End of Year 2010

The year ends in a flurry of activities... work and study and play... At some point, I even feel like I couldn't breathe with all the deadlines looming. I'm trying to list down as much as I can remember in this entry for personal reference.

For a start, in early November, I was still recovering from illness the week before. Long recovery period due to allergies to antibiotics so I have to let my body heal itself. Hubby's birthday on the 3rd... decided to buy him his heart's desire on the 1st. He has mentioned about it so many times already. Shared with my dearest sister for our hubby's birthday present. My only hope, he'll cherish it all the time since he'll use it and brings with him everywhere :) On hubby's birthday, treat hubby to lunch at Secret Recipe... with a cake.

On the 4th, finally decided to format my laptop and downgrade the OS from Vista to XP. According to Dell, can't install Windows 7 on my Dell. Many drivers will not be available. So I changed the corrupted hard disk, change OS and hope I will not have to change laptop yet.

That weekend, went back to hubby's hometown to celebrate his birthday with Melaka family. MIL was still warded so I stayed with her for a night. After a splashing time at Wonderland, have to drive back on Saturday night for my class on Sunday. Have to submit our group research report too but really... everyone has been busy. We just did what we could. I wasn't satisfied with our final product but we don't have any more time.

I have my first training after illness on the 12th. Thank God it was just a one-day training. That weekend was my last class before our final exam on the 21st and 28th. In between, I was busy preparing a training material for East Malaysia training. Initially, the training was supposed to be based on a ready material. Then the client requested something different. We scrambled to complete the material. It was a real challenge with very limited time.

What I don't like about outstation training is the traveling day. You're not paid for it and time will be more precious when you're tied to the flight schedule. I have to rush to airport once after my final exam. Then there's another training in early December. My final training before a long holiday. That weekend, I went back to hubby's hometown for a holiday in Melaka. We became like a tourist that day, visiting the ship museum, walking around, shopping for souvenirs, went to the recreational park, kayaking, eating, watching movies...


Ohhh... I also bought myself a Desire :) Just about a month after we bought hubby his iPhone 4. Initially, I thought I wanted another iPhone. iPhone 3G should do for me but then Samsung Galaxy Tab caught my eyes. When I went to format my laptop, I have a look and feel of Tab. It was just too big as a phone. Samsung Galaxy S is a good substitute but upon reading reviews and looking at the best Smartphone in the internet, I changed my mine and set my heart on HTC Desire. Then, my dear sister Kak Na ask about HTC Aria. She initially wanted an iPad but I sold the idea of Tab to her. When she told me about Aria, I smiled as I've decided on an HTC too. Comparing the two model, Desire is the best option of the two. She bought her Desire not long after hubby's iPhone. I only have time after about a month later to get myself one. I chose a red casing for my Desire.

The next weekend, Melaka family come down to KL and we spent the weekend together again eating, swimming for the boys... and spending a day at Cosmo World Berjaya Times Square. I tried the roller coaster... it was tame on the first part... the second part was really crazy. I grinned broadly with wide-eyes instead of shouting with close eyes like most people do when they're afraid. I was also concerned about making sure my specs did not fall down so maybe the focus wasn't too much on the crazy ride. Then, we lost one of the boys. Sigh! We lost Lan the last time we went to Petrosains in KLCC. He went of wandering looking for washroom at a different level and taking his own sweet time looking at comics. This time, it was Korie. He tried calling us but we don't hear the phone with all the surrounding noise. He waited near the elevator to the parking lot. Thank God! It's amazing he remembered the way to the parking lot. My second semester class has started that Sunday too. Then it was packing time for our Perlis and Langkawi trip. Azim's birthday is today but we're so tired and so full we didn't buy him any cake despite my promise. He helped me pack that night and hinted about his non-existent cake. Poor Azim. I hug him and said how nice he was to help me pack that night but everyone's so full already there's no point buying a cake if nobody eats it.

Azim had his cake at Auto City Secret Recipe the next day. He didn't eat much. He's just a happy boy he got a cake. The boys were not too happy with the choice of homestay since it didn't have any swimming pool. Too bad... We make the arrangements quite in the last minute so I consider ourselves lucky to find the homestay. There are many homestays in Kangar but not many advertise it in the internet. Hubby has to work and the boys wanted to go to Kaki Bukit for a splash in the river but it rained for almost the whole two days we were in Kangar. So we went to Padang Besar instead. Hubby cut his meeting short and joined us. At least, the shopping place has roof. I found a nice red bag for my camera, and a set of red luggage and laptop bag. Wowww... many red item for me the end of this year. We went bowling in the evening and had dinner at Kuala Perlis. The roadside were full with cars that parked because the owner went to Langkawi.


Thank God it didn't rain in Langkawi. We pretty much has a good weather the whole time we were there. We booked our transportation at Kuala Perlis. The agent there said we might not have much option in the island since there are many people now. I'm convinced they just say that to get us to book from them but hubby did not want to take risk. When we reached Langkawi, the promised vehicle was not there. Hubby was really annoyed but the office there found us a substitute vehicle which happens to be 2 weeks old. New and better than what we booked. So, lucky for us there.

We went to have lunch, then went to the Cable Car. The place were packed with so many people, the lines were like snakes and there are people who tried to cut queue. We bought the ticket at the Jetty as its cheaper there but we have to change the voucher to tickets. Hubby queue for the ticket. I queued for the line. When hubby and the group joined me, the guard stopped the Mat Salleh infront us who queued alone but later joined by their friends from getting in. He said they are not supposed to do that. Everyone should queue. Thank God he didn't notice us. We have a baby in the group and there's no point for everyone to suffer in the heat.

We went straight up, enjoyed the scenery, I queued again (quite a long time) for a pita burger that were engorged in less time they were made. The boys also enjoyed their time in the rabbit pen. Then, we checked in our hotel and went straight to the pool after prayer. The hotel wasn't as nice as the time we were here the last time. Apparently, they have changed the management. That night we had our dinner at a quiet restaurant. No wonder it was quiet. Even with very few customers, it took ages for them to prepare our meal. Then, we walked back slowly and looked for a spa place. We planned to pamper ourselves the last night we're here.


The next day, the trip to Payar Island. The cloud were quite dark and the sea very rough. The ferry trip took us about 45 minutes. The attraction at the island are baby sharks. But when we reached there, the sea was murky we couldn't see anything. Only much later it cleared up and there were many sharks. I wanted to snorkel with the sharks but they left by the time they saw people around. I didn't bring my underwater casing because this trip wasn't planned. I didn't think we'll use it but now I kinda regret not bringing it with me. The only consolation I have was the murky sea water. It would still be useful though. Next time I'll just bring it with me whenenever we're near water.

That night, we went shopping for some clothes while the boys played ping pong. For dinner, we had burger. The next day was our island hopping trip. The tide was low so there were many people at the jetty but the boats tried hard to unstuck themselves and started bringing people for their island hopping trip. Thank God we were among the earlier group so when we reached the Pregnant Maiden Lake there were still not that many people around. The hightlight of the day was when I float on my back and saw eagles flying above me. So serene and peaceful. Then we went to a floating restaurant where they have many interesting fishes, including a turtle raised in nets under the water.

The eagle feeding trip was a really short one I didn't have much time to take good photos of the bird. We spent quite some time at Pantai Beras Basah. All the time, we were kept waiting by our boatmen as he went away to fetch another group. We were wet and full of sand when we reached our Inova. We stopped for lunch before heading back to our hotel. That evening, we stopped for cendol and laksa. The cendol was a mistake as hubby and I started having sore throat after that.


We wanted to go to Makam Mahsuri specifically for its special pop fish treat but we don't have much time. I also wanted to take buffalo photos at buffalo park but the website mentioned it was close on friday. We went anyway and its not closed but it wasn't as I expected. The buffalos were kept in a building, not an open field. Means I have to find other ways to take photos of buffalo in an open field. We could feed the buffalo though. After that, we stopped at Beras Terbakar, more to shop than looked at the almost non-existent burnt rice. We just missed the sunset at Dataran Lang but the fading light still is beautiful. It was kind of a rush this evening. We withdrew some money, bought chocolates, return to hotel and my dear sister and I went for our massage courtesy of hubby. The place was quite secluded. It wasn't bad and not 5 star either.


