Today's Ramblings

World, I'm blogging from my new notebook :) I was considering between Acer and ThinkPad but ended up with a Twinhead instead. Well, since no one wants to give this as my hantaran, have to buy my own notebook lah kan. I hope we'll have a great time blogging together :D

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I've spent one whole day installing programs and transferring files yesterday. Some is still outstanding...

- transfer my Outlook Express message, address book and account setting
- install Firefox and transfer my existing bookmark with links to my favorite blogs
- install Image Ready 3.0 for image editing purpose
- install XML Spy 3.5 and Cooktop for my XML and XSLT needs
- install Blog for my blog drafting purpose
- install Express Thumbnail Creator, a useful program if you want to create online album
- install Phone Tools where I can use my notebook as a fax, I like the interface
- install SendToX ShellExt, easier for me to copy files
- install Real Player and QuickTime
- install my digital camera software, must find the CD at mom's place
- install Filezilla, HTMLHelp, Yahoo Messenger, Nokia PC Suite and MS-Office
- transfer all files in My Documents and other folders

pheewww....

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This morning saw some scratches on my car!!!! Ggrrrrr... Stooopid, stooopid people with nothing better to do, I curse a spell that you'll grow warts on your butt and forehead. Serves you right!

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Today is my second last day at work. How do I feel? A little disbelief and a lot of relief. I can't believe after 5 years, I will not work here errr... there anymore. I felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders too. I know there'll be new headaches but I'll not worry about it now. My past headaches will be in the past... Yeay... *sigh a huge relief*

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Heard this song on the way back from work. Beautiful lyrics and very easy on the ears.

Singer: Uji Rashid (Ahmad Wan Yet / Zain Mahmood)
Song: Mengapa Dirindu

Anak punai anak merbah
Terbang turun buat sarang
Anak sungai pun berubah
Ini pula hati orang
Mengapa dikenang

Asal kapas jadi benang
Dari benang dibuat baju
Barang lepas jangan kenang
Sudah jadi orang baru
Mengapa dirindu

Kasih yang dulu tinggal dalam mimpi
Kasih yang baru simpan di hati
Kasih yang dulu tinggal dalam mimpi
Kasih yang baru simpan di hati

Selat teduh lautan tenang
Banyak labuh perahu Aceh
Jangan kesal jangan kenang
Walau hati rasa pedih
Mengapa bersedih

Kalau pinang masih muda
Rasanya kelat sudahlah pasti
Kalau hilang kasih lama
Cari lain untuk ganti
Mengapa dinanti

Patah 'kan tumbuh hilang berganti
Akan sembuh kalau diubati
Patah 'kan tumbuh hilang berganti
Akan sembuh kalau diubati

Sayang mengapa dirindu

Are You Single and Bored?

It's too late to talk about my weekend but I'm going to talk about it anyway since my weekend activity lead me to think about this issue. I met an ex school mate on Saturday afternoon for a drink and chit chat, went shopping with my univ friend on Sunday and then met my brother to go notebook hunting. The weekend before that I went to PD and the weekend before PD a friend came to overnight at my place. My other weekend activities would include going back to my mom's place, getting a massage, family gathering at my place, bowling or lazing around the apartment when I did not feel like going out.

My ex school mate asked what did I do during weekend. Didn't I get bored? By the way, she's happily married with two daughters so I forgive her for thinking single ladies over the age of 30 lead a boring life. It also didn't help her in forming a correct impression of the singles' lifestyle when one of her single colleague always whines about not having anything to do but sleep and watch TV during weekend. He thought getting married will solve his 'boring' problem. I beg to differ.

I've read somewhere, if you're boring or bored before you're married, getting hitched will not make you or your life interesting... or, something that sounds like that. I hate it when I couldn't find the original source because I remember the concept and the general idea, but not the exact wordings and it may not sound right when I use my own words. But at least you get the general idea so you just have to trust me on this. I agree with the sayings completely. Not to say I'm an interesting person but I did not want to look back at my life and see someone who did not make any difference whatsoever with her existence in this world by not contributing anything to anyone, even to herself. So far, I can say I've led a relatively interesting single life.

I like to do things but being a woman I have to be careful with the activities I want to do. My mom would shake her head at some of the things I did, I would argue with her over some of the things I want to do or already did, and even though I pretty much do anything I want as long as I think it's safe, I'm still careful. I'm not going to let mom said "I told you so". In this regard, sometimes I wish I'm a man so I can do things that I have to think many times before doing because I'm a woman and it's not safe. But here, my friend's male colleague whines about being single and bored. I also knew a guy, let's call him John Doe (JD for short), who pretty much whines about the same thing. He's a dear friend but sometimes I'm surprised with his thought process. Hello?? What is happening to single guys out there?

There are so many things you can do! Contribute your time to an orphanage, join an environmental organization if you're keen on the environment, take up a hobby, any hobby, and join related club so you can share hobbies with people of similar interest, gather a few friends for any games or outing, anything lah. But YOU have to do something about it. At one time, JD kinda latched himself onto me because I manage to think of activities to do during weekend. I'm not sure whether it's interesting to him but at least he got something to do rather than stay at home and watch TV. I appreciate his company because having him around put me on a notch higher on the security scale. Not to say I trust he can do silat or kuntau if we're surrounded by thugs but at least, one of us can scream our lungs out or run to get help.

But after some time I think I have too much of JD in my system. One weekend I told him I need female companionship. He tried his best to convince me he can be as good as any female for companionship but I told him I need a 'real' female companionship. Don't get me wrong, he's very straight and I'm straight but we can just be friends. We still are very good friends. And I really need female companionship. I think only female understands this. Talking to a female and a male is different, no matter how understanding he appears to be. Anyway, that is a different issue. After that, I still include him in some of my activities if it is appropriate but at other times, he has to entertain himself. I've reached a level where I'm lazy to think and plan for any activities because almost every time, I'm the only one who plans. I love to plan things and I'm quite good at it but after some time, I got tired of it too because I feel as if everyone expected me to plan interesting activities for one weekend after another.

