Life is easier that way. I've seen how some people struggle sebab bos marah, struggle sebab orang terdekat tak ikut cara yang dia rasa sesuai, dan stress sebab perkara yang nampak remeh. Bukan nak memperkecilkan perasaan orang... I have high empathy to understand that to him or her, it's a big issue. So Alhamdulillah that God has given me these personalities so I can accept most things, be very adaptable and flexible.
But there were times when I have issues that I feel is important and hope people around me would understand. There were times when I feel hurt too despite feeling 'tak kisah' most of the time. There were times when I feel sad and when I look around me... I just realized I don't have anyone that I can share my feelings with.
Hubby... he's been great when it comes to sharing my feelings... except when there are issues between us. Then where do I turn to?
My mom... she has chosen the 'avoidance' approach. She disagrees with my choices and not want to have anything to do with any difficulties, hardship, emotional upheaval, even happiness. Ditto with my brothers.
My 'sis', it was very nice of her to offer her friendship... but I know she has many things to handle. She's far and sometimes I feel guilty when I talk about myself and later I found out she's not well herself but did not share her situation. There are some issues that I don't feel comfortable sharing due to our situation too.
My friends... the married one seems busy with their family, the singles were busy with their life. I used to ask my single friends whom I used to spend time with out for a drink or shopping... the response was busy and no time of course. Till I felt like maybe now I belong to a different group once married. Maybe my assumption was wrong and they were just busy but after several tries, I gave up. Relationship is a two-way thing. If my 'friends' doesn't feel the need to keep the friendship, there is nothing much that I can do. Some friends take you for granted. Once I went out for lunch with a 'friend', she spends most of her time on the phone with someone else. I know she's having a problem and need to vent her feelings but I was there and we have not met for so long. While I understand her situation, doesn't mean I don't feel hurt. There are some friends where you just grew apart. I'm slow in making new friends. There are many acquaintances but it is not easy for me to open up and trust people. Sometimes I feel like deleting most of my FB contact.
My MIL and SILs were great but we're not 'buddy' close.
So that's it. It is painful to realize that you're alone and tiada tempat mengadu. I have this blog of course. It has helped me cope with many situation in my life since the past 7-8 years. I have Allah too... the ultimate place to talk about my feelings and not get hurt unlike relationship with other human. I just don't feel normal without friends though. I have asked for love and Allah has granted it. Now dear Allah, I would like to ask for friends I can rely on. Aamiin...
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