Healing

It has been almost three weeks since the wedding event of BIL and SIL at MIL's place. That weekend has been a very hectic weekend and Alhamdulillah the event went smoothly. Congratulations to my BIL and SIL and may you both being given patience and love through the rest of your marriage. Can't wait to have more nieces and nephews :)

When the event was in planning stage, I wondered if I could go through it. In the past, I couldn't hold my tears whenever I hear the sound of kompang. I was always reminded of our wedding reception. Though it was simple and sweet, a lot of emotion were experienced in the process. Any girl would have a certain wish when it comes to their wedding day. I wasn't even sure if my parents would be there. Abah wouldn't come if mom is there so as not to create any scene. I wish mom would attend the reception but till the last minute, she decided not too. In the end, Abah was there though he was very late. Few friends help with the preparation. I thought my wedding was the most hassle free wedding ever. Despite being busy handling training for months before I finally get about two weeks break, moved house, get the custom-made wedding garment which I thought was too short (I wanted longer kebaya) and several trips looking for ready-made garments but I can't fit into most of it and in the end just accepted the ugly short kebaya, prepare the wedding invitation, inviting friends and families (the small family I have), preparing the bunga telur and gifts for children, two friends offered to help with the eggs, booked the hall, went to spa, did my facial, all at the last minute. Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly. My ugly kebaya looked nice in photos and looked good under the light as told by my friend to whom I've complaint about the kebaya.

On the day, hubby left his handphone in the car while the car was being serviced. I called him many times without answer. Can you imagine how you would feel under the same situation? I didn't know where he was, I wasn't told he is going to service the car, I can't imagine what possible reason could be for him to not answer his phone. Despite the uncertainty, I managed to calm myself down and continue with the preparation. In the end, I thought of the worse case scenario if hubby didn't arrive on time, how would I handle things. I probably would have to be at the hall since the guests will be there, welcoming them alone, thanking them for coming and please help yourself to the food. My husband can't join us for some reason. Thank God I didn't have to do that. We were a bit late but enough time for the photography session in the afternoon.

I was very happy everything went well that night. I slept with a smile in hubby's arm. If this is how things are for me, so be it. However, there were times when I wasn't so strong. I wish my family would be there. I wish to follow SOME tradition. I wish situations were different. Everytime MIL talked about the wedding events of her children, I hardened my heart (it's OK, don't feel too much, it's OK, my situation is different, it's OK  don't be sad... ) We can't have everything that we wish for. The sound of kompang would make me sad. I felt sad during SIL's engagement ceremony which made me wonder how I'm going to handle the wedding event. However, I guess people heal. Hearts heal. I was too busy with my darling boys and nieces and nephews and helping with the preparation to feel anything. I only realized after the event that the kompang didn't make me sad this time. Or I was probably too busy with the happenings around me to notice too much. Or probably, I've faced with other emotionally demanding situations like my pregnancies and miscarriages as compared to wedding events that didn't follow some 'adat'. Whatever it was, I'm thankful. That part of me has healed.