My friends did tease me with JD but I always tell them we can just be good friends. Our personality clashes. They said probably I didn't see how JD and I complement each other. I told them no way or I'll be a bad nagging wife and will not enter the Paradise for that. Anyway, now I know JD is not the only male who has this 'boring' syndrome. Whenever he whines, I become practical and suggest things he can do with his weekend, his defense will be I'm different because I'm a female. Duh! *slaps forehead* Here I think being a man, you can do many more things as compared to me and he said I can do all the things I do because I'm a woman?? Is this a classic case of the grass is always greener on the other side?

Anyway, I'm writing about this to remind us that WE have to take charge of our life. If we want to make it boring, don't do anything but sit in front of the TV every weekend. No wonder I can't meet eligible single guys out there if the few male sample I met or know represents what the majority of single male population do on weekends hahaha... If we want life to be interesting, WE have to make it interesting and not depend on other people or circumstances. JD did take some of my advice whether he wants to admit it or not by joining paint ball game, futsal and few other activities when I did not include him in mine. That is a good start for him.

This personality clash is not to be taken lightly. Just imagine you like outdoor activities and you ended up with a guy whose idea of outdoor activities is watching it on TV or you like eating out and experiment with food while he only wants to stay at home and have home cooked meal or you're adventurous and he's not. I can only see disaster waiting to happen. This might not be the reason for a volcanic eruption but it might contribute bit by bit, and combined with other factors, will be a recipe for a catastrophe.

So you see, if you're boring or bored when you're single, getting married will not solve your problem. In order to avoid personality clashes, you should find someone who shares your interest. If you're a couch potato and you find another couch potato to marry, come weekend they'll be two people fighting for the right on the couch to be the ultimate couch potato. If you think that adds a bit more spice to your life, I have no problem with that. If you think you can now alternately stare at the TV and your spouse for the extra spice in your life, I have no problem with that too. But if that picture did not sound 'interesting' to you, you better do something about it. Start with yourself.

Surround yourself with different type of people, get a hobby, develop an interest or two. Life will get more interesting and you'll probably meet more interesting people. Did I sound like some motivational guru already? I better stop here then. But before I really end, do get out and find interesting things to do.

Extra Notes:
If you're boring – you are an uninteresting person
If you're bored – you could be interesting but sometime unable to find activities that interests you

So are you boring or bored? Either one, YOU have to do something about it.

Found

I found him :) Or more accurately put, he found me.... from 'the ad' hehehe... Please, please, please don't envy me. Didn't we look great together? :D

Ad: Husband Wanted

Puteri dah ada calon so she proposed. Since I don't have one ('calon' that is), I might as well put up a "Husband Wanted" ad :)

HUSBAND WANTED! No special skills required. Will train!

I'm not fussy about the 'hantaran". As long as you can come up with this (17" will do... drools) and don't have this (actually there's more but I'll let you know as I discover it), I'll accept your proposal hehehehe...

Why you should marry me?

- Some friends have said I look like these personalities. So, acceptable looking lah kan. Line perasan hehehe... (They are my good friends so they probably overlook my flaws).
- Tall and slim. I'm shrinking vertically and expanding horizontally but you don't have to know that :)
- I'm loyal. I can get testimonial if you like.
- I can cook... sikit-sikit. I'll not become an international chef but with practise I'm sure I can be reasonably good. No?
- I can give a good massage (but Mawi is too young for me heh). Refer here for relevance to Mawi.
- I like cleaning up the house from top to bottom.... once in a while. That means you'll get a clean house (once in a while) and I will not nag if you're messy like leaving the clothes whenever you feel it's convenient for you, papers strewn everywhere and yesterday's dishes in the sink to name a few
- Stable job; I do not depend on men for money so you don't have to be earning big bucks.
- I can handle intelligent conversation. I read blogs. There loads of information in blogs right?
- I'm resilient. Read this, this and this. This is a good quality to protect family and brave the challenges the world throws at us.
- I blog. Just imagine when we're 80 and surrounded with grandkids, we don't really have to repeat stories of our life to them. We can just say, "Go read nenek's blog". How cool can such grandparents be :) We don't even have to pay people to write our biographies. It's all in the blog.

But since I'll be spending most of my time appreciating my hantaran by blogging with it whenever I have free time, some of the things mentioned in the list above will be neglected. Read: Let's eat out or let's get a maid.

* hantaran - wedding gift

The Man Called Father

Father's Day has come and gone. Many people have written heartwarming stories about this male figure in their life. I have none to write. This male figure called Father did not exist in my life. Well, I'm not anak buluh betung lah if you're thinking what you're thinking. I used to have one but can't remember any of his good side to mention. Probably some of the good things have been overshadowed by all the dark events that happened towards the end of his existence. The last time I heard, he is still alive but to me, he did not exist.

He divorced his children not long after he divorced his wife to marry another. He became more and more a stranger, the men we didn't know, with his every action. Back then, there was not much awareness to the rights of single mother. Single mothers are treated like a pest in the society. I shall not go into detail but it was very ugly. Nowadays when single mothers whine about their fate, not that I'm not sympathetic, but I've known of a worse situation. The man called father became my enemy not long after the divorce. He dared hurting my younger brothers, his own flesh and blood to get to my mom. I confronted him, hurled abusive words and throw stones at him without any fear or remorse. He did not get hit by the stones but I wanted him to know that we're at war. I was only thirteen.

I was in the boarding school that time. You know where bullying exist in a varying degree. I was never afraid of the senior. Who did they think they are? Sikit2 nak cakap junior rude. Sikit2 nak cari pasal. If I can have a fight with my father, who are you who are not even related to me? If you dare mess with me, be prepared for the consequences. But aside from word wars and cold shoulders, no one dares to do any physical harm to me. You can ignore me like I care. I can exist alone, I can exist with friends from my own batch. My point, that is the effect of the whole situation on me. I became hardened. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the 'Ratu Air Mata' but don't think I'll relent just because I cried. I cried watching Mentor, much to my disgust but like I can stop the tears from flowing.