The next day, our last day, we played at the beach. First, the jetski... then parasailing. Last time I went parasailing, I didn't have camera with me. We only took shots from below. This time I brought my camera with me so I could capture the breathtaking view. We waited for the banana boat afterwards but the earlier group keep on going on it we decided to just return to hotel to pack and check out. Our last stop was the Underwater World. I thought last time we took longer to explore than this time. Probably because we're so hungry by now. After a good lunch, we returned the car and bought our ferry tickets. We managed to get the 4:45 ticket but it was delayed for 40 minutes. We reached Kuala Perlis and it was raining. Hubby had his fill of Nasi Kandar at Alor Star before we hit the highway. We took turns driving and reached our place at about 3 a.m. Everybody was tired and I have class early tomorrow morning.

Thank God I only have 1 class as one lecturer has replaced the class earlier i.e. last weekend. Initially we're supposed to go to the library for some reading assignment but he has not gotten back to us with the course outline and reading topics. I gladly returned home, bought some rojak for lunch and took a nap after lunch. That night, we had Nasi Ayam Penyet for dinner as Korie's wish. He really enjoyed it I had fun just watching him devour his ayam bakar and his brother's ayam penyet.

The next day, hubby has to go to work, the boys had fun splashing in the swimming pool, we cook lunch and pack. Melaka family to return to Melaka, and we're going to Kuantan. Hubby has a meeting there the next day. So that's the end of our holiday. Hubby still has sore throat from the cendol and I still have flu from it. I even struggle with my asthma the first two days after we return from Langkawi. It got better when we were in Kuantan. And then I have a sore eye. Sigh! My wish for year end shopping did not materialize due to red and swollen eyes. Anyway, I really had a fun holiday. It has been a vey busy end of the year.

Blogging from my Android

It has been a loooonnggg time since my last entry. Sigh... too many things has happened and I was either too tired to put my thoughts out or just unable to do so. Explanations later... I'm just testing this Blogger-droid :)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Technology at War

This week, I have to complete my Research Project (30% of my Statistics final paper) and prepare a training material for my training end of next week. Both has been put on hold ever since my laptop started acting up again. I cannot take anymore chances. Not in my line of work where I rely on presentation slides for my training. I can totally make my training slides free but we have to manage client's perception too. For most participants, they expected to see PowerPoint slides as visuals. Even though visuals can also be in other written forms like flipcharts and posters, some would perceive the low-tech technique as not equally good compared to others.

Despite not being under warranty anymore, I gave Dell a call and they put me through to the technician. After some guided troubleshooting, the verdict is I have a faulty hard disk that has to be replaced. They need my original CD for OS installation in the new hard disk but for the life of me, I can't remember where on earth have I hid the CD. They can replace the CD for free and all that inclusive of another year warranty would cost me $900++. A brand new laptop from Dell starts from RM999. So, what would you do?

I opted for new laptop. I know no way would the final price of my laptop be RM999. I learnt my lesson that any purchase from Dell, might as well take up the 3 years warranty. It is much cheaper than activating the warranty after it has expired. So I spent few hours going through several model and comparing specs. The price of the few options I have customized ranged around RM2K - RM2.5K. Before placing the order, I wanted to sleep it over first. That was last night. This morning I feel totally in the mood to bring my laptop to Lowyat and fixed it once and for all.

I asked them to replace the hard disk, install XP and check the fan. It may have caused the system auto-shutting down. They fixed the fan for me. Cheaper than replacing it of course. All that costs me RM407. A lot cheaper than Dell warranty. Dell's salesperson is supposed to give me a call yesterday but they never did. Now I'm still in the process of updating and transferring files. One external hard disk backup done. One more to go. Now I have 320GB space so no problem storing all my backup files.

I spent about 3 hours lingering in Lowyat while waiting for them to repair my laptop. Lowyat is not a place for you to window shop if you can't resist gizmos and gadgets temptations. I saw Samsung Galaxy Tab few days ago while iPhone 4 hunting with hubby. Now I can't get it out of my mind. It would definitely be better for reading as compared to my iPod Touch. iPad would be too big for me. At RM2699, it certainly is pricier than few of my Dell options. The screen resolution is brilliant. It can replace my handphone. I think I've had my N73 for almost 5 years already. But then, the thought of putting 7" screen near my face like a phone sure is funny. If I go on a holiday, diving, I'd definitely need a smaller phone. That thought kills my desire for Galaxy Tab altogether.

However, Galaxy S has similar feature with Tab, with an even more brilliant screen and a nice phone size. The price is the same. Now, I'm salivating over S. Sigh! I offered to survey for price for Kak Na while I'm at Lowyat. That brings me to Canon shop for some lesson on EOS. Then I saw it... Powershot SX30IS. Yummyyy... Last time I was considering SX20IS with 20X zoom. SX30IS can give 35X wide zoom with 14.1MP. Wowww... wowwww... wowwww...Priced at RM1599, it certainly is very tempting. Sigh!

If I really want to squeeze my budget, I can certainly get both but I'm a very, very rational person. Do I NEED another camera? Is it urgent? Do I need a really expensive phone? All this while my handphone budget has never exceeded RM1500. But since I can use it for 5 years, it certainly is very worth it. Even laptops won't have that long a lifespan and not give any problem. But my N73 and iPod Touch has served me well so far. Hmmm... I guess I can wait a while longer before making any new purchases. If canon can give 35X zoom now, who knows how much more it can improve in future.

So here I am at home, still updating my Windows and installing applications and transferring backups. Nothing done on Research Project and training material yet. Sigh! Sigh! And double more Sigh! I hope I can get something done tomorrow before going to MIL's place. I promised to send my training material on Tuesday. I really hope that would give me enough time. For now, I'm so tired already. Bed has been calling me since about an hour ago. So Good Nite!

Happy Birthday Abang...

This week is beloved hubby's birthday. Here is my wishes to dear hubby, etching it in the cyberspace, for our memories.

'Semoga panjang umur dan diberi keberkatan kesihatan, keberkatan kasih-sayang, keberkatan rezeki dan sentiasa dilimpahi rahmatNya di dunia dan akhirat. Luv u so much.'

This has been his third birthday that we celebrated together as husband and wife :) Each year, our love grows stronger. Each year, we try to make it a special birthday week on either one of our birthdays. I hope this week has been really special for you abang. I could spend as much time as I can with you this week :) No gifts can top that though I do hope that you'll love your birthday gifts too.

Money can buy gifts but not love and love is a gift from Allah. Nothing is more precious than that. As I have mentioned before, if there is no love in our heart, no matter how much we try to love someone, we can't. If there's no love in your heart, no matter how much I wish for you to love me, I can't. Semoga keberkatan kasih-sayang ini berpanjangan hingga ke akhir hayat and I'm so thankful to Him to be given this precious gift of love to be shared with you. May the challenging journey that has brought us to this stage, sustain our love till the last of our breath.

Happy Birthday Abang and I pray we can celebrate our birthdays for many more years to come. Love you :)

Recovering

I'm still recovering from coughing. It's not completely gone. It's really annoying but hubby kept reminding me there are others suffering from worse illness. Yeah it's true but when I'm having my bouts of coughing till my ribcage hurt, I really prayed for quick total recovery.

I'm still feeling lazy though. Really, really, lazyyy..... I'm still not in the mood to revise lessons for my class, I'm also supposed to prepare a training material... not in the mood yet... I also need to clean the house but my normal cleaning lady is not available this weekend. I booked her too late. Sigh! I wanted to cook but the gas head leaks. We still has not replaced that yet.

My taste bud has not totally improve. There's a tinge of bitterness in plain water. I tried tea to mask the taste but I can still taste a non-tea bitterness. I've been having tomyam soup for few times because I didn't feel any bitterness to it. It's OK to have normal meals but I didn't enjoy drinking water too much. Not good if I want to recover quickly.

There are a few things I must do to make me feel totally cured and normal again like go watch a movie, play bowling, go shopping alone, go on vacation with hubby. Oh yeah.... and go to work too. Sigh! Sigh! Sigh! Right now I feel like a totally spoilt child... so pampered. Can I hide behind the fact that I've never experienced poor health like this before? God willing, I never want to go through that time again. And I should thank God for my 'good' health all this while. Allergies, asthma and sneezes... still better than sick.

OK... I'm still mustering the right mood and energy to study for our mid-term re-test. I still didn't know my exact score since I didn't come to class last Sun but a call to my prof said I did quite OK. Thank God for that. He said it's optional for me to take but if everyone else is taking it to improve their grades, I might as well do the same. The re-test is necessary since quite a number of us did not do well at all. I also need to do a presentation for my other class. Which reminds me that I lost my Microsoft Office license when I reset my laptop to factory setting. Arrgghhh!!!! I called Dell and they said they didn't keep the license key.

