Kahwin! Tak Nak! Kahwin! Tak Nak!

Your wedding is in two weeks time. You thought you have all the questions answered. Questions like "why I'm getting married", "do I want to live my whole life with him/her", etc. But now you suddenly feel you're not sure of anything anymore. The only reason you can cite for getting married, your parent (father/mother) has high blood pressure. When you mentioned your uncertainty about the marriage and you don't feel like going through it, your parent almost fainted. The only reason you can cite for going through with the marriage is to make your family happy, to save face. The invitation is out.

He/she (let's call the person X) is a nice person. Someone you can depend on, someone safe, but that's all. You did not expect any fireworks, X did not set your heart racing, X cares for you in his/her own way and is there and willing to marry you and spend the rest of his/her life with you for whatever reason of his/her own. X said he/she loves you but there's only a dull feeling in your heart. You did not really care about X feelings. You know X will make a good spouse but shouldn't there be more than that when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone? There MUST be something more isn't it? Otherwise people will not go through sufferings and heartaches for something called LOVE.

Is this just pre-wedding jitters? What if your subconscious is trying to tell you something? That this is not right! How did one should feel come their wedding day anyway? Is it a calmness that you've made the right choice? Is it the turbulent feeling you're experiencing right now? Readers, would you continue with the wedding if you're in this situation?

It's not me. I'm not getting married yet. But when a friend (let's call this person Z) tells me about her feelings, the first thing I can think of is do not go back for the wedding if the family can't accept her last minute change of heart. The hell with saving face and making your family happy for a day or two if you're the one who is going to suffer for the rest of your life. So what if your parent is not well. We're gonna die one day anyway. Did I sound like an evil person? I am evil.

Z is hoping for a sign. I told her sometimes God will not give you any sign or maybe He did but you did not notice it or do not want to notice it. But you can't expect THE sign like in the movies. The haze will not suddenly go away and give you a bright blue sky as if celebrating your wedding. You will not suddenly found heart shape chocolate in a pack of square chocolate. You will not see unusual blink of your engagement ring as if calling you to quickly pair it with a wedding ring. You just have to find the answer in your heart.

If not continuing with the wedding is a mistake, the effect is not as much as when getting married is a mistake right? Too many parties will be involved. It will also be unfair to her husband-to-be. The right thing to do is of course to do some soul searching the moment she felt something is not right. Maybe 2 months ago. Or better still, before the engagement. Busying oneself with work to avoid thinking of the problem is not going to solve the problem. But if she did not feel right, it is still not too late now. I don't know what else to say. Z said she is too lazy to think so she will just go with the flow.

If one day I met a special someone, I wonder whether I'd go through the same thing. I wonder whether I'd feel the peacefulness of making the right decision or tumultuous feelings of insecurity? I think I'd flee the moment I feel something is not right. I did not wait for so long only to settle for second best. How sure are you?

To Z, I hope things will turn out well for you. If it didn't, I don't think you'll have a problem of going with the flow just like what you're doing now. I may sound harsh but we reap what we sow. Most of the time, the output depends on the input we give.

Input: Do not want to think. Just go with the flow.
Output: Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

I know it is not easy. But no one ever said life is going to be easy. However, there are times when we get something great unexpectedly. Call it God's gift. I hope this is the one you'll be getting after what you went through in the past. All the best to you.