We were dragged to court several times. Once, so the judge can see if his demand to cut down on the child support payment for each child has any basis. When that did not work, he wanted to take custody of me and my youngest brother. If he took care of the children, he does not have to pay so much for child support (Is RM50 or each child a lot?) That did not work too. We didn't want to stay with him. I have experienced standing in the witness stand, alone. When he's furious with my answer, he scolded me there and then. The judge asked me how I felt. I told him I did not feel anything. "Tak rasa apa-apa. Biasa jer", were my exact words. My younger brothers have to stand in the witness stand together. I will still get sad thinking about how they look standing in there. Then he tried to cut down on the child support payment again. The judge take a look at our exam results. Alhamdulillah we did well in school. The judge decided to increase the child support payment (RM75 per child) because we have grown up and needed more money for schooling.

He quit his government job. I know he has applied several times before finally accepted as a government servant. But he sacrificed the job he wanted so much so the child support payment can't be automatically deducted from his salary. He has never contacted us since. So do we. When my siblings and I wanted to apply for scholarships and whatnot, it is easier to say he's dead so there won't be so many questions asked. It makes our life easier. We are not required to produce death certificate so that was easy. Children whose father died are treated differently from children with divorced parents. The former gets better treatment. Having a father who is alive did not mean anything if he's better dead. Life was hard. We deserved any help we can get.

We survived childhood and are doing reasonably well. I hate Malay dramas showing a bad father who finally gets forgiven by his children. I hate it when people say, "he is still your father and you should forgive him." They have not gone through what we as a family have gone through. I'm not saying our situation is the worst but we've had as much as we're able to endure. I know many got forgiven by their families. They should thank their lucky stars for having such a wonderful forgiving family members. Is that why some men do it? Because before they die they can seek forgiveness from their children?

As a Muslim, forgiveness is a virtue and is very much encouraged. Some people has mentioned about forgiveness purifies the soul or something. Maybe one day I may but for now, he can lead the life he wants as long as he did not bother us anymore like the person mentioned in this entry. I hope Allah will forgive me for I did not want him to have anything to do with my life. I'm not wonderful and forgiving. I'm 'secretly evil' remember? Referring to point no. 8 in this entry, some can't accept my stand. I'd probably make a cold-hearted wife with the way I'm thinking. But so be it. Like I care what you think.

This is not a sympathy fishing entry. There is nothing to sympathize about. We're doing extremely well remember. But may this be a reminder if you decided to divorce your children. If this is the outcome you want, by all means go ahead with your intention.

One thing I'd like to point out, since we (my siblings and I) look like we're from a mix parentage, people (the pure Malays) would assume the father, who sounded like a bad person, is the one who is not a pure Malay. Orang Melayu baik2 belaka ker? Sorry to disappoint but he has a pure Malay blood. I've got nothing against Malays, I am a Malay irregardless of the Malay blood percentage running in my body, but if you want to go racist with me, I can too. But, I've digressed.

Appreciate your father, if you have a wonderful father and life goes on if you don't. Be a wonderful father if you're a father. Even if you're divorced, your children is still your flesh and blood. I believe God is fair. Everyone will get what is due to them.

How Evil is Evil?

I tried this test to see how evil I am as compared to the evil princess hehehe... Here's my result:-


Is secretly evil worse than all other evils? Hmmm... Now everyone will run away from me hehehehe....

So puteri, are you going to tell the world how evil is the evil princess?

Sun, Sea and Sand - TsuMawi

We went to PD for a 1 night, 1 day holiday last weekend. 'We' are Sheeba, Ben, Nita and her son Airil, Ayla who can only come on Sunday morning and yours truly. Sheeba, a lecturer, is on a long semester break but she is willing to come to PD and be our host during the trip.

We plan to reach PD earlier to catch the sunset but we met some friends before we started our journey from Puchong so we're a bit delayed and have to miss the sunset. We reached PD at almost 6, perform our prayers, freshen up, chit chat and then Sheeba discovered her housemate took the Astro decoder card. Oh oh! Mawi's fan started to feel uneasy. How??? They wanted to see Mawi's performance on AF tonight. Will he forget his lyrics again?

The best solution is to find an eating place with Astro, showing AF. We need to have our dinner anyway. So Sheeba decided on the best eating spot and we got the best seat in the house. Unfortunately, Mawi's performance is towards the end of the show and since we're famished, we forgot to eat slowly. We can't hog the best seat in the house from 8.30 to 11 and we're already too full to order more drinks.

So with a heavy heart, we decided to go back. Half way, I thought why didn't we take a walk at the beach near Pesta PD spot, hopefully after a while we have some space in the tummy for more drinks so we can find another shop with Astro for our drinks and watch the show. I'm not a fan but I can't stand seeing my friend's gloomy faces. They could regret coming down to PD and miss the show. Since I'm the one who get everyone together, might as well make sure everyone is happy :)

We make a u-turn and went to the said place. It is too dark to walk at the beach. There could be broken glasses in the sand. Luckily we found a nice place to sit and chit chat. For entertainment, we asked Airil to practice singing as his preparation for AF20 hehehe... Unfortunately, his singing needs a lot of improvement. We plan to wait longer but decided to go find a place where we can have our drinks after about 20 minutes.

The shop owner must have guessed our reason when we only ordered drinks but we didn't really care. At least we ordered something right? As it gets nearer to Mawi's turn, Sheeba gets very nervous as if she is the one having stage fright hehehe... Then, it is Mawi's turn and even not being his fan, I was captivated by his voice. He didn't forget his lyrics this time. When Mawi is asked to list down the attributes of his dream Malay girl, his fan is seen taking notes in earnest.

When we reach home, I'm the lucky one who got free shoulder and back massage by two ladies who wanted to practice their massage techniques hehehe... If Mawi ever wants to look for older women, I can recommend two who wears head cover, sporting, supportive and understanding. Every pieces of conversation will lead back to Mawi ;) It is so funny observing the TsuMawi effect. And the song "Gadis Melayu" became our favorite song for the weekend.

Not A Wife Material

I was talking to a friend last night when I was reminded of an event which makes me come to the conclusion that I'm not a wife material. Let's see whether I can list down 10 things to support this assumption since some blogger likes to come up with top 10 list of anything-and-everything-in-the-wind.

