Sunflower gives the connotation of cheerfulness, bright, jolly, merry... you get the idea! However, if any content in this blog didn't fit the cheerfulness implied by its name, look at it this way... I'm putting down all the wretchedness, gloom, melancholy feeling in here so I can continue living up to the expectation of making the association to the sunflower.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Creating Happy Moments... Purely for Self-Satisfaction
I may not like to do this often as I prefer doing activities during holiday instead of just gazing at the sea... but today is one of the exception. Yesterday during one of our island hopping stop, hubby and I got swept away by the strong current. We tried to get to our boat but getting farther and farther instead. Hubby could probably managed to swim to our boat by himself but I'm not a strong swimmer and I'd panicked if he left me alone. So we hold on to a buoy till our boat came to us.
Last night, I have this unbelievable violent feeling that I'm shaking trying to control it. Yeah sometimes shit happens. Make fertiliser loh... This morning's long walk managed to clear my head and probably all the unreleased energy. Reacting to the situation only means I'm not in control of my action and situation. So I choose to take control instead. My choice is to be happy on a holiday and damn I will. Excuse my expletives. I think a little bit of that negative energy still lingers. Be gone! I'll continue creating happy moments for myself.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Sewing Bug
Today I managed to alter a few of my clothes that needed altering. Alhamdulillah. Senget-benget, hengot-bengot... ai tak kisah :) Ai memang tak pernah cerewet dengan cutting baju ker apa, janji selesa. Kalau jahitan bawah tu macam ular kena palu pun, janji dah dijahit. Boleh gitu? Yup... that's how I am. I really don't like doing grooming training because I'll share what you're supposed to do and supposed to be wearing, doesn't mean I'm going to do it and wear it you know. I just tell you so you know. Whether you'll apply is totally up to you.
I even managed to sew the handle on my favorite carry on. Memang tempat pemegangnya tak kuat. The material is breaking on all four sides already. I did a zigzag stitch on all fours. It'll probably last few more wears before the handle totally breaks.I love that my sewing machine can stitch through the bag. I tried hand stiching, too tough for the needle that I need to use something hard to push it through. So the machine really make it easier. It really is making my life easier.
I managed to shorten a long maxi that I can't wear before because it is too long. One of my jubah is also a tad too long and hand sewing really will take a long time for me. Another t-shirt that I didn't wear because it's too long has the snake movement pattern sewing at the bottom now :D I tried coming up with a blouse from a kaftan that I can't wear because the neck area was totally torn but it didn't work out. The material has holes at the original stitch area and then some so it is not that strong. I proceed anyway just for sewing practice and later find out the bodice too small and the arms too large. Sigh!
I'm loving my new hobby :)
Friday, May 24, 2013
Santapan Mata
Inilah antara kecintaan dunia. Bila dah dihidangkan dengan warna kegemaran untuk santapan mata, hati meronta-ronta nak beli itu ini dan buat begitu begini. I just can't resist green, and white, and red, and pink, and orange, and blue... all depending on the whole look and suitability of the items of course. For home deco, green seems to tug the strongest at my heart string... and probably purse string as well.
Tazkirah Pagi Jumaat
"Tiada Tuhan melainkan Engkau (ya Allah)! Maha Suci Engkau, Sesungguhnya aku adalah dari orang-orang yang menganiaya diri sendiri." (Al-Anbiyaa' 21:87)
Do'a ini terkenal dengan mereka yang hendak memohon sesuatu, kerana di dalam Al-Quran ada diceritakan kisah Nabi Yunus a.s yang membaca do'a ini untuk keluar dari perut ikan dan akhirnya berjaya. Yang tidak disebut ialah berapa lama Nabi Yunus a.s berada di dalam perut ikan. Ada perawi yang berkata 3, ada pula 7 dan ada juga yang berkata 40 hari. Pengajarannya ialah kalau berdo'a, tidak semestinya Allah kabulkan dengan segera. Apatah lagi kalau tidak berdo'a. Do'a itu ialah versi Islam untuk apa yang disebut sebagai "law of attraction".
