest Darling Hubby
TQ to my dearest darling hubby for the wonderful bouquet of sunflowers :) Lots and lots of love to you. We still have a long journey together. While we have our differences, I hope in the end it is our love for each other that matters. You are forever my 'Special Man'. I can't wait for hubby to return home and spend wonderful time of TLC together. Absence do make our hearts grow fonder and this will be one of the longest time either one of us is away from each other. Received text from hubby earlier that he's down with fever and a bloated tummy. Hope he's feeling much better now. I still remember when hubby's down with fever during our umrah last time. Sigh! It was bad and I was really worried coz he don't normally get sick. I'm the one who do. I'm praying for him to recover soon and for the rest of the clan to remain healthy as well. Mak Sue misses everyone.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Recipe for a Perfect Holiday
What would be the recipe for a perfect holiday? For me, a perfect holiday would include most if not all from the list below.
01) Sightseeing
02) Snorkeling
03) Diving
04) Island hopping
05) Spa
06) Shopping
07) Great food
08) Great photos
09) Good movie
10) Jungle trekking
11) Playing at the beach (or water)
12) Any new and adventurous activity
As I'm still considering options for a quick getaway when hubby returns, I'm trying to create the best itineraries with our time constraint... MY time constraint actually. I have two location in mind right now. Hopefully I can come up with a decision soon.
01) Sightseeing
02) Snorkeling
03) Diving
04) Island hopping
05) Spa
06) Shopping
07) Great food
08) Great photos
09) Good movie
10) Jungle trekking
11) Playing at the beach (or water)
12) Any new and adventurous activity
As I'm still considering options for a quick getaway when hubby returns, I'm trying to create the best itineraries with our time constraint... MY time constraint actually. I have two location in mind right now. Hopefully I can come up with a decision soon.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Dreary Day
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Thursday, March 10, 2011
Missed Hubby Already
Hubby will reach Jeddah around 11 p.m. tonight. I sent him off at the airport today and left KLIA with a heavy heart. He's on board Saudi Air taking off at 3 p.m. Hubby said there's a surprise for me this weekend. I can't wait for weekend to be here :) 1) I really am looking forward for his surprise. 2) More days passes by means hubby will be home soon.
I'm planning a short holiday for us when hubby gets back. I'm torn between 3d2n or 2d1n holiday. Reason... I have exam that weekend. But hubby will not be free after I finished my exam. Sigh! A good motivation for me to study and prepare my assignment while hubby is away. So where to go for holiday? Sea or hills? Local or abroad? Decisions... decisions...
Anyway, I wish hubby will be in good health all the time there and everything will go as planned. Counting down to 22nd March...
Monday, March 7, 2011
We Will Be Celebrating....
In just a few days, we will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary of solemnization ceremony. In Wikipedia, on 'wedding anniversary', there is a list of flowers for each year of the anniversary. I'm not sure what is the basis or reference, but interestingly the flower for 3rd anniversary is sunflower :) See list below. For full list, refer to Wikipedia.
Year Flower
1st Carnation
2nd Lily of the valley
3rd Sunflower
4th Hydrangea
5th Daisy
Anyway, hubby will not be around to celebrate our anniversary together this year. He'll be going for umrah with Melaka family. The trip was planned for December last year but postponed because Saudi government did not issue umrah Visa on December. Then the plan was to postpone to December this year but the rescheduled flight ticket must be utilized by a certain date or it will be forfeited... so can't wait till December. Otherwise, I'd love to join them. I'll be missing hubby so much and hope everything went well. We will celebrate our anniversary once hubby return from his Umrah trip. He'll be busy after leaving work for 2 weeks and I'll have my final exam the coming weekend after he's back but I'll plan for a short getaway trip anyway.
This is the picture of our 2nd anniversary.
I really miss being in Madinah and Mekkah but the timing wasn't right. And one thing special about Umrah or Hajj, if it is not destined for you to go, even if you have all the money in the world, all the time in the world, you will not reach there. There are many rich Muslims who have not received 'the call' to visit these sacred places. There are many who is financially tight but has received unexpected rezeki to go there. Come to think of it, it is the same with life. If you think you're prepared to get married, prepared for family life, prepared for better position, you may not get what you want because He has other plans for you. I pray I'll be able to go for Hajj and Umrah again in future. Below are pictures of us during our Umrah trip in 2009.
Near Masjid Nabawi in Madinah
At Jabal Rahmah... said to be the place where Adam and Hawa met on earth.
In Masjidil Haram.
