Sleepless Night

I couldn't sleep last night. I was tossing and turning and groaning in pain until about 3. I must've drifted for awhile but awoken at 4 a.m. in pain again. I was groaning some more, rubbing my tummy and back trying to ease the pain. No; it's not stomach ache. Puteri said it best in her blog, "maybe ovariku dah nak tercabut". Can't help but laugh at the very apt description of what I'm feeling.

Period pain is the thing some women fear most. Not every female will experience it and some who do, will experience it at a different degree. Some female who has never experience it, might even dismiss it as trivial or exaggeration. All I can say to them is be thankful you're spared the experience. While I had it bad almost all the time, I'm still grateful it's not as bad as some worst stories I've heard.

Some people can faint from the pain, some had it for the whole menstruation period. Beside the pain, I dare not eat anything or I'd throw up. Throwing up is not the problem. It's the moment of having something in my tummy until the moment I throw up that is really indescribable. It is several notches higher in pain scale than anyone can ever imagine. It's like something wants to get out but can't. No amount of minyak angin and heat pad will ease the pain. I'd be suffering for hours until everything is purged from the system. Most of the time, I will not throw up everything at once. It will be several times until the system is totally clean from the unwanted object.

Once, while I was still in secondary school and it was few days before Raya, I had one really bad experience. It was my first day but since I didn't feel pain in the beginning, decided to go shopping with mom. Since there is a lot to buy, we decided to split up. Not a good idea at all for before long, the pain get so bad I almost feel like I should just fainted so people will take me to the hospital or something. Anyway, I managed to walk and sit down (almost curled like a ball) near a drain where several non-Muslim hawkers were selling banana fritters and some drinks. I asked one nyonya to please call a cab for me. I almost toppled over from the pain. It is difficult to get a cab when everyone is doing their Raya shopping but they managed to get one for me after some time.

I don't know what goes through the hawkers mind. Since it is fasting month, they must have thought I got gastric or something. They must also think it must be so difficult to be fasting. Luckily, I saw my mom not a few metres away and called her. She get in the cab and I was heaving, really feel like throwing up that the cab driver stop and said I can throw up first. I'm sure he did not want me throwing up in his cab. I opened the cab door and throw up and everyone near the hawkers stall and the bus stop was looking at me. Like I really care that time. All I want is to get home fast. Anyway, that is really one bad experience.

I went to boarding school so whenever I have my period pain, I'd go to the sick bay. That would be every month without fail until word got to the headmistress. I'm sure she never experiences the pain herself as she lectures me on how I should be more resilient. She told me a story of a friend with a broken leg, going around in crutches and not just lies down to sleep. I was like, "hello... how can you thought period pain in anyway similar to someone with a broken leg?" Of course I never said that to her face. I would take 6-8 panadols a day then, and now I became allergic to panadol. That's how bad it is. Now, since I got allergic to panadols and pain killers (My face would get swollen really badly, I can't even breathe through the nose and the worst part is my air tract will feel swollen too. I wouldn't be able to breathe at all if the air tract got swollen so much that there is no room for oxygen to go through), I just have to tough it out until the moment passed. It is an experience anyone should do without.

I've tried many things. EPO and even some Chinese herbs recommended by my Chinese friends. The one where you have to boil them. I tried it for several months until my mom said she really can't stand the smell of the herbs. Then I tried the same herbs in pill form. I gave up after several more months. Seems like nothing helps and most medical practitioners would agree too. What they can do is help ease the pain, not alleviate the problem totally. Luckily, taking some antacid can ease the pain somewhat. Not as good as pain killers but much better than not taking anything at all.

Once I went to a clinic for an MC. The Malay male doctor tries to explain to me how the pain can occur. He also mentions that most of the time the pain would go away after one is married. I immiediately said, "Alah, my married friends still got it." And he said, "Nanti! Saya belum habis cakap lagi". Heh! Got scolded by the doctor summore :) He continues saying that after several times of delivering babies, the parts that gets swollen in the ovary will not become swollen anymore and then probably the pain would stop, or something like that. Don't ask me for details. I'm bad at remembering details.

My mom is not very open about this issue. I knew about women having menstruation from friends at school. Later when I asked her, she sheepishly answer and prefers I get the details from my ustazah at school. Probably many conservative parents at that time are like that. She would force me to wake up for sahur so as not to alert my brothers. Like me, they knew about this part of biological lesson from friends and religious class too. Being the naughty boys they are, they would ask my mom why I did not pray or things like that, just for wanting to know how my mom would react/evade the question.

One day, I got tired of playing the game and confront them in front of my mom. "Kat sekolah korang tak belajar ker orang perempuan ada cuti sembahyang. Kalau dah tau, buat apa nak tanya lagi." They answered 'tau' softly and immediately go find something else to do. My mom looked horrified. I said, "alah mak, diorang tau lah. sajer jer tu." At least after that I don't have to wake up for sahur when I don't have to anymore :) I find it makes life easier to tell the truth.

A very long post from me today. It took my mind off hunger for a while but really really hungry now lah and dare not eat yet. Sigh!