Hati tersentuh bila membaca do'a ini kerana makna Inni kuntu minaz zaalimin. Kita lah yang menzalimi diri sendiri. Bila difikirkan betul juga. Apa yang kita minta2 dan harapkan untuk kesenangan dunia ini, dan kesedihan bila kita tidak berjaya mendapatkannya, hanya lah menzalimi diri sendiri kerana banyak sungguh janji Allah untuk kebahagiaan di akhirat. Kenapa lah kita tidak lebih berusaha untuk mendapatkan kebahagiaan di akhirat?
Teringat kisah ketika Rasulullah memenangi peperangan dan membahagi2kan harta rampasan perang. Ada sahabat yang bertanya kenapa dibahagikan kepada sesetengah pihak dan tidak pada yang lain. Golongan yang menerima harta ialah...
- Golongan yg diberi harta rampasan supaya hati mereka cenderung untuk masuk Islam. Berimannya mereka ini akan memberikan banyak kebaikan kepada Islam dan seluruh muslimin.
- Golongan yg diberi harta rampasan supaya kuatnya iman dan Islam mereka.
- Golongan yg diberi harta rampasan untuk mengindar kejahatan yg datang dari mereka.
Dari kisah ini dah terbukti mereka yang lebih kuat imannya tidak sayangkan harta dunia, malah tidak pun memerlukan. Yang tidak kuat imannya, diberikan harta agar bertambah kuat iman. Bila diberi rezeki, mereka ini (dan saya juga) amat2 bersyukur dengan rezeki dariNya. Bila tiada, terasa susahnya hidup ini.
Kenapa panjang lebar tazkirah pagi ini? Kerana terasa diri masih tidak kuat iman. Masih mencari ketenangan dan kegembiraan dengan kebendaan. Masih terasa bila lah dapat peluang nak jalan2 cari langsir baru, nak beli lukisan yang cantik warnanya agar bangkit keceriaan di dalam rumah, nak beli itu... nak beli ini... Kadang-kadang diberi dugaan yang sedikit dah terasa berat dan tak mampu hadapi. Sigh! *geleng kepala pada diri sendiri*
Haritu terfikir rajinnya habis duit beratus ringgit buat photobook. Kalau dah tiada di dunia, siapa pula nak warisi kerana masih belum dikurniakan rezeki anak lagi. My darling boys? Budak2 lelaki ni macam tak kisah sangat dengan benda2 macam ni kan. Bukannya selalu berjumpa pun jadi kemesraan dan ingatan tidak sama berbanding dengan duduk serumah. No obligation pun on them untuk ingat2kan Mak Sue mereka ni. Alangkan ibu yang membesarkan belum tentu dapat ingatan dari anak2. Kalau tidak, tidaklah ramai ibubapa yang merintih anak2 tidak balik beraya, jarang2 balik menjenguk dan ada yang tidak balik langsung. Having said that, semoga anak2 kami menjadi anak2 yang baik. Tadi masa menyiram pokok, terpandang spot baby bersemadi. "Salam baby, ummi belum dapat adik lagi". Dah lebih setahun, masih belum ada rezeki lagi nampaknya.
Semua itu tak penting pun bila di alam barzakh, album siapa dapat, suami cari pengganti ke tidak (ada yang kata nak cari muda lagi?), dan harta2 yang ditinggalkan di dunia. Pada masa dan ketika itu, hadapi lah ketentuan dariNya berdasarkan betapa banyak dosa dan pahala kita. Do'a anak2 penting, tapi kalau tiada anak, kita sedekahlah lebih2 sikit sementara ada sebab itulah sahaja pelaburan di sana nanti.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Kursus Yang Mencabar
1. cabaran trainer nak pastikan peserta stay dalam kelas dengan penyampaian yang menarik
2. cabaran trainer dengan peserta yang tetap keluar masuk dengan panggilan2 urgent dari bos
3. cabaran trainer agar peserta faham bila sampai bahagian yang lebih mendalam dan sedikit teknikal
4. cabaran trainer dengan muka-muka blur dan ada aku kisah
5. cabaran menunggu 2 jam hari pertama kerana ada meeting mengejut sebelah pagi.
