Memilih Supplement

Dulu2 I choose supplements based on offer mana yang paling bagus di Guardian. Bagus was defined as good offer, for e.g. beli 2 dapat 1, based on similar product content. For eg. 1000mg Vit C.

Nowadays, I research how many mg of certain vitamins and minerals our body requires daily and compare them with my food intake before deciding if I need any supplements. Paling bagus makan jer real food. Cek jer makanan apa ada khasiat tertentu yang diperlukan.

Kalau perlu supplement,  content supplement pun kena check juga. For example Magnesium apa yang kadar penyerapan terbaik dan Magnesium content apa pula low absorption rate. Ada Mg oxide, Mg carbonate (poor absorption) dan Mg citrate, Mg glycinate (better absorption).

No point beli supplements mahal2, membazir duit jer kalau badan tak serap atau tak perlu. Lagi teruk kalau dah overburden buah pinggang.

Kita kongsi lah berapa banyak info pun, tetap akan ada penjual supplement yang mati2an percaya produk dia bagus. Kadang2 hairan dia nak yakinkan kita atau diri sendiri. Oh kita ni bukan siapa2 nak bercakap pasal kesihatan. Hairannya yang Doktor atau pakar cakap pun dia lekehkan jer.

The picture shows food group and quantity roughly consumed for the day from Myfitnesspal app. I think it's good enough proof that I'm consuming the right food and getting enough nutrients.

Kisah Laptop Tahun 2017

Dulu memang blog jadi tempat coretan utama. Apa2 yang berlaku, biasanya memang ditulis di sini. Tapi di zaman Instagram dan Facebook ni, dah kurang guna blog. Tak bagus sangat pun record history kehidupan dalam fb tu. Not easily accessible as conpared to blog. Malas nak explain. Siapa yang pernah cari pasal hal sendiri dalam fb tau lah. Tapi mungkin rasa easier nak share story dengan my own circle. Blog ni masih anonymous to most people. I still choose to keep it that way. Senang sikit nak membebel kat sini kalau tak puas hati 😜

Motherboard terbakar

Actually nak cerita pasal what happened to my laptop. Nanti sendiri juga nak cari info ni. I have 4 days training on 6th to 9th early this month. 2nd day malam2 buta tiba2 jer laptop goes blank. Sikit lampu pun takder and can't start. Worse comes to worst, boleh guna laptop audience tapi tak sesuai lah cara tu. Sebab ada moments yang diorang kena buat kerja with their laptop. That's the reason I requested they bring theirs earlier.

Hubby jadi penyelamat by offering his laptop. Dia akan buat kerja without using one. 😨 kesian pulak dah memang kerjanya memang dengan komputer. Tapi itu jer pilihan yang ada. Thank God all my work memang save di Dropbox. Latest work pun dah save. Alhamdulillah. Berguna beli Dropbox 1Tb. So memang tak risau langsung pasal content.

After 3rd day training, terus pergi Low Yatt cari laptop baru. Nak baiki akan ambil masa and I need to use a laptop. I love my Asus. Sangat ringan and fast. Startup, sleep, buat kerja. Yang tak best, keyboard dia masa typing cursor boleh berubah kedudukan. But I've lived with it. Hubby suggested Dell sebab good after sales service. So we got a Dell and final day training dah guna. Friday I rehat and Saturday baru godek2 laptop baru.

Sekali tengok warranty dah nak expired walaupun ada extended warranty lagi 2 years. Eh diorang ni jual laptop baru ker refurbished laptop? Memang nak cari pasal. Hubby contacted the salesperson and threatened to report. Dia kata kalau tak puas hati boleh tukar tapi warranty tu sebab stock lama. Email resit baru, Dell akan guna date of purchase. Yer lah tu. Biasanya activate warranty a week within purchase kan. Tapi brand lain tak pasti sebab tiada online system nak check. Anyway, dapat lagi laptop baru. Mula2 dia nak offer Vostro. Tengok review, 1 jer and bagi 1 bintang jer pulak. Mesti orang tak nak beli model tu. Then dia bagi Inspiron jugak. Ok lah. Dah check warranty dia.

