Cubalah Jadi Khalifah

A school friend reached out to me yesterday. She needed to talk about something. When an old friend did that, I'll just try to be as helpful as possible. The only reason someone who is not in my current social circle reached out for help in such a way is probably because she has no one else she can trust enough to share her problems with. 

I kinda hope it was just health issues. Turned out it's marriage issues :( 

Man...man...man... if only you guys BE the khalifah that Allah created in the first place. 

Ustaz Hasrizal Abdul Jamil wrote in one of his book that when people heard his future wife will be a doctor, everyone warned him about busy wife that need to be on-call, etc. I was like wowww... I thought people are proud to be married to a doctor. He told himself to just make the marriage work and look at the marriage as a way to serve... not to just take and take and expect and expect. So he took care of the house and cook and send food to his wife (they were overseas so food can be an issue), and until now still took care of the children and the house (they're still staying overseas but they've been back to Malaysia few years before going back to overseas again).

I can't remember which one of his book already, I bought and read several just this year with a plan to re-read and really think through about the lessons learned from his books. I thought... good for him. He's decided what kind of khalifah he wants to become in this world and carried out what's necessary to make the marriage works. I'm sure it is not easy. 

Some man have different ideas though. Instead of trying to improve the situation if they're not happy with the relationship, get into another relationship and see how things goes. I don't know... I have better expectations from men in general. Allah has put so much responsibilities on their shoulder as khalifah, and prepare huge rewards in the hereafter for that. 

Ustazah Yasmin Mogahed said marriage is a shelter from the storm. Let not the marriage be the storm. 

And this is what I thought... we always have areas beyond control and areas within control in our life. Whatever we're not happy with, as long as it is within our control, find ways to change things to what would make us happy. 

Kena berusaha untuk ubah diri sendiri. Make the emotional connection. Talk things through with each other. We have our ups and downs. Embrace both instances and always seek protection from Allah. Perkahwinan itu ialah suatu ikatan penuh ladang pahala yang memang iblis bersusaha untuk gagalkan. Tapi jika tidak kawal nafsu dan kematangan diri sendiri, iblis tukang bersorak jer bila rumahtangga berantakan.

Bagi tiap-tiap seorang ada malaikat penjaganya silih berganti dari hadapannya dan dari belakangnya, yang mengawas dan menjaganya (dari sesuatu bahaya) dengan perintah Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah tidak mengubah apa yang ada pada sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah apa yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri. Dan apabila Allah menghendaki untuk menimpakan kepada sesuatu kaum bala bencana (disebabkan kesalahan mereka sendiri), maka tiada sesiapapun yang dapat menolak atau menahan apa yang ditetapkanNya itu, dan tidak ada sesiapapun yang dapat menolong dan melindungi mereka selain daripadaNya. (Ar-Ra'd 13:11)

To my dear friend, I prayed the best for her. All she needed is a husband that's present. Bukan ada jasad dalam rumah tapi hati dan fikiran di tempat lain. Ada emotional connection, bukan distant. She's the wife... bagi lah muka to her as the wife, bukannya minta the wife pula meet the demand of ex-wife. Ex-wife tu sekadar penghubung dengan anak2, tiada siapa2 dalam kehidupan mereka lagi. Tak perlu lah nak layan girlfriend bertahun2, tanpa arah tujuan. Si isteri perlu kekuatan yang amat sangat bila di asak kanan dan kiri kan. Yang masalah dengan ex-wife lain, dengan girlfriend lain. Sebagai suami takkan tak fikir langsung itu ker kebahagiaan yang dijanjikan kepada seorang isteri. 

I didn't know the husband. I may not be fair in my judgment. Tapi Allah dan Rasulullah s.a.w dah sebut dan tunjuk lelaki ideal itu bagaimana. Walau sebagai manusia tak mampu nak jadi lelaki ideal, tapi kena lah ada usaha ke arah itu. 

"Sebaik-baik kalian adalah yang paling baik terhadap isterinya, dan aku adalah orang yang paling baik terhadap isteriku" (HR. At-Tirmidzi)

Bukti seorang lelaki itu baik atau tidak ialah pada hasilnya iaitu isterinya... happy atau tidak.

So my prayers to her husband too... also to my hubby, and all men in this world. Semoga berjaya menjadi khalifah Allah yang lebih baik. Sebelum nak jadi khalifah kepada kaum atau negara, negeri, syarikat, kena jadi khalifah kepada diri sendiri dan keluarga dulu.

