The Sun vs. The Heart

The sun is shining very brightly today. Even before 7 a.m., the heat can be felt already. Normally my mood followed the weather but I don't feel as bright as the sunshine today. For one, hubby is not around. He has other commitments and obligations to attend to. Then, there is this headache. It is not throbbing very badly but enough to make me feel uncomfortable. I have endured worst headaches than this because I'm allergic to panadol and pain killers. Normally it happens because I didn't take my meals on time. It will magically disappear after I've eaten something. Of course there are other causes as well which sometimes will go away if I sleep it off. This time, I started feeling it since yesterday. I think I have enough food and it is still very early for me to sleep it off again.

I also can't seem to stop thinking about something that has happened. I'm at a loss as to whether I'm being reasonable or not. What's the underlying reason if any. Because sometimes we do certain things as a reaction to some event or situation. I make a decision based on other surrounding factors that seemed to support my decision. When the surrounding factor crashed and crumbled, what was once a right decision can become a wrong one. I've asked myself what do I really want. There is some answer but I thought that 'want' could be very unreasonable depending on the circumstances. And if the surrounding factor crash and crumble again, I might not be able to handle it emotionally.

I'm normally a reasonable person but a human being nevertheless with feelings and emotions which can sometimes be difficult to manage. Should I just stay away and avoid anything that might cause emotional upheaval or do I be reasonable and schooled my heart to behave? I don't have the answer....

I have some tasks to do that I better handle now. At the same time, I hope I get the answer I'm looking for.