I got blue screens several times today. Upon checking, my laptop model is not fully compatible with Windows 7. Hubby's all out for XP. If I still got blue screen and other problems, than only I need new laptop. But... having to go through the installation all over again??? I need to resolve this once and for all. Now, I have to find the right time to do it.

This Week's Event for Future References

I have Tue-Thu training.

Started having sore throat on Tue. No coughing or flu... just sore throat.

Get's worse on Wed so went to clinic Wed nite. Started coughing and asthma. Also feeling feverish. Given neb and a plastic bag full of medication: cough medicine, gargle solution, antibiotics, something to clear the phlegm, pill for asthma and something for the sore throat.

Thu, my participants said I sounded better. I hesitated a bit when I wanted to take the antibiotics. I could get allergy reactions and Thu class would be a disaster. I took them anyway and pray for the best. Thu class ended up a near disaster anyway coz my laptop crashed. Refused to boot up. Thank God someone from office has a laptop I can borrow. But he has to make a u-turn to office and get his laptop. I really appreciate it.

Thu evening, I started to feel a familiar sensation. An allergic reaction is forming. Only after 3 times taking the antibiotics. At the end of class, I started feeling nauseous. My tummy felt like it's having a major gastric problem. When I reached home, I dozed off for a while. Just for about half an hour when I woke up feeling my eyes swollen. Rushed to the same clinic. Gotten neb and pred injection. Felt much better afterwards. Hubby's not around tonight.

Woke up at 3 badly wheezing. Toss and turn and pour dollops of ginger lotion on chest. Doesn't seem to work. Drag myself to the car at 4 a.m. When to the same clinic but it was closed. Oh oh... not 24 hours. So drove off to the hospital. At this hour, I hope there's a parking spot. Given neb and more medication since I register temperature at 39.5. They were discussing about what to give me since I'm allergic to so many medications. I hope no more allregic reactions after this.

Return home at almost 6 a.m. For breakfast, couldn't bring myself to eat much. Every bite of bread, have to control myself from vomitting. In the end, just took a few bites. Ordered McD porridge in the afternoon. Managed to eat half of the small pack and took the medicines given by hospital. Dozed off for a while and woke up with swollen eyes again. Sigh! Dragged myself to the car at 2p.m. and prayed I could get a parking spot since most would have not returned from Friday prayers yet. Managed to park at the same spot when I came at 4 this morning. Thank God for tender mercies.

This time, after initial check up, I was brought to a bed and given neb. So many people... nurses, attendant, doctors, asking me what happened. So difficult to explain in between wheezing and plastic covering my nose and mouth. My hearing doesn't work properly too. I heard as if the sound is in a cave. When the nurse asked me to move to the side, I turned my body. All this while, when I went to the clinic for allergic reaction, the doctor will jab the butt. Not this time though. They wanted to put me on drip. Apprently my BP was very low. This is my first experience going through something like this. Alhamdulillah I have never been warded my whole life. The earliest I could remember was when I had a fever in primary school. The government clinic put me under observation. I just lie in bed with my parents hovering around me and all felt a sense of relief after a few hours my temperature cooled down. When I had my miscarriage, almost warded too but in the end it was cancelled.

This time, I was given 3 doses of neb and in between they did a heart test, urine test to check if I'm pregnant cause they wanted to take X-Ray, blood samples taken from my other hand. Ouch!!! I was wheeled to the toilet on a wheelchair. I was wheeled to the X-Ray room on my bed. The nurse is very helpful and non-intrusive. She helped me take off my jewelleries and undress. Helped me to dress again after the X-Ray since my left arm is attached to the drip bottle. Two doctors came to ask about my allergies. My allergy card is full with more names. Please pray I don't have to undergo any surgery since I can't take most painkillers and antibiotics.

Hubby returned with the whole clan. Meriah sikit and I did feel a lot better. But that night I tossed and turned till about 3 because of coughing. Despite dose and dose of medication, this time sleep is really a luxury. They left Sat afternoon. I wish they could stay till Sun morning but I'm sure they have other things to take care off.

Left alone, I used iPod hubby gave me to find info on how to restore my laptop to factory setting. Nothing else seems to work. This is the last resort. Hubby helped transfer my latest file to his external hard disk already. I remember I've made backup as well ever since my laptop started to act funny. Probably about a month ago but I wasn't sure of the exact date. Without another laptop, I can't check content of my external hard disk. Thanks for the iPod abang. That is my lifeline to email, FB and internet since my laptop crashed on Thu.

I'm going to install only the important applications. After I did my Windows Update, remove McAfee and install AVG, my laptop shutdown unexpectedly again. Duh! I ran AVG PC Tuneup hoping it would fix whatever errors causing it to shutdown unexpectedly. Hubby already cursed my OS :) Say NO to Vista! In between coughing and holding up my bruised ribcage and diaphragm, I installed all the application I need one by one. After every successful installation, I ran the AVG PC Tuneup. And everytime it found errors. But so far no more unexplained shutdown. I can use the AVG PC Tuneup for free only for 24 hours.

This cough is really killing me. I woke up like every hour doubling up in pain everytime I coughed. At first, I thought not wanting to take the cough syrup. Seems like I excreted more phlegm after taking it. But without the cough syrup, the phlegm seems to be playing in my chest, can't get out causing me to cough even more. So cough syrup it is.

I'm supposed to go to class today. I have to give a presentation worth 30% of my course marks. But I don't think I can stand the coughing and wheezing. It'll be a vey long day. I'm currently blogging while moaning and groaning everytime I coughed. Might as well do something useful since I can't sleep.

Support and Sacrifice

Kejayaan memerlukan pengorbanan dan pengorbanan itu bukanlah sesuatu yang mudah untuk dilakukan. Kejayaan yang dimaksudkan termasuklah kejayaan dalam kerjaya, pelajaran dan keluarga. Sebelum ini bila melihat orang lain bercerita pasal kejayaan dan pengorbanan, tak terbayang bagaimana susah untuk mengharunginya. Bila diri sendiri yang melalui, barulah terasa akan kesusahannya. Belum lagi sampai tahap kejayaan... masih dalam proses mengharungi pahit-getirnya.

Bila ini semua sudah berlalu, mungkin aku boleh menoleh ke belakang dan mengenang semua ini sebagai satu lembaran dalam sejarah hidup :)

Aku bukanlah seseorang yang suka mengadu-adu walaupun sekadar untuk meluahkan masalah di dalam hati. Apatah lagi jika ia perkara yang aku rasa sangat sensitif. Lebih baik ditelan saja kerana mungkin ia lebih baik. I'm a very private person. Nukilan ni, sekadar berkongsi setakat yang mampu diadu.

Semenjak-dua menjak ni, terasa nak menulis blog dalam bahasa pulak. Mungkin sebab banyak training pun kena conduct dalam bahasa. Bolehlah berlatih berbahasa ibunda formal pulak. Hmmmm.... apalah pulak yang merapu malam2 ni kan. Bila ada masa nanti, akan dipostkan entry pasal deadline2 yang banyak tu.

Aidilfitri 2010

Today is already 9 Syawal and it's the first day I have work meeting since my Raya holiday. There are many work-related and study-related things to catch up and memories to refresh after the long holiday. I also have my masters class tomorrow and I have to schedule my time properly as I already have my dates booked for training. The meeting this morning has great potential and if everything goes according to plan, I'll have many East Malaysia training for the next 2-3 years. For my record, here are my thoughts about Raya this year.

Tahun ni Raya memang meriah di kampung hubby. Di KL tak terasa mood Raya pun. Tiada persiapan raya di rumah melainkan baju raya. Itu pun jangan tidak. Jumlah anak-anak dan anak-anak buah tahun ni 30 orang. Walaupun tak semua ada, kemeriahan raya adalah untuk mereka dan kerana mereka. Perancangan asal nak bertolak Rabu malam, tapi hubby dapat balik awal so bertolak petang dengan 3 orang anak buah. I feel blessed this Aidilfitri with the love from family members. They are hubby's side of family but I regard them as mine the way a marriage should extend your family network and embrace their love and acceptance and giving the same in return.

