Here I am still nursing my period pain, headache from not eating anything and regretting the fact I can't join puteri and others for a gathering at Delinn's place. I'm supposed to have a meeting with a client today too but have to cancel that. I kinda wish my boss will handle the meeting but he requested the client to postpone it. Can I rest peacefully at my apartment?
Nooo….. I started hearing a couple quarrelling on and off from about noon until just now, about 9 p.m. The woman is shouting at a high pitch voice unintelligibly while the man has a very low tone voice. I suspect the husband hit his wife once in a while too as then the wife would shout and cry even louder. While I did not agree the usage of physical force in any way, the way the woman shouted on and on makes me feel like I wanted to slap her myself. Can't she express herself in a more refined manner? Listening to her, I told myself this must be what a crying banshee sounds like. I could be wrong for I have never heard a crying banshee. But this is how I imagined it to be.
I know I'm not supposed to judge. I do not know her real situation. But I assumed the hitting started much later into the argument and once it started, it did not stop. Why tempt the husband in the first place? By the way, this is not the first time. It happened like 3-4 times since I rented this apartment but never this long. Probably then I was at work so did not hear the first part of their argument.
I wish someone can 'belasah' (beat) the husband too for using physical force on the wife. See if he likes being hit. Your wife is not your punching bag lah woi! No matter what the circumstances, there must be a better way to handle the situation. Later, my brother came back and this is the first time he heard the shouting. All these while, he only heard what I reported to him whenever I hear an argument from the same couple.
Listening to their argument can really get on our nerves. After some time, my brother shouted "Hoi!" from his bedroom window. Then he decided to pay them a visit. The problem is, we do not know from which apartment the voices came from. The sound came clearly from the kitchen area which is facing another kitchen area. So when we look out at the open kitchen area, the noise can come from any one of the apartment facing our kitchen. He decided to go and hear any sound coming from the front door of the suspected apartments.
While waiting for him to go down the stairs of our apartment to the next stairs, I decided to give another shout, as deep and loud as I can make, "Hoi! Panggil polis kang" and I also heard one or two more "Hoi!" from other neighbors if we can call them that. I did not know any of my neighbors. Not very neighborly of me and other people staying here but I believe a single lady staying alone shouldn't call attention to herself. My brother rarely comes back so I'm alone most of the time.
Not that the neighbors are interested to know anyway. I saw a Chinese couple with a baby when I first moved in. Talk to them a bit but never saw them since. I saw a Malay couple, staying next door to the Chinese couple. That's the only time I saw them too. The neighbor I had seen often and talk for a while is a Chinese couple staying across my apartment. They have their story too. This Chinese couple has an Indian baby. Must be adopted. They treat the baby nicely most of the time but sometimes I heard the mommy treat the baby like a dog.
Shut up! Sit! Stay there! She always let the baby cry when she's not in the mood to entertain the baby too. I'll pretend to be a kay-po-chee, open my windows directly facing their apartment and make loud disagreeing noise. After a while, she'll pick up the baby and cooed her. By the way, our apartment design is a 4-unit apartment at every floor. So that's all about my neighbor. The argument we heard come from an apartment on the next stairs.
And the several "Hoi!" managed to make them stop. Then my brother give me a call and said he couldn't figure out which apartment as it's very noisy at the other side of the apartment with kids voice, loud TV and all. So I told him they've stop quarrelling. I just hope the husband did not bound and gag his wife to silent her.
Then, I watched 'Dilema Wanita'. Not a good show to watch after listening to the couple arguing. It is about a mommy's boy where the mom follows him even on his honeymoon; make the wife's life miserable by always comparing her with the husband's ex-girlfriend whom is favored by the mom as a daughter-in-law. Makes me think why anyone wants to get married and subject themselves to one problem after another. Maybe I should blog about this in another entry.
I wonder how the gathering goes by now. I'm sure they'll give a detail update in their blog and I'll be so jealous. Sigh! Some other time lah kan puteri, Delinn and the rest. Thanks for inviting.
Sunflower gives the connotation of cheerfulness, bright, jolly, merry... you get the idea! However, if any content in this blog didn't fit the cheerfulness implied by its name, look at it this way... I'm putting down all the wretchedness, gloom, melancholy feeling in here so I can continue living up to the expectation of making the association to the sunflower.
Monday, May 30, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
We Are In Control Of Our Action
I read one very powerful statement in puteri's blog.
"...I can't decide when to fall in love, but I can decide on how to act on it..."
That is a very wise statement indeed. Actually, we ARE in control of our actions. In many situations, people choose to ignore the fact that they are actually in control of their actions. Maybe it is easier to put the blame on someone or something else rather than pointing the fingers back to us.
If you hit your wife/girlfriend and give excuses like you're so mad things went out of control, you're lying. You CAN control your actions. Admit that you're an abusive person and needs psychological help. No matter how bad your background is, not everyone who has been abused becomes abusive themselves. Many decided to be a better person and take control of their actions that will lead them to be a better person.
If you have certain urges, you CAN control how to deal with it and not blame that 'urges' when you ended up raping a stranger or someone you know or even family members. If you think you can't control it, think of the consequences. Do you want to hurt other people? One action of yours can affect someone's life and future? It can affect yours too. Visualize the prison and the cane. That way, maybe you can think of a better way to handle it.
If you fell in love with someone who is married, you can choose to not take any actions on your feelings. Love doesn't have to end with marriage. Many in the past have sacrificed love for a bigger cause. Why not sacrifice our feelings for the sake of one family? We can fall in love with someone else in the future. Maybe someone better whom we will not feel guilty for being together with him/her.
The same goes if you're married, have kids and fall for someone else. Feelings are like a plant that needs nurturing and tender loving care. If you don't care for it, the plant will die. Similarly, if you choose not to act on your feelings, the love will die. How sure are you its love and not lust anyway? If you did not give tender loving care to your family, if you choose not to take any action to keep your family together, it'll break apart. Your spouse becomes a stranger and your kids did not respect you. The outcome lies in your hands.
We can also control how we deal with things in our daily lives. Of course I can wake up early ;) but I choose my comfy bed. I'm in control. See! I can also control how I react to other drivers on the road, but I choose to let out several expletives. It's very satisfying that way :) I'm not endangering anybody anyway right? It is empowering to know that we can control all our actions. If we're nice, that means we choose to be nice. And if we're not, we have decided to become that person too. So no more pointing finger at others or blaming something but ourselves.
I have also discovered I have 'hate' fans. I wonder what they want. As far as I remember, I have always been minding my own business. If someone feels they 'hate' me, there is nothing I can do. If they want me to improve myself, if I have done or write something hurtful, they're not going to get any result just by declaring their feelings as an anonymous. I'll choose to ignore such remarks from now on. To my 'hate fans, you are in control of how you express yourself. So express yourself wisely or you'll just be ignored like a speck of dust. There are many in this virtual world isn't it?
"...I can't decide when to fall in love, but I can decide on how to act on it..."
