The Fourth

I thought I'm not gonna write about the fourth till I'm sure everything is OK. But, since I'm trying to keep it to myself, hubby and the closest of family as much as I can, and those on a need to know basis only, I really need to write this down. There's no one else I can talk to about my fears and worry. Hubby has been seeing me with a worried face for a few days. We have been in this together. I can't worry him more than he already is.

First, the confirmation. I began to worry already. Hubby's not around for me to share the news. In the past I've broken the news when he wasn't around, I'd like to see his reaction. I'm happy to see he's happy but I'm also worried nevertheless. I don't have a good track record.

Second, the checkup. The doctor can't really confirm the exact no. of weeks but she was sure it's still very early. She prescribed Duphaston and Caspirin but since I'm allergic to aspirin, Caspirin was striked out. Only after a few days, I was spotting. Brown spots. Yesterday, red. I was tired. Really tired. It's Friday afternoon. The traffic was heavy. Hubby's not around. It took me an hour to reach the hospital. I wasn't really scheduled so I have to wait for about half an hour. It feels very long with the dizziness I was feeling and all the uncomfortable feeling physically as well as emotionally. This time, the doctor confirmed the size is 0.97mm, less than 1mm which means around 4 weeks. She gave me injections for the bleeding. Supposed to be able to stop the bleeding in 5 days and I need to get another 1 if bleeding continues.

The doctor advice me not to work if its possible. I have a meeting and training next week. I called my associate company, explained the situation and thank God they said they'll make the necessary arrangements. I'm in a very volatile situation. It wouldn't be fair if something happen at the last minute and inconvenience so many people. Might as well pull out now which gives me the time to rest as well.

Hubby wondered how I'm going to fare since there is already so many complications at the early stage. Truthfully, I don't know. I don't know what to expect, I don't know what to hope for. We have planned for two holiday trips soon. I don't know whether I'll be able to make it. What will happen if I do go and there's problem? Living in this uncertainty doesn't sit well with me. But there is nothing much I can do isn't it. Just go through it one day at a time, hoping for the best and preparing for any eventualities. I should be a pro at facing those eventualities by now.