Life Plan Moving Forward...

I wrote about the possibility of living for another 20-30 years in one of my previous post. I kept thinking about that. How do I want my next 20-30 years of life to be like.

Surah Al-Ahqaf, 43:15

Dan Kami wajibkan manusia berbuat baik kepada kedua ibu bapanya; ibunya telah mengandungnya dengan menanggung susah payah dan telah melahirkannya dengan menanggung susah payah. Sedang tempoh mengandungnya beserta dengan tempoh menceraikan susunya ialah dalam masa tiga puluh bulan. Setelah ia besar sampai ke peringkat dewasa yang sempurna kekuatannya dan sampai ke peringkat umur empat puluh tahun, berdoalah ia dengan berkata: "Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah daku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmatmu yang engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu bapaku, dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redai; dan jadikanlah sifat-sifat kebaikan meresap masuk ke dalam jiwa zuriat keturunanku. Sesungguhnya aku bertaubat kepadamu, dan sesungguhnya aku dari orang-orang Islam (yang tunduk patuh kepadamu)".

Umur pun dah terlebih-lebih 40 tahun. 

- Kena ingat untuk sentiasa bersyukur,

- Kena ingat untuk beramal soleh,

- Kena ingat untuk bertaubat.

Memang kalau tak sebab kudrat yang tak terdaya, sakit sana sakit sini, lupa dengan usia sendiri. Anak2 dan cucu2 bukan selalu depan mata. Sesiapa jer yang panggil kita makcik ker auntie ker, siap dapat pandangan tembus ke dinding. Lain lah kalau dengan anak2 jiran ker anak2 kawan2 yang memang kita sendiri bahasakan diri auntie. 

Kalau tak sebab Covid-19, dah sibuk rancang nak ke sini ke sana, buat itu buat ini. 2020 gives us a pause button. Relax and reflect. Slow down... Bersyukur boleh relax and reflect... bukan scrambling high and low untuk meneruskan kehidupan.

So... how do I want the next stage in my life to be?

• Relationship Goal?
• Family Life Goal?
• Career Goal?
• Financial Goal?
• Health Goal?
• Ibadah Goal?

Perlu deep searching ni. Mungkin di post2 yang akan datang baru timbul ilham.

Pagi tadi kuatkan hati to go walking. My hip joint pain very noticable. Agak membimbangkan bila dah dekat sejam setengah berjalan, hati dan wajah sama mendung semendung hari. I felt much better as the day progresses Alhamdulillah

Kisah Curang

Terbaca dalam satu post tentang orang perempuan yang sibuk-sibuk nak tau pasal suami curang ker tidak. Sekiranya tiada gangguan besar dalam rumahtangga, terus kan jer lah kehidupan seperti biasa. 

Hmmmmmm.... 

Panjaaannng hmmmm.... kita.

Rasanya seorang isteri mesti lah ada hak untuk tau siapa yang terlibat dalam kehidupan dia. Buatnya si curang tu meninggal, banyaaakkkk kesan pada diri dan anak2 kan. 

Senang2 jer yang berkata tu suruh teruskan  kehidupan. Takkan nak tunggu si polan mati baru nak tau ada anak bini sana sini?

Isteri pun ada hak mencari bahagia. Mana tau selama ni tak merasa bahagia tapi bertahan demi mengharapkan perubahan positif di masa akan datang. Bukan kah formula mencari kebahagiaan tu sabar dan solat hajat, dan cuba ubah diri sendiri... semua tu ambil masa. 

Tapi kalau dah buat semuanya dan suami tetap curang, mungkin lebih baik dia angkat kaki. Mungkin dia akan jumpa kebahagiaan dan ketenangan dengan hidup bersendirian. Mungkin dia akan jumpa kebahagiaan dan ketenangan dengan orang yang lebih menghargai. Biarlah si isteri nak buat pilihan pulak.

Si curang yang sibuk dengan janda orang, tengok jer lah bila janda sendiri ada orang yang lebih sayang. Bukan kau sorang jer lelaki dalam dunia ni. Kalau janda yang digilakan tu tak reti cari lelaki lain, ada jer lelaki lain yang berminat dengan janda kau. 

Kasar bunyinya tapi rasanya itu lah sebab kenapa orang perempuan ambil kisah laki dia curang ker tidak, ada buat pasal ker tidak. Dia nak buat pilihan sendiri dalam kehidupan.