That is a very wise statement indeed. Actually, we ARE in control of our actions. In many situations, people choose to ignore the fact that they are actually in control of their actions. Maybe it is easier to put the blame on someone or something else rather than pointing the fingers back to us.
If you hit your wife/girlfriend and give excuses like you're so mad things went out of control, you're lying. You CAN control your actions. Admit that you're an abusive person and needs psychological help. No matter how bad your background is, not everyone who has been abused becomes abusive themselves. Many decided to be a better person and take control of their actions that will lead them to be a better person.
If you have certain urges, you CAN control how to deal with it and not blame that 'urges' when you ended up raping a stranger or someone you know or even family members. If you think you can't control it, think of the consequences. Do you want to hurt other people? One action of yours can affect someone's life and future? It can affect yours too. Visualize the prison and the cane. That way, maybe you can think of a better way to handle it.
If you fell in love with someone who is married, you can choose to not take any actions on your feelings. Love doesn't have to end with marriage. Many in the past have sacrificed love for a bigger cause. Why not sacrifice our feelings for the sake of one family? We can fall in love with someone else in the future. Maybe someone better whom we will not feel guilty for being together with him/her.
The same goes if you're married, have kids and fall for someone else. Feelings are like a plant that needs nurturing and tender loving care. If you don't care for it, the plant will die. Similarly, if you choose not to act on your feelings, the love will die. How sure are you its love and not lust anyway? If you did not give tender loving care to your family, if you choose not to take any action to keep your family together, it'll break apart. Your spouse becomes a stranger and your kids did not respect you. The outcome lies in your hands.
We can also control how we deal with things in our daily lives. Of course I can wake up early ;) but I choose my comfy bed. I'm in control. See! I can also control how I react to other drivers on the road, but I choose to let out several expletives. It's very satisfying that way :) I'm not endangering anybody anyway right? It is empowering to know that we can control all our actions. If we're nice, that means we choose to be nice. And if we're not, we have decided to become that person too. So no more pointing finger at others or blaming something but ourselves.
I have also discovered I have 'hate' fans. I wonder what they want. As far as I remember, I have always been minding my own business. If someone feels they 'hate' me, there is nothing I can do. If they want me to improve myself, if I have done or write something hurtful, they're not going to get any result just by declaring their feelings as an anonymous. I'll choose to ignore such remarks from now on. To my 'hate fans, you are in control of how you express yourself. So express yourself wisely or you'll just be ignored like a speck of dust. There are many in this virtual world isn't it?
Thursday, May 26, 2005
On Most Mornings...
The second alarm rings at 7 a.m. My hands reached out trying to find my h/p with eyes closed. Errrgghh... 7 o'clock already! Still got time... put alarm on snooze. Pull the blanket and snuggled more comfortably. After 10 minutes, the alarm sounded again. Oh why does time flies so fast on morning like this. Or more accurately, on every morning when you wish for another 10 minutes of sleep. My hands reached out again and put out alarm hoping it is the snooze button. Continue sleeping...
Subconsciously feels this time my 10 minutes is a bit longer. Open one eye to look at the wall clock. Yikes! It's already 8.10 a.m. I must have pressed the wrong button earlier. But you know what, since I'm already late, I might as well lie down a bit longer. 5 minute more. Open eyes to look at the clock. Add another 10 minutes lah. Open eyes again to look at the wall clock. Why not just add another 5 minutes then. Open eyes and saw its 1 minute to 8.30. Sit down with blanket around my shoulders. OK! OK! 8.30 already. Must go and take my bath.
Do my bathroom rituals leisurely. Go out and see 20 minutes has passed. My official office hour is at 9.00 a.m. Never mind lah. A little late doesn't matter. I'll make up for it. Pick out clothes and tudung to wear. Iron quickly if necessary. Dressed up, put some powder and lipstick. Rushed to pack my laptop, fill in some water in my recycled water bottle, check to see whether I need to throw rubbish today. Nope! No rubbish today. Pick up my other set of eyes, hand phone, close the window, switch off fan, take handbag and laptop bag, wear shoes and go out at 9.15. I always tell myself it is better to be late as there'll be no jam by now. Go down the stairs and start my car. Reached office at 9.45. Reached the area earlier actually but finding a place to park took some time.
On peak hours, it would take longer to reach office. I know. I've tried. But still that is not a good excuse. I definitely can't be the employee of the month. Before anyone go tsk! tsk! tsk! Coming in late is the privilege I get as a senior staff who is used to working at home (telecommuting). When my boss bought the office, he said I can work at home once in a while if there's no meeting, discussion or software testing at the office. We have always been quite flexible with time. I extended that to coming in a little late... most of the time hehehe...
That privilege aside, it really is a chore getting up every morning now. High time for me to find a new job and try something new. Something that'll make me excited to go to work like I used to a long time ago. I already got a job offer. But there are some technicalities that have to be sorted out before I can hand in my resignation notice. Sigh! The days seem to pass by very slowly until I can hear the good news, "Cik Sue, you can come and take your offer letter now". It's always like that when you're waiting for something isn't it? Every minute feels like hours.
Subconsciously feels this time my 10 minutes is a bit longer. Open one eye to look at the wall clock. Yikes! It's already 8.10 a.m. I must have pressed the wrong button earlier. But you know what, since I'm already late, I might as well lie down a bit longer. 5 minute more. Open eyes to look at the clock. Add another 10 minutes lah. Open eyes again to look at the wall clock. Why not just add another 5 minutes then. Open eyes and saw its 1 minute to 8.30. Sit down with blanket around my shoulders. OK! OK! 8.30 already. Must go and take my bath.
Do my bathroom rituals leisurely. Go out and see 20 minutes has passed. My official office hour is at 9.00 a.m. Never mind lah. A little late doesn't matter. I'll make up for it. Pick out clothes and tudung to wear. Iron quickly if necessary. Dressed up, put some powder and lipstick. Rushed to pack my laptop, fill in some water in my recycled water bottle, check to see whether I need to throw rubbish today. Nope! No rubbish today. Pick up my other set of eyes, hand phone, close the window, switch off fan, take handbag and laptop bag, wear shoes and go out at 9.15. I always tell myself it is better to be late as there'll be no jam by now. Go down the stairs and start my car. Reached office at 9.45. Reached the area earlier actually but finding a place to park took some time.
On peak hours, it would take longer to reach office. I know. I've tried. But still that is not a good excuse. I definitely can't be the employee of the month. Before anyone go tsk! tsk! tsk! Coming in late is the privilege I get as a senior staff who is used to working at home (telecommuting). When my boss bought the office, he said I can work at home once in a while if there's no meeting, discussion or software testing at the office. We have always been quite flexible with time. I extended that to coming in a little late... most of the time hehehe...
That privilege aside, it really is a chore getting up every morning now. High time for me to find a new job and try something new. Something that'll make me excited to go to work like I used to a long time ago. I already got a job offer. But there are some technicalities that have to be sorted out before I can hand in my resignation notice. Sigh! The days seem to pass by very slowly until I can hear the good news, "Cik Sue, you can come and take your offer letter now". It's always like that when you're waiting for something isn't it? Every minute feels like hours.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Sneezing
Did you know it is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open? Try it the next time you feel a sneeze is coming.
