6 weeks

Last time, the doctor recommended we wait for 6 months before we try again. We did not plan but as it happens, the time is just about right. Only, it didn't last very long. After a severe stomach cramp last night, I had a miscarriage again at 5 a.m. this morning. I didn't know what to feel.

After the previous miscarriage, my monthly cycle has gone haywire so when I was late, I wasn't really sure if I got pregnant again. There were many noticeable changes in my body but a negative test one week later baffles me. I waited for a few more days before another test and this time the line was very, very faint. Hubby didn't believe it was positive. I'm quite convinced because if it was negative, no matter how much you wish, you can't see 'the other line' at all. I did another test the next night and it was still faint.

It's OK if hubby didn't believe it's a positive. I feel the changes my body is going through. My period's late, didn't have much energy, sudden cravings for cheese, heart burn, higher body temperature, frequent urination (to the point of ridiculousness... 'I can't possibly want to go again!' kinda feeling) and the most difficult to ignore... the building of milk factory. It was swollen, tender and throbs painfully like a huge emergency signal. Warning! Warning! Avoid at all cost! Do not come near!

He changed his mind though after the second test. It was on Thursday night. I wasn't bleeding continuously like last time so maybe this time we have a chance. But the persistent low back pain and bloated tummy grew stronger on Saturday, the whole day. At night it turned to a really painful stomach cramp. It felt just like last time. I kinda know we didn't have a chance and it's just a matter of time. I didn't have time to really bond with my baby this time because the confirmation came late.

I'm sad it happens again. I'm worried as to what could have caused it. I can't be pregnant and keep having a miscarriage around the 6 weeks time. I didn't have time to feel emotional today except when I watched Army Wives and Joan gave birth to Sara Elizabeth. Thanks to the support from family. Maybe because I was surrounded by family, there's no time to feel emotional. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.