1. The first time I meet a guy, I'd be very firm and business-like. No way am I going to flirt or be manja-manja or make any overtures that some feels necessary to land themselves a husband.

2. If you're doing an average job, living an average life, I probably got paid slightly higher than you do. That is a no-no to a man's ego isn't it?

3. Relatively taller than the average Malay girl, I can't look submissive when I am eye-to-eye or when I have to look down on a man can I? Like it or not, many Malay men are deficient when it comes to height hehehe...

4. If I disapprove on something, you'll definitely hear about it. Like the time someone proudly mention he owns a unit of low-cost flat because he knew 'someone', I went on a debate-mode because he is not eligible for a low-cost unit. His action is simply against my principle. Maybe many people do it but we don’t have to follow if we know it is wrong, right?

5. I can look intelligent when I talk about computers not that I know much about it but I'll still be a computer geek for those who are non IT savvy. Can a computer geek make a good wife when I have no idea what is the 'in' kain and tudung at Jalan TAR? If I ever look for tudung, I'll go for those that are Malaysian weather friendly and easy to wear. For kain, minimal or no ironing not required is a must, irregardless of trend and fashion. A non fashionable computer geek anyone?

6. I look stupid when some friends talk about things like a certain dinnerware, tableware brand where you can only get from UK that every good modern wife is supposed to know and I have no idea what they are talking about. There are many other discussions that I don't understand.

7. I'll be restless if someone drives like a turtle or not willing to bend the rules a bit. A friend refuses to go right at a double line when there are no other cars behind us. The road is almost deserted on weekend OK and when I pointed it out, he said we must follow the rule. Duh! If the relationship ever goes to the next level, I know I'll nag about it.

8. My point-of-view on men and fatherhood, non-existent relationship with a father is a turn-off on some. Is it wrong if I expect father to play a role in their children's life? Is it wrong if I expect men to be responsible to their children even if they are divorce? You did not divorce your children did you?

9. I will look in disbelief if any men (except my brother) want to borrow money from me. The rare occasion when male colleague forgot they don't have enough money in the wallet during lunch time is acceptable as long as they pay back immediately. But other than that, I really can't accept it. How I react to it depends on the situation. If the person beat around the bush giving some hints, I'll just ignore them. If they ask, I'll just say I don't have money or is not in a habit lending money to people. They'd probably rant a bit about me not wanting to share their difficulties and things like that but you know quite a few women lend money to their boyfriend and will never see the money and boyfriend again right?

10. My temper, or is it aggressiveness? If someone is doing something very slowly, I'd grunt and do the job myself. Lembab sangat penat nak tunggu :p

So there goes my list of 10 reason in no particular order. I'm sure we'll add more to the list if anyone manage to inverview men I've dated hehehe...

Eating Alone

Are you comfortable eating alone in public places? Ladies? I know most ladies would rather 'tapau' and eat in the office rather than eating alone at the mamak's or any warung. I used to be very conscious about eating alone. You know if something unexpected happen while you're eating in a group, you can laugh it off together and won't feel so embarrassed. If you're alone and the chicken fly off from your plate or the gravy poured onto your tudung or clothes, aiyyooohhh... how? Try to dig a hole from where you're sitting and pray no one else notices? Chances are, they won't notice for busy stuffing themselves with food but you don't dare raise your face that you'll think everyone is looking at you having that misfortune.

Since my colleagues are Chinese, sometime they want to go sek fan at non halal Chinese restaurant. When I work at a bigger company with a lot more staff, we have many groups that when one go for non-halal food, other groups may decide to go for halal ones. I've moved to smaller company with very little staff now that I prefer eating alone. Some, I don't like their company, some would 'tapau' food from home and some would go to Chinese restaurants that I don't bother to ask anymore. Just go out and eat alone. They are the ones who'll ask if they can join me when they decide to go for mamak's or Malay restaurant.

Eating in a group may be more fun but I'm OK with eating alone. I can choose the place I want to eat rather than wasting precious minutes getting a consensus of where everyone else would like to eat. Not to mention the time cut down from not chit-chatting, which can be used to write blog or read other people's blogs :) OK maybe I'm becoming more and more attached to the virtual world but I'm going to move to a bigger company soon so we'll see how I fare socializing with the real world on a more constant basis.

What's That??

I saw a black and longish something, moving slowly under my TV rack. It looks like a cockroach but too thin to be one. Is it a bug? What kind of bug moves like that? I couldn't see any antennae. Bugs mostly have antennae right? That thing stops when it reached a shelf. I kinda expect it to go under the shelf but it changed direction. Probably it's too big to go under the shelf.

Curious, I go closer to have a look. And what I see almost make me shriek like a mad person during Maghrib time. Luckily, I managed to control myself or else my neighbour will think something has gotten into me. People said dusk is the time most loved by out-of-this-world thing so be careful of where you go at dusk.

Anyway, that black longish thing is ULAT BULU!!!! Yikes ulat bulu in the house!!! How on earth does it get in? I live on the third floor by the way. My TV set is at the opposite end of the front door. Don’t tell me it moves all the way from the front door and I didn't notice. If it didn’t come from the front door, does it come through the window? It's windy these past few days. Does it get flown in by the wind? How? How does it get inside? And I thought ulat bulu has a distinguish movement, curled up and straight again. This one moves straight all the way.

It is big and hairy. Really, really big! I can still feel queasy when I think about it. Errgghh...

Before that thing moves any further, I decided to take action. There's no one else in the house to ask for help. So I pick a piece of paper, gently fold in two and fold one end so when the ulat bulu moves in, it can’t move until the other end. I'm a very independent person but not when it comes to frogs or ulat bulu in the house OK. Animals are just not my thing. So before I shrieked thinking about the thing I'm holding in my hand (in the paper in my hand actually), I better move fast.

I can't squash it. I'm too timid to do that. To imagine the thing got splattered... iyyeewww... so I quickly put it in the garbage bag in the kitchen and tie it up nicely. After making sure there are no holes where it can come out, I feel better. But I'm still worried if it has any siblings moving freely in the house. God, please don't let it be anymore ulat bulu in my house.