I'm suffering from another allergy attack. That is the only plausible explanation for my red, itchy and swollen eyes, itchy face, flu and sneezes. If you hear a very unladylike sneeze (from a lady), that could be me :) Most often I have to hold my tummy when I sneeze for fearing my intestines will get knotted. I'm not kidding. It feels that way sometimes. What's frustrating, if I'm to list down food that may trigger my allergy, I'd ended up with only rice and veggies.
Going to ENT specialist doesn't really solve the problem as they would experiment with one drug after another, hoping one or 2,3,4 will do the job. I don't really mind if they experiment and I don't have to pay anything. Since I'm the one who has to pay for the different prescription, I might as well buy over the counter anti histamine. I pay for the drugs, minus the consultation fee.
If any well meaning souls recommend salt lamp, aromatherapy, air filter and what-not which most often are not cheap, can I pay only after I see result? If cannot, please don't recommend anything :)
Useful References:
Sneezing : Facts and Fiction
Hay Fever Treatment
I'm suffering from another allergy attack. That is the only plausible explanation for my red, itchy and swollen eyes, itchy face, flu and sneezes. If you hear a very unladylike sneeze (from a lady), that could be me :) Most often I have to hold my tummy when I sneeze for fearing my intestines will get knotted. I'm not kidding. It feels that way sometimes. What's frustrating, if I'm to list down food that may trigger my allergy, I'd ended up with only rice and veggies.
Going to ENT specialist doesn't really solve the problem as they would experiment with one drug after another, hoping one or 2,3,4 will do the job. I don't really mind if they experiment and I don't have to pay anything. Since I'm the one who has to pay for the different prescription, I might as well buy over the counter anti histamine. I pay for the drugs, minus the consultation fee.
If any well meaning souls recommend salt lamp, aromatherapy, air filter and what-not which most often are not cheap, can I pay only after I see result? If cannot, please don't recommend anything :)
Useful References:
Sneezing : Facts and Fiction
Hay Fever Treatment
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Another Telemarketing Phone Call
I've started writing a few things for my blog this morning but have no mood to finish any of them. And then I got this phone call. Hehehe... blog about this lah.
Caller: Hello! Can I speak to Cik Sue?
Me: Yes, speaking.
Caller: I'm blablabla calling from blablabla. We would like to invite you to do a free medical check up at the Mines.
Me: Do what? Where did you get my no.? (This is the first time I had a telemarketer asking me do a medical check up. For free!)
Caller: I got your name from this list. Maybe your friend has tried this medical check up and gives your no. to try it too. Blablabla...
Me: I'm not interested.
(I just had my medical check up for a job offer. I don't think I need another one so soon. Not to mention, nothing is free in this world. I drive so far until the Mines, they may just have a blood pressure test and then talk about some health product or something.)
Caller: You're not interested with your health?
Me: I know how to take care of my health. You think you offer a free medical check up so great one is it?
Caller: Err... no..
Me: Then why you do you question my decision? I'm not interested!
Caller: Err.. OK. Never mind. Thank you.
That is not word for word of our conversation but very close. Why salespeople have this habit of telling us how we should live our life?
If you don't buy this ring, you don't love her enough! If you don't use this milk, you're not a good mother! If you don't come for a free medical check up, you don't care for your health!
I think the next time any marketer or advertisement uses this approach, consumers should go and buy from their competitors just to prove a point.
Caller: Hello! Can I speak to Cik Sue?
Me: Yes, speaking.
Caller: I'm blablabla calling from blablabla. We would like to invite you to do a free medical check up at the Mines.
Me: Do what? Where did you get my no.? (This is the first time I had a telemarketer asking me do a medical check up. For free!)
Caller: I got your name from this list. Maybe your friend has tried this medical check up and gives your no. to try it too. Blablabla...
Me: I'm not interested.
(I just had my medical check up for a job offer. I don't think I need another one so soon. Not to mention, nothing is free in this world. I drive so far until the Mines, they may just have a blood pressure test and then talk about some health product or something.)
Caller: You're not interested with your health?
Me: I know how to take care of my health. You think you offer a free medical check up so great one is it?
Caller: Err... no..
Me: Then why you do you question my decision? I'm not interested!
Caller: Err.. OK. Never mind. Thank you.
That is not word for word of our conversation but very close. Why salespeople have this habit of telling us how we should live our life?
If you don't buy this ring, you don't love her enough! If you don't use this milk, you're not a good mother! If you don't come for a free medical check up, you don't care for your health!
I think the next time any marketer or advertisement uses this approach, consumers should go and buy from their competitors just to prove a point.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Women Phobia My Foot!
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a princess who guarded her heart like a fortress. The inhabitants of the land live peacefully and in harmony. Everybody respects one another, be it man, frog, buffalos, butterflies and every living being. It is such a nice place to live in.
One day, the princess met a frog name Froggie. The first time they met, the princess dismissed Froggie as just another frog in the pond. But Froggie is not to be deterred. He charmed the princess by making beautiful rainbows, sing beautiful songs, tell funny stories and blow soap bubbles that makes the princess feels like she's in a fairy land.
The princess really liked Froggie's company so she decided to let Froggie become her friend. Not very long after that, Froggie told the princess of his past. He was married once and even got several tadpoles. He said he likes being with the princess and wanted her to know his story. He has tried his very best to save his marriage but things are just not meant to be. He's a shy person but still hopes for a happily-ever-after ending. He still has some phobia to women though but he's glad he got the princess as a friend. At least now he has someone to talk to and will not feel lonely all the time.
The princess just listened to his story and takes it at face value. There is no basis for her to trust him and no basis for her not to. They're just friends anyway. Not long after that, Froggie got into a new venture and he spent less and less time with the princess. At first, the princess was annoyed but later decided to accept that Froggie has much to handle at the moment. Whenever Froggie is not too busy, he can come for a visit.
One day Froggie came by to her castle and they talked about so many things since they have not seen each other for quite some time. They have such a wonderful time chit chatting. Froggie used a new Palm Treo but he is not into gadgets so the princess showed him how to use GPRS using the Palm. While doing that, suddenly a message comes in and was displayed immediately. The princess is not the busy body type so she did not read the message but manages to see the name 'abg' and 'ayg' on it.
Since they are just friends, she let it pass at first. But she is so curious about 'ayg'. The next day, she asked Froggie who 'ayg' is. He told her 'ayg' is someone he knows before he met her. She is someone he is considering but he is not sure. By the way, he only exchanged sms with her and rarely met because she is not in KL.
Kotak bukan sebarang kotak,
Kotak besi bersaiz besar;
Katak bukan sebarang katak,
Katak dari Kuala Kangsar.
