Cubalah Jadi Khalifah

A school friend reached out to me yesterday. She needed to talk about something. When an old friend did that, I'll just try to be as helpful as possible. The only reason someone who is not in my current social circle reached out for help in such a way is probably because she has no one else she can trust enough to share her problems with. 

I kinda hope it was just health issues. Turned out it's marriage issues :( 

Man...man...man... if only you guys BE the khalifah that Allah created in the first place. 

Ustaz Hasrizal Abdul Jamil wrote in one of his book that when people heard his future wife will be a doctor, everyone warned him about busy wife that need to be on-call, etc. I was like wowww... I thought people are proud to be married to a doctor. He told himself to just make the marriage work and look at the marriage as a way to serve... not to just take and take and expect and expect. So he took care of the house and cook and send food to his wife (they were overseas so food can be an issue), and until now still took care of the children and the house (they're still staying overseas but they've been back to Malaysia few years before going back to overseas again).

I can't remember which one of his book already, I bought and read several just this year with a plan to re-read and really think through about the lessons learned from his books. I thought... good for him. He's decided what kind of khalifah he wants to become in this world and carried out what's necessary to make the marriage works. I'm sure it is not easy. 

Some man have different ideas though. Instead of trying to improve the situation if they're not happy with the relationship, get into another relationship and see how things goes. I don't know... I have better expectations from men in general. Allah has put so much responsibilities on their shoulder as khalifah, and prepare huge rewards in the hereafter for that. 

Ustazah Yasmin Mogahed said marriage is a shelter from the storm. Let not the marriage be the storm. 

And this is what I thought... we always have areas beyond control and areas within control in our life. Whatever we're not happy with, as long as it is within our control, find ways to change things to what would make us happy. 

Kena berusaha untuk ubah diri sendiri. Make the emotional connection. Talk things through with each other. We have our ups and downs. Embrace both instances and always seek protection from Allah. Perkahwinan itu ialah suatu ikatan penuh ladang pahala yang memang iblis bersusaha untuk gagalkan. Tapi jika tidak kawal nafsu dan kematangan diri sendiri, iblis tukang bersorak jer bila rumahtangga berantakan.

Bagi tiap-tiap seorang ada malaikat penjaganya silih berganti dari hadapannya dan dari belakangnya, yang mengawas dan menjaganya (dari sesuatu bahaya) dengan perintah Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah tidak mengubah apa yang ada pada sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah apa yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri. Dan apabila Allah menghendaki untuk menimpakan kepada sesuatu kaum bala bencana (disebabkan kesalahan mereka sendiri), maka tiada sesiapapun yang dapat menolak atau menahan apa yang ditetapkanNya itu, dan tidak ada sesiapapun yang dapat menolong dan melindungi mereka selain daripadaNya. (Ar-Ra'd 13:11)

To my dear friend, I prayed the best for her. All she needed is a husband that's present. Bukan ada jasad dalam rumah tapi hati dan fikiran di tempat lain. Ada emotional connection, bukan distant. She's the wife... bagi lah muka to her as the wife, bukannya minta the wife pula meet the demand of ex-wife. Ex-wife tu sekadar penghubung dengan anak2, tiada siapa2 dalam kehidupan mereka lagi. Tak perlu lah nak layan girlfriend bertahun2, tanpa arah tujuan. Si isteri perlu kekuatan yang amat sangat bila di asak kanan dan kiri kan. Yang masalah dengan ex-wife lain, dengan girlfriend lain. Sebagai suami takkan tak fikir langsung itu ker kebahagiaan yang dijanjikan kepada seorang isteri. 

I didn't know the husband. I may not be fair in my judgment. Tapi Allah dan Rasulullah s.a.w dah sebut dan tunjuk lelaki ideal itu bagaimana. Walau sebagai manusia tak mampu nak jadi lelaki ideal, tapi kena lah ada usaha ke arah itu. 

"Sebaik-baik kalian adalah yang paling baik terhadap isterinya, dan aku adalah orang yang paling baik terhadap isteriku" (HR. At-Tirmidzi)

Bukti seorang lelaki itu baik atau tidak ialah pada hasilnya iaitu isterinya... happy atau tidak.

So my prayers to her husband too... also to my hubby, and all men in this world. Semoga berjaya menjadi khalifah Allah yang lebih baik. Sebelum nak jadi khalifah kepada kaum atau negara, negeri, syarikat, kena jadi khalifah kepada diri sendiri dan keluarga dulu.