Now do you know why I prefer light colored anything rather than black. Black can hide many things but some other things can hid there too. I'm going to check the clothes strewn on my bed just in case something is hiding in its folds. I'm going to check my handbag and laptop bag currently on the floor. My laptop bag is black. Next time I'm going to buy a light colored laptop bag. What else should I check? Iiieee... this ulat bulu is making my life difficult now.

*ulat bulu - caterpillar

In The Still Of The Night

There's certain stillness to the night tonight. There are no babies crying, children shouting or spouse fighting. I switched off the TV, sit by the window, open it wide and listen to the sound of the night. I can hear the sound of vehicles from far but the night crickets are louder. Thin clouds veiled the sky and the crescent moon shines brightly before it hid behind the tall condo. The night breeze is refreshing and once in a while, the single shining star will be accompanied with lights from airplanes passing by.

It is so calm and peaceful, just right for my creative brain juices to become hyperactive. Let's play with words it said. So here are the words flowing from my gray matter.

Menangguk keli udang di jala,
Umpan disimpan di dalam cawan;
Malam sepi duduk di jendela,
Memandang bulan di balik awan.

Hendak menuai padi seberang,
Singgah berehat di pohon sebatang;
Bulan sabit bersinar terang,
Hanya berteman sebutir bintang.

Kalau janji jadi sandaran,
Sudahlah pasti harus tunaikan;
Alunan unggas jelas kedengaran;
Diselang hiruk kenderaan di jalan.

Sudah suratan sejak berzaman,
Kasih suci jadi dambaan;
Kedinginan malam terasa nyaman,
Damai hati tenang perasaan.

Good night everyone :)

Myvi vs Savvy: The Ad

Here's what I see when I look at the TV ad for both cars.

Myvi

Desirable!

Savvy

A gigantic, ugly, shapeless blob.


On another note not related to the ad, despite using 'Built Tougher Than You Think', I heard Savvy is called Sawi by some. And being called a vegetable is not a good thing.

Enough said.

Suenderella

I had a busy Saturday being 'Suenderella' hehehe...

My apartment's decor is cream with a splash of red but lately I notice the cream curtain and sofa cover looks more 'kepam' than cream. So last Saturday I decided to wash them and clean the apartment from top to bottom. I'm not sure what the equivalent English word for 'kepam' is. To give some idea, when I soak the curtain, it took 4-5 change of water before the water looks quite clear. The first time I soak the curtain, the water looks like squid's ink. Iyyeeewwww...

Does that show how dirty the air quality around us is or how lazy I was? A bit of both? Seriously, I remember a long time ago, I can clean the ceiling fan like once or twice a year before it accumulates really really black grime and dust but I've clean my ceiling fan quite recently and I can't stand looking at it now. Can't clean the fan this time though coz my brother Aie took back his ladder. Hmmm... must let the fan move all the time so I will not notice the black grime and dirt ;) *Short term solution only*

Vacuum the whole house, mop the floor and clean the toilet. At noon, mom calls and asks whether she can come in the afternoon instead of evening because adik wants to watch AF3. Alamak I have not prepared anything, the sofa has got no cover and I have no curtain too. But said yes anyway. Its 12 o'clock and I expected them to arrive at 2 for a late lunch. A friend is also coming to spend the weekend with me. So in between cleaning up the mess that happens due to cleaning, prepared wantan mee.

At 1.40, I'm sure I have everything under control when I received another phone call from mom. She said, "tak jadilah coz adik dah tertidur". Huh! I'm wondering if this is going to be a weekend where all plans go haywire so smsed my friend asking what time she'll be coming. I expected her to come at about 3 but she said she'll reach my place around 6. She's going new-car-hunting. Who's going to eat all the food I prepared? Luckily Aie comes back so we had lunch together.

Finally my friend came at 8 p.m. She said Kepong is very jammed. I thought the wantan mee I prepared will end up in the fridge but between the two of us, we managed to almost clean up everything in between chit chat. I'll probably give the wantan mee recipe one of these days. It feels so nice when the apartment is spick and span again. There's a certain glow looking at the curtain now where before it looks like curtains at an abandoned house. The sofa looks like new and I can lie down on the floor and not see a layer of dust on it. That's the satisfaction of being a 'Suenderella' for a while. There is no need for a pair of glass shoe and a prince :)

New Chapter

Warning: A very long post.

I gave my resignation letter a few days ago. My boss, Mr. A said he's devastated. I've always wanted to see how he would react when I give him the news. I wanted to prove to him there are other jobs out there and I can get better offer. Not too long ago he discovered I'm looking for another job and I overheard his conversation over the phone with our company associate who happens to be my former boss, Mr. J. Not the boss who thinks he's better than Bill Gates, Mr. G, but he's a friend to Mr. A and I worked for him temporarily. It's a long story. There's no short version of it. So being a former employer, soon-to-be-employer calls him as a referee.

You see, Mr. A got hearing problem and he thought he's speaking softly on the phone, with his room door ajar. I can hear every word from his mouth and I can imagine what Mr. J at the other end of the phone was saying. Mr. A laughed and said, "Not easy! Not easy!" several times, meaning not easy for me to find job nowadays. And then he went on and on about my 'faults'.

Apparently he's still pissed off I did not backed him up when he raised his voice to a client. Not just raised but shouted. Many times he tried to justify why he did that. I told him there is no need for him to repeat what happened coz I was there too. He still didn't get it. He thinks he's right. But we've agreed to disagree. He has to agree coz I'm not going to *fan* him just because he pays my salary. If I think he needs a piece of my mind, he'll get it. I wonder whether I can be as frank to people in my new job but we'll see.

I did not tell Mr. A where I'll be going no matter how much he insisted. He has this habit of commenting on the companies of ex staff. Something like they'll have no future there, they'll only be another corporate slave or things like that. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of commenting on mine. He said he promised not to say anything but he needs the peace of mind I'll be joining a good company. I told him I know he'll say something behind my back. He didn't refute that.

We're still on good terms despite all that disagreement.