Hahahaha…a froggie from Kuala Kangsar. This reminded me of puteri, but then she's a princess too and not a frog kan puteri kan :)
Anyway, this news did not sit well with the princess. They're just friends but the princess still did not like it. For one, the poor Katak Kuala Kangsar must have some hopes from him. I mean, to call herself 'ayg', they must be in a serious relationship or something. And just because his Katak Kuala Kangsar is in Kuala Kangsar, does not mean he can go around and play fools with princesses in a land far, far away.
The more the princess thinks about it, the more furious she became. He lied to her. He gives the impression that there is no one special in his life at the moment (recall, "At least now he has someone to talk to and will not feel lonely all the time."). He also mentioned that now he has the princess as a friend, he doesn't need another friend. That sounded silly but he the princess understands what he meant. At least she thought she did.
The princess almost turned to an ugly witch for being so angry with the lying scum of a frog. Almost! Luckily, she managed to 'maintain cun' and told Froggie she did not want to see him anymore. No matter how forlorn Froggie looks, she's determined. Women phobia my foot! Shy my foot! With women friends here and there. Duh! The princess felt some pity towards 'ayg' who has no idea how Froggie has been behaving and she really can't accept being lied to.
The princess can still feel enraged whenever she thinks of Froggie. If she's a witch, she'd turn all male frogs into dirt where people will just trample over them without much thought. But then, many tadpoles and momma frogs would cry for them so the princess decided to be rational about it. She's a princess by the way and not a witch. But the princess learned a valuable lesson from that experience. Not her first by the way. Do not trust frogs! Especially the charming ones. They become charming due to lots and lots of practice heh.
One day, the princess met a frog name Froggie. The first time they met, the princess dismissed Froggie as just another frog in the pond. But Froggie is not to be deterred. He charmed the princess by making beautiful rainbows, sing beautiful songs, tell funny stories and blow soap bubbles that makes the princess feels like she's in a fairy land.
The princess really liked Froggie's company so she decided to let Froggie become her friend. Not very long after that, Froggie told the princess of his past. He was married once and even got several tadpoles. He said he likes being with the princess and wanted her to know his story. He has tried his very best to save his marriage but things are just not meant to be. He's a shy person but still hopes for a happily-ever-after ending. He still has some phobia to women though but he's glad he got the princess as a friend. At least now he has someone to talk to and will not feel lonely all the time.
The princess just listened to his story and takes it at face value. There is no basis for her to trust him and no basis for her not to. They're just friends anyway. Not long after that, Froggie got into a new venture and he spent less and less time with the princess. At first, the princess was annoyed but later decided to accept that Froggie has much to handle at the moment. Whenever Froggie is not too busy, he can come for a visit.
One day Froggie came by to her castle and they talked about so many things since they have not seen each other for quite some time. They have such a wonderful time chit chatting. Froggie used a new Palm Treo but he is not into gadgets so the princess showed him how to use GPRS using the Palm. While doing that, suddenly a message comes in and was displayed immediately. The princess is not the busy body type so she did not read the message but manages to see the name 'abg' and 'ayg' on it.
Since they are just friends, she let it pass at first. But she is so curious about 'ayg'. The next day, she asked Froggie who 'ayg' is. He told her 'ayg' is someone he knows before he met her. She is someone he is considering but he is not sure. By the way, he only exchanged sms with her and rarely met because she is not in KL.
Kotak bukan sebarang kotak,
Kotak besi bersaiz besar;
Katak bukan sebarang katak,
Katak dari Kuala Kangsar.
Hahahaha…a froggie from Kuala Kangsar. This reminded me of puteri, but then she's a princess too and not a frog kan puteri kan :)
Anyway, this news did not sit well with the princess. They're just friends but the princess still did not like it. For one, the poor Katak Kuala Kangsar must have some hopes from him. I mean, to call herself 'ayg', they must be in a serious relationship or something. And just because his Katak Kuala Kangsar is in Kuala Kangsar, does not mean he can go around and play fools with princesses in a land far, far away.
The more the princess thinks about it, the more furious she became. He lied to her. He gives the impression that there is no one special in his life at the moment (recall, "At least now he has someone to talk to and will not feel lonely all the time."). He also mentioned that now he has the princess as a friend, he doesn't need another friend. That sounded silly but he the princess understands what he meant. At least she thought she did.
The princess almost turned to an ugly witch for being so angry with the lying scum of a frog. Almost! Luckily, she managed to 'maintain cun' and told Froggie she did not want to see him anymore. No matter how forlorn Froggie looks, she's determined. Women phobia my foot! Shy my foot! With women friends here and there. Duh! The princess felt some pity towards 'ayg' who has no idea how Froggie has been behaving and she really can't accept being lied to.
The princess can still feel enraged whenever she thinks of Froggie. If she's a witch, she'd turn all male frogs into dirt where people will just trample over them without much thought. But then, many tadpoles and momma frogs would cry for them so the princess decided to be rational about it. She's a princess by the way and not a witch. But the princess learned a valuable lesson from that experience. Not her first by the way. Do not trust frogs! Especially the charming ones. They become charming due to lots and lots of practice heh.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Childhood Dream
Do you have your life mapped out? In five years time you're gonna be this, own that and do this, this and that? Some people told me they do. Complete with paper work!
I don't! I have short term goals and a very generalized long term goal but other than that I pretty much take life one day at a time. Being single, I don't have to worry about children's education and things like that. And thinking about it, I surprised myself that I don't have dreams anymore. Only interests. Whatever interests me, I will pursue. I'm not sure whether it's good or bad. But lucky me, many things look interesting to me. So at least life will never become dull.
My friend always tells me of her little boy's imaginary future. The first time he was asked about girlfriend, he said he's not going to have a girlfriend and get married. Now he has changed his mind. He's gonna be slim and become a pilot. He'll have a wife who'll be wearing a green tudung and would wear flowery baju kurung during Hari Raya. His mom will be old by then and will be called grandma. She will have to help him look after his daughter. His uncle abah would stay at home watching TV and his mom will have to cook for uncle abah when he's hungry. Isn't it cute? This nice perfect picture he imagined his future will be :)
I think having childhood dreams like this should be encouraged. For all we know, it's gonna happen. I HAVE lived my childhood dreams.
When I was just a little girl, my dreams consist of pictures painted by my mom and through observations. My mom always tells me stories that if I'm good in my studies, I can go and study at a boarding school. I'll learn to live on my own and I'll have many friends. I would have to cook by myself, wash my own clothes and do everything on my own. Probably it's due to my independent streak that the idea really appeals to the little girl and she tells herself one day she's going to study at a boarding school.
The story did not stop there. After boarding school comes university. She has no idea how important this university is but because mom tells her so, that is probably where she should go when she grew up. Mom never said anything about the course she should take though. So she did not have any fix idea that she should become a doctor or lawyer.
On merdeka day, she would be glued in front of the TV watching the Merdeka Parade. To the little girl, the parade looks so interesting with the marching band and people in costumes and nice clothes waving flags. So she thought one day when she grew up, she'll be involved in the Merdeka Parade.