6. cabaran trainer nak kejar masa kerana jadual mereka tamat pukul 3 hari terakhir dan ada yang dah beli tiket balik, sedangkan jadual asal 4.30
7. cabaran tidak pernah ada kumpulan yang cukup ahlinya selepas break atau lunch (1st ever experience)
Bukankah tax payers money ni limited resources. Kenapa lah dibelanjakan ke training2 yang tidak sesuai dengan target audience nyer. Tiap2 tahun bajet training habis, kenapa lah tiada succession planning sehinggakan kadang2 sesetengah jawatan terbiar kosong berbulan2 kerana tiada yang difikirkan sesuai? Tempat yang dibuat training harini pun tiada pengarah dah berbulan-bulan. Walaupun training2 menghabiskan bajet bagus untuk periuk nasi trainer, tapi bila audience tak berminat kerana bukan bidang tugas mereka, dan banyak lagi tugasan hakiki lain yang menunggu, trainer kah yang silap tak cukup kelakar, tak cukup video2 menarik, tak cukup cerita2 yang bagus?
Kalau ikutkan hati nak jer kata I'm NOT here to entertain you. I have something to share and if you want to learn, you find ways to learn. Tapi, realiti nyer kadang2 kena ikut rentak juga dah kita yang terima job tu. But I sincerely didn't know that ALL my audience will not be those who are with the skill and knowledge gap that I'm supposed to address. Memang akan lebih stress and penat when faced with this kind of audience walaupun secara keseluruhannya yang ada dalam kelas tu very obedient, participate in the activities and presentation and very very polite. Kalau train the right audience, I'll feel happy and energized. The feelings, participation, feedback and energy is different. The participants show appreciative face with the knowledge and skills they learnt. That makes this the best job one can ever have. Not today though. Sigh!
Enoughlah membebel Madame Trainer yer. *unwind mode*
Monday, May 20, 2013
Apa Yang Di Cari Ialah...
رَبَّنَا ءَاتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي الآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ
"Wahai Tuhan kami, berilah kami kebaikan di dunia dan kebaikan di akhirat, dan peliharalah kami dari azab neraka" (Al-Baqarah : 201)
Inilah yang kita do'akan selepas solat. Inilah yang kita cari untuk kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat. Kadang-kadang, kita berada di dalam situasi yang sukar. Buat lah pilihan yang dapat memberi kebaikan kerana kalau nak cari keburukan, teramatlah mudah. Syaitan dan iblis pun berjoget-joget bila kita buat pilihan yang memburukkan keadaan.
I'm no altruist but sometimes I forgot to protect my interest in the name of greater good. Not to say that I'm never selfish. I'm just saying that sometimes I'm not and that can be to my detriment. A friend once said I have to think of myself FIRST sometimes and at that time, I can't accept that idea. We're a BIG loving unit. I'm just kidding myself. I later learnt that people only do things to protect their self interest and sometimes I'm not part of that self-interest at all. Just co-exist and gain whatever possible benefit one can gain from the co-existence.
Do unto others what you expect others to do unto you. I have discussed this in previous entry. Sometimes it doesn't happen. You do unto others expecting them to do the same... but sometimes they do not reciprocate, and by the grace of Allah, you will receive what is due to you in other forms or from other people. So, no worries. Believe this and you'll remain sane.
I understand why people do the things that they do. It doesn't mean I can accept it with open heart with a big smile on my face, but I understand that people deal with their circumstances the best way they can for their sanity and happiness. They may want to protect what's within their control because there are other things that they can't. Wouldn't we be doing the same too when faced with some situation?
So I'm opening my heart to the silver lining, and all other great possibilities. I'm glad that I follow my friend's advice despite not agreeing to it earlier. Grab opportunities and create possibilities of my own interest over others because when I'm backed against a wall over something that I have no control on, I'd say it is OK because I've had my moments. That way, lebih redha dan ikhlas dengan sesuatu keadaan. I'm just human after all. And I'll continue creating that moments, because others will not think of my self-interest. That's the survival mode given in human brain. I understand it, accept it and kicking up the survival mode too. For the good in this world and the hereafter...
