Rational Justification

I think I'm too serious for my own good. People or friends would say something in jest or as a joke and I'd give a serious, rational justification to them. Then the people or friends would tell me not to be too emotional, it's just a jest or a joke and I'd be pissed off because they say I'm emotional. Duh! I'm not emotional lah. I'm just too serious. OK! So maybe I'm emotional now just because people say I'm emotional. I'm always rational or tried to be rational so being called emotional didn't sit very well with me.

Mr. Y is tall, dark, handsome and very much a married man with two kids. We join the new company on the same day so naturally we became close. He's the only person I feel I can talk too when there are things that I better not share with the people at work if I want to get my employment confirmation. For those who knew me, Mr. Y is very safe with me. His wife doesn't have anything to worry about. But that doesn't stop other people from gossiping especially the group from our team.

Scene 1
A is new too but she joins a month after both of us. Even before A joins us, our team has match make A with H. They're both single, over the age of 40 and on the plump side. To steer the attention away from him, H decided to turn the attention to Mr. Y and me because he saw us having lunch together the day he had lunch with A :) Have you ever noticed that married man will just laugh if people taught or assume they're single and available instead of putting the record straight? I may talk about this in another entry. While Mr. Y goes hehehe... I steered the attention back to H and A. I went out to lunch with whomever in our team who is around the office. Everyone else is away that day, either on a different floor, meeting here and there, which left only Mr. Y around. So I went out to lunch with Mr. Y. See! I'm doing that 'rational justification' thing again.

Scene 2
We're having lunch in a group. The only place left is between me and B, and another one in between another colleague. Mr. Y chooses to sit beside me. Probably it's nearer than to go around and sit at the other end. A colleague, Mr. S, who came late, then remarked that I always sit beside Mr. Y. I sat at the end so he assumed Mr. Y sit first and then I choose the seat. To which I responded, "I didn't sit beside him. He sits beside me. I choose the spot because I want to sit in front of M (another female colleague)". They laughed and can't usik2 anymore coz there's nothing else they can say.

But then I thought, why on earth do I take it so seriously. I should probably cheekily answer because Mr. S is late so I have to sit beside the next good-looking guy around. I know it's not a big deal but I just realized how serious I was. Every joke, every jest, I'd give my rational justification as if my life depended on it. I answer it in a joking tone actually but the answer is a very serious answer. That is why if I answer like that in SMS or email where people can't hear my tone, they'd say I'm serious. They'd say I'm emotional. Sigh!

Scene 3
Mr. Y SMSed. He said he feels like he's coming down with fever. If he didn't come to office tomorrow, it's probably because he got an MC. We're each other's messenger. When I thought I'd be late because I got stuck in a traffic jam, I called him too. We don't SMS each other after work. There's no reason for me to exchange SMS with a married man lah right. But when Mr. Y said he's coming down with fever tonight, I replied OK (meaning I understand the MC part and will relay the message to the relevant person), I also wish him to get well soon and take care.

Then I receive a reply which said, "TQ. Concern jugak u pada i". Yikes! Mana boleh camtu!!! I must give my 'rational justification' lah kan. So I said, "That is just courtesy wishes. I'm sure your wife would fuss and be concerned for you that whether I said anything or not is immaterial". I got another reply which said, "take it easy sue. jgn emotional sgt. i saje je kacau u". Emotional??! Emotional??! I wasn't emotional. Now, I am! I was torn between leaving thing as it is or making sure he knows I'm not emotional. I choose the latter. Sigh! Now that makes me look like a very emotional person.

Hmmm... I must change my ways. I don't have to justify my every action to people right! In a way, I am a bit concern with Mr. Y. He's not just a colleague. We've become friends too. It's not as if my colleague thought I'd marry Mr. Y in Perlis or Siam. If I wanted to get hitched with a married man, I'd have done so a long time ago. OK! No more 'rational justification'.