Tahun ni, 2 keluarga hubby beraya bersama dalam mood yang lebih mesra dan santai. Adalah 1-2 insiden yang boleh melarat menjadi 'potential disaster' tapi Alhamdulillah hati cepat sejuk bila difikirkan apa yang penting sekali ialah untuk menggembirakan orang tersayang. Once I decided on what matters most, the rest seems easy. May we continually be blessed with this Rahmat from Allah. I'm always in awe with the feeling of love. I once wrote in my fb, "Love is a gift from God. If you don't have love in your heart, no matter how much you try to love someone, you can't. If someone did not love you, no matter how much you try to make them do, they ...can't. So appreciate the gift... cherish your loved ones."

Jangan sekadar dilihat 'love' pada your other half but also from everyone around you. Family and friends. You can't force their love. You can't force them to accept you. So when you have their love and acceptance, cherish it. It truly is a gift from God. Tahun ni tak dapat beraya bersama my mom. Sedih bila teringatkan mungkin tak lama lagi dapat bersama emak. All I want is for her to enjoy her golden years with peace of mind. But she makes a tough decision. I do not have much choice. Panjang kalau nak bercerita tapi pengajaran darinya ialah betapa pentingnya love and acceptance. Trust me on this, I really understand its value. Ini juga dugaan dari Allah kerana hanya Dia yang mampu merubah hati seseorang.

Ada satu lagi pengajaran yang kadang-kadang kita terlupa. Di sebalik sesebuah senyuman, kadang-kadang tersirat seribu makna. Aku insan yang lurus bendul, kadang-kadang kita ingat apa yang nampak di mata itu memang betul. Kenapa peringatan ini penting? Kerana kadang-kadang orang senyum bukan kerana suka atau apa yang kita buat itu betul. Jadi kenalah berhati-hati agar tak menyinggung perasaan orang dan tak tersinggung perasaan sendiri. Kita sendiri pun kadang-kadang senyum kerana pelbagai sebab kan.

Raya pertama, beraya sakan sampai tak larat makan. Raya kedua berehat sambil melayan tetamu yang tak ramai seperti terbau MIL tiada di rumah. Raya ketiga dan empat, tetamu tak putus datang. Malam raya ketiga sempat melarikan diri bersama MIL dan SIL jalan raya sampai sesat-sesat jalan. Walaupun sesat, itulah yang jadi kenangan yang akan diceritakan pada raya-raya akan datang :) Malam raya keempat, balik KL bersama seorang buah hati... Azim yang demam. Sampai rumah lepas 12 tengah malam. Nasib baik keesokkannya badan dah tak panas lagi. Pagi berehat sebab penat semalam belum hilang lagi. Tengahari, buah hati yang seorang nak spageti. Dah sampai pizza hut, dia order pizza pulak. Sempat berjalan raya ke rumah seorang rakan. Yang lain ramai yang dah kerja. Petang mandi-manda di swimming pool. Malam dah kepenatan. Azim pun dah tertidur masa dinner di luar.

Keesokannya perancangan awal nak balik semula ke kampung hubby. Tapi ramai yang akan naik KL, terjadilah rancangan makan-makan secara tak sengaja. Pagi-pagi, sempat ke swimming pool, kemudian beraya di Klang. Azim dah mula tak sedap badan semula. Panas badan dan merengek. Rindukan emak agaknya. Kelam-kabut balik dari Klang nak sediakan juadah makan-makan dengan Azim yang merengek. Risau betul tengok keadaan dia. Tetamu dah ramai datang, masih ada menu yang belum siap. Apa taknya. Ekspress betul. Pukul 4 petang baru masuk dapur nak masak untuk dinner kan. Harap2 tetamu puas hati dan yang penting kenyang. Azim yang melepek terus berjalan bermain lepas emak dia sampai. Hmmm... betul-betul rindukan emak lah tu. Ubat dah sampai, demam pun hilang. Lain kali kalau nak ikut Mak Su tak leh lama-lama lah yer sayang. Kesian emak kena datang dari jauh. So malam tu semua keluarga hubby berkampung dirumah.

Raya ketujuh, Hari Malaysia, disambut di Petrosains dan Aquaria. Nak dijadikan cerita, seorang lagi buah hati menghilangkan diri pergi tandas di tingkat lain. Aduhaiii... penat tawaf tingkat 4 KLCC ingatkan nak periksa CCTV jer bila dia muncul dengan selamba... tak tau orang semua dah mati akal cari dia. If only we can put GPS tracker on each one of them.

I brought both my camera but my G11 ran out of battery. The backup battery bought during purchase was useless. It only survived one charge. Sigh! So I don't have that many pictures in Aquaria due to low light condition. My A710 IS can't really capture moving fishes in the aquarium under low light condition. Too bad.

After that sempat beraya di rumah Kak Ngah. Nasib baik jugak sampai walaupun dah dinner time coz she's been expecting us for lunch. Hubby dah tak larat nak drive. The boys apa lagi ada yang tak tidur the night before melayan game. Semua dah nak pengsan. Berkampung lagi di rumah before they make a move sebelum subuh the next day. Ada yang dah mula sekolah so kenalah juga bertolak awal-awal pagi. Sunyi bila semua dah tak ada. Cuaca pulak mendung dan hujan dari pagi. The highlight of the day was my much awaited massage session.

This morning, I have an early meeting. Sampai je rumah after meting, tukar pakaian dan melawat baby SIL pulak. Sekali lagi rumah ni meriah masa lunch dengan semua hubby's family and anak-anak buah. They have an after Asar event to go to. I'm supposed to prepare for my class tomorrow but ended up blogging instead :) As a consolation, this will become great reminder to this makcik with not so great memories anymore. In fact, dari dulu RAM and storage space tak cukup hehehe...

I hope everyone had a great Raya and holiday too. OK kena sambung belajar pulak lepas ni.

Student Life

I started my student life again yesterday. It wasn't an easy decision because of the commitment it will require. Anyway, it is either now or never. So... take a deep breath and jump into it. Three places offer the course I'm interested in. One is HELP, the other is Nottingham University and the third is my former university. I met a student from HELP and another from Nottingham who chose my university instead of continuing with theirs. So I reckon I am making the right choice :)

There's only 5 of us who turned up during registration. After briefing, we went to our first class where there are previous students waiting with abated breath hoping they'll get some male classmates. In we walked, and there we were... all 10 female students who'll stick together throughout the rest of the semester. Another classmate couldn't come so in total there will be 11 of us. I suppose we could get male perspectives if we have male classmates but yesterday we had interesting discussions nonetheless.

We'll have 12 weeks weekend classes, exam the following weekend and 3 weeks break before the next semester begins. That's how my schedule will be for the next 6 semesters. During the briefing, we were told that so far none has completed the course within the minimum time of 2 years because of the thesis. I said we'll make it our goal to be the first batch to complete it in minimum time. That means I have to start work early.

It is easy to get sucked in with the enthusiasm of everyone in the academic field. Right now I'm thinking it is not impossible to even complete my doctorate if I want to. Let's see how thing goes once my Master's class begin in full force and I have training programs to conduct. Hopefully my spirit will not wane. A trainer with Master's degree is common. A trainer with doctorate is a different matter. How does Dr. Sue sound to you? Hehehe... Baru 1st class dah berangan... but like hubby said, berangan tak kena keluar duit :)

Underwater Fun

This is the best underwater scenery captured during our recent snorkeling trip in Tioman. It makes me think of fairies and mermaid.

We planned to go diving but it didn't materialize. Our diving instructor was probably too busy under water to pick up our phone call :(

So we did other activities :)

Canon G11

We bought a new camera.

I've been thinking of upgrading my PowerShot A710 IS but it was not on the top of my priority list for many reason. One of it, I don't think I've fully utilize all the functions. What's the point of upgrading if I'm not going to use all the functions anyway. However, that doesn't stop me from eyeing the latest models and re-evaluating my decisions of upgrading. I have my heart set on PowerShot SX 20 IS. With 20x optical zoom, it would definitely give an interesting photography experience. Thinking, thinking, thinking... rational took over. My camera still works fine.

Then we got a new hobby. Diving! We'll not be able to capture all the interesting things we see underwater without a suitable camera. Since we're going diving soon, having a camera that works underwater suddenly feels urgent. I've been looking for underwater housing that fits my old camera. Tough luck! Not in stock anymore. In fact, some salesman have never heard of my camera model which means they have not been working in the camera shop when I bought my old camera. It is not that 'old' is it? I still wanted to use my old camera so I bought the generic plastic cover. Nereus is the brand. The lense did not fit perfectly but since I bought it already, I might as well use it. The plastic cover wasn't cheap either. But then, I can't fully operate all the buttons on land with my hand. How can I expect to use it underwater with gloves? Sigh! What a waste!