Mana ada unconditional love kan. Atau pun mungkin isteri tetap jer sayang tapi cukup lah dalam kenangan. Curang... intolerable. 

Selagi Boleh Menulis Di Sini...

Ada orang menulis dalam diari, ada orang menulis di blog, ada orang menulis di social media, ada orang tidak menulis... cukuplah sekadar menyimpan di dalam hati.

I'm more comfortable to write here... bukan untuk siapa-siapa. Hanya untuk diri sendiri. Ketika PKPB yang tak nampak akan berkesudahan ni, ada banyak masa untuk bersendiri dan berfikir. I like this break. I probably need this break without having to justify myself to anyone. The break is getting a tad longer than what I needed though but I'll just appreciate this quiet moment before another round of chaos and expectations come in. 

I kept telling myself I need to go out for a walk... but I kept getting excuse from the morning drizzle. So here I am on the 3rd consecutive morning of being given excuse by nature.

Sekiranya tiada siapa lagi yang ambil kisah about how I get on my daily life, makan ker tidak, buat apa sepanjang hari, di sini lah tempat meluah rasa. Sekiranya tiada siapa lagi yang nak berkongsi kisah kehidupan with me, this is where I can feel belong.

I've been relatively quiet in the social media for almost 2 months I think. Tiada siapa pun yang perasan dan ambil kisah except very few. My brother did give me a call untuk bertanya khabar. A colleague also asked... itu pun after I texted him for work related things. Maybe ada terdetik dalam hati beberapa orang tapi cukup sekadar terdetik. That's it! I'm sure when I was quite active in social media, I pun tak perasan post siapa yang dah lama tak nampak. 

Itu lah pengajaran besar tentang social media. Lebih kan lah masa layan orang yang terdekat dengan kita, yang berada di depan mata daripada melayan social media tu. Jangan lah ada depan mata tapi seperti tiada. Jika berjauhan pulak dengan yang tersayang, terasa lah sikit bila melayan social media atau mesej orang lain lebih lama dan lebih panjang dari mesej pasangan atau keluarga. They need your attention, they need you, they care more for you, 

If anything happens to you keluarga terdekat yang bersusah-payah. Your social media friends sekadar tulis GWS jer. If you succeed in doing something, your social media friends sekadar ucap tahniah jer. Ada pengorbanan ahli keluarga yang menyumbang to your success... mungkin bersulam kepenatan, kesunyian atau air mata.

This reminder is for me, hubby and anak2 serta cucu2. Probably one day it will make sense to them. Hopefully, I remember this too bila mula sibuk nanti.

The Different Points in My Life

 At one point in my life, I experienced depression or I thought it was. I recovered from it quite quickly. Writing helps. So I'm not sure if it actually was depression or high level of stress. There are those who experience a prolonged depression state and I pray Allah give them ease in life and the Hereafter. I'm also thankful Allah did not let me be in that state for too long.

At one point in my life, mak halau keluar rumah. It was not something you share with people. People will wonder what have I done sampai jadi begitu? So I leave home, rent a place near my brother's and move on with my life. Growing up with divorced parents, doing things on my own to lessen mom's burden, and whatever the world has thrown at me at that time, make me hard as a rock. Mom has her own demons to deal with. Halau anak keluar rumah tu memang satu bentuk kebiasaan in our life. My siblings has their share of challenges and we deal with it the best we can... on our own.

At one point in my life, I looked out to the starless sky from the window of my sparsely decorated apartment and just felt empty. I was as happy as I can be, having a good job, mending relationship with mom, have friends that I can rely on... but I still remember that feeling of emptiness. However, life goes on and I don't dwell on that feeling too much. Life is as it is.

At this point in my life, more mature and wiser, I want to look at the sky again and ask Allah to help me be a better 'abd. Let me be in the right path and lead me to Jannah. I may die tomorrow or just in the next few seconds. I could also live the next 20-30 years. Let that be  time where I benefit others and leave a legacy that benefit others walaupun tiada zuriat yang ditinggalkan di dunia ni. I don't know what that legacy will be yet. May Allah lead me to it, open doors for it to happen, and let me notice the opened doors so I won't let opportunities slipped by.

If life goes on for another 20 - 30 years, may Allah let it be filled with love and happiness. I know if we want love and happiness, we have to let ourselves be lovable, spread the love around, and spread happiness around. Nobody wants to be around a grumpy old lady.