It all started during the CNY weekend. The end of the weekend will mark the 6th week of my pregnancy. A crucial time since my previous miscarriages happened during this time. Everything went smoothly and I don't think I exerted myself too much. Hubby and family has really taken care of me. Then... I started coughing. It went from mild to bad in a short span of time. One day I was ok, the next day I wasn't.
I started to feel heavy to breathe and wheezing. My inhaler doesn't help. At about 8pm we went to a clinic but we were asked to go to the hospital since I'm pregnant. I was given neb at the hospital and felt much better after that. We left around 9:45 pm. Poor hubby has still not taken his dinner.
Then I woke up after 1 a.m. and have trouble breathing again. I tried to relax, put some ointments on my chest and drink hot water. Nothing works... I felt like dying. I've heard people died due to asthma and probably this was how they felt during their final moments. I struggled for about an hour before deciding to wake hubby up. We reached the hospital around 3 a.m. and I was immediately wheeled to the emergency area.
After 2 doses of neb, I still struggled to breathe so I have to be warded. I reached my ward at 5 a.m. We were in Melaka. We were supposed to return to KL that morning. Instead of referring me to hospitals in KL, hubby prefer I stayed in melaka as we have many families & relatives here. I was given neb every 4 hours and once I need it even before 4 hours gap. I felt better the second day with less doses of neb required but the doctors still heard sound from my lungs. So can't discharge me yet.
The next morning I woke up & noticed some bleeding. A trainee doctor wants to explain my asthma case to his supervisor but I told them I noticed some bleeding & is waiting for the gynae to come & check. He politely asked if they can talk for a while before the gynae come but his supervisor said it's ok and shall not disturb me. A lady trainee doctor asked how much was the bleeding and I burst into tears. I don't want to go through this again. She consoled me for a while before joining her group.
I only got to see the gynae at 11 p.m. They can't see the heartbeart but referred me to hukm anyway since I could still be minus few days from 6 weeks. Everyone tried to console me and said maybe there's still hope. The female trainee doctor came to see me quite often to ask how I was doing. I was touched by her act. She didn't have to do that but she did. She'll be a great doctor.
I was discharged on 10th of Feb, 4 days warded. I went to hukm the following Monday. Not only the bedside manner of the nurses and doctors were bad, they have a lousy ultrasound machine. How can the doctors make good decisions with bad equipments? And the bedside manners... a male gynae checked me when I was in Melaka after a female gynae who wanted a second opinion. I don't like it but he did not make me uncomfortable in any way. In hukm, the female nurse did not make me feel comfortable, the male gynae did not make me feel comfortable & the lousy machine did not give me the confirmation I wanted. I've had better experience in Hospital Ampang. My next appointment was in 2 weeks time. I was given an option to do D&C also but I'm not confident with what I saw... more of not seeing anything much on the screen actually.
I don't feel like waiting for another 2 weeks. What's the point of waiting if there's no more baby? But I want to be sure I'm making the right decision. The following night I have a bad stomach pain. I can't sleep that night. It was not contraction or cramps... just uncomfortable. I called Ampang Puteri the next morning but the receptionist said Dr Fauziah will not be around till next Monday. I've been seeing her several times. I can see another female doctor but she'll be around in the afternoon. I don't want to wait so I went to Hospital Ampang. As it turned out, I have to wait till afternoon also. There are many female doctor here and everyone has good bedside manner so I have no complains on that. But, their ultrasound machine has problems too. I can see things better than in hukm but they can't make proper decisions too as they can see the sac but can't really focus on whether baby is still there or not. What more to determine size and heartbeat. They wanted to refer me to the gynae but the gynae is either too busy or too lazy. She just said because I still have pregnancy symptoms, no bleeding except the first time, still possible baby is OK. Appointment next week. Huh? That is not very satisfying. Another waiting game...
I Google for 3d scan and found some info that the nearest is in Pantai Hospital Cheras. I called Ampang Puteri and they said they have 4d scan but only available on Monday. So that brings me to Dr Suriati's clinic yesterday. Her clinic was not as cramped with people like Dr Fauziah's clinic. Thank God for that. We were the first to be there. As it turned out the machine was not 3d but it was very clear. I can see the sac and baby. No heartbeat and although it's 7 weeks 5 days, the size remains at 6 weeks. With that confirmation I decided to perform D&C at Pantai Hospital the same day. I wasn't as sad. The only moment I was down about the whole situation was when I first discovered the bleeding. Then, it was frustration of waiting, not feeling well and having pregnancy symptoms without being sure if baby is OK.
Our hope for baby is dashed again. After few scans, I was told that I have fibroid. Maybe we'll handle that issue after I'm better. Few doctors confirmed that asthma doesn't cause miscarriages. But hubby is worried pregnancy might cause my asthma getting worse. Even if in our next try we may pass the 6 weeks mark, but can my body take it the whole of 9 months? I have no answer to that. We'll have to see how thing goes.
We certainly has gone through a few roller coaster ride in the past two weeks that I don't know what normal feels like. I felt drugged from the medication, tired, nauseous... unfit for work and certainly can't do much on my study. Hubby tried to be supportive but he's behind with work also after a few days leave to take care of me. All I want now is to get better as soon as possible. I have training to conduct end of this month so that should give me few days rest. Not to mention all the assignments due in March. One day at a time.... that is what I can afford to give at the moment.
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