So I started surveying and reviewing again. I can't buy the PowerShot SX20 IS. It doesn't have underwater housing. PowerShot D10 looks interesting except it can only go down to 5 meters. It would be great for snorkeling but not diving. I spent hours looking at all the brand, reading all the reviews till I discover Canon is still a great buy. All the underwater camera or camera with underwater housing didn't originally come with high optical zoom so I have to live with the fact that my new camera will NOT have a super zoom feature. Too bad.

After hours reading all the reviews and selecting few options, it occur to me that I might not get my choice if it is not available in Malaysia or not in stock. So I refer to the website and called the dealers asking which camera model they have in stock together with the underwater housing. That should narrow down my search and saves a lot of time. After a few calls, I'm down to 3 models: IXUS 130, S90 and G11. I got the price range as well so it's easier for me to decide. They sell cheaper than the price published in the website.

So I read the reviews and search for underwater images for the three camera models. S90 has greater reviews than G11 in several websites and to me IXUS 130 has the nicest design. But more people published underwater photos using G11 than the other two models. Probably not many use their camera underwater. All the beautiful pictures kinda make the decision for us. G11 it is. Sigh! Phewww.... so that's how I got myself a new camera despite not wanting to upgrade my old camera in the beginning. I still have my first digital camera, a Kodak which I never use anymore due to its limited functionality. It still take great pictures but the body has melted a little bit because I left it in my car. Can't sell it like that. I'll still use my old PowerShot as it's smaller than the G11 but it has 6x optical zoom while the new G11 only has 5x. Hopefully everything works fine underwater.

Birthdays

It's my birthday today. Third birthday celebrated as a wife. Why do we put high importance on some dates in our life? For the memory? For the need of a certain benchmark? For the celebration? A friend once confided she feels more alone on her birthday as she has been celebrating it alone all these years. This year I hope she'll feel special on her birthday with a new family.

As for my birthday.... memories are short. After a few weeks, months, the feelings during the event will not really matter. In fact, it will probably be forgotten. But just for the record, I'd like to remember what I did on my birthdays. Two years ago, I was busy moving house and a day after my birthday, hubby and I went for a holiday. Last year, we went for our pool diving lesson, dinner and cake. This year, we celebrated my birthday yesterday. Hubby has a full day session with a client today and it did feel lonely without him around.

I'll forget about this eventually. I have to refer to my planner to recall what we did last year and two years ago :) So today will go into the fold of memories too but I need to remember that we spent a nice day yesterday. Thank you abang. We are going for a holiday next week too. So I'll appreciate all the time we can spend together.

Pleasures of Appetite

It has been about two weeks now. I simply have no appetite to eat. I got hungry... then I'll just eat whatever available to stave off the hunger. Hubby said, "nasi habis juga sepinggan"... hehehe... Of course I can eat a plate of rice. I just don't enjoy it the way I should. Sigh! It's no fun like that. Now I truly appreciate the desire and pleasure of enjoying our food.

Since I got no appetite to eat, I don't cook. When I tapau food for lunch, I'll probably eat it at 2 or 3 when I can't stand the hunger anymore. If I'm not really hungry, I'll just eat a few bite and can't finish my meal. I wonder if this will make me lose weight. If it does, at least there's something positive out of it. But I don't think my metabolism rate will be very cooperative.

From what I know about dieting and losing weight, if we starve ourselves, our body will be in preservation mode where metabolic rate slows down and fat burning will be slow too. Despite eating afterward, the metabolic rate will still be in preservation mode just in case that's the only meal we could have for a long period. It will return to normal fat burning rate if we have consistent meal at consistent time for a certain time and this will differ from person to person.

So will I lose weight after two weeks? Hmm... I don't believe I will. Though now all I care is about getting my appetite back. I want to want-to-eat something.

What Is So Special About World Cup?

World Cup is here. What does the World Cup means to you? Probably most feels some kind of attachment to a certain team but I know of a girl friend who just like to watch handsome man running around in shorts hehehe... I'm not really a football fan. I couldn't care less about 22 men chasing a ball like their life depended on it. Nonetheless, World Cup season is special to me for a reason.

I'm reminded of the days when hubby and I were still just good friends. We watched the game on TV in the comfort of our separate living room and chatted on IM about the game. Despite not really caring about football, I humored hubby while we chatted so I'd know what he was talking about. That was 4 years ago. That means now it's the 2nd World Cup that we're together :) I don't really have a team that I rooted for. It's just fun watching hubby getting excited about the game.

God willing, if we live a long life, we'd probably have 7 or 8 World Cup more in our life. It certainly is an interesting way of measuring life and relationship isn't it?

News Headlines Today

MIC will be destroyed if I don’t take action, says Samy
JOHOR BARU: MIC president Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu said the party would be destroyed if he did not take prompt action against critics.

“MIC is an institution and I won’t allow anyone to destroy it. I will also make sure that it is not a slave to anyone,” he said when opening the Johor MIC delegates conference yesterday.

I'm not an MIC member and I couldn't care less about what happen to MIC but I can't help commenting on this news because it is sooo... funny. In fact, he's one of the funniest politician I can think of.

An institution can stand on its own. It doesn't owe any individual (be it the leader or members) anything. Seems like now it's a slave to the President. Heh! What's the point of saying anything. He's just so dense.

Drive for safer roads
TAPAH: Learner drivers may have to pay a higher fee for their driving lessons, while probationary drivers have to sit for a special test before they are given full driving licence or Competent Driving Licence (CDL).

So where's the statistics that shows more accidents happen due to new drivers? Driving problem is more of an attitude than knowledge issue. What's the effect of putting on more red tapes to get a simple driving license?

One million free laptops for poor students
RAUB: One million laptop computers will be given out free to poor students of secondary schools throughout the country to increase broadband penetration in the country.

What's the use of laptops without good broadband service? How reliable is the broadband at community centers? How do you categorize poor? Would poor children whose parents are from the opposition political party get the laptop? And most importantly, who is going to benefit by the purchase of one million laptop? Which vendor would supply it and would each laptop costs 40k or similar ridiculous figures as revealed by the AG not long ago?

Goodness! It’s a milk record
KUALA LUMPUR: Over 3,000 Malaysians stood united and drank milk simultaneously to set a Malaysian record at the country’s “Largest Milk Drinking Event” Sunday.


So what??? What's so great about it?

Many Malaysians turning their backs on elderly parents
PETALING JAYA: The golden age has no shine for an increasing number of elderly folk who are turning up at welfare homes on their own because their families cannot afford to care for them.

....

“Good infrastructure and easy and affordable access to social services is the best form of a social pension we can give, provided there is a strong government and a good economy,” said Shahrizat.

“When the quality of life is good, families are empowered. Only then will people be able to properly care for everyone in their families,” she said.

Well said. Now how do you walk the talk?

Simple Fun

SILs, nieces & a nephew asked if I'm game for a picnic by the river. Oh definitely... so just grab a few clothes and off we go. The last minute outing was really fun. Sometimes when we take time to plan, things didn't materialize especially when it involves a few families. This time things went well and the weather is very cooperative despite the dull, grey skies in the morning. Right now I'm just plain tired. Feet's aching, body aching... if only I can go for a massage.

Immediate Mission:
- laundry
- rub feet with hot oil
- back massage with osim's handheld massager
- hot tea & Maggie sounded so appetizing after the cool river
- sleep

Yessss!!!!!

Life Excitement

I was actually quite excited about this weekend. Today especially. Sunday! There were no specific reasons. Just a few things I felt like doing. When hubby asked what I wanted to do, I said "nak joli!" Hehehehe... But things don't normally go as planned. A friend can't join me, her daughter is down with chicken pox. Another friend is not free. It was still OK I thought. I can still have a marvelous time. Then I woke up this morning with a jolt due to leg cramps... 'simpul biawak' on my right calf. This is followed by sneezes, one after another. Sigh! My allergies can appear without rhymes or reason sometimes. Now my head feels heavy and I might as well stay home 'layan hidung'. Sigh! The dull, grey skies doesn't cheer me up either. So here I am blogging about life excitement heh!