One Interview, Two Job Offer

A day before I get the go ahead to hand in my resignation letter, I received a call from someone doing Executive Search. He owns a consulting firm. Initially, he wants to recommend a position for his client, a company in automobile industry, but upon meeting and talking to me, he offered me a confirmed position in his consulting firm. I can still choose the automobile company if I want to. I thought, how nice to have 3 good offers to consider. The first is my soon-to-be-employer.

Though I still have to attend an interview with his client, normally a recommendation from Executive Search companies would have a higher percentage of being accepted. The magic words I used to charm him, "pay is not that important" heh. You should try using it too. And mean it. Of course the pay is important but what is also important is doing something you like, the opportunity of self development, learning something new and things like that.

The new staff in my current office asked whether he can get paid 4k after 3 years. That will be the determining factor of how long he'll stay with the company. Other ex-staff also cited higher pay as the reason for leaving. It saddens me to see money being the sole motivator of fresh grads. I understand a fresh grads main aim after graduation is to get a job. Any job with reasonable pay would do. But after getting the first job, they should consider the skills they want to acquire while they are still in the beginning stage of a career. Go for an organization that would polish those skills. Money should not be the sole motivator. But they retorted by saying they need the money to help their family, to pay for a car, etc.

So Laku

A client called Mr. A upon hearing I'm resigning. We're a small company so if the main consultant handling the client's project resigned, they're concerned. Later my boss told me the client wants to offer me a position in his company if I'm interested. Errr… certainly not. The reason I'm leaving is to try something new. Joining them would mean I'll be doing the same thing i.e. continue with the project I'm currently doing for them.

When I first told Mr. A I'm resigning, he did say since I'm so 'laku' to be getting 3 offers, why didn't I stay until end of the year. For what?? I'm not getting anything by staying a few more months. Only he will benefit. Depending on the market situation, I might not be so 'laku' by next year. Anyway, it feels nice to know you're needed. I mentioned I got 3 offers so Mr. A will not know which one I'll join. Since soon-to-be-employer calls Mr. J for my reference, Mr. A knows about it too. Saying I got 3 offers will keep him off track :)

Not Bragging

I'm not bragging about all these job offers. After anyone works for more than 5 years and especially if you have been loyal to one company, it is difficult to start finding a job again. I've worked for the same boss for 5++ years. You'll wonder if you're marketable. You'll wonder if your skills of doing the mundane job you've been doing for years is required elsewhere. You'll wonder at the current market condition whether you're overpaid and no other company would offer that high a salary. You'll wonder about change after being comfortable with your work environment, your boss and your colleagues. You'll wonder about so many things. I've been wondering too and I know some friends have been wondering and still are.

But we'll never know unless we try. I've proven that it can be done. I've interviewed many people for positions at current company but still gets very nervous when it is my turn to be interviewed. I've poured over books and the internet to write a convincing resume and finding tips on how to carry myself during an interview. Going into the job market again is definitely not easy. It is also good if we know what we're looking for. That way, we'll sound passionate about what we want to do when we're being interviewed. That makes a lot of difference. I believe if you do something because you like it, the money will come to you. Even if it didn't come as much as you want, you're doing something that you like anyway and wouldn't mind so much.

Anticipation

So, how am I feeling about finally moving on? Very excited and full of hope.

1. I'll be doing something I love doing
2. I'll acquire new skills
3. I'll travel a lot
4. I'll get to know new colleagues and experience new environment

A bit worried too.

1. I've been working with Chinese company, with mostly Chinese colleague, since I started working. The main benefit of not speaking Mandarin or Cantonese, I'm spared the office politics and gossips. They might be talking about me too but who cares. You don't disturb me, I'll not disturb you.
2. The Chinese do not bother about my single status. They didn't even bother to ask. Whenever I go to a potential client's or clients' place, the small talk with the Malays would include "are you married?"
3. I speak up my mind, I argue with my boss and I can kick him too. I'll wonder how it is in the new place. Hopefully the new boss won't have to be kicked :)
4. If I'm not feeling well, I wonder how I'll cope. At current company, we're quite relaxed. We'll not be penalized for taking MCs. Mr. A is aware of my condition and never complaints.

Well, we'll see how I'm doing some time next month. I'll start a new chapter in my life.

Choosing The Right One

I got this in my email. Extremely funny LOL

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.

As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent a ll the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

























Then he married the one with the largest breasts.

Didn't see it coming? Hahahaha.... Men will be men kan :D

Secret Garden

I saw "Back to the Secret Garden" on 8TV last night. There's nothing else worth watching. The story reminded me of my own secret garden behind mom's chicken shed a long long time ago. Of course my secret garden is nothing like the secret garden in the story but I love it very much. It's a small fenced area behind the chicken shed with one big tree, bushes of pandan leaves and many other small plants.

Anyone remember a TV episode "Land of the Giant"? I saw it in the 80s. The show was last aired in the US years before I was born. I'll sit at my secret garden and imagine this would be a perfect place for all the castaways to hide. When the chicks came out to play around the bushes, they'll be in trouble though. We have a garden in the front yard too. A real garden with roses and other beautiful flowers. I wonder why I prefer the one behind the chicken shed :)

More privacy I think. A place where the big sister can hide from annoying little brothers. I think what's nice being children is having imaginations. Nowadays I wish my imagination can take me disappear from the real world for a while.

Are We Having Food Crisis?

I went to Tesco day before yesterday and saw many baskets normally full with vegetables and fruits being put upside down with a cardboard sign "Out of Stock". Then I went to look at the chicken section to check out the prices since I've heard some hoohas about chicken shortage in the news. I saw empty rows of rack where the chicken used to be displayed. Saw only a few packs of chicken with prices higher than usual. What happened? Are we having food crisis?

I decided to buy meat instead. I'm a bit worried about the trend of the increasing price of almost everything but there's not much we can do about it other than growing or rearing our own food like the good old days. Anyway the rules of supply and demand will always apply right? So if chicken supplier gives problem, let's buy fish or meat or eggs. If every food supplier wants to give problem, let's buy sardines instead.