Year Flower
1st Carnation
2nd Lily of the valley
3rd Sunflower
4th Hydrangea
5th Daisy
Anyway, hubby will not be around to celebrate our anniversary together this year. He'll be going for umrah with Melaka family. The trip was planned for December last year but postponed because Saudi government did not issue umrah Visa on December. Then the plan was to postpone to December this year but the rescheduled flight ticket must be utilized by a certain date or it will be forfeited... so can't wait till December. Otherwise, I'd love to join them. I'll be missing hubby so much and hope everything went well. We will celebrate our anniversary once hubby return from his Umrah trip. He'll be busy after leaving work for 2 weeks and I'll have my final exam the coming weekend after he's back but I'll plan for a short getaway trip anyway.
I really miss being in Madinah and Mekkah but the timing wasn't right. And one thing special about Umrah or Hajj, if it is not destined for you to go, even if you have all the money in the world, all the time in the world, you will not reach there. There are many rich Muslims who have not received 'the call' to visit these sacred places. There are many who is financially tight but has received unexpected rezeki to go there. Come to think of it, it is the same with life. If you think you're prepared to get married, prepared for family life, prepared for better position, you may not get what you want because He has other plans for you. I pray I'll be able to go for Hajj and Umrah again in future. Below are pictures of us during our Umrah trip in 2009.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Tempat Mengadu
It has been established that I have 'Powerful Choleric' personality, followed closely by 'Peaceful Phlegmatic'. That explains my bossy nature (depending on situation) and how I handled most situation... accepting, choose my battle based on what matters most, belief that there are other important things in life than our own model of the world... lebih banyak tak kisah dan beralah.
Life is easier that way. I've seen how some people struggle sebab bos marah, struggle sebab orang terdekat tak ikut cara yang dia rasa sesuai, dan stress sebab perkara yang nampak remeh. Bukan nak memperkecilkan perasaan orang... I have high empathy to understand that to him or her, it's a big issue. So Alhamdulillah that God has given me these personalities so I can accept most things, be very adaptable and flexible.
But there were times when I have issues that I feel is important and hope people around me would understand. There were times when I feel hurt too despite feeling 'tak kisah' most of the time. There were times when I feel sad and when I look around me... I just realized I don't have anyone that I can share my feelings with.
Hubby... he's been great when it comes to sharing my feelings... except when there are issues between us. Then where do I turn to?
My mom... she has chosen the 'avoidance' approach. She disagrees with my choices and not want to have anything to do with any difficulties, hardship, emotional upheaval, even happiness. Ditto with my brothers.
My 'sis', it was very nice of her to offer her friendship... but I know she has many things to handle. She's far and sometimes I feel guilty when I talk about myself and later I found out she's not well herself but did not share her situation. There are some issues that I don't feel comfortable sharing due to our situation too.
My friends... the married one seems busy with their family, the singles were busy with their life. I used to ask my single friends whom I used to spend time with out for a drink or shopping... the response was busy and no time of course. Till I felt like maybe now I belong to a different group once married. Maybe my assumption was wrong and they were just busy but after several tries, I gave up. Relationship is a two-way thing. If my 'friends' doesn't feel the need to keep the friendship, there is nothing much that I can do. Some friends take you for granted. Once I went out for lunch with a 'friend', she spends most of her time on the phone with someone else. I know she's having a problem and need to vent her feelings but I was there and we have not met for so long. While I understand her situation, doesn't mean I don't feel hurt. There are some friends where you just grew apart. I'm slow in making new friends. There are many acquaintances but it is not easy for me to open up and trust people. Sometimes I feel like deleting most of my FB contact.
My MIL and SILs were great but we're not 'buddy' close.
So that's it. It is painful to realize that you're alone and tiada tempat mengadu. I have this blog of course. It has helped me cope with many situation in my life since the past 7-8 years. I have Allah too... the ultimate place to talk about my feelings and not get hurt unlike relationship with other human. I just don't feel normal without friends though. I have asked for love and Allah has granted it. Now dear Allah, I would like to ask for friends I can rely on. Aamiin...
Life is easier that way. I've seen how some people struggle sebab bos marah, struggle sebab orang terdekat tak ikut cara yang dia rasa sesuai, dan stress sebab perkara yang nampak remeh. Bukan nak memperkecilkan perasaan orang... I have high empathy to understand that to him or her, it's a big issue. So Alhamdulillah that God has given me these personalities so I can accept most things, be very adaptable and flexible.
But there were times when I have issues that I feel is important and hope people around me would understand. There were times when I feel hurt too despite feeling 'tak kisah' most of the time. There were times when I feel sad and when I look around me... I just realized I don't have anyone that I can share my feelings with.
Hubby... he's been great when it comes to sharing my feelings... except when there are issues between us. Then where do I turn to?
