A friend wants to read my blog. Though my blog is not really a secret anymore as some friends has found their way here or I told some of them about it myself, I'm still not sure about revealing it to all. When this particular friend insists on reading my blog, I finally relented... with some doubt.
A part of me said "why not?" This is one way for them to get to know me, through my thoughts and feelings I put down in writing. But another part of me was wondering whether I should delete some entries that can be misinterpreted. I was also wondering how they would see me through my blog. Teckiee and Aiz also blog on this issue while I was contemplating on it.
If there are many entries on my negative thoughts, would they see me as a negative person? If there are entries about my insecurities, would they see me as an insecure person who doesn't have a clear direction in life? If there are male bashing entries, would they see me as a man hater? I still remember someone did call me that and I never really forgive him.
What hurts is to have someone whom I regard as a friend labels me over something insignificant like a joke. I still have a few things to say about this but not really in the mood to put them into words. He did apologize in the end but I'm still trying to forgive and will never forget it either. Anyway, I've digress a bit.
My final decision, I've decided not to delete any of the entries or this blog won't be me anymore. Lilian and Doc are right (see comment for this entry). Even when I have tried not to reveal too much about myself, this blog is still very much a part of me. People will not be able to see the whole me from reading this blog. But for those who knew me, this is another part of me that I sometimes did not reveal to them so they're able to know me better. I hope they don't make the mistake of judging me or making assumptions based on few entries. But even if they did, there is nothing I can do.
I'm glad I think this over and have finally come to a decision that I'm able to stand by my written words and let it be. And you (you know who you are); this entry came about because of you. Nak baca sangat, haa.. bacalah :)
Sunflower gives the connotation of cheerfulness, bright, jolly, merry... you get the idea! However, if any content in this blog didn't fit the cheerfulness implied by its name, look at it this way... I'm putting down all the wretchedness, gloom, melancholy feeling in here so I can continue living up to the expectation of making the association to the sunflower.
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