Terasa Dell ni slow. Maybe sebab not as integrated as Asus. Dah tukar motherboard dah my Asus and performance memang tip top. Tukar motherboard jer pun dah boleh beli laptop lagi satu. Tapi kena lah get used to Dell ni. Asus dah ada new owner. Jaga baik2 Asus tu and semoga bermanfaat.

Depression and Menopause

Ada 2 senario yang berkaitan dengan physiology dan bukan emosi that I wanted to mention here i.e. depression and menopause. Dua-dua perkara ni perlu kan medical help. 

I'm over 40 dan ramai orang-orang sekeliling in my circle yang dah start menopause. Maybe ada yang pendam tapi ada juga tunjuk kan emosi celaru masing-masing. Pada orang lain it doesn't make sense. Pada dia it made perfect sense. I wanted to get away from my mom so much when she's going through this period. Memang stress dibuatnya. Of course masa tu I was way younger and social media pun belum ada to get such information. So layan jer lah perangai mak yang menopausal. I ended up renting somewhere else and tak duduk dengan mak due to it. That's how bad it was. Truly life changing for us. Maybe that's the break we needed. Duduk jauh bau wangi. That's also around my early blogging days. 

If rasa emosi dah start celaru, atau pun tak rasa you are going through menopausal stage tapi semua orang salah, semua orang tak betul, rasa benci atau bengang tak hilang2, cari lah ubat coz you must be suffering. And your suffering will cause other people to suffer too. Ia bukan semudah berzikir dan solat. Chemicals in your body are doing things that causes your emotional upheaval.

Depression pun perkara yang sama. Hormones in your body goes haywire. Actually, stress pun ada melibatkan hormonal reaction. However, by eating better and doing exercises, it triggers good hormone in a natural way. Most of the time it is sufficient to help reduce stress. Tapi tak cukup membantu untuk orang yang depress. They need professional help, bukan ustaz atau ustazah who are not trained to handle the situation medically.

So, lagi sekali kena repeat. If rasa semua orang tak betul dan marah yang tak berkesudahan, get professional help. Bukan semua Doktor pakar dalam hal ni. Ask around for a good doctor. Buat hormone test: Free T3, estrogen and progesteron. Maybe testosterone sekali. Get advice from your Dr. Biasa medical check up buat Free T4 test. Itu tidak berapa membantu pun. Dan ada juga Dr yang prescribe synthetic hormone which may sometimes cause hormone haywire. Again, ask around for a good Doctor who will prescribe better medication. This is not a medical advice yer. Kalau you buat test dan dapat result pun I don't know what to advice and what to prescribe. Saya bukan Dr. Kang, ada yang tuduh Dr palsu pulak :D

1st Physio Session

Alhamdulillah dah selamat 1st physio session. Mula2 setengah jam juga di interview untuk find out about lifestyle, activities, sakit macam mana. Then di ajar buat 6 exercises. One type untuk stretch muscle and the other type untuk build muscle. Dah try buat kat rumah. Boleh lupa lak 1 exercise. Puas fikir sampai Google kut2 boleh trigger memory. Memang takder form exercise yang sama tapi masa tengok Google Image banyak2 tu terus teringat. Alhamdulillah. Some pose actually make me feel better.

According to the physiotherapist, masa sakit, memang muscle akan protect tempat sakit by triggering pain so kita tak akan buat perkara yang menyebabkan kesakitan. However, eventually the muscle tempat sakit akan weak and may further aggravate the situation. So masa recovery kena build semula muscle. She said part joint pain tu tak boleh buat apa. Oh oh... but, let's see if the muscle stretching and building will help with the pain. I'm optimistic.