My mom... she has chosen the 'avoidance' approach. She disagrees with my choices and not want to have anything to do with any difficulties, hardship, emotional upheaval, even happiness. Ditto with my brothers.
My 'sis', it was very nice of her to offer her friendship... but I know she has many things to handle. She's far and sometimes I feel guilty when I talk about myself and later I found out she's not well herself but did not share her situation. There are some issues that I don't feel comfortable sharing due to our situation too.
My friends... the married one seems busy with their family, the singles were busy with their life. I used to ask my single friends whom I used to spend time with out for a drink or shopping... the response was busy and no time of course. Till I felt like maybe now I belong to a different group once married. Maybe my assumption was wrong and they were just busy but after several tries, I gave up. Relationship is a two-way thing. If my 'friends' doesn't feel the need to keep the friendship, there is nothing much that I can do. Some friends take you for granted. Once I went out for lunch with a 'friend', she spends most of her time on the phone with someone else. I know she's having a problem and need to vent her feelings but I was there and we have not met for so long. While I understand her situation, doesn't mean I don't feel hurt. There are some friends where you just grew apart. I'm slow in making new friends. There are many acquaintances but it is not easy for me to open up and trust people. Sometimes I feel like deleting most of my FB contact.
My MIL and SILs were great but we're not 'buddy' close.
So that's it. It is painful to realize that you're alone and tiada tempat mengadu. I have this blog of course. It has helped me cope with many situation in my life since the past 7-8 years. I have Allah too... the ultimate place to talk about my feelings and not get hurt unlike relationship with other human. I just don't feel normal without friends though. I have asked for love and Allah has granted it. Now dear Allah, I would like to ask for friends I can rely on. Aamiin...
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Friday, March 4, 2011
Rindu ke tak rindu?
Bila tak SMS, ada orang kata kita tak rindu. Bila dah SMS, jawapannya "OK. TQ." jer... buat kita rasa ada orang tu pulak yang tak rindu. Busy sangat sampai tak dapat nak jawab panjang-panjang. Sigh! Tu lah kadang-kadang malas nak SMS. Buat kita pulak terasa hati.
Tapi kalau ada orang dah merajuk, kita juga yang tak senang hati dibuatnya. Tu lah dia adat dan dugaan untuk menjaga hati orang tersayang. Bila sentiasa di depan mata, mula lah take things for granted dan kadang-kadang boring melanda. Bila dah berjauhan pula, rindu tak terkata... sampai rasa tak nak berenggang langsung.
Yang mana satu habit sendiri, yang mana satu tabiat hubby, biarlah rahsia bak kata Datuk Siti :) Tinggal beberapa hari jer lagi hubby tiada disisi hampir 2 minggu. Kena lah bersedia dengan cabaran bila berjauhan. Hopefully SMS dikirim sampai ke destinasi, WiFi ada untuk online walaupun sekejap... dan yang penting sekali, semuanya selamat pergi dan selamat kembali.
Tapi kalau ada orang dah merajuk, kita juga yang tak senang hati dibuatnya. Tu lah dia adat dan dugaan untuk menjaga hati orang tersayang. Bila sentiasa di depan mata, mula lah take things for granted dan kadang-kadang boring melanda. Bila dah berjauhan pula, rindu tak terkata... sampai rasa tak nak berenggang langsung.
Yang mana satu habit sendiri, yang mana satu tabiat hubby, biarlah rahsia bak kata Datuk Siti :) Tinggal beberapa hari jer lagi hubby tiada disisi hampir 2 minggu. Kena lah bersedia dengan cabaran bila berjauhan. Hopefully SMS dikirim sampai ke destinasi, WiFi ada untuk online walaupun sekejap... dan yang penting sekali, semuanya selamat pergi dan selamat kembali.
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Date Night
Last night, hubby and I went out for a quick dinner and movie. It has been a while since we went out for a movie. It was some time before I found out I was pregnant... and then the complications and confinement. Since this week I started conducting training, hubby also has to conduct some technical training... and yesterday was the last day. It was like a celebration after few days of hardwork :)
I wish we have longer time so I can window shop but going out at night was always a rush of Maghrib prayer, dinner and movie. Our favorite movie time were around 9 - 10 pm so we'll reach home around midnight. The movie 'Sanctum' was engaging from start to end. It was about few cave divers who have to find escape route because the cave was flooded. No way am I going to dive in any cave after this. Only recreational open water for me.
I wish we have longer time so I can window shop but going out at night was always a rush of Maghrib prayer, dinner and movie. Our favorite movie time were around 9 - 10 pm so we'll reach home around midnight. The movie 'Sanctum' was engaging from start to end. It was about few cave divers who have to find escape route because the cave was flooded. No way am I going to dive in any cave after this. Only recreational open water for me.
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