Apart from diving, the most recent excitement I have is buying myself a pair of jeans. I have not been wearing jeans for 3-4 years since I put on weight. No jeans would fit me right at the waist. Last week hubby wanted to go shopping. A pair of jeans and few pairs of pants. He said his pants has been shrinking lately hehehe... He wanted to go to Levi's shop and whenever I went into any jeans shop, I would ask for my size and would get disappointed. Levi's shop did not excite me for I know they only stock low cut jeans for skinny thin girls. I've tried a few and got disappointed all the time.

I thought it ridiculous whenever I saw bigger size ladies wearing jeans and I couldn't seem to find myself a pair of jeans with reasonable fit. The problem seems always to be at the waist. I was even thinking of having a jeans tailored for me. That day I walked into the first jeans shop I saw. Dragging hubby with me. First, I asked for hubby's size. Hubby looked halfheartedly. He's set on Levi's. Then, I asked for my size almost expecting to be disappointed with the sales girl's answer. Only I wasn't. She's convinced she can find my size and I got the almost perfect fit only on the second try. The waist is still quite big but it was so much better than any other jeans I've tried before. You see, if you've meet with one disappointment after another, you'd know when you find the right one. That philosophy is very much like finding a husband hehehe...

I'd have to pull my jeans up every now and then if I didn't wear belt. I'd be fine with belt. Probably no one can imagine how good I felt when I finally found a perfect jeans for me. I felt young and sexy with that jeans I wanted to twirl around and around like a ballet dancer. Hubby's amused with my excitement :) Sometimes people take simple things like that for granted isn't it. Hubby likes one t-shirt so much while souvenir shopping when we went to Tioman the week before that he insist on buying it despite the size M. In the end, it's too tight for him and I can wear it perfectly. Brand new jeans, size M diving t-shirt and a new haircut, I feel form 4 again :) I'll enjoy this feeling for a while hehehe...

Things I Thought I'd Never Do... Diving!

I love water, when I feel safe. Shallow rivers, snorkeling with safety gear, in a boat or ferry or even canoe, and the beaches. You see, I can't swim. The moment I have to tiptoe in a swimming pool or sea bed, I'd start to panic. But, I've been convinced by my diving instructor that anyone can dive. I wish I could dive from long time ago but never give it a serious thought because I can't swim. Then hubby wanted to dive and SIL has a contact and the rest is history. I saw a video on how Western parents send their babies to classes on how to float in the water. Once the babies has been taught to float, whenever the babies found themselves in the water, sideways or face down, they'll turn their body up and float. The babies cried, but they can float. I'm sure its a good thing to know because we'll never know when disaster will strike. So I thought, if the babies could do it, so can I. Under whatever circumstances, stay calm and try to float on my back.

We went for our diving classes many months ago. Way before fasting month. We wanted to go for a refresher course in the swimming pool but synchronizing my time, hubby's time and SIL's time with our diving instructor's is a pain. In the end we decided to just do it in the open water. We went to Tioman for our first open water dive. We stayed in Tekek and our chalet is right by the beach. We can don our scuba gear and started diving. We have to swim about 200 meters to the buoy before we can dive actually. We can't really swim with our scuba gear and tank so everyone floats on their back and paddle to the buoy. It was tiring and I thought I'd never reach the buoy.

My first diving experience, we were struggling to stay submerged and not touch the sea urchin. They are everywhere. The dive spot was quite shallow, around 8 meters and later our instructor told us in shallow water, there's a pressure up so novice divers like us need more weight to stay submerged. I only wore three weights block. Then we return to our beach and rest for a while before a boat took us to Rengis. The sea was quite rough as the locals said there's a storm the night before and I got sea sick. So is another male diver. When we reached our diving spot, I immediately get into the water and just like that I don't feel dizzy anymore. The other male diver had it bad despite getting into the water later. He ended up not diving.

Rengis is a really small island with just trees on it near Berjaya Resort. This time the dive is more enjoyable. I wore more weights and as the water is deeper (10-15 meters), there's no problem of pressure up. We circled the small island underwater and the view is amazing. This time we wore our gloves so we're not afraid of sea urchins but there's not as many sea urchins here as compared to our first dive site. Hubby's further in front most of the time with our instructor so he got to see many things first like a turtle. SIL and I are at the back holding hands most of the time and behind us a more experienced fellow diver keeping watch. By the time SIL and I reached interesting places, the turtle or the fishes already ran away. Our assistant instructor has to bring a lady diver up. She later said she don't really feel good herself and her husband, the one with a bad seasick, was waiting on the boat. On our way back, once I got into the boat. I felt dizzy again.

Our chalet.
Amazing sunset after our first two dives.
That night, we were so hungry but it took a while before our meals arrive. Other people's fried rice looked so appetizing. But once our meals arrived, after a few bites, I feel like I just don't have the energy to eat anymore. If only I can abandon my group and go to sleep. I do not want to waste the food so I ate slowly and waited till everyone finished with their meals before hubby, SIL and I excuse ourselves. We went for a short walk, looking at the souvenirs and found a nice spot to eat ice cream. Hubby and SIL eat the ice cream. Since my health is more sensitive to what I eat and I do not want any problem diving the next day, I refrain myself from ice cream and cold drinks. Hubby and I slept like a log that night.

Our third diving spot was at Pirate Reef. The sea was calmer today so thank God for that. The deepest we dive is at 16.9 meters and that is about 50 feet. This time, I wore 6 weight blocks and that causes me difficulty to move. I kept going way down near the sea bed. Fortunately, after our assistant instructor helped adjust my weight, I managed to swim. I love this dive. We saw a big real life Nemo. So much better than the one I saw in Langkawi Aquarium. This time, everyone confidently dive on their own. Our fourth diving spot was at the Marine Park. This time I used less weight and we have to dive without the aid of a rope. The water was not as clear as our previous dive but we enjoyed it too. According to our instructors, divers can do treasure hunt here since many people snorkeling above loose their things like gold chain or ring.

Our fifth dive was back at our first diving spot since we still have some oxygen in our pressurized tank. The current was quite strong here and I did not add more weights after the dive at Marine Park. That was a big mistake. After a while, I float almost near to the surface and can't dive down no matter how much I tried. I saw the experienced fellow diver looking for me left and right but I was at the top looking down with no way to signal to him. Only after a while he saw me struggling and reached up to pull me down. By this time, we're already so tired I guess. The paddle back to the beach felt like it would never end. I can understand how some people lost at sea can just loose the will to swim or stay afloat and let nature took its course.

Another unforgettable moment was when hubby's oxygen tank reached zero. At that time, mine was 80. I was swimming quite at the back and was eager to show my instructor that I was already below 100. When I reached my instructor's side, hubby was already sharing with him. In another dive, hubby has about 20 in his tank and mine's still 120. Our instructor said hubby and I should always be buddy underwater because hubby uses up a lot and I used less.

We were so hungry but our special lunch 'pelanduk masak asam pedas' and 'pelanduk berempah' was late. It arrived almost at 3:30 after we clean up, rest and pack. It tastes different and it was OK but I couldn't eat that much. Our ferry was very, very late. We reached Mersing jetty at 8 p.m. We shopped for more souvenirs and said our goodbyes to fellow divers and than had our dinner at a restaurant with big screen TV showing a Kung Fu movie. We started our journey at about 10 and ETA is at 2 a.m.

After a short drive, I started to feel nauseous. All the way I was trying to keep my tummy calm with the asam halia. I took the wheel for a short while later because hubby was so sleepy. It was not even 1 hour later, I stopped at an R&R. I remember we slept for a while, then hubby took the wheel and I dozed off most of the journey. I remember hubby stopping for a rest before continue driving but by this time, I felt so groggy and tummy still unsettled I didn't open my eyes. We send SIL at her place and reached home at almost 3. I felt dizzy for few days especially after breakfast and hubby's ear ache as he can't pressurized properly, but other than that we're fine. I can't wait to go for our next dive. I never thought I'd ever dive before :) Our next adventure... sky diving hehehe...

Of Challenging Week and Relationship

Last week was a very challenging week. I have to be outstation for 5 days. My trip was not for training but to monitor and do spot check on our trainers. The initial plan was for me to visit 9 locations but due to accommodation arrangements and time constraint, we managed to visit only 8 and because our trainers did not follow plan, I can cut short my monitoring to 4 days. Thank God for that.

