After 6 Weeks

I've just completed my assignment and e-mailed it to my lecturer at 4:01 p.m., without the luxury of time to review and revise. The due date is today at 4:00 p.m. Normally I'd start blogging when I have assignments to complete. This time I have to refrain myself though and only blog after assignment submission. Mission accomplished.

It has been 6 weeks since baby is gone. Time seems to fly after the event, when earlier every minute and every day seems to pass by slowly. 2 more days and it will be the end of confinement period. I have received a call from the hospital giving two appointment dates for me. The first is for a blood test and then an appointment with the gynae. I hope everything goes well. As for the emotional upheaval, I've gone through it... the ups and downs... and hubby has been with me all the way.

During this time, I learned and realized many things such as who will be there for me, what I value most, how strong or fragile I am and how I will improve myself. The most important thing in life is family. And friends of course but friends will be busy with their lives and at most they will send you a message via FB or text or give a call. A few will come for a visit. But family, will be there with you all the way. I value the time and effort, care and concern of family and friends during the time we need it most. Hubby's strong shoulder makes it easy for me to lean on him for support physically and emotionally. I have more empathy for others in distress and will give the support any way I can. I've been there and seen a glimmer of hope in any kind of support given to me under the situation. I would like to be that glimmer of hope too for others in need.

I've also become quite sensitive to the thought of "losing" recently. If hubby is not around, who will be there for me? Probably... nobody! Or maybe... some family members, if I'm lucky. I've been in a situation where I have to handle certain things on my own many times since I was young. Even my wedding... which makes me think all those time I have to handle things on my own... probably is God's way to prepare myself for bigger situations where I have to handle things on my own too. That makes me wonder if I'm forever destined to handle things on my own... alone!

If hubby is not around, there will be no strong shoulders for me to lean on. That really is a depressing thought. Hubby said there is always that possibility... and I have to be strong to face it if that is the reality. In a very unlikely hubby's character, he suggested if that happens, for me to find someone else. A very improbable suggestion from hubby that makes me visualize my jaw dropping to the ground. Not that easy to find someone to replace my 'special man' abang! I gave hubby a hypothetical scenario. If he's not around and I remarry someone just for company at our old age (not because of love), will I be reunited with hubby in paradise or with the new guy? To which hubby jokingly said, "Kau ambiklah... takper. Aku dah ada 1000 bidadari." Hmmmppphhh.... geram, tapi gelihati jugak. I hope I will never have to go through that situation. May hubby and I grow old together, and be reunited in the hereafter... with baby too :)