She is very fortunate that she get to go to a boarding school and while she was there, join the school band. She realized her dreams of becoming part of the Merdeka Parade several times. And then, comes the university. Probably because mom forgot to tell her about the course she should take, she had a tough time deciding on which course to take. Her interests are many. Finally it came to which offer was given to her, that's the one she'll take :)
Unfortunately, she did not remember having any dreams about what happens after university. Where should she work? How will the company look like? Will she be rich? How is the person she's going to marry? When will she marry? How many kids she's gonna have?
Seeing the trends that I've realized my childhood dreams, I wonder now if I have dreamt about all of the above, probably life would be simpler and I'll know how my future will be. But since I haven't, dreamt about the above questions that is, I should start considering my life plan right now.
*close eyes and try to imagine the life she wants after 5 years, 10 years, etc., etc., etc.*
Hmmm... can't see any picture beyond the walls of my apartment lah. Sigh! I probably need to practice on this and do some very, very deep soul searching. Another sigh! On second thought, probably she should just aim to finish the two projects she's currently handling and go on a much deserved holiday :)
I don't! I have short term goals and a very generalized long term goal but other than that I pretty much take life one day at a time. Being single, I don't have to worry about children's education and things like that. And thinking about it, I surprised myself that I don't have dreams anymore. Only interests. Whatever interests me, I will pursue. I'm not sure whether it's good or bad. But lucky me, many things look interesting to me. So at least life will never become dull.
My friend always tells me of her little boy's imaginary future. The first time he was asked about girlfriend, he said he's not going to have a girlfriend and get married. Now he has changed his mind. He's gonna be slim and become a pilot. He'll have a wife who'll be wearing a green tudung and would wear flowery baju kurung during Hari Raya. His mom will be old by then and will be called grandma. She will have to help him look after his daughter. His uncle abah would stay at home watching TV and his mom will have to cook for uncle abah when he's hungry. Isn't it cute? This nice perfect picture he imagined his future will be :)
I think having childhood dreams like this should be encouraged. For all we know, it's gonna happen. I HAVE lived my childhood dreams.
When I was just a little girl, my dreams consist of pictures painted by my mom and through observations. My mom always tells me stories that if I'm good in my studies, I can go and study at a boarding school. I'll learn to live on my own and I'll have many friends. I would have to cook by myself, wash my own clothes and do everything on my own. Probably it's due to my independent streak that the idea really appeals to the little girl and she tells herself one day she's going to study at a boarding school.
The story did not stop there. After boarding school comes university. She has no idea how important this university is but because mom tells her so, that is probably where she should go when she grew up. Mom never said anything about the course she should take though. So she did not have any fix idea that she should become a doctor or lawyer.
On merdeka day, she would be glued in front of the TV watching the Merdeka Parade. To the little girl, the parade looks so interesting with the marching band and people in costumes and nice clothes waving flags. So she thought one day when she grew up, she'll be involved in the Merdeka Parade.
She is very fortunate that she get to go to a boarding school and while she was there, join the school band. She realized her dreams of becoming part of the Merdeka Parade several times. And then, comes the university. Probably because mom forgot to tell her about the course she should take, she had a tough time deciding on which course to take. Her interests are many. Finally it came to which offer was given to her, that's the one she'll take :)
Unfortunately, she did not remember having any dreams about what happens after university. Where should she work? How will the company look like? Will she be rich? How is the person she's going to marry? When will she marry? How many kids she's gonna have?
Seeing the trends that I've realized my childhood dreams, I wonder now if I have dreamt about all of the above, probably life would be simpler and I'll know how my future will be. But since I haven't, dreamt about the above questions that is, I should start considering my life plan right now.
*close eyes and try to imagine the life she wants after 5 years, 10 years, etc., etc., etc.*
Hmmm... can't see any picture beyond the walls of my apartment lah. Sigh! I probably need to practice on this and do some very, very deep soul searching. Another sigh! On second thought, probably she should just aim to finish the two projects she's currently handling and go on a much deserved holiday :)
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
If Only...
If only these could be routine...
- Get back from work at 6.00 p.m.
- Eat some fruits
- Do some cleaning, wash dishes or clothes
- Do 20 minutes of exercise
- Cook dinner
- Take a bath
- Perform Maghrib prayer
- Have dinner while watching 8 o'clock news
I get to do almost all of the above today and feeling quite content with myself. I promised someone I'm going to loose 3kg in 3 months time. Probably not to much for many people but for someone who loves eating like me, that is a very optimistic goal. Having said that, I think evening routine is much easier to follow than a morning routine. I definitely am not a morning person heh :) But evening routine would be easier to break too due to shopping after work, meeting friends for dinner, too tired and things like that. Anyway, my dream morning routine would be...
- Get up at 5.45 a.m.
- Do 30 minutes of exercise
- Take a bath
- Perform Subuh prayer
- Prepare a healthy breakfast
- Prepare lunch to be packed and brought to office
- Have breakfast
- Prepare for work
Sounds simple isn't it? But very difficult to follow. Too many lazy bones in me :D
I went to survey a fitness centre yesterday. To pay over RM200 a month when I'm not sure of my commitment level is probably not a good idea. I can't even commit to a simple routine as above.
On an unrelated note, I misplaced 3 credit card statements, for 3 consecutive months. Arrgghhh.... I've searched all over the house looking for it without any success. Where else could it be? The disappearance really baffles me. It's not as if I live in a mansion. I wonder how much the credit card company would charge for a copy of the statement. That would be my last option after I'm done looking for it. Sigh!
- Get back from work at 6.00 p.m.
- Eat some fruits
- Do some cleaning, wash dishes or clothes
- Do 20 minutes of exercise
- Cook dinner
- Take a bath
- Perform Maghrib prayer
- Have dinner while watching 8 o'clock news
I get to do almost all of the above today and feeling quite content with myself. I promised someone I'm going to loose 3kg in 3 months time. Probably not to much for many people but for someone who loves eating like me, that is a very optimistic goal. Having said that, I think evening routine is much easier to follow than a morning routine. I definitely am not a morning person heh :) But evening routine would be easier to break too due to shopping after work, meeting friends for dinner, too tired and things like that. Anyway, my dream morning routine would be...
- Get up at 5.45 a.m.
- Do 30 minutes of exercise
- Take a bath
- Perform Subuh prayer
- Prepare a healthy breakfast
- Prepare lunch to be packed and brought to office
- Have breakfast
- Prepare for work
Sounds simple isn't it? But very difficult to follow. Too many lazy bones in me :D
I went to survey a fitness centre yesterday. To pay over RM200 a month when I'm not sure of my commitment level is probably not a good idea. I can't even commit to a simple routine as above.
On an unrelated note, I misplaced 3 credit card statements, for 3 consecutive months. Arrgghhh.... I've searched all over the house looking for it without any success. Where else could it be? The disappearance really baffles me. It's not as if I live in a mansion. I wonder how much the credit card company would charge for a copy of the statement. That would be my last option after I'm done looking for it. Sigh!
Friday, May 13, 2005
My Frog Prince??
