The Man Called Father

Father's Day has come and gone. Many people have written heartwarming stories about this male figure in their life. I have none to write. This male figure called Father did not exist in my life. Well, I'm not anak buluh betung lah if you're thinking what you're thinking. I used to have one but can't remember any of his good side to mention. Probably some of the good things have been overshadowed by all the dark events that happened towards the end of his existence. The last time I heard, he is still alive but to me, he did not exist.

He divorced his children not long after he divorced his wife to marry another. He became more and more a stranger, the men we didn't know, with his every action. Back then, there was not much awareness to the rights of single mother. Single mothers are treated like a pest in the society. I shall not go into detail but it was very ugly. Nowadays when single mothers whine about their fate, not that I'm not sympathetic, but I've known of a worse situation. The man called father became my enemy not long after the divorce. He dared hurting my younger brothers, his own flesh and blood to get to my mom. I confronted him, hurled abusive words and throw stones at him without any fear or remorse. He did not get hit by the stones but I wanted him to know that we're at war. I was only thirteen.

I was in the boarding school that time. You know where bullying exist in a varying degree. I was never afraid of the senior. Who did they think they are? Sikit2 nak cakap junior rude. Sikit2 nak cari pasal. If I can have a fight with my father, who are you who are not even related to me? If you dare mess with me, be prepared for the consequences. But aside from word wars and cold shoulders, no one dares to do any physical harm to me. You can ignore me like I care. I can exist alone, I can exist with friends from my own batch. My point, that is the effect of the whole situation on me. I became hardened. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the 'Ratu Air Mata' but don't think I'll relent just because I cried. I cried watching Mentor, much to my disgust but like I can stop the tears from flowing.

We were dragged to court several times. Once, so the judge can see if his demand to cut down on the child support payment for each child has any basis. When that did not work, he wanted to take custody of me and my youngest brother. If he took care of the children, he does not have to pay so much for child support (Is RM50 or each child a lot?) That did not work too. We didn't want to stay with him. I have experienced standing in the witness stand, alone. When he's furious with my answer, he scolded me there and then. The judge asked me how I felt. I told him I did not feel anything. "Tak rasa apa-apa. Biasa jer", were my exact words. My younger brothers have to stand in the witness stand together. I will still get sad thinking about how they look standing in there. Then he tried to cut down on the child support payment again. The judge take a look at our exam results. Alhamdulillah we did well in school. The judge decided to increase the child support payment (RM75 per child) because we have grown up and needed more money for schooling.

He quit his government job. I know he has applied several times before finally accepted as a government servant. But he sacrificed the job he wanted so much so the child support payment can't be automatically deducted from his salary. He has never contacted us since. So do we. When my siblings and I wanted to apply for scholarships and whatnot, it is easier to say he's dead so there won't be so many questions asked. It makes our life easier. We are not required to produce death certificate so that was easy. Children whose father died are treated differently from children with divorced parents. The former gets better treatment. Having a father who is alive did not mean anything if he's better dead. Life was hard. We deserved any help we can get.

We survived childhood and are doing reasonably well. I hate Malay dramas showing a bad father who finally gets forgiven by his children. I hate it when people say, "he is still your father and you should forgive him." They have not gone through what we as a family have gone through. I'm not saying our situation is the worst but we've had as much as we're able to endure. I know many got forgiven by their families. They should thank their lucky stars for having such a wonderful forgiving family members. Is that why some men do it? Because before they die they can seek forgiveness from their children?

As a Muslim, forgiveness is a virtue and is very much encouraged. Some people has mentioned about forgiveness purifies the soul or something. Maybe one day I may but for now, he can lead the life he wants as long as he did not bother us anymore like the person mentioned in this entry. I hope Allah will forgive me for I did not want him to have anything to do with my life. I'm not wonderful and forgiving. I'm 'secretly evil' remember? Referring to point no. 8 in this entry, some can't accept my stand. I'd probably make a cold-hearted wife with the way I'm thinking. But so be it. Like I care what you think.

This is not a sympathy fishing entry. There is nothing to sympathize about. We're doing extremely well remember. But may this be a reminder if you decided to divorce your children. If this is the outcome you want, by all means go ahead with your intention.

One thing I'd like to point out, since we (my siblings and I) look like we're from a mix parentage, people (the pure Malays) would assume the father, who sounded like a bad person, is the one who is not a pure Malay. Orang Melayu baik2 belaka ker? Sorry to disappoint but he has a pure Malay blood. I've got nothing against Malays, I am a Malay irregardless of the Malay blood percentage running in my body, but if you want to go racist with me, I can too. But, I've digressed.

Appreciate your father, if you have a wonderful father and life goes on if you don't. Be a wonderful father if you're a father. Even if you're divorced, your children is still your flesh and blood. I believe God is fair. Everyone will get what is due to them.