When you divorce your children, be prepared for the consequences!

I'm not into artist magazine, gossips, etc., but I happened to catch Nasha Aziz's issue in Melodi (TV3) last Sunday. One link to the story is here. The long and short of the story, Nasha said her father(adopted) died which makes her real father jumping up and down and said, "hey, I'm her father! Why didn't she acknowledge that I still exist?" Something like that.

I do not know the details of Nasha's live nor do I care to know. I brought the topic up because it is relevant to the issues I want to write.

When you divorce your children, be prepared for the consequences. This is not new. While there are some stories about mothers who left their children in the care of the children's father, there are thousand times more fathers who left their children to the wife after divorce. The reason could be many but there is no reason for the man not to continue being the father to his children. If he chooses not to be a father, do not complaint about it later.

One Raya advertisement comes to my mind. A mother and her two boys are preparing for Raya. Looks like life was hard on them. The mother sells something by the road side for a living. On Raya morning, the boys ride a bus to meet their father who lives in a big bungalow. The new wife opens the door, looking quite annoyed with the boys. Then the father came out and salam the children. If you still remember the advertisement, you may have your own interpretation of the characters facial expression.

Some men ARE irresponsible. They get married (konon2 cinta), have babies, and when they feel like they do not like the life they're having, divorce the wife and divorce the children (leceh ler nak jaga anak... nak kawin lagi, nak layan bini baru). Their conscience are not disturbed whatsoever when they did not provide child support.

What does it mean to be a father? If you think just because you contributed the sperm you deserve to be called a father, think again. You only deserve to be called 'sperm donor'. If your new life is not what you expected, when you're old and lonely, do not create sob stories about your children neglecting you. You deserve what you got. It is good the 'Jejak Kasih' section is no longer available on TV3. Some people just do not want to be tracked. You have chosen your life, now be gone! Forever is better.

Muslim men have bigger egos (some... not all). If the neglected children happens to be a daughter, he'll feel that when it's time for the daughter to get married, she will still have to look for the father to be her wali.

A woman is required to have a wali (guardian) to consent to her marriage regardless of her age. If her father objects to her marriage, she has to apply to the Court to allow the marriage by wali hakim. Women whose fathers object to their marriages, face many difficulties when applying for the wali hakim and there is no guarantee that the Court will allow the application even in a deserving case. Some women prefer to run away and marry in Thailand or other States rather than confront their fathers. This however creates problems about the validity of the marriage.

Full article here

Another reference here (in Malay).

While the concept is beautiful when a father has provided for the family, works hard to take care of them and takes care of his daughter, it annoys me when some men abuses this privilege. If they have never provided their children with child support, they shouldn't be at a position where they can decide on their daughter's fate.

I went to a friend's wedding long time ago. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her mother. The mother did not re-marry, the father did. I do not know of her relationship with her father. He did not give much problem on the wedding day but he puts on this look… like it is such a chore to come and be the wali. It is such a joyous occasion for his daughter but he puts on his gloomy face. I could be judgmental though and that COULD be his normal expression.

I believe the right authorities should look into this matter. Do not say it is black and white and final. We do not have Islamic Banking before, we have it now. We do not have zakat on take home income before, we have it now. A man who divorces his wife with 'talak tiga' cannot re-marry the wife but there is 'cina buta. He can re-marry the wife if the wife has married another man and then divorced. Don't ask me why it is called 'cina buta'.

Some people may say forgiveness is a virtue and other ....... (I do not want to say rubbish lah... you provide a word for me), but we as a human must have a choice. If the parent(s) divorces the children (with their act), the children must have a choice not to be associated with the parent(s) in any way.