This happened quite some time ago, about 9 at night. I was in my room when my younger brother, Aie, came for a visit. My youngest brother, Adik, also came back from his U. I switched off my laptop and did some stretching a bit before going out to join the family. My eyes strayed to the top of my dressing table where there are two small plants. My mother loves gardening. Every now and then, she would change the plants in my room to give the plant some fresh air and sunshine, and also to give me something new to look at.
I noticed a dark shadow behind one of the plant's pot and go nearer to have a look only to find an ugly looking frog of an unknown species there. A frog!!! On top of my dressing table... iiieeee..... So I went out to announce the existence of that alien species in my room. My mother immediately scolded me. She said I always forgot to close my windows in the evening. I told her I did close my bedroom windows. Adik is not a fan of reptiles and amphibians, but he is better than both me and my mom. We can scream like mad if there is a lizard hiding behind the kitchen, or frogs in the garden (though that's where frogs should be and not in my room).
Luckily Aie is here. Nothing scares him except cockroaches and even that he managed to get over it. So without any hesitation he grabbed the frog with a piece of newspaper and throws it away. He wanted to just grab the frog. We (my mom and I) shrieked and pass the newspaper to him. We'll never know what bacteria could be on its skin. After my mom blames me for leaving the windows open, it occurred to her the frog could also come from the plant pot. Actually my mom used old porcelain chinaware as the pot. One of the pots used to be a milk/creamer container and the other one is a glass type. Both are quite small (about the standard mug size) especially the glass. The frog was behind the glass so I took the glass, look inside and saw a hole the size of the frog. A big chunk of the earth in the glass is actually the frog.
My mom said, she think she did squeeze the then thought earth in the glass to pack it a bit. And both of us shout when thinking of the possibilities. I quickly put the glass down for fearing I'll drop it. It is quite funny actually. The plant has been in my room for a few days so my mom said probably the frog has been looking at me sleeping for several nights now. But I think I would have noticed if the frog came out for some fresh air earlier. And she said just my luck or lack of it the frog did not transformed into a prince :)
There are many frogs/toads (never knew the difference) around my house when we first moved to the area. Once I was talking on my hand phone with a friend and he said he can hear the symphony of frogs croaking as my background music :)
The first few days after we move to this area, in one of the lovely mornings, my mom heard something moving in our mailbox. When Adik opened it, a frog jumped out. I can't imagine how the frog can jumped in it in the first place. Can you picture the standard size red metal mailbox (or is it plastic), with very little opening. We even lock the mailbox so it can't go in any other way except the opening for letter in. After that incident, we decided to cement our compound inside the gate. The frog community has lessened but there are still a few who loves to stay inside my mother's flower pots.
If I hear my mom's scream while I'm doing my work (I was telecommuting during this time), I know there must be a frog or 2,3,4 in her flower pot. We also have two containers containing a fish each where my mom put in some water type plants. The fish is put there so they can eat the 'jentik-jentik' if any. One morning she found bubbles inside her container. A neighbour said that could be frog's bubbles or eggs. So she has to cover the container most of the time. We will take away the cover only when we are outside and wanted to enjoy the view.
Frogs.. frogs.. everywhere. If only one of them can turn to a handsome prince. But then, there is no way I'm going to kiss the frogs to find one that will turn to a prince :)
I noticed a dark shadow behind one of the plant's pot and go nearer to have a look only to find an ugly looking frog of an unknown species there. A frog!!! On top of my dressing table... iiieeee..... So I went out to announce the existence of that alien species in my room. My mother immediately scolded me. She said I always forgot to close my windows in the evening. I told her I did close my bedroom windows. Adik is not a fan of reptiles and amphibians, but he is better than both me and my mom. We can scream like mad if there is a lizard hiding behind the kitchen, or frogs in the garden (though that's where frogs should be and not in my room).
Luckily Aie is here. Nothing scares him except cockroaches and even that he managed to get over it. So without any hesitation he grabbed the frog with a piece of newspaper and throws it away. He wanted to just grab the frog. We (my mom and I) shrieked and pass the newspaper to him. We'll never know what bacteria could be on its skin. After my mom blames me for leaving the windows open, it occurred to her the frog could also come from the plant pot. Actually my mom used old porcelain chinaware as the pot. One of the pots used to be a milk/creamer container and the other one is a glass type. Both are quite small (about the standard mug size) especially the glass. The frog was behind the glass so I took the glass, look inside and saw a hole the size of the frog. A big chunk of the earth in the glass is actually the frog.
My mom said, she think she did squeeze the then thought earth in the glass to pack it a bit. And both of us shout when thinking of the possibilities. I quickly put the glass down for fearing I'll drop it. It is quite funny actually. The plant has been in my room for a few days so my mom said probably the frog has been looking at me sleeping for several nights now. But I think I would have noticed if the frog came out for some fresh air earlier. And she said just my luck or lack of it the frog did not transformed into a prince :)
There are many frogs/toads (never knew the difference) around my house when we first moved to the area. Once I was talking on my hand phone with a friend and he said he can hear the symphony of frogs croaking as my background music :)
The first few days after we move to this area, in one of the lovely mornings, my mom heard something moving in our mailbox. When Adik opened it, a frog jumped out. I can't imagine how the frog can jumped in it in the first place. Can you picture the standard size red metal mailbox (or is it plastic), with very little opening. We even lock the mailbox so it can't go in any other way except the opening for letter in. After that incident, we decided to cement our compound inside the gate. The frog community has lessened but there are still a few who loves to stay inside my mother's flower pots.
If I hear my mom's scream while I'm doing my work (I was telecommuting during this time), I know there must be a frog or 2,3,4 in her flower pot. We also have two containers containing a fish each where my mom put in some water type plants. The fish is put there so they can eat the 'jentik-jentik' if any. One morning she found bubbles inside her container. A neighbour said that could be frog's bubbles or eggs. So she has to cover the container most of the time. We will take away the cover only when we are outside and wanted to enjoy the view.
Frogs.. frogs.. everywhere. If only one of them can turn to a handsome prince. But then, there is no way I'm going to kiss the frogs to find one that will turn to a prince :)
Sunday, May 8, 2005
Blogger Is A Job
Check this out. Blogger is now a name of a job. Wouldn't it be nice if we have more of this position advertised. Go apply if you're interested AND qualified.
Saturday, May 7, 2005
I Kick My Boss
I kick my boss. Literally. We went for a demo this morning (ooppsss... it's already past midnight so that would be yesterday morning) and as always he never knew when to stop talking. I'm squirming in my sit looking at client's faces who are getting impatient waiting for him to stop talking. The 2 hour demo is over; let the potential customer speak lah boss! Duh!
The first time I kicked his leg under the table, he turned to look at me sharply but I pretend as if nothing happens. Isn't that how kicking legs under the table is supposed to be handled? I'm not supposed to let the client know we are at kicking legs stage right! But being his dense self, he didn’t get the message so I have to kick him again. He must have thought it was accidental the first time. After the second kick, he quickly finishes his last sentences.
