The Different Points in My Life

 At one point in my life, I experienced depression or I thought it was. I recovered from it quite quickly. Writing helps. So I'm not sure if it actually was depression or high level of stress. There are those who experience a prolonged depression state and I pray Allah give them ease in life and the Hereafter. I'm also thankful Allah did not let me be in that state for too long.

At one point in my life, mak halau keluar rumah. It was not something you share with people. People will wonder what have I done sampai jadi begitu? So I leave home, rent a place near my brother's and move on with my life. Growing up with divorced parents, doing things on my own to lessen mom's burden, and whatever the world has thrown at me at that time, make me hard as a rock. Mom has her own demons to deal with. Halau anak keluar rumah tu memang satu bentuk kebiasaan in our life. My siblings has their share of challenges and we deal with it the best we can... on our own.

At one point in my life, I looked out to the starless sky from the window of my sparsely decorated apartment and just felt empty. I was as happy as I can be, having a good job, mending relationship with mom, have friends that I can rely on... but I still remember that feeling of emptiness. However, life goes on and I don't dwell on that feeling too much. Life is as it is.

At this point in my life, more mature and wiser, I want to look at the sky again and ask Allah to help me be a better 'abd. Let me be in the right path and lead me to Jannah. I may die tomorrow or just in the next few seconds. I could also live the next 20-30 years. Let that be  time where I benefit others and leave a legacy that benefit others walaupun tiada zuriat yang ditinggalkan di dunia ni. I don't know what that legacy will be yet. May Allah lead me to it, open doors for it to happen, and let me notice the opened doors so I won't let opportunities slipped by.

If life goes on for another 20 - 30 years, may Allah let it be filled with love and happiness. I know if we want love and happiness, we have to let ourselves be lovable, spread the love around, and spread happiness around. Nobody wants to be around a grumpy old lady.