And by the way, masa di Wah Toh Tit Tar diorang terus zoom in kat bahagian yang sakit and sakit camana. Terus juga cracking the bones. Suka sangat cracking bones sana sini. I'm ok with bones cracking tapi jadi fobia dengan cara diorang buat. Santai sangat di buatnya badan kita ni. Kita yang takut kang terkehel jadi teruk lagi ker tak pasal kan.

Bukan tak percaya kan hospital masa buat treatment lain, cuma rasa masalah ni macam kecik sangat untuk menambah sesak di hospital kan. Biar lah yang ada masalah serious pergi hospital. Tapi, bila bertambah sakit takkan nak biarkan jer and forever live with it. Takut bertambah teruk pulak bila ada rasa kebas2. So itu lah akhirnya ke hospital jugak. I dah cuba untuk tidak menambahkan patient hospital, tapi tak berjaya. Next appointment end of Nov. Kena buat senaman hari2 so ada improvement. Chaiyyok!!!

Love Hate Relationship With The Hospital

Arini hampir berkampung di hospital. My 1st follow up with orthopaedic clinic after suffering from hip joint pain since April. Masa tu lah nak naik Rinjani, in May pulak nak ke Kashmir. Bertangguh-tangguh, finally ke klinik and referred to hospital. So bertambah lah sesi ke hospital i.e. untuk asthma, ENT and orthopaedic. For someone who has been trying to take care of her health, that's a LOOOTTTT of trip to the hospital. Tabah jer lah.

So dah sampai hospital, parking satu hal. Menunggu pulak satu hal. Nasib baik ada one lady macam sama2 timing with me and chit chat dengan dia. Everytime nak ke washroom, I just tinggalkan my big x-ray envelope and dia tolong tengok2kan. Mula2 no giliran di pendaftaran. Berzaman gak menunggu. Lepas dapat masuk klinik, another no giliran pulak. Mula2 the place was so full sampai takder seat. Later dapat juga tempat duduk and lagi sekali duduk sama2 with the lady I chit chatted with earlier. Dah biasa appointment hospital, I'll bring something untuk alas perut. My cut fruits from breakfast ada lagi. So makan buah and plain water untuk tahan lapar.

Masa jumpa doctor, he recommended physio and my next appointment will be after 2 months. I asked him if it is safe for me to do all my activities... cycling, hiking, zumba, planking. His reply, I will have to be the judge based on my level of pain. Kalau hiking macam Broga ok lah kata dia. In other words, no gunung yet. Hmm... diam jer lah. Let's see how the physio goes. He also said if I have difficulty controlling urination and bowel movement, to come to he hospital immediately. Huh! Boleh jadi sampai macam tu sekali!!! Setakat ni hip joint pain which will turn to back pain and numbness belakang paha. Sometimes, sakit sampai tapak kaki. The pain is getting more noticeable now after few months kena lanyak jugak kaki ni.

Belum selesai lagi urusan hospital. Ambil appointment date for physio, went to the x-ray department to get them to digitize my x-ray film but it's lunch time already. Have to wait till after 2. I might as well go and have lunch myself. After lunch, went to 2 pharmacies to get medication for my 3 clinics. Alang2 dah dekat sini, nanti tak payah datang lagi. They normally give specific dates for my periodic medication supply but I never follow those dates. Nasib baik farmasi operational during lunch time. Habis urusan farmasi, just nice ke x-ray department lagi sekali. Waited for 45 minutes dengan guruh berdentum-dentam. Mesti hujan lebat di luar.

Habis urusan, tercegat sekejap dekat pintu and tengok keadaan hujan. I don't mind heavy rain as long as not too windy. Otherwise ada payung pun basah. After about 5 minutes, decided to get my car. Alhamdulillah... reached home around 3.30 pm. Nak merayap tempat lain pun hujan. Balik jer lah. Paling best dapat luruskan pinggang di rumah sendiri, sangat selesa walaupun hujan lebat kat luar. Bersyukur dengan kemudahan dalam kehidupan. Many are not as lucky. 