I only have to worry about one mouth to feed. I wonder how parents with many little mouths to feed fares.

Not Taking Sides

I've read a wise saying about not taking sides quite some time ago. I've forgotten the exact words but it goes something like this...

"If both your friends are having an argument, do not take sides or you'll loose a friend."

I've tried to follow this sayings most of the time. Unless I witness the wrongdoings where I can make my own judgment, I'll try not to take sides.

When I was studying, each room in the girl's hostel has 4 partitions. I remember a room where three of its occupant has something against one other occupant for reasons unknown to me. Most friends would visit either the three people or the one person but not both. However, I would waltz into their room saying hi to all.

I did not become close to any one of them. They're probably suspicious I would report what's being said to the other side. Not that I care much about not being accepted. At least I did not make any enemies.

My respect also goes to some friends who did not take side when I have issues with someone. Normally we girls would like to talk it out with someone. I remember one of my friends lends me her ears, murmuring all the right words but never talk bad about the person I'm having some issue with. There are some people who likes to be a 'batu api' with both sides, having some pervert sense of pleasure seeing two people having an argument.

There is an extension to the sayings above.

"If two strangers have a disagreement, you may take sides and gain a friend"

I don't exactly agree with this one. If we can be a mediator between the two, why not be one and we may get two friends. Who knows if the three people would become the best of friends :) Even if we did not choose to be a mediator, why choose to make an enemy?

Anyway, we should also choose which battle we want to get involved in. If we want to become Cik Sri Siantan to everyone having problems in this world, we'd run out energy. I've tried being one before and it gets very tiring. It drains me physically and emotionally because some people will happily remain a**holes, refusing to put themselves in the other person's shoe.

This is a just a note to myself and some who shares the logic in the argument. We're faced with such decisions in many situations. Even in the blogging world, much to my disappointment.

I remember one such incident even when I was only a blog reader back then. I'd rather not mention it. Since it has continued happening, like it or not, we just have to accept it as the norm where many people are put in a group, even if it is just a virtual one. Whether you want to be a passive observer, a mediator or take sides, the choice is yours.

I'm Black and Blue

I do not want to end today with the knowledge I did not do anything useful so I decided to go for a traditional body massage. The place is nearby so I do not have to face any jam whatsoever. After calling to make an appointment, I waited with a good feeling. At last I'm going to do something useful today.

Not one minute has passed; I wonder why I want to put my body to this grueling torture. I was torn between feeling ticklish and pain. Have anyone tried laughing in pain? The masseuse laughed too. She said she's doing it as slow as she can that will still be beneficial to me and not inflict too much pain or tickles.

Normally, I have high pain endurance but not this time. I probably have neglected my body for a long time. The masseuse keeps saying she's just started massaging a spot and it's already red, a sign of too much wind. Not to mention twisted veins, swollen muscle and what not. She also jokingly say, "ini sayang suami ni" because I'm ticklish. Hehehe… maybe I should put her testimonial on my husband-looking-resume lol.

After a while, it is painful more than it tickles. Almost every spot she touches, I'll go Adoi! Adoi! Adoi! Can there be so many painful spot on my body? How come I never felt them? I do massage my own legs and feet but never felt any pain. She tells me that I should avoid iced drinks and drink warm water first thing in the morning. Warm water, I can do. Iced drinks? That is a bit more difficult.

I always promise myself to have body massage at least every month but normally, other activities would become priority. So let's see whether I can keep this promise from now on.

Run! Run! I'm Running For My Life

Run! Run! I'm running for my life... Why am I always being pursued by the wrong people for wrong reasons? Do I have some sign on my forehead that says "Hey, pick me! You're just the person I need."

Let's see. There are the old men, the married man, the insurance salesmen and the direct selling lady, among others. I'll rejoice the day when a knight in shining armor pursues this particular maiden heh. I might still run but at least the prospect of being caught is not so bad lol.

I hate public holidays that coincide with the weekend and the school holidays. I hate crowd, I hate the jam so here I am all alone at home with nowhere to go. I'd probably find some fun thing to do if I really am in the mood but today is just one of those boring day. My couch potato day if you wanna call it that.

And while I'm feeling sorry for myself for not being able to find something interesting to do, watching TV and staring at my laptop at the same time, I got an SMS from an unknown number asking how I was. Later, I found out the sender is this person. Arrggghhh!!! She's at it again.

Why me? Why? Some people may say I look very polite and refined but I'm telling you I can get very rude and downright ugly. You don't want to see me in that mode. Even I don't want to see me in that mode. Go away! Leave me alone! I like my life the way it is. It can be fine one day, it can be boring the next. Heck! Whose life isn't?

I certainly do not want to meet someone who's going to tell me how I can improve my life the way she has improve hers, how I can get a big car etc., etc., etc., especially when I'm not having my best days. Sigh! I'm still thinking how I should reply her SMS asking me to meet for a drink. Should I just ignore the SMS and pretend I didn't receive it? Should I just say I'm not interested with your product so I see no reason why we should meet? Should I just meet and brace myself for that sales pitch?

For now, I'll just pretend I'm busy doing something on Sunday afternoon or maybe taking my afternoon nap for not replying to her SMS sooner. Do you think I have got nothing better to do than replying to your SMS? I got to practice saying that with the haughtiest look I could muster. Maybe a British accent would help hahaha...

On Most Friday Evenings...

- Stop by at the night market near my place after work.
- Must walk the whole stretch of the night market before deciding to buy anything
- Must buy item: fruits and cendol
- Buy something for dinner (if there is no plan to go out for dinner), normally Nasi Kerabu.
*I have some story with Nasi Kerabu. Will tell that later...
- Reach apartment, unpack the things I've bought
- Sit down, put my feet up while sipping the cendol. Ahhhh.... this is bliss :)
*If I have not planned anything for the weekend, this is the time to think of what to do.

If you remember reading about my exercise plan on the evenings, that plan is definitely not for Friday :)

About that Nasi Kerabu story....