The challenges were:-
- the long road trip... a staff from the associate company accompanied me but I'm the only one driving.
- meeting with the big and not so big bosses with difficult demands
- accommodation arrangements not properly done
- watching our trainers not following instructions
- my cranky handphone acting up on me. The battery died only after half day use and will not charge with the new car charger.
- really tiring, energy-draining and not something I want to repeat in future
- missing hubby

I can't fully describe how tired I was. By the third day, I have to muster all my energy to smile and be nice to the demanding bosses and the trainers with so many excuses of why they did not follow the session plan. I feel like I have to drag my tired feet one after another to walk from the administration building to the classes. The heat didn't really help either. I can feel the sweat running down my back. Make-up? What make-up? Whatever powder you put on your face will melt in few minutes. My baju kurung swishy-swashy around my sweaty legs as I walked around the classes. No more 5-days monitoring for me no matter what the associate company says in the future.

I've discussed with hubby about not seeing each other for a 'long time' but in reality, it's a confirmation that we can't survive on long distance relationship. The boons of freelancing is more free time. In those free time, hubby and I are like horseshoe crab. Errr... doesn't sound nice when translated. Let's try again... macam belangkas. We go everywhere and do everything together. The bane of that, after being so used to the presence of one another, we'll feel lost when our other half is not around.

Hubby's already on his pre-merajuk mode when I returned home. We only have one night together before hubby has to leave for few days. He's around for the weekend but it's like being so near yet so far. Yesterday, I was already teary-eyed with a heavy lump in my chest. Thank God hubby's home later in the day.

All this reminded me of the girl who followed me during our trip last week. She's pissed off with one of her colleagues. The female colleague refuses to accompany any trainers on their monitoring rounds because her husband will be 'mati kutu' if left alone for 5 days. The girl, she doesn't even answer her boyfriend's phone call when she's with her friends. She can't stand a clingy person and feels everyone should be career-minded and professional in their work. The spouse should fully understand the partner's job as it requires the same commitment before the marriage so why should they be slacking just because they are married? I smiled as she ranted.

She kinda reminded me of myself when I was single and carefree. Dear girl, I'm sure you'll feel differently when you're married :) I know there are married couples who are very independent of one another and not mutually exclusive in any way whatsoever but if you're like most people I know, I'm sure you'll understand once you're married. You'll find out what 'mati kutu' feels like and the 'lost' feeling when your other half's not around.

I'm glad last week was over. I'm actually in the midst of preparing my monitoring report and claims but blogging feels more interesting. It has been a while since I last blogged and I'm blogging very sparsely nowadays. I have many other distractions :)

6 weeks

Last time, the doctor recommended we wait for 6 months before we try again. We did not plan but as it happens, the time is just about right. Only, it didn't last very long. After a severe stomach cramp last night, I had a miscarriage again at 5 a.m. this morning. I didn't know what to feel.

After the previous miscarriage, my monthly cycle has gone haywire so when I was late, I wasn't really sure if I got pregnant again. There were many noticeable changes in my body but a negative test one week later baffles me. I waited for a few more days before another test and this time the line was very, very faint. Hubby didn't believe it was positive. I'm quite convinced because if it was negative, no matter how much you wish, you can't see 'the other line' at all. I did another test the next night and it was still faint.

It's OK if hubby didn't believe it's a positive. I feel the changes my body is going through. My period's late, didn't have much energy, sudden cravings for cheese, heart burn, higher body temperature, frequent urination (to the point of ridiculousness... 'I can't possibly want to go again!' kinda feeling) and the most difficult to ignore... the building of milk factory. It was swollen, tender and throbs painfully like a huge emergency signal. Warning! Warning! Avoid at all cost! Do not come near!

He changed his mind though after the second test. It was on Thursday night. I wasn't bleeding continuously like last time so maybe this time we have a chance. But the persistent low back pain and bloated tummy grew stronger on Saturday, the whole day. At night it turned to a really painful stomach cramp. It felt just like last time. I kinda know we didn't have a chance and it's just a matter of time. I didn't have time to really bond with my baby this time because the confirmation came late.

I'm sad it happens again. I'm worried as to what could have caused it. I can't be pregnant and keep having a miscarriage around the 6 weeks time. I didn't have time to feel emotional today except when I watched Army Wives and Joan gave birth to Sara Elizabeth. Thanks to the support from family. Maybe because I was surrounded by family, there's no time to feel emotional. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

The First 730 Days

Today is our cotton anniversary. Thank you dear hubby for a wonderful week counting down to our 2nd year solemnization ceremony anniversary :) Love you so much.

We spend the day in Paris :) Our Paris with special memories hehehe...


And something that we'll remember forever... the menu of our first lunch meeting :) Just at different location though.


God willing, if we live up to 70-80 years old, I hope we will be just like the Chinese couple we saw when we went for a jog early this week. Walking with canes and holding hands while walking in the park. They looked so cute together. I'd welcome the holding hands part no matter what our age but wish we'd never require canes :)

Thank you abang and Happy Anniversary!

Touch and Tap

I'm a happy user of a borrowed iPod touch :) I got excited about the ability to check my email quickly without having to switch on the laptop and the many applications available. There's Mobile RSS that syncs with my Google Reader, Yahoo Messenger, Facebook, ebooks, games, I can even keep track of that time of the month easily and discovered the consistency of the timing has been off for a few months. Then I got excited about the virtual aquarium and farming without having to announce to everyone in my FB list which stage I was on. It was awesome! Touch and tap, touch and tap tap...

The iPod belongs to hubby. The cables were stolen together with his laptop more than a year ago. We tried looking for the cables but it was really expensive back then. Nowadays with iPhone and newer generation of iPod touch, we could find cheaper cables. Hubby bought the cables but has not really been using his iPod. After a few months, he said I could use the iPod if I want to. Only after a few weeks later that I managed to really sit down an explore it. I updated the software (has to pay for it) and started downloading applications and now hubby's envious of the fishes that I scrambled to feed first before I lay down the table for lunch or dinner hehehe... It came to a point that I quickly went to get a new charger when the one we just bought died on me while my fishes were still not fed hahaha... He keeps reminding me that he only lends it to me every time I said how easy and convenient it is. Yes abang, I hear you.

Now I even touch and tap my handphone. Touch, touch, tap, tap... and nothing happens. Duh! Keypads my dear... keypads... We use Garmin on hubby's handphone and I started tapping and touching again whenever we're on the road. No doubt my next handphone purchase must definitely be a touch screen. Before using the iPod, I've been considering a mini laptop or netbook or blackberry or any really smart phone for immediate online access. I traveled with other trainers and how I envy them when they easily slipped out their netbook or other minis and started doing their things while waiting for the flight or something. My bulky 17" laptop stays in the bag.

With the iPod, I can now put such purchases on hold till i really find something that I like. I can now whip out my iPod whenever I go and started doing my things too :) I really am a proud borrower of the iPod. Till I went to Low Yat of course. While hubby went to check his faulty laptop battery, I walked around trying to find a casing for my iPod and that's when the seller will say... Ohhhh.... this is first generation iPod. It's a bit thicker. May not fit properly. Now fourth generation very thin. Sigh! We can't win with technology can we.

I've weaned myself off from the iPod a little bit by not rearing high maintenance fishes and only farm long term crops :) Now I can blog again and am using my laptop for the purpose. Typing on the iPod can test my patience as it will keep auto-correcting my spelling if I don't use proper English spelling. It's convenient but not perfect. Much like human relationship, no one is perfect isn't it.

Relationship 101

I had a disagreement with hubby. It's about my driving and it's getting from bad to worse. Let me rephrase that. My driving is fine. Or at least I thought it is fine. For some reason hubby has no trust whatsoever when I'm behind the wheels. Last time, he used to complain about it but still let me drive. Nowadays he wont' let me drive at all despite him being so tired and yawning till his jaw cracked (metaphorically speaking). Obviously he thought it is safer for him to drive despite almost falling asleep at the wheels rather than let a fresher me drive the car.

I won't get an award for being the safest driver in Malaysia. Neither will he. But I have never had anyone distrust my driving capability at such intensity. I remember having positive comments about my driving skills from man and woman friends. I admit though I'm not good at all when I'm tired. I might miss turns, won't be able to park straight and might not be as alert when I'm exhausted. Who wouldn't?

