For an unknown reason, I was unable to publish my blog yesterday. I tried the whole day without any success. That is making me feel as if there is something in me that I want to let out but can't. Like when we want to say something but unable to do so. The feeling of uneasiness was with me the whole day.
I'm a bad writer. In my line of work, I've to do training and documentations and I have no problem with both. Talking is easy especially when you know your subject well. Documentation is just explaining the steps in the right order. The points that I’ve to put forth are already there. There maybe two or three variations of doing one task so you just explain them all systematically. But ask me to write a simple essay of any topic. That would freeze my brain in no time. There are 101 ways you can approach a subject. Where do I start? What points do I want to include and which point will strengthen my ideas? It is normal for me to stare at the screen for minutes before forming my one line of sentences. Can you imagine how I'll perform in essay examinations?
I can be a good editor. I can comment people's writing. I can give interesting ideas and suggestions. But ask me to write something from scratch and everyone will know I'm a fraud. I've realized this during my SPM time which was ages ago. I used to write good essays in my pre-SPM education. I'd be praised for mature points from someone so young when I was in primary school. But come SPM time, my brain did not function in the same way anymore. If I remember correctly, there are parts in BM and English papers where we can decide on letter writing, essays or summary writing. I chose summary writing and I know I made the right choice.
Having my own blog is a good way to force me to write something. And having the occasional audience also forces me to write something coherent and understandable. I found out that it is not enough to just be able write something. I must have my writing published in the cyberspace for that final sense of accomplishment. The existence of my writing in the cyberspace means I've successfully written something that I think is good enough for other people to read. Thus, having a blog bug even for a day can be an impediment to one bad writer's final sense of achievement.
Sunflower gives the connotation of cheerfulness, bright, jolly, merry... you get the idea! However, if any content in this blog didn't fit the cheerfulness implied by its name, look at it this way... I'm putting down all the wretchedness, gloom, melancholy feeling in here so I can continue living up to the expectation of making the association to the sunflower.
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