A few years back, went to KB with a group of friends to attend a friend's wedding. On the way back to KL, we decided to eat something before boarding the bus at about 8 or 9, can't remember. Anyway, I'm not too hungry to eat a whole pack of Nasi Kerabu so decided to share with my friend. We keep one more pack just in case we got hungry in the bus.

That Nasi Kerabu was the best I've ever had. Really really good. At about 1 or 2 in the morning, the bus stopped for a while. We decided to eat our nasi kerabu but found out it has gone bad. Sooo... sad. Kempunan betul! So from that day onwards, if I saw any Nasi Kerabu that looks decent (no blue coloring OK!), I'd buy and give it a try. Luckily, the Nasi Kerabu they sell at the night market is pretty decent.

First Child

I did not have a very high expectation from people around me. Being the first child thought me that. It is not a big deal really. To me, it is just a fact of life. But when I saw how some people behave, or read some people's blog, it occurred to me how very very low my expectation to the people around me is. I take care of myself. I take care of my family to some extent. The thing that I fear most is not being able to care for myself and having to depend on other people no matter if the other people I'm talking about is my family. Of course there are the occasional help you require from family members but not overly dependent on them.

I write this because I feel something about it after reading many beautiful blog entries recently. I still can't pinpoint what exactly my feeling is. Is it envy? Is it plain acceptance? I don't know yet.

As a little girl, I've always accepted the fact that I'm a big sister and have to give ways to my younger siblings. We are quite well behaved kids. If we look at beautiful toys and mom said we can't buy this as it is too expensive, we'll just look at the toys longingly and follow mom quietly. Some cousins will pull the supermarket down from their crying and rolling on the floor, not going to stop until they got what they want. When parents and aunties pay more attention to my little brother, I'll just stand aside and look. It never occurs to me to do something, anything, to get their attention.

Life at a boarding school is tough but I never tell my parents about it. Never occurred to me to tell them about it actually. So when my brother reports about what happened to him at his boarding school, I would silently say, "alaaa... itu pun nak cerita". So as we grew up, mom thought life is easy on me. No news is good news right? Well, I survived the experience. So that's that.

When father left us, I try not to be a problem source for mom. She has had enough on her plate. I'll try to do what I can to help too. But sometimes, what I see as not a problem, she'll take it as a problem. Like the time when I work during semester break and use some of the money to charter a taxi on my own so mom will not have to worry how to get my things back to Uni, but that is a different story. The point is I try to do as much as I can so as not to burden anybody.

When most extended family members did not bother to find out whether we're OK, what more to provide assistance in energy or money, we survived on our own. We did not bother about them too. I learned not to rely on anybody and not to expect anything from anybody. But God is fair. There are some angels along the way. Not related by blood but they care and they do what they can to help. So when we did not expect anything, having people who care is a bonus. If you did not get anything, you will not get disappointed.

It also makes me appear as if I don't care much about things or people. Once, there is someone I know who cried because she did not know how to go around with the bus. No one is available to ferry her around. I go "Duh!" And no I did not offer to send her to wherever she wants to go. Going around with the public transport is a basic living skill. While I pity she is not provided with this basic living skill by her parents, she's not handicapped in anyway, she can read, she can speak, so look for road signage and ask people for direction lah.

I care about my family though. I can't just quit my job no matter how much I hate it. Until I find another source of income, I'll just tough it out. I can't take a job with unstable income. How am I going to give money to mom if I don't have enough for myself? There are many things a first child has to consider or forgo just because they are first and family members have some expectations from them.

I'm not whining or anything. All that has make me the person I am today. A friend remarked I'm too independent. I told him I have to be. No one is going to take care of me but myself. Well, of course my family would but they don't have to if there is no need for them to. Probably I bruised his ego a bit when I insist on doing things on my own and did not turn meek and submissive when he's around offering to be the macho man hehehe... I appreciate the gesture though.

Are you a first child too? How do you fare being the first? How do YOU treat your first child? That will determine how they'll turn up as an adult.

Sleep

Taking an afternoon nap is a luxury. Sometimes kids do not want to take their afternoon nap. They do not want to miss anything by going to sleep. They want to play and play some more. Often, as adults, we would envy those kids. Why didn't they want to take their afternoon nap? We're so busy with 101 things to do that we don't have the time to take an afternoon nap.

Of course, that did not apply to me :) I have no kids to ferry around to school and extra-curricular activities, everyone in my family is independent (transportation-wise), so I have more free time to have an afternoon nap if I want to. I love having an afternoon nap.

Faced with problems, I normally choose to sleep it off. Hopefully when I woke up, it's all just a bad dream. But most often than not, it is not a dream. However, after waking up the problem didn't seem so daunting. Life goes on and after some time, the problem will become just another chapter in the pages of our life.

Night time sleeping is another matter. I hate going to sleep. There are like 101 things I can do at home. Switching TV channel, reading magazines, blogging or reading blogs, cleaning (I do vacuum the house at 11 p.m. sometimes and washes clothes too), or just lazing around appreciating the night.

Why do my eyes started to feel sleepy comes 12 midnight? I love night time. That is my 'alone' time. I wish I can prolong my 'awake' time at night. But in the morning I have to wake up and I already have difficulty waking up :) So have to go to sleep whether I like it or not. Sigh!

Reference:
Why We Need Sleep?
Getting the Sleep You Need

My First Blogger Meet

Never ever thought I'm gonna meet any bloggers when I first started blogging. But puteri's 'overramahness' :) makes me feel like I really should meet her in person when she's coming down to KL. So I finally met her and others today. When she said she's at One Utama's Starbucks, it's not difficult to find them at all. I figured, just look for the noisiest group hehehe... And I'm right. I met Delinn, Iza, Coco and XMen.

From One Utama, we went to Sunway Damansara for dinner with Bat and her family. Almost 'terkelu lidah' because I have no flair when it comes to talking with strangers. And despite sharing part of their life through their blog, seeing them in person is a different thing altogether. But only almost 'terkelu' coz I can't help but laugh at everyone's antics. Anyway, it really is nice to meet all of you. Your cheese cake is heavenly Coco and thanks Bat for the dinner.

Read related entries by Delinn and Puteri.

Update:
Entry from Coco is here.