I wonder either he truly can't read body languages or missed them for focusing too much on talking irregardless whether people are interested to listen, or not. I've pointed out this negative trait of him many times. To his face. If it is not for the good of the company, I wouldn't bother and if not because some client complaints about this, he probably has kicked me out. Figuratively (from the company that is). This is one reason he understands the meaning of my kick hehehe...
I noticed he tried to change but many times he gets carried away with his point of views. Especially if people say how good the software is, he'll get so kembang and continue selling it. This reminded me to one episode in Apprentice Season 1 where Troy (if I'm not mistaken) got a business lesson from a kid. "When the product is sold, do not sell anymore" or something that sounds like that.
I wonder how many types of bosses are there. There probably are the grumpy type, the yelling type, the talking non-stop type... anyone else care to add? My previous boss thinks he's better than Bill Gates. Previous boss also loves listening to himself talks. Current boss thinks he's better than my previous boss AND Bill Gates. I wonder if Bill Gates talks a lot too. I thought great men and women talk less and do more. Right!!??
Great thinkers think. Or do they talk too? Only people around them know whether they actually bore people to death just by talking, under the pretext of sharing ideas, bouncing off ideas, etc. One of these days, I'll quit the company because the boss talks too much. Sometimes he'll call staff into his office because he wants to think out loud. I probably should collect some money from the other staff and bought him a mannequin for that purpose.
If you want to think out loud, think out loud to the walls lah. If you have concrete ideas, I'm willing to listen and discuss. But when all your thoughts are full of question marks, I'm afraid I'd lost my eyes in the eye socket just from rolling my eyes too much. Wishing I can roll my eyes actually. You can't really roll your eyes in front of the boss lah. Truly not advisable. Kicking is still OK hehehe... Talking from experience.
Having said that, he's the one who talks AND gets the job done. So not really like the many tong kosong or tin kosong around us. It's not fair if I put him in the same category. He's quite a genius when it comes to his work but he's a living example that some geniuses are lacking in people skill.
The first time I kicked his leg under the table, he turned to look at me sharply but I pretend as if nothing happens. Isn't that how kicking legs under the table is supposed to be handled? I'm not supposed to let the client know we are at kicking legs stage right! But being his dense self, he didn’t get the message so I have to kick him again. He must have thought it was accidental the first time. After the second kick, he quickly finishes his last sentences.
I wonder either he truly can't read body languages or missed them for focusing too much on talking irregardless whether people are interested to listen, or not. I've pointed out this negative trait of him many times. To his face. If it is not for the good of the company, I wouldn't bother and if not because some client complaints about this, he probably has kicked me out. Figuratively (from the company that is). This is one reason he understands the meaning of my kick hehehe...
I noticed he tried to change but many times he gets carried away with his point of views. Especially if people say how good the software is, he'll get so kembang and continue selling it. This reminded me to one episode in Apprentice Season 1 where Troy (if I'm not mistaken) got a business lesson from a kid. "When the product is sold, do not sell anymore" or something that sounds like that.
I wonder how many types of bosses are there. There probably are the grumpy type, the yelling type, the talking non-stop type... anyone else care to add? My previous boss thinks he's better than Bill Gates. Previous boss also loves listening to himself talks. Current boss thinks he's better than my previous boss AND Bill Gates. I wonder if Bill Gates talks a lot too. I thought great men and women talk less and do more. Right!!??
Great thinkers think. Or do they talk too? Only people around them know whether they actually bore people to death just by talking, under the pretext of sharing ideas, bouncing off ideas, etc. One of these days, I'll quit the company because the boss talks too much. Sometimes he'll call staff into his office because he wants to think out loud. I probably should collect some money from the other staff and bought him a mannequin for that purpose.
If you want to think out loud, think out loud to the walls lah. If you have concrete ideas, I'm willing to listen and discuss. But when all your thoughts are full of question marks, I'm afraid I'd lost my eyes in the eye socket just from rolling my eyes too much. Wishing I can roll my eyes actually. You can't really roll your eyes in front of the boss lah. Truly not advisable. Kicking is still OK hehehe... Talking from experience.
Having said that, he's the one who talks AND gets the job done. So not really like the many tong kosong or tin kosong around us. It's not fair if I put him in the same category. He's quite a genius when it comes to his work but he's a living example that some geniuses are lacking in people skill.
Tuesday, May 3, 2005
Sleepless Night
I couldn't sleep last night. I was tossing and turning and groaning in pain until about 3. I must've drifted for awhile but awoken at 4 a.m. in pain again. I was groaning some more, rubbing my tummy and back trying to ease the pain. No; it's not stomach ache. Puteri said it best in her blog, "maybe ovariku dah nak tercabut". Can't help but laugh at the very apt description of what I'm feeling.
Period pain is the thing some women fear most. Not every female will experience it and some who do, will experience it at a different degree. Some female who has never experience it, might even dismiss it as trivial or exaggeration. All I can say to them is be thankful you're spared the experience. While I had it bad almost all the time, I'm still grateful it's not as bad as some worst stories I've heard.
Some people can faint from the pain, some had it for the whole menstruation period. Beside the pain, I dare not eat anything or I'd throw up. Throwing up is not the problem. It's the moment of having something in my tummy until the moment I throw up that is really indescribable. It is several notches higher in pain scale than anyone can ever imagine. It's like something wants to get out but can't. No amount of minyak angin and heat pad will ease the pain. I'd be suffering for hours until everything is purged from the system. Most of the time, I will not throw up everything at once. It will be several times until the system is totally clean from the unwanted object.
Once, while I was still in secondary school and it was few days before Raya, I had one really bad experience. It was my first day but since I didn't feel pain in the beginning, decided to go shopping with mom. Since there is a lot to buy, we decided to split up. Not a good idea at all for before long, the pain get so bad I almost feel like I should just fainted so people will take me to the hospital or something. Anyway, I managed to walk and sit down (almost curled like a ball) near a drain where several non-Muslim hawkers were selling banana fritters and some drinks. I asked one nyonya to please call a cab for me. I almost toppled over from the pain. It is difficult to get a cab when everyone is doing their Raya shopping but they managed to get one for me after some time.
I don't know what goes through the hawkers mind. Since it is fasting month, they must have thought I got gastric or something. They must also think it must be so difficult to be fasting. Luckily, I saw my mom not a few metres away and called her. She get in the cab and I was heaving, really feel like throwing up that the cab driver stop and said I can throw up first. I'm sure he did not want me throwing up in his cab. I opened the cab door and throw up and everyone near the hawkers stall and the bus stop was looking at me. Like I really care that time. All I want is to get home fast. Anyway, that is really one bad experience.