How would you feel when someone you love doubted your capability on something that you have been doing for years and survived Alhamdulillah. For someone who put a complete trust on fate and destiny, qada' and qadar, he will not let his fate and destiny be in my hands so to speak. For someone who has lived most of her adult life alone and do things on her own which includes driving all over Peninsular Malaysia for work and leisure, I thought that fear is irrational. It is also difficult to accept that suddenly I felt like a handicapped person.

In a relationship, there are several key to happiness and ever after. I believe some of them are communication, respect, trust, appreciation and recognition. All of them very delicate in nature.

From his point of view, he just can't help it that he feels unsafe when I took the wheels. From his point of view, I should respect that feeling as to him it's the most important matter of life and death.

From my point of view, I can't live with the fact that my husband distrust my driving for the rest of my life. How can I live with the fact that other people might appreciate my driving skills but not my husband?

So how would you communicate and improve the situation? In marriage I believe there are times where you should just grit your teeth and accept it. When two people who have different personalities live together, there are bound to be differences of believe, opinion, behavior and attitude. Just ask yourself in the long run, will it matter if you raise a ruckus over a certain issue. If it is not worth it, or if it will not support you in the Hereafter, just grit your teeth, accept it and let it go. It will be more pleasant for the rest of your married life and peace of mind.

So in this case, who should concede... grit teeth and accept the situation? Should I humor hubby who's troubled with the matter of life and death or me with a bruised ego? I can only argue for my case in this matter.

Obviously, this issue is very important to me or I would've just grit my teeth and let it go. At my lowest point, I can understand how some relationship becomes irreparable over petty issues. They might appear petty to us but could be a big deal to them as it involves trust, respect, honor, etc. I can understand how another relationships can be formed when you have the ability to communicate, you have the trust, respect, appreciation and recognition that you don't get with your existing relationship. As I've mentioned earlier, I can't live with the fact that we have to face the same situation every time we're on the road and we have to be on the road in a long journey very very often. It's an insult whether he meant it or not.

Hubby let me drive half way on our journey back yesterday. Did I win? It is not a game and I certainly didn't feel like I won anything. I do appreciate the fact that despite the fear, he let me take the wheels. I wish we had better communication over this matter though. I didn't feel like we've resolved anything really. The perception is... "So you really want to drive is it? Now drive!" No comments, no apologies, nothing! So what now?

I have lived alone for a big part of my adult life and had a relatively happy life so my tolerance to emotional blackmail or emotional torture is very low. That is certainly my weakness and I'm working on it. There will always be ups and downs in a relationship. When some issues arise, I will ask, "Is it worth it?", to keep myself in perspective. There's the bigger picture to look at i.e. the rest of our life and the Hereafter. There is no point in winning the war but losing the battle.

I might not be able to explain this situation articulately but the emotion of being trusted, appreciated, recognized and respected in every way is very important to me. Without all that, what's the point of life? It became meaningless.

Exciting Weekend Anticipated

I'm anticipating a very exciting weekend because I had to work for the past two weekends. So this weekend... I have this positive anticipation of a great weekend ahead especially while watching Samantha Brown exploring exciting places in different continents.

I hope the weather will be great because a cloudy weather and gray skies will affect my mood. I have to complete a training proposal due this weekend though but I'm adamant I'm going to enjoy this weekend nevertheless. A busy week awaits come Monday. So what shall I do when I have all the time to myself?

Let's jot down the must do things... laundry, training proposal, packing.
The nice to be able to do things: gardening, walk/jog in the park, spa and shopping. I really, really, really NEED to go shopping. A real shopping. Not grocery shopping. I have a few things in mind that I need to but never got a chance to really do a proper shopping since last year. Yeah I missed the year end sale.

We need to plan a holiday too. Hubby's busier this time around and thank God I'm busy too as that means it's a good start for me this year. But we really need a holiday. Anyway, I'm going to put that thought on hold and enjoy this weekend. Really, really enjoy it :)

Flight Cabin Pressure

I have just completed a 2-days 1-night training in Alor Setar. About 2 weeks ago I felt feverish but no fever. Then I felt fine till last 2 days that I had to conduct my training despite the fever and flu. It was the kind of fever where I still have appetite to eat and no headache and dizziness so thank God for small miracles I managed to handle the training till it ends. What makes it worse is the aircond and there's nothing I can do about it.

On the flight return last night, Boeing 737-400, I prepared myself for the cabin pressure by buying some chewing gum. With the flu and stuffed nose, I need all the help I can get to handle the ear pressure during landing time. So by the time the plane started to descend, I started chewing the gum vigorously. I felt OK but I still heard some movement of air pressure in my ear drum at the different levels as we descend. I chew, chew and chew and then there's an excruciating pressure in my left ear. The pain felt so sharp until I felt as if I was having a tooth pain and I can't even chew the gum with my left molar because my gum feels tender. Is it possible to have such pressure till it felt as if your tooth is being extracted? I pressed both ears with my fingers trying to ease the pain. Not just my ear drums but my sinus bones and head also felt like bursting. That was the worst ear pressure I've ever felt during landing time.

Then I felt partly deaf as I can only hear with my right ears till I went to bed last night. Thank God I can hear fine this morning. The only thing is when I blow my nose, I felt pressure again in my left ear. I can handle turbulent flight, I can handle air pocket, I felt no fear whatsoever of flying but I'm developing fear of the landing time. Aaarrrggghhhhh...... save my head! Save my head! It's about to burst!

Hopes and Expectations

Tonight I have my hopes and expectations rose higher than a mountain... and then it came crashing down on the sharp thorny rocks of the mountain side and tumble down further into the deep ravine. Sigh! All less in ten minutes. Double sigh!! I can still feel the pain on my chest... it feels heavy as if my lungs were compressed, it's difficult to breathe... I have to take few long deep breaths and my facial muscle tightened... it's difficult to smile.

I thought of Stephen Covey's 90-10 Principle and tried to apply it here but it has been extremely difficult. I thought of Tony Robbins conditioning techniques and tried to apply it here... it wasn't easy too :( Things will get better tomorrow. When you're down, the only way to go is up. If you draw an emotional chart of your life you'd see when you feel down, and the graph is at a low point, it will climb up again after that. The only way to go is up. I know all this and yet it's difficult to make this heavy feeling in my chest go away.

When I think rationally about it, it's probably just a small issue. I wish my emotion can feel the same way. I wish this chest pain will go away.

No to Y.E.S

I'm feeling feverish this past 2 days. I have the sore throat, flu, chills, fever breath and heavy head but no fever. At least if there's fever, I can take something for it. Now I just walk around the house feeling a little bit like a zombie or walking on the moon. I'm trying home made remedies like honey and warm water hoping to get well soon.

So despite planning to enjoy the Year End Sale atmosphere like getting myself a new handbag, pants and blouses, going window shopping and blending with the crowd, I decided to just stay at home and recuperate. Sigh! It's a tough decision really because I've been looking forward to my free time so I can go shopping but maybe there's a good reason why I shouldn't be out there in the crowd despite the end of year end sale today. There will be many more sales in future so I just have to be patient. I also got a tip from Jusco salesman that there'll be Jusco Member's Day soon. I don't really like to join the crowd during Jusco Card Member's Day but there are a few things that I really need. So I'll brave the crowd, get what I want and get out of the place fast!

2010

It's New Year already and we kinda have the first 2 weeks planned and the time seems to come and go in a rush. I've just finished reading an article by Dr. MAZA entitled "Mencari Keberkatan Masa" and his writing gives me new insights and I'd like to share my thoughts here as a reminder to myself and other readers.

Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. Some seems to accomplish much during that 24 hours and some seems to be running around in circles not accomplishing anything. We may have forgotten to find the 'barakah' in the time given by Allah that we may have taken for granted. We assume we are going to have that 24 hours day in, day out. We delay, postpone and procrastinate some activities thinking that we have all the time in the world to do it later. What if we don't? We never know when our time will come to meet our Maker.

We are healthy now, we may get sick in future. We are able to support ourselves now, we may not have the same luxury in future. We may have great plans, dreams and aspirations in our lives but without His consent and 'barakah', we may not be able to achieve and accomplish what we want. So do not forget to pray and ask from Him to bless our time.

"Ya Haiyyum, Ya Qayyum, dengan rahmatMu daku memohon pertolongan. Baikilah seluruh urusanku, dan janganlah Engkau serahkan diriku ini kepadaku walaupun sekelip mata." (Riwayat an-Nasai)

Have a great 2010 everyone :)