Kerastangan...
After few busy weeks, I finally have a short break. I started going through the stuff I've selected to be my sewing practice. There are a pair of old jeans, few blouses and a maxi dress. Initially I didn't see any interesting color to match with the jeans. Then I remembered an old cotton pants. That's when my project started.
I'm not cut out to do tedious jobs patiently. Since this is a practice session with recycled material, I decided to give it a go. Cut and sew, cut and sew... after a few hours... tadaaa...
I couldn't find a suitable button so that's the only incomplete thing. The jeans button can't be used. I've tried. The bag is quite deep and comfy. Almost the same size like my red handbag. I don't have have enough material to do more pockets though. I also don't have the exact zipper size. If I postponed till I get the zipper this bag will never get completed. So make do with whatever materials I hhave. Keras tangan, keras tangan pun, menjadi juga and can be used :)
Friday, May 17, 2013
Finding a Balance
This month started with KK trip in the first week... the unplanned holiday with hubby. It was short and sweet. The highlight of the trip was Kundasang Desa Dairy Farm for its amazing view.
Second week was a working trip to Miri. Third week was Sibu. Next week will be local training Alhamdulillah... before our Tioman holiday trip end of the month insyaAllah. I love holidays :)
What's challenging is back-to-back outstation trip where hubby will be away when I returned and we can't see each other for days. Last time I managed to see hubby the night I returned and he's away after that, followed by my subsequent trip.
Being able to meet even for a while is great and better than clashing time altogether. However, the rational being that I am were close to tears with the thought of having to leave again and not seeing hubby for few more days. Suddenly I don't like what I'm doing. I just wanted to stay home. Of course I can't stay irrational and impractical for long.
Having said that, I'm thinking of other alternatives to reduce our away time. This is the 5th year I become a freelance trainer. If I'm working full time, this will be the time I started thinking of other challenges. I have a few things in mind that I hope will be alternative ways for me to pursue my intellectual stimulation requirement.
On the bits about staying at home, there's another challenge to that. When I have time to cook and relax... just like at the beginning of this year, I put on weight :( 3 kgs to be exact. Aduhai... all the good food goes everwhere that hubby said I looked bigger during our video conferencing. Huwaarrgghh... fat, fat, go away. Never ever come here another day.
I guess I have to start using confinement menu diet coz it seems to reduce my weight last time. Looking at the Western diet menu doesn't seem very practical since we have different raw produce in the market. They have asparagus and broccoli, we have choy sum and spinach. They have apricot and fig, we have bananas and mangoes. Use less imported stuff to reduce world carbon footprint and not to mention lower price for local produce than imported ones.
So those are the thing that requires me to find balance at the moment.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Beautiful Things
I love Pinterest. So far, I can see many great ideas and beautiful things on people's pin and board. As the name suggest, pin your interest. It really is a beautiful place to be online when you're tired with all the ridiculousness of real life. DIY and crafts, gardening, home decor, travel, and education are among the categories I love to browse. I don't follow that many people and don't have that many people following me either. It's OK. The point is not to get hundreds of fan. It can be used as a vision board if you want. It can also be like your To Do list or Wishlist. Put the law of attraction at work with what you pin on your Pinterest board.
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| Thinking beautiful thoughts looking at something beautiful like this. |
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| Great sewing ideas. Though I haven't got much time to spend with my sewing machine yet, I have great plans :) |
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| Terrarium ideas for home decor. |
Saturday, May 4, 2013
My New Handbag
Friday, May 3, 2013
My Photobook Order
Extra note: I have an expired Fan Friday Giveaway voucher for 60% off small square image wrap photo book. Got it from subscribing to their FB Fan Friday Giveaway contest. However, even paying only 40% that's $83.20 and it'll be more with the extra pages. So it is actually cheaper for me to buy the voucher from Groupon even though I get the 60% off voucher for free.