I went to boarding school so whenever I have my period pain, I'd go to the sick bay. That would be every month without fail until word got to the headmistress. I'm sure she never experiences the pain herself as she lectures me on how I should be more resilient. She told me a story of a friend with a broken leg, going around in crutches and not just lies down to sleep. I was like, "hello... how can you thought period pain in anyway similar to someone with a broken leg?" Of course I never said that to her face. I would take 6-8 panadols a day then, and now I became allergic to panadol. That's how bad it is. Now, since I got allergic to panadols and pain killers (My face would get swollen really badly, I can't even breathe through the nose and the worst part is my air tract will feel swollen too. I wouldn't be able to breathe at all if the air tract got swollen so much that there is no room for oxygen to go through), I just have to tough it out until the moment passed. It is an experience anyone should do without.
I've tried many things. EPO and even some Chinese herbs recommended by my Chinese friends. The one where you have to boil them. I tried it for several months until my mom said she really can't stand the smell of the herbs. Then I tried the same herbs in pill form. I gave up after several more months. Seems like nothing helps and most medical practitioners would agree too. What they can do is help ease the pain, not alleviate the problem totally. Luckily, taking some antacid can ease the pain somewhat. Not as good as pain killers but much better than not taking anything at all.
Once I went to a clinic for an MC. The Malay male doctor tries to explain to me how the pain can occur. He also mentions that most of the time the pain would go away after one is married. I immiediately said, "Alah, my married friends still got it." And he said, "Nanti! Saya belum habis cakap lagi". Heh! Got scolded by the doctor summore :) He continues saying that after several times of delivering babies, the parts that gets swollen in the ovary will not become swollen anymore and then probably the pain would stop, or something like that. Don't ask me for details. I'm bad at remembering details.
My mom is not very open about this issue. I knew about women having menstruation from friends at school. Later when I asked her, she sheepishly answer and prefers I get the details from my ustazah at school. Probably many conservative parents at that time are like that. She would force me to wake up for sahur so as not to alert my brothers. Like me, they knew about this part of biological lesson from friends and religious class too. Being the naughty boys they are, they would ask my mom why I did not pray or things like that, just for wanting to know how my mom would react/evade the question.
One day, I got tired of playing the game and confront them in front of my mom. "Kat sekolah korang tak belajar ker orang perempuan ada cuti sembahyang. Kalau dah tau, buat apa nak tanya lagi." They answered 'tau' softly and immediately go find something else to do. My mom looked horrified. I said, "alah mak, diorang tau lah. sajer jer tu." At least after that I don't have to wake up for sahur when I don't have to anymore :) I find it makes life easier to tell the truth.
A very long post from me today. It took my mind off hunger for a while but really really hungry now lah and dare not eat yet. Sigh!
Period pain is the thing some women fear most. Not every female will experience it and some who do, will experience it at a different degree. Some female who has never experience it, might even dismiss it as trivial or exaggeration. All I can say to them is be thankful you're spared the experience. While I had it bad almost all the time, I'm still grateful it's not as bad as some worst stories I've heard.
Some people can faint from the pain, some had it for the whole menstruation period. Beside the pain, I dare not eat anything or I'd throw up. Throwing up is not the problem. It's the moment of having something in my tummy until the moment I throw up that is really indescribable. It is several notches higher in pain scale than anyone can ever imagine. It's like something wants to get out but can't. No amount of minyak angin and heat pad will ease the pain. I'd be suffering for hours until everything is purged from the system. Most of the time, I will not throw up everything at once. It will be several times until the system is totally clean from the unwanted object.
Once, while I was still in secondary school and it was few days before Raya, I had one really bad experience. It was my first day but since I didn't feel pain in the beginning, decided to go shopping with mom. Since there is a lot to buy, we decided to split up. Not a good idea at all for before long, the pain get so bad I almost feel like I should just fainted so people will take me to the hospital or something. Anyway, I managed to walk and sit down (almost curled like a ball) near a drain where several non-Muslim hawkers were selling banana fritters and some drinks. I asked one nyonya to please call a cab for me. I almost toppled over from the pain. It is difficult to get a cab when everyone is doing their Raya shopping but they managed to get one for me after some time.
I don't know what goes through the hawkers mind. Since it is fasting month, they must have thought I got gastric or something. They must also think it must be so difficult to be fasting. Luckily, I saw my mom not a few metres away and called her. She get in the cab and I was heaving, really feel like throwing up that the cab driver stop and said I can throw up first. I'm sure he did not want me throwing up in his cab. I opened the cab door and throw up and everyone near the hawkers stall and the bus stop was looking at me. Like I really care that time. All I want is to get home fast. Anyway, that is really one bad experience.
I went to boarding school so whenever I have my period pain, I'd go to the sick bay. That would be every month without fail until word got to the headmistress. I'm sure she never experiences the pain herself as she lectures me on how I should be more resilient. She told me a story of a friend with a broken leg, going around in crutches and not just lies down to sleep. I was like, "hello... how can you thought period pain in anyway similar to someone with a broken leg?" Of course I never said that to her face. I would take 6-8 panadols a day then, and now I became allergic to panadol. That's how bad it is. Now, since I got allergic to panadols and pain killers (My face would get swollen really badly, I can't even breathe through the nose and the worst part is my air tract will feel swollen too. I wouldn't be able to breathe at all if the air tract got swollen so much that there is no room for oxygen to go through), I just have to tough it out until the moment passed. It is an experience anyone should do without.
I've tried many things. EPO and even some Chinese herbs recommended by my Chinese friends. The one where you have to boil them. I tried it for several months until my mom said she really can't stand the smell of the herbs. Then I tried the same herbs in pill form. I gave up after several more months. Seems like nothing helps and most medical practitioners would agree too. What they can do is help ease the pain, not alleviate the problem totally. Luckily, taking some antacid can ease the pain somewhat. Not as good as pain killers but much better than not taking anything at all.
Once I went to a clinic for an MC. The Malay male doctor tries to explain to me how the pain can occur. He also mentions that most of the time the pain would go away after one is married. I immiediately said, "Alah, my married friends still got it." And he said, "Nanti! Saya belum habis cakap lagi". Heh! Got scolded by the doctor summore :) He continues saying that after several times of delivering babies, the parts that gets swollen in the ovary will not become swollen anymore and then probably the pain would stop, or something like that. Don't ask me for details. I'm bad at remembering details.
My mom is not very open about this issue. I knew about women having menstruation from friends at school. Later when I asked her, she sheepishly answer and prefers I get the details from my ustazah at school. Probably many conservative parents at that time are like that. She would force me to wake up for sahur so as not to alert my brothers. Like me, they knew about this part of biological lesson from friends and religious class too. Being the naughty boys they are, they would ask my mom why I did not pray or things like that, just for wanting to know how my mom would react/evade the question.
One day, I got tired of playing the game and confront them in front of my mom. "Kat sekolah korang tak belajar ker orang perempuan ada cuti sembahyang. Kalau dah tau, buat apa nak tanya lagi." They answered 'tau' softly and immediately go find something else to do. My mom looked horrified. I said, "alah mak, diorang tau lah. sajer jer tu." At least after that I don't have to wake up for sahur when I don't have to anymore :) I find it makes life easier to tell the truth.
A very long post from me today. It took my mind off hunger for a while but really really hungry now lah and dare not eat yet. Sigh!
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