40 Years Old

I'll be 40 this year. I've been blogging since I'm 29. Almost 11 years of blogging. Some of my life stories - anguish, anger, sadness, delight, happiness, mushiness have been shared here. However, just reading my blog doesn't mean one can become a witness to my life as there are events that goes unwritten. Things too private, I either wish not to share or maybe lost of word to say (write) anything. Whatever it is, this blog has been part of my life. It has recorded many events in my life.

Another record, this year I'll be 40. No more the carefree 30++ years old. Some say 40 is the old age of youth and 50 the youth of old age. I just felt it should rightly be 40 is the youth of old age. The year where one should be mature and wise enough to realize that life isn't forever and there's a mission in life to be fulfilled. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w becomes a prophet at the age of 40. What's our life mission then?

There's even a verse dedicated to the 40 year olds. 

At 40, normally doctors in Malaysia didn't encourage women to get pregnant. However, all gynae at the O&G ward where I was warded believe I should try again. I don't know what's in store for me. I'm still emotional over our lost. However, I have a strong feeling I want to get pregnant again. Soon if possible. I don't know if we'll be devastated again. But we'll never know if we didn't try. I'm surviving because there is hope. I'm surviving because there's love all around me from hubby, family and friends. I'm surviving because there's Allah. I'm surviving because in the Hereafter we'll be reunited with baby.

Only Allah knows whether I'll celebrate my 40th birthday in July. Being 40 is like achieving a milestone in life. You're where you are for all your effort and prayer and qada' and qadar. We don't know how much longer we have to prepare for the Hereafter and yet we also have wants in this world. It's like a tug of war to find a balance of happiness in this world and also Hereafter. May we succeed in both. Amiinn...