So dari sebelum 8 pagi dah keluar rumah, hampir seharian urusan hospital jer. All the walking around the hospital, I just imagine that's my workout for the day. Next appointment will be in December. See you next time lah yer hospital.

Anak

Saya memang tiada anak yang dilahirkan sendiri dan masih hidup. Anak2 yang menanti di syurga insyaAllah ada. Ada yang kata, kalau lah saya dapat sorang... boleh lah jaga saya bila tua nanti. Saya senyum jer kerana doa mereka sangat baik dan penuh harapan kebaikan untuk saya. Tapi saya tak risau pun. Bukan kah Allah yang menentukan segalanya. Yang anak ramai pun belum tentu anak-anak boleh jaga. Yang tiada anak macam saya pun boleh dapat kasih sayang anak-anak. Tu kan kuasa Allah.

1. Rezeki saya dapat rasa mengandung dan melahirkan.
2. Rezeki saya dapat anak-anak yang berlari dari jauh sambil memekik "ummiii..." diikuti oleh pelukan erat.
3. Rezeki saya dapat teman anak di sekolah untuk sesi motivasi sebelum peperiksaan.
4. Rezeki saya ada telinga-telinga untuk saya membebel sebab sayang dan risaukan anak-anak (yang ni mungkin anak-anak tak gemar tapi kalau saya tak membebel, maknanya mereka tak penting dan tak terjentik naluri saya untuk be protective towards them)
5. Rezeki saya juga dapat anak-anak yang nak tarik muka dengan saya. Eleh.. sikit pun tak heran dengan tarik muka awak tu. Kalau dengan mak ayah sendiri pun mereka buat perangai, merajuk dan macam-macam, apa lah sangat bila dia tarik muka dengan saya kan. Begitu lah perangai anak-anak dan Allah jadikan mak ayah tu cepat lupa dengan kenakalan anak-anak... maka tidaklah di simpan dalam hati. Kalau tidak, habislah kau anak-anak nak menjawab di depan Allah nanti. Saya juga pelupa kerana mereka macam anak-anak saya.

Dan macam-macam lagi rezeki yang Allah bagi... tak terfikir pun dapat rasa semua tu kalau takder anak. Allah yang Maha Pemberi Rezeki kan. Alhamdulillah diberikan rezeki ini.

Life as it is

Dalam hidup ni, kalau tak nak menangis, hati kena kuat. Kena selalu rasional.

Takper lah camni. Bertahan jer lah. Memang hidup ni bukan mudah. Allah nak kita lalui cabaran, baru layak dapat syurga.

Tapi bukan mudah nak rasional selalu. Kadang2 tergelincir emosional. Kadang2 bila kita macam takder perasaan, orang ingat kita betul2 takder perasaan. Sedangkan realiti, kita cuba rasional. Kalau tergelincir masuk ke ruang emosional, nanti jadi semua serba tak kena. Meroyan tak tentu pasal.

Dan orang paling dekat dengan kita pun belum tentu faham.
#lifeasitis
#13longestdays

Asthma Self Medication - Cerita Semalam

Bila rasa macam kena bawak brg2 pergi amik neb kat emergency, takut kena tahan wad sebab asma...

Self medicate dulu....
Mild cough and feeling more and more difficult to breathe. Feeling like asthma attack is just waiting to happen.
Puff my inhaler few times throughout the day. Doctor used to advise either 8 hours per day or 6 or 4 depending on severity. Similar to no. of times to take neb if I'm in the hospital.
Berbuka dgn air halia.
Sapu minyak di dada - diluted ginger essential oil.
Salbutamol tablet 4mg
Prednisone 2 tablets
Masih belum lega... tambah lagi 4 Prednisone tablets.
Alhamdulillah feeling much better.

Few hours later...

Baru lps mkn utk kali ke3 malam ni 😅
Prednisone side effect  - lapar. Long term will lead to weight gain. Ada alasan kalau saya tak kurus2 😁 that's why amik ubat ni bila sgt2 perlu jer.

On a more serious note, the side effect of Prednisone
- lower immune system sbb dia kurangkan kesan bengkak / inflammation  dgn suppress immune system function. Over active immune system akan cepat react dengan bendasing dalam badan jadi bengkak akan berlaku. In my case, respiratory system yg affected.
- Other than that is reduced bone density. Prone to osteoporosis. So hopefully dgn minum susu will help me fight this effect.
- increased blood sugar level. Once masa admitted, nurse bising2 ingat I diabetic till a doctor told her because of my meds. Phewww....
* banyak lagi scary side effect. Tapi kena weigh pros and cons. To breathe normally or NOT! Certainly the later, not an option at all.

Tadi masa sahur... terbaca post JAKIM pasal batal puasa guna inhaler. Geram betul. Memang ada khilaf kan. Senaraikan pandangan yang sokong pendapat dia jer. Dengan alasan ada peratusan air yg masuk rongga. Hmm... kumur2 mulut tu lagi byk peratusan air masuk rongga. Duk reply kat post tu sampai x perasan masa. Dpt lah last seteguk air just before azan. I'll stick with the other opinion. TQ.

17 Hari Yang Lama

Sangat memerlukan Pintu Ke Mana Saja sebab hubby dah outstation lama sangat 😂😂😂

#pintukemanasaja
#outstation17hari
#harike14
#rekodberjauhanpalinglama

Nikmat Islam - Blessings of Islam

Dah 11 hari Abah left us. Just few days ago, a high school friend lost her husband. Heart attack while he was cycling. I felt shocked and bewildered by the news. I can't imagine her feelings. No one is ready to lose their loved ones. Then, another cycling friend lost his son due to dengue. The son just got married end of Dec. Again, who would imagine losing someone like that. Yesterday a uni friend lost her MIL who passed away peacefully while asleep. Sigh! I felt the sadness because the pain of losing Abah is still so fresh. Otherwise, it would be just a prayer of Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi rajiuunnn... and moved on with my life. I felt the need to share the points below because Islam has a way to manage loss and sadness... Jannah.

Nikmat Islam

1) Nikmat mengetahui kehilangan yang dialami ialah sementara. Sedih duka pun sementara. Kehidupan kekal ialah di akhirat. Semua yang kita sayang akan jumpa di sana insyaAllah. Dengan syarat... cari syurga Allah.

Bayangkan mereka yang tidak tahu atau tidak percayakan hari akhirat yang kekal... yang sedih kehilangan tersayang dan disitulah pengakhirannya.

2) Nikmat mengetahui kesusahan hidup di dunia adalah sementara. Segala apa yang kurang di dunia ini, semoga akan dapat yang lebih baik di akhirat. Syarat... redha dan usaha.

Bayangkan ada yang tak tahu semua ini akan putus asa dengan kesusahan kehidupan. Cara mudah melarikan diri ialah bunuh diri.

* jadi bersyukurlah diberi nikmat menjadi orang Islam. Bukan semua org dapat dengan mudah.

The Blessings of Islam

1) The blessing of knowing the loss we experienced is temporary. The grief and sadness is temporary. Our eternal life is in the Hereafter. Everything that we love God willing will be there. Provided... seek ways to get into Allah's paradise.

Imagine those who do not know or do not believe in the eternal hereafter... the sadness of losing loved ones, that is the end.

2)  Blessing of knowing the hardships of life in this world is temporary. All that is lacking in this world, will be much better in the afterlife. Provided... acceptance and make effort.

Imagine those who do not know all this would be discouraged by difficulties of life. An easy way out is suicide.

* So be grateful to be given the blessings of Islam. Not everyone got it easily.

Abah (28 Jul 1949 - 18 Jan 2017)

Whenever people say appreciate your parents while they are still around, it didn't have real impact until you really lose them. Abah has met his Creator. It was very sudden. Doctor said he has extensive stroke. Why would abah has stroke? Abah jaga makan and jaga badan. He went for walks in the morning. He still works to avoid boredom. I'd say he's lucky the company he worked for trust him to work at his age and abah can choose the job he wanted... ikut kemampuan diri.

The last I saw abah was a month ago when he visited me at the hospital. He wanted to visit again after I was discharged but his car broke down. I told my stepmom it's OK. I'll visit them when I've fully recovered. I had a prolonged coughing... more than a month. Sometimes my asthma got a bit worse I had to take neb. The extreme weather change didn't help. The week and weekend I felt fully recovered I went cycling, hiking and became support car for hubby and our cycling team. I felt tired being unhealthy. I wanted to do things I always do and felt normal again. That's the weekend abah became unconscious. He never woke up, in a coma till his dying breath :( We didn't have the chance to say anything to him.

Visited abah at emergency the next day. Didn't know what to expect. Tak terlintas langsung stroke puncanya. Still hoping abah akan bangun. The same day after we visited him, abah got transferred to High Dependency ward. The next day on my way to the hospital dapat message doktor pakar nak jumpa semua adik beradik. That's when we found out he has extensive stroke. Bahagian belakang otak, sebelah kiri dan atas... banyak tempat yang sel otak dah mati. Bahagian tu akan membengkak dan affect sel2 otak yang masih OK. Tak banyak yang doctor boleh buat other than prolonging the situation with breathing device. All I want was for Abah to experience the least pain possible. Doktor kata kalau tak guna breathing machine least stress on patient kerana tiada benda yang sangkut dan stuck dalam tekak. His words, "takder orang pun yang suka macam tu". We agreed to take the machine out with a condition that we can accompany him all the time. The doctor agreed to allow 2 at a time.

I felt sort of happy abah boleh bernafas sendiri. With difficulty at first...macam ada lendir dalam tekak. Bila nurse dah tinggikan lagi katil he sounded much better. Kami bergilir baca yasin, berzikir dan syahadah di telinga abah. I Ieft some time after Isyak. Adik2 lelaki ada untuk jaga abah malam. At midnight, nurse tak bagi kami masuk. They will call us kalau perlu. The next day I decided to go after Zohor prayer. Surau jauh juga. Habis masa juga menapak pergi dan balik the day before. I wanted to stay later that day. Itu perancangannya.

Bila sampai terasa badan abah panas. Ada bawak air dan tuala kecik. Sapukan kain basah ke bibir abah, lapkan air matanya, lap muka dan tuam dahi. Hari sebelum tu level spo2 dekat machine masih tinggi. Dalam 90+ - 80+. When I arrived it hovers around 60+. Baca syahadah di telinga abah beberapa kali. Baca yasin sekali sampai habis. Noticed ada 2 orang nurse hovering near abah's bed. Baca syahadah lagi di telinga abah. Pada masa yang sama tengok bacaan oksigen makin menurun dengan cepat. Minta adik bacakan syahadah di telinga abah. I bacakan yasin lagi sekali. Nurse minta semua keluarga yang menunggu diluar cepat2 masuk. Masing2 tak dapat menahan tangisan. Terasa selfish tak nak abah pergi secepat ni tapi pada masa yang sama tak nak abah tersiksa. Bagaimana agaknya sakaratul maut untuk orang yang koma. We wished he can hear the syahadah. We wished Allah permudahkan semuanya untuk abah. Doktor sahkan abah dah takder pukul 3.46 ptg, 18 Jan 2017.

Syukur pada Allah diizinkan untuk bersama abah disaat2 terakhirnya. Dapat bacakan yasin, dapat pegang tangan abah walaupun berselirat dengan wayar, dapat cium dahi abah. One of my brother tinggalkan sekejap sebab ayah kawan baik meninggal. He made it back masa pengebumian. Pasti terasa sedih. Ini semua bahagian masing2. I wasn't there masa FIL meninggal. Situasi hampir sama. Macam ada harapan so decided to go for my training. Tapi tak lama lepas tu diberitahu babah dah takder. Went back immediately tapi sampai lepas pengebumian. Urusan pengebumian abah cepat. Jiran abah ada yang kerja di bahagian forensik. He came and make all the necessary calls. We handled the document, payment apa2 yang patut dan jenazah pun cepat dapat dimandikan. Jenazah dibawa ke rumah sekejap. Dapat cium dahi abah buat kali terakhir. Dalam setengah jam je di rumah. Atau pun tak sampai setengah jam. Yang penting anak-beranak dan cucu2 semua ada dan dapat tengok. Kemudian cepat2 dibawa ke surau untuk solat jenazah, then ke kubur. Hujan rintik2 petang tu. Ramai jiran2, sedara mara mana yang sempat, rakan2 sekerja dan bos abah pun ada. Masa adik cakap terima kasih pada semua yang hadir... kalau ada hutang arwah tuntut dari waris... masa tu azan maghrib berkumandang. Semoga abah diberi rahmat Allah di alam barzakh pula. Terasa nikmat Islam. Kehilangan abah sementara jer. Alam akhirat lebih kekal untuk kita semua. Sedih sekarang kerana rindukan dia tapi akan berjumpa lagi di sana.

Abah is relatively healthy. Ada lah sakit lutut which is normal for people his age. There are many things I wish I do differently. I wanted to grieve for losing him so soon. Tapi bersyukur dengan nikmat Islam. What I can't do for him while he's around, I hope I can make it up dengan menjadi anak yang mendoakan kesejahteraannya di alam kubur dan buat amal yang memberikan pahala berpanjangan untuk abah.

Rasulullah saw pun merasa sakitnya sakaratul maut. The fact that abah pergi dengan banyak urusan dipermudahkan memberi harapan buat anak2 yang abah is in a better place dan tergolong dalam golongan orang yang diredhai Allah. Semoga semua dosanya diampunkan. Setiap kehilangan yang dilalui, terasa sakitnya. Nothing can prepare you for it. When I lose Adly, I thought nothing can be worse than that. Then I lose my FIL, a dear friend and now abah... its painful every time.

Malam semalam dah malam ke-3 abah takder. Di surau ada buat tahlil. Di rumah abah pun 2 malam buat tahlil dan semalam bacaan Yasin. Memang dah tahu pendapat kebanyakan ulama. Tapi majlis dibuat untuk menggembirakan hati ahli keluarga. Nak puaskan hati my stepmom. Bila ramai2 tak terasa sangat kesedihannya.

I'll miss you abah. Semoga abah tenang di sana. Semoga I can do enough for you while I still can. Please Allah show him taman2 syurga while waiting for the final day. Today also marks 3rd year Adly's gone.

Abah and Adly... dalam kenangan 😢

Adly's 3

Last Sunday, Adly turns 3. Is it really just 3 years ago? It felt like ages. I didn't forget last Sunday. A silent memory. Went out with a friend for a drink. She brought her daughter who's about the same age as Adly. I remember visiting her during her confinement. So he's supposed to be that big. Tonight, I'm thinking of my last moment in this world. Hoping it'll be in the best of circumstances... husunul khatimah. Sigh! Not enough preparation for that day. Day in, day out... lalai... lalai... lalai... asyik sibuk dengan urusan dunia. Bukannya urusan yang best pun. Hidangan manusia yang tak sama common sense dengan kita, yang sebar maklumat tak reti nak semak dulu, yang tulisan2 di media sosial membangkitkan perasaan geram dengan kebodohan manusia, kerakusan manusia, dan mcm2 lagi yang tak best dan tak penting. OMG and ter-layan benda2 tak berfaedah ni. Tapi ada hati nak jadi ahli syurga, nak kubur yang terang dan berjalan di padang mahsyar dengan senang-lenang. Hai Adly... kesian ummi awak ni. Ok... let's take a pause on self-deprecating thoughts. Syaitan likes that. No matter how bad things may seem, there's always hope for Allah's mercy.

Jangan kau risaukan masalah dunia, kerana semuanya milik Allah...
Jangan kau risau tentang rezeki kerana ia seluruhnya dari Allah...
Jangan pula kau risau soal masa depan, kerana itu semua di 'tangan' Allah....
Tetapi jadikanlah kerisauanmu hanya pada :
"bagaimana engkau berbuat Allah redha kepadamu...."
~ Sheikh al 'allamah Mutawalli as Sya'rawi rahimahullah ~

Kisah 'Tolong'

Pernah tak berlaku A minta tolong B. Kemudian B suruh arah C untuk menyampaikan hajat A macam babu jer. Kalau nak minta tolong pun tak kena cara, tak fikir susah payah masa, tenaga dan wang ringgit C tu berbaloi ker tidak. Bukannya penting mana pun. Awak yang dah setuju nak tolong orang, awak lah yang berusaha untuk tolong kan. Jangan lah dibabukan orang lain pulak. Nak cakap pun tak reti dengan orang yang takder common sense. Diam jer lah.

Memang memudahkan urusan orang tu InsyaAllah dimudahkan urusan kita. So by all means, mudahkan lah MY urusan. There are times when my emotion just can't handle request like this. More like an order than a request actually. I still can't get over "the order". Soooo... unacceptable. Jangan suruh orang buat apa yang awak tak nak buat. Kalau mudah, awak pun dah boleh datang jer. Reti pun jauh, susah, payah, letih, penat. Dia jer ker yang reti rasa semua tu? Anyway, I've learnt that common sense orang can be stupid sense pada kita.

Dari buat sesuatu secara terpaksa dan tak ikhlas, maki hamun berpanjangan dalam hati, baiklah lupakan saja. I can't control others. I can just control my response and be at peace with it.

New Year 2017

It has been few days into the new year. This year sambut New Year with whole family in PD bersama dengan hubby's company family day. Dapatlah gambar fireworks sendiri. Dalam keadaan batuk2, sempat juga satu family panjat bukit batu putih.

Last year around this time I wasn't feeling well jugak. Masa tu sneezes and stuffed nose yang berpanjangan till I decided to go to specialist clinic at the hospital. This year, it's coughing and phlegm. Feels like never ending since hospitalized in early December. Ingatkan badan boleh recover sendiri. Nampaknya kena ke klinik juga lah. Dah rasa ridiculous pulak tak baik2 and phlegm's getting thicker and difficult to cough it out. Despite my health condition, cuba jugak short hike and non strenuous cycling. Ada banyak travel plan this year. Must get healthier.

Antara highlights of last year's event:-
- touring trip... satu accomplishment yang sangat best
- janamanjung cycling event... my first long distance cycling event. Walaupun naik lori but total mileage 106km lah jugak.
- kampar majesty ride... kayuh dengan hubby, around 65km.
- pengalaman candat sotong
- berjaya sampai ABC 4130m dengan practice panjat bukit2an :)
- unplanned trip to Japan... really wonderful getaway
- certified to conduct TTT for psmb
- many more small moments with big effect

Ada juga peristiwa2 yang menjerut perasaan. Semoga tak perlu lagi tempuhi pengalaman yang macam ni. We always have a choice and I'll choose what makes me happy. Bunyi macam senang tapi bukan sesuatu yang mudah. Kebahagiaan yang dicari ialah kebahagiaan dunia akhirat. Kena tentukan situasi mana yang lebih baik untuk akhirat. Alhamdulillah buat masa ni, keadaan dan situasi semasa adalah stabil.

So semoga diri ini jadi lebih  baik sempena tahun baru. Keadaan ekonomi adalah mencabar. Tapi rezeki datang dari Allah. Semoga dipermudahkan urusan dalam kehidupan dunia dan menjadi